Why I'm Fine With Waiting for a Proposal

Why I'm Fine With Waiting for a Proposal

A lot of people would have wanted to get married by now or even engaged but here I am 9 years later and I could still wait. I've heard it multiple times that it's weird that we aren't even engaged. I've actually had people tell me that if my boyfriend actually loved me he would have proposed by now, that I'm wasting my time, that he's going to change his mind if we wait any longer. I've heard it all and now I want to share my reason and address what I have heard from people.

Reasons

Money

Neither of us make much money right now. Both of us get paid minimum wage right now and I'm in college. There are more important things for us to spend money on right now than a ring and sure we could save up and he could buy me a ring but the problem is the wedding. I don't want to be engaged for 5+ years until we have enough money for a wedding and our parents aren't exactly rich either for them to pay.

We're basically married

We are pretty much a married couple and do everything a married couple would do. The only difference? I don't have a ring on my finger, his last name or a marriage certificate. That's all and I really don't see a ring, his last name or a marriage certificate changing anything. Our relationship is going to stay the exact same with a few differences.

Addressing people's comments

I am not wasting my life

I already want to spend the rest of my life with him so how would I be wasting it? The only difference right now is that I don't have a ring on my finger and we don't have a marriage certificate. I don't understand why anyone could possibly think I'm wasting my life.

He might change his mind

I acknowledge that this could possibly be a thing but really what is the difference between this and him breaking up with me? I'm fine if he said he wants to be with me forever but not get married. So I don't care if he changes his mind about marriage as long as he wants to stay with me and even if he doesn't that's his choice. Yes it will hurt a lot but I don't want to force someone to be with me. I want them to be with me because they want to be.

If he loved me, he would have proposed by now

I don't believe this in the slightest bit and I can't believe that some people think that just because you haven't been proposed to yet means that your SO doesn't love you. I know he loves me. He shows and tells me multiple times day every day and never once in 9 years have I ever doubt his love for me. We have talked about marriage, he has expressed wanting to marry me and we've talked about how our wedding will look like and who will attend. We've basically have planned it all out.

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Honestly, the biggest reason why we haven't gotten married is money. We probably would be married by now if we had the money but even still I am no rush to. I love him, I know he loves me and really a piece of paper, a ring or his last name isn't going to really change anything, like I said our relationship is pretty much going to remain the same. Look at Gene Simmons and his wife, Shannon Tweed, they were together for 28 years before they got married. They were and are still madly in love. Waiting to get married doesn't mean you don't love each other. It's not like I never want to get married, I would love to have a wedding one day and marry him. It would be a dream come true but I'm in no rush to make that dream come true. One day it will and I'm fine with waiting.

Thank you for reading my mytake

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What Guys Said 21

  • 6d

    Im still young, but I totally agree with this! While I'd love to get married someday, I really don't see the rush. Of course it might be symbolic, but I don't personally really see the rush for it. I feel even in the future, my relationship wouldn't really change with marriage, just another label on it.

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    • 6d

      Exactly. We would be husband and wife instead of boyfriend and girlfriend and I don't see any rush in changing it.

  • 1d

    There are some situations where it makes a world of difference. If he is hurt in an accident and in a coma, you have no rights to suggest his care since you have no legal status. If he dies, nothing that is not explicitly designated as yours in paperwork is not yours.

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  • 5d

    Good take. Just to let you know marriage can give you certain tax breaks, so you may want to look into it and just sign the papers if you want to save money. He can always propose later and you can have your whole ceremony. Technically you are already married by common law if you live together, so you might as well get the tax breaks, but it is up to you. I just wanted to let you know incase you didn't.

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  • 6d

    i love the way u think , i wish more girls were on the same intelligence lvl that you are
    sadl they are not

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  • 5d

    Depending on where you live you could already have a common law marriage just by living together for like 5-7 years. Good for you though for being able to wait, I know so many women that basically demand a wedding from their SO when they could easily wait like you and spend money wisely.

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  • 3d

    I think if the woman is demanding an extravagant wedding, she should propose and pay. But if we both agree on getting married we should split the bill because weddings are really just for women and gay people.

