Why You Shouldn't Wait to Have Sex While Dating

Why you shouldn't wait to have sex while dating.

Guys, have you ever waited to have sex with a woman for fear that she would get her thrill and walk away? Likely not. Because women are not wired to "hit it and quit it" so to speak in the dating scene right? And if they want just sex, they are less likely to lie about it. Now why is that?

Because the way that a woman feels about a man is not primarily influenced by whether she gets sex from him or not.

Ladies, I have a message for you: Men are wired the same way.

Whether you have sex with a man on his first date or you wait until marriage; it will not change whether he loves you or not.

If a man has sex with you and walks away, he was always feeling that way to begin with regarding you. On the other hand, if a man has a true connection with you and you have sex with him on the first date, he will still be with you regardless.

Men and Women have every right to have sex when they want to. Nobody should judge. But let's stop pretending that 3 date or 5 date rules are about making sure a lover will stay or not.

I met a girlfriend I dated for a long time once. We went on a date. I wasn't attracted. Then I saw her artwork and was blown away and inspired. I kissed her. By the second date we had sex. I didn't love her. But I kept having sex because it was good and she was funny. Overtime, we started dating-because why not? Then I fell in love with her.

If I hadn't have had sex with her would I have fallen in love with her? I dont know.

Ladies, if you want to have sex with a man. Protect yourself but by all means have sex! Guys, if there is a cute girl you know that likes you and you are unsure of your feelings? Have sex! Discover what the bond is.

I recently made out with a woman that liked me. I did it because I was curious. I wondered if sexuality would make me like her. Instead, I had fun but felt no deep connection. Sex is pleasurable. But love is deeper than sex. Sex simplifies my feelings-but that's just me. What about you?

LIFE IS SHORT.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm more of the "wait until you get married type" but I actually agree with everything you have said here. Trying to tell someone to wait until marriage is ridiculous these days because it doesn't quite mean the same thing as it used to with the divorce rate being 50% in America.

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    • Thanks. My question is, do you think celibacy makes a player not a player? Do you think celibacy makes someone love their partner when the otherwise wouldn't?

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    • I don't agree with what you sy cuz studies show people who want long term relationship wait an it works out better an most that way oh I had sex by 2nd or 3 date an now he is a boy friend only happens in a small portion of all the world

    • @FishB when you have been married 25 years, I will let you have your 2 cents. But until you have spent a quarter century with the same person, you really don't know what the hell your talking about. I can easily come up with a study that shows the real data. Studies are all bullshit for the most part. All you need to do is see who is commissioning is and you will know how data is going to come out.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow! You are SO WRONG.

    Attraction is either there or it isn't. The existence is known within a few minutes. If it is not acted upon quickly (sex), then it can dissipate.

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What Girls Said 16

  • Eh... I don't fully agree.

    I believe that it is still considered somewhat taboo for women to "give it up too quickly", and even though I have never done this I have had guys question me whether or not I've hooked up or done similar things, only to express RELIEF when I said I never had.

    For me, I cannot know if I have a true connection after a first date. I'll know if I have a good feeling, an attraction, etc, but to me connection forms over time. Plus, I know that regardless of what you say, there are still a lot of guys who will automatically assume I'm an "easy slut" if I give it up on the first date. I wouldn't 100% blame them either; if it was that easy, who can say someone else hasn't done it prior? Fair? No. But do I kinda get it? Yeah.

    I don't have sex with people I don't trust and love, but that's just me.

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  • I kind of don't agree with this. I've never been a wait until marriage type but I'm definitely not into having sex with just anybody. I like sex as much as the next person but my main focus when dating or being interested in someone isn't "hmm... I wonder what they sex game is like". Sex doesn't make someone love you but a lot of men pretend to be feeling you just so they can have sex with you then what happens? They leave you high and dry once the deed is done. I've seen it happen to multiple people... the dude either leaves or keeps them around by a thread so they always have access to them. If a dude loses interest in me because I didn't give him any or wasn't "sure" about his feelings until after I gave him sex... that's not a man I want in my life honestly.

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    • Good points. But i dont think it says have sex with anybody. Jusy someone you like and trust. A first date isn't always just meeting or not knowing them. But its cool. Thanks for the reply!

  • I can attest to this because I have first hand experience. Great sex can keep a person too but it won't make them love you, let me point that out. They are just sticking around for free stuff.

    But if a person is meant to love you, sex three months after meeting or the first date won't make a difference.

