Why You Shouldn't Wait to Have Sex While Dating

[Apope16]

Guys, have you ever waited to have sex with a woman for fear that she would get her thrill and walk away? Likely not. Because women are not wired to "hit it and quit it" so to speak in the dating scene right? And if they want just sex, they are less likely to lie about it. Now why is that?

Because the way that a woman feels about a man is not primarily influenced by whether she gets sex from him or not.

Ladies, I have a message for you: Men are wired the same way.

Whether you have sex with a man on his first date or you wait until marriage; it will not change whether he loves you or not.

If a man has sex with you and walks away, he was always feeling that way to begin with regarding you. On the other hand, if a man has a true connection with you and you have sex with him on the first date, he will still be with you regardless.

Men and Women have every right to have sex when they want to. Nobody should judge. But let's stop pretending that 3 date or 5 date rules are about making sure a lover will stay or not.

I met a girlfriend I dated for a long time once. We went on a date. I wasn't attracted. Then I saw her artwork and was blown away and inspired. I kissed her. By the second date we had sex. I didn't love her. But I kept having sex because it was good and she was funny. Overtime, we started dating-because why not? Then I fell in love with her.

If I hadn't have had sex with her would I have fallen in love with her? I dont know.

Ladies, if you want to have sex with a man. Protect yourself but by all means have sex! Guys, if there is a cute girl you know that likes you and you are unsure of your feelings? Have sex! Discover what the bond is.

I recently made out with a woman that liked me. I did it because I was curious. I wondered if sexuality would make me like her. Instead, I had fun but felt no deep connection. Sex is pleasurable. But love is deeper than sex. Sex simplifies my feelings-but that's just me. What about you?

LIFE IS SHORT.

[ChgzDaniel]

I'm more of the "wait until you get married type" but I actually agree with everything you have said here. Trying to tell someone to wait until marriage is ridiculous these days because it doesn't quite mean the same thing as it used to with the divorce rate being 50% in America.

[Apope16]

Thanks. My question is, do you think celibacy makes a player not a player? Do you think celibacy makes someone love their partner when the otherwise wouldn't?

[ChgzDaniel]

It doesn't either make a player or not a player, I have known people that would break the rules for both sides of the arguments. And no I don't think celibacy makes someone love their partner. But I do think it could help a small amount.

[Apope16]

Yeah. For me it was the opposite. I dont think I would have developed feelings for my ex girlfriend beyond platonic if I wasn't curious and experimental. Most of my life I have deprived myself of good experiences because of this thing called morals. I am regretful of this. I have made a new vow to live bucket list experiences. You can't be the most interesting man in the world unless you're also a bit evil too right?

[burpzzzzz]

Divorce is high because people are having sex before marriage. Stability of marriage is higher when having sex after marriage and sex quality is even better.

[burpzzzzz]

Slow But Sure: Does the Timing of Sex During Dating Matter? ifstudies.org/.../
The Truth About Sex: Facts You Won't Believe Are True! https://youtu.be/um3EmS9DKsI

[godfatherfan]

Waiting until marriage is probably the worst thing you can do in a relationship. Your already battling high divorce rates. By waiting to engage in something that is vital to a lasting adult relationship, your raising that % significantly. Sexually compatibility is not necessarily something that can be "learned". Sure, if she doesn't do oral just like you want, or he isn't doing something you like, but close, those can be adjusted. But what if they like/need something you think is really messed up? If you have never tried it, there is no way to really know you don't like it. When I was really young, the thought of anal sex was off putting. But once I got to my late 20's, it is something I really wanted to do. When i finally was able to do it, I loved it (and luckily she did also).
I had to break up with a woman because her idea of sex was 99.5% intercourse. we would just be laying there watching TV and she would jump on me and want me to pump away. Screw that.

[godfatherfan]

I am very much oral. But even if we skipped oral once in a while, I still want all the foreplay involved. I don't go from zero to screwing that fast. I talked to her after the first week together, she talked me out of breaking up. Same with the 2nd week together. I finally was so stressed out about it, I didn't even want to go to her house. I finally broke it off after about 3 1/2 weeks.