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  • 5d

    I love the way ur looking into this. It's sad some people actually over think and ruin good things. Marriage is just a title added to a relationship according to me

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  • 5d

    My girlfriend and I talk about it occasionally. One time she asked me just in conversation if I would ever marry her, and I said yes. Since then marriage has been discussed, how we both want it, ideas for the wedding, etc. But ultimately, it is more or less a "someday" thing. We live with a commitment to each other and actual marriage seems more and more like something more for our families to enjoy than a day that means something to us. All we get out of it is a marriage certificate and a tax break. I couldn't care less if her last name became mine. We can wear rings. No law says that is illegal. So as of now it just doesn't seem like something we need to do. We know where we stand. We don't NEED a certificate stating that.

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  • 6d

    Silly post. You don't need a wedding, and being married lets you save on income taxes and various insurances (in the US).

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    • 6d

      It also entitles the other person to half of everything including your retirement as well as potentially permanent spousal support. I do not trust anyone that much.

    • 5d

      @Kemil_Zhoki Read the OP. She says they'd be married if it weren't for the cost of the wedding.

  • 2d

    any man who marries a westernized woman has not thought it through or wants to ruin his life

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  • 2d

    Marriage is a scam anyway. Your fella must be a intelligent guy. Mgtow for life

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  • 6d

    LOVE the mytake.. I wish my ex fiancee thought this way

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  • 6d

    This take was cute and i'm happy for you both.

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  • 5d

    Women lol

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  • 2d

    Such a great post

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  • 5d

    So you liked to get married, don't you?

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  • 2d

    Do you have children though?

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  • 5d

    I love that way you think...

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  • 6d

    I love the way you think.

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  • 3d

    Guys are getting smarter when it comes to marriage what it means for men with the aid of MGTOW and the men's rights movement. Most knowing the risk involved aren't willing to to get married anymore.

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  • 6d

    Here's a list of all the people that care

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    • 6d

      Funny cause you still took the time to click on it and comment. If you really don't care just keep scrolling.

    • 4d

      You cared enough to post that

What Girls Said 10

  • 6d

    A wedding isn’t important.. it’s all about spending your time with someone you love.. after all a ring or papers shouldn’t prove that you love that person.. it’s how you treat them

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  • 6d

    That's really cool as long as you guys are sincere to one another. I mean other people that rush into marriage they end up being unhappy due to financial stress.

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  • 2d

    Eh I wouldn't praise this too much. You can be with the guy for 9 years who never proposes and miss out on other opportunities. If he really wants to marry you he would but it just seems like once he meets the one he will court her. right now seems

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    • 2d

      Like he's in a convenient situation so he's not budging but if the right chick comes along then he's proposing

  • 5d

    You need to differentiate between if it was really only the lack of money or he really doesn't want to marry you

    You can be the best girl in the world but if doesn't feel that he wants to marry you then he won't.

    I have 3 friends that were college graduates but found their dream girls in early 20s they burned the ground digging for all jobs even working 2 jobs in another country so they could save the money and within 2 years all of them were married for the love of their lives giving the girls their dream weddings.
    I'm not attacking your choice but are you guys really saving for the wedding? Are you really ok if he never proposed? Be honest with yourself.

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  • 6d

    Maybe he's using you for the time being. I would talk to him about it.

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    • 5d

      For 9 years?
      Sounds like he's pretty committed to me.
      A older friend of mine waited a whole 13 years before he married his partner.
      I mean if your together for that long dose marriage really add anything to that?

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    • 2d

      @nubianqueen704 You can leave someone in a marriage as well and people frequently do even if it's less likely.

      I was actually more focused on the financials. There are considerations such as Alternative Minimum Tax and if you would be seen as one legal entity and have liability for each others debits if say one of you gets sued and you lose everything, rather than what one of you owns while the other supports you through bankruptcy you can end up paying more than 10% more in taxes as well as increasing or decreasing your level of risk depending on the local laws and your situation and predicted future situation and location.

      Assuming theirs that level of certainty you will stay together It can make sense to marry and it can not but it has real conciseness that can be positive and negative and should be based on the less romantic but more practical legality and accounting.

    • 2d

      Should be consequences not conciseness. Sorry my auto corrects playing up.

  • 6d

    Nice

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  • 6d

    Good take.

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  • 4d

    Smart

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  • 1d

    Well you are the very long term girlfriend and it is fine with you. Trust me, he may marry another person once he is ready and caught by the surprise you will also be on your own until you find the courage to start over with someone else

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  • 5d

    Good attitude to have, but can’t help but sense that you wrote that all out to justify the lack of proposal to yourself...

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