    If you have your reasons to wait, I won't knock you either, that's not what we're doing here, just stop thinking making them wait will keep them cause it won't.

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  • I am waiting because I want to honor my future husband as sharing something only we share together. I don't want to compare either. I also want to follow God's commandment.
    On a non-reigious note: I have a very low chance of getting any STDs or AIDS or an unwanted pregancy or manipulated/blackmailed/shamed through sex.
    I also don't waste money on condoms and health tests.
    I'm not judging I'm jusg sharing the pros of staying a virgin :)

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  • This MyTake creeped me out about what you're writing -------> www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a48835-virgin-tragedy

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  • YES
    I can't stand people acting like having sex drops your value if you're a girl? Like a girl doesn't get anything out of a one night stand.
    I see myself more as predator than prey

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  • abstinence gives you willpower and it's useful in most cases. if a guy is trying to get in your pants on the first date he's probably not adequate and probably just a womaniser. users leave if you make em wait

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  • makes no difference to me im a 17-year-old virgin and i won't find love so it makes no difference to me because i will be alone and im fully ok with that

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  • I don't agree or disagree. It's what works for each individual couple

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  • World is too sexualized

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    • The world has always been sexualized. You could go to the middle east though. Practice sharia law.

  • I agree with you

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  • To each their own

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  • If you wait, you can weed out users.

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    • @bekkesmash I think I would want someone like-minded though

    • Most guys would leave, you are only hurting yourself with how you go about dating.

  • No i will wait till i marry

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  • I'm agreeing with the gist of what you said with a counterpoint. I think that if you are the type to want an emotional investment before doing the deed, that waiting process is for some a screening process. If, as you intuit, someone is just there for sex, three dates on, 4 months on, waiting till marriage, whatever, they certainly aren't going to wait for you male or female, unless they have nothing and no one else waiting in the wings, or really are emotionally invested in the person to put their physical desires on hold--which I mean, really, those people who want sex, want it--time waits for no wo/man.

    If the person withholding sex doesn't have a desire to just have immediate sex, why put themselves at risk (b/c sex can be a risk... pregnancy/stds, etc. even with protection) over someone they are unsure of. For the same reasons you're saying go have sex, b/c you'll get dumped anyway essentially if they aren't there to stay are the same exact reasons I'd venture to say, if they don't want to just yet, don't have sex... because you'll get dumped anyway if that person isn't invested in you for however long it is they want to wait.

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    • Thats fair. I dont mean people should have sex on a whim. Only that it does nothing to change core feelings. If you truly connect, waiting changes nothing. Same thing if you dont connect.

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    • Well. Pregnancy is a different convo. Maybe it depends on the person. I guess sex might make people more attached than less. But i know people who can have do it and mot get too attached. Im one of those people. I could have sex with a friend or someone i dont like for pleasure and not fall in love. I separate intimacy from sex. But maybe only abused people csn do that? I don't know. I've done things with 2 ladies. Had fun. Felt pleasure. Felt no butterflies or feeling beyond that. With exes i have felt love. Do you think people can separate the 2?

    • Also. The pull out method and a condom are both 98% effective. chance of pregnancy is low. Accidentally get pregnant is kind of a myth if you follow proper technique and are responsible. Then you have hormones, day after pills. And abortions. Its an age of freedom.

  • this is dumb... ill make a guy wait till marriage idc if he don't want to wait that's his problem he can leave

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    • The point is that waiting changes nothing about his feelibgs toward you. The entire purpose of waiting no longer has value. Thats the point. Did you read beyond the title?

    • I wonder why people who wait statistically have higher iq's. less abortions and happier marriages if waiting is pointless?

    • Get ready to get dumped by any guy who isn't a religious nut.

What Guys Said 27

  • You understand some things about the female perspective but you overlooked a few points.

    1. For a woman, having sex means exposing herself in the most vulnerable way imaginable. Maybe she is self-conscious about her 32A boobs (which are probably quite lovely) or perhaps its the few extra pounds around her middle; maybe she is afraid you will go into overdrive and try to pull some kinky stuff or you will expect oral sex and swallowing and that's something she just doesn't do. Having sex for the first time with a new partner is scary and she really needs to trust you before she takes a chance on being ridiculed for her small boobs or whatever it is that causes her concern. (Yes, there are guys - Neanderthals - out there who would laugh at a naked woman in bed.)

    2. Women are concerned that you will not like what they do in bed, that you will judge them harshly for not having any experience, for having too much experience, for being too much of a slut, for not being enough of a slut. They have all heard that expression that “men want a woman who is a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom,” but they don’t know whether it is true.