[FishB]

@godfatherfan Actually, studies have shown that waiting for sex until marriage correlates with longer lasting marriages and happier marriages.

[LoseMyself]

@FishB I'm curious. Got a citation for these studies?

[FishB]

@LoseMyself I'm glad you have an interest! I chose this article due to it's concentration of information and multiple references. It's called "Did a Study Really Show that Abstinence Before Marriage Makes For Better Sex Afterword?" on the Psychology Today website. I recommend doing your own research and deciding for yourself whether or not the information is valid; I personally chose to believe it due to the multiple articles and additional information I've seen after a bit of research. Please note that this website is meant to doubt quite literally everything that the study states- and while it has very valid points- it even says so within the article.

[Pizzalover101]

I don't agree with what you sy cuz studies show people who want long term relationship wait an it works out better an most that way oh I had sex by 2nd or 3 date an now he is a boy friend only happens in a small portion of all the world

[godfatherfan]

@FishB when you have been married 25 years, I will let you have your 2 cents. But until you have spent a quarter century with the same person, you really don't know what the hell your talking about. I can easily come up with a study that shows the real data. Studies are all bullshit for the most part. All you need to do is see who is commissioning is and you will know how data is going to come out.

[WalterRadio]

Wow! You are SO WRONG.

Attraction is either there or it isn't. The existence is known within a few minutes. If it is not acted upon quickly (sex), then it can dissipate.

[OlderAndWiser]

You understand some things about the female perspective but you overlooked a few points.

1. For a woman, having sex means exposing herself in the most vulnerable way imaginable. Maybe she is self-conscious about her 32A boobs (which are probably quite lovely) or perhaps its the few extra pounds around her middle; maybe she is afraid you will go into overdrive and try to pull some kinky stuff or you will expect oral sex and swallowing and that's something she just doesn't do. Having sex for the first time with a new partner is scary and she really needs to trust you before she takes a chance on being ridiculed for her small boobs or whatever it is that causes her concern. (Yes, there are guys - Neanderthals - out there who would laugh at a naked woman in bed.)

2. Women are concerned that you will not like what they do in bed, that you will judge them harshly for not having any experience, for having too much experience, for being too much of a slut, for not being enough of a slut. They have all heard that expression that “men want a woman who is a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom,” but they don’t know whether it is true.

3. Women are worried that they may have been taken in by a very convincing player and that you will ghost them as soon as they let you have an evening of play in the funhouse.

4. Some girls hear their mother’s voice in their head, telling them “Nice girls keep their panties around their hips until they are married.”

5. Most girls know that, once they have sex with you, the relationship will move forward and it will never move backward. They may have some lingering doubts about committing to you and, as soon as they have sex with you, those doubts will be cast aside and they will feel committed to you.

The result of all that is that a woman who is looking for a serious relationship is often not ready to have sex with a guy until she has developed trust in him, and that takes time. If you have any notions in your head about the three date rule, forget them. It might happen on the third date, but don't count on it. It may not happen until you have been dating for 3-4 months or more.

[bekkesmash]

1 and 2 apply to men too

[OlderAndWiser]

@bekkesmash Yes, but I think women's insecurities in those area are stronger than men's insecurities.

[RJGraveyTrain]

Eh... I don't fully agree.

I believe that it is still considered somewhat taboo for women to "give it up too quickly", and even though I have never done this I have had guys question me whether or not I've hooked up or done similar things, only to express RELIEF when I said I never had.

For me, I cannot know if I have a true connection after a first date. I'll know if I have a good feeling, an attraction, etc, but to me connection forms over time. Plus, I know that regardless of what you say, there are still a lot of guys who will automatically assume I'm an "easy slut" if I give it up on the first date. I wouldn't 100% blame them either; if it was that easy, who can say someone else hasn't done it prior? Fair? No. But do I kinda get it? Yeah.

I don't have sex with people I don't trust and love, but that's just me.

[Anonymous]

I'm agreeing with the gist of what you said with a counterpoint. I think that if you are the type to want an emotional investment before doing the deed, that waiting process is for some a screening process. If, as you intuit