    3. Women are worried that they may have been taken in by a very convincing player and that you will ghost them as soon as they let you have an evening of play in the funhouse.

    4. Some girls hear their mother’s voice in their head, telling them “Nice girls keep their panties around their hips until they are married.”

    5. Most girls know that, once they have sex with you, the relationship will move forward and it will never move backward. They may have some lingering doubts about committing to you and, as soon as they have sex with you, those doubts will be cast aside and they will feel committed to you.

    The result of all that is that a woman who is looking for a serious relationship is often not ready to have sex with a guy until she has developed trust in him, and that takes time. If you have any notions in your head about the three date rule, forget them. It might happen on the third date, but don't count on it. It may not happen until you have been dating for 3-4 months or more.

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  • No, I was never fearful that she would get her thrill and walk away if we had sex on the first date. I was fearful that she would think that was my only intention, to get sex from her, and then she would avoid me like the plague after.

    I have had sex with girls too early on, and it was either a mistake to have done so because she changed after we did, or she had no intentions of having a relationship with me. Then out of fear, I would not have sex with a girl early on and she wound up ditching me for a guy who did sleep with her. F'd up, no? Every girl is different, so my words of wisdom are, if she wants sex early on, just go for it, but if she wants to wait, then for God's sake, WAIT!

    I get attached after having sex with a woman because my comfort zone is based on familiarity, I don't like new things and I have no interest in "sampling" different bodies of different women! Hell, I won't even consider buying a new car when I want to have a car shop restore what I have to like new! It is because I am so familiar with my car!

    I am willing to wait for whatever woman is willing to give me a chance to be significant in her life and to adore her from emotional support and being her best friend to being her partner in that fun activity of sex where I will relish "worshipping" her body and expressing myself in how I show my adoration of her, and then to be the father of our children. THAT, is living life to it's fullest!

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  • Good take, here's a meme: https://i.imgflip.com/11rlho.jpg

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  • Does it bother you that we'll all burn in hell if we take this advice?

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  • This doesn't address the fact that premarital sex is a mortal sin.

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    • No it doesn't. according to your religion. or the religion you are referencing. Thankfully, not everyone has such religious beliefs.

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    • @Slothprincess the majorityof people committing suicide are middle aged men. Not Millinials. Guys in their 50s.

    • Songs from 50s-90s

  • I just say when the time is right and that can be whenever. It just makes things awkward when it's rushed or forced.

    Usually when I have sex with a girl, were already cuddling, making out.

    The conversation isn't like hey you wanna go have sex at my place?

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  • Sex outside of marriage is typically for people that are looking for all the great benefits and pleasures of sex with no real intent of commitment to each other over the long haul.

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  • Never mind the question, i was just checking out the Asian girl... sorry. (Asian fetish).

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  • No thanks.

    If that is what works for you, power to you, but it's not for everyone.

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  • I personally would wait at least a month. To actually have some kind of serious relationship first.

    I don't see the need for stupid sex.

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  • Ladies if your looking something serious wait until your sure about him before sex.

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  • Life is short as you said and we can die as a major sinner if we follow you, even Westerners don't care. No, thanks.

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  • Good take!
    My opinion: don't have sex because the other demands it. Do it because BOTH want it.

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  • In my case they become my girlfriends so that they can get to suck it. Fact.
    Perils of trusting someone with your nudes.

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  • the problem is if you end up having sex with an asshole which many women like. Now you're addicted to this guy.

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  • Having sex or not is the pure choice of the individuals that are dating, but as a human being modesty is the top priority. Dating means to understand if indeed they are made for each other, or if the motive of dating is sex, then it's just sex, should not expect more than exchanging fluids. Sex is just fun, love is eternity. Then if you have sex with your date couple of times and someday he stands with a quote " Hun it's life, we have to move on" and leaves, what's left, you got squeezed, he enjoyed your body, got fed up and went on search for another. Is it easy for a woman to give up her modesty for fun? Then what's the difference between humans and beasts?

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  • Wow, judging by the opinions people posted on this I see there's a ton of stuck up people on here.

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  • Thank God ! Someone who finally gets it, Bravo ! Well done.

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  • How stupid...

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  • I agree

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  • I'll be patient

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  • to avoid cheating while dating :)

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  • Thank You

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  • the most i'll wait for sex is 2 days.

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  • Thanks

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  • Great take!

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  • Yes life is really short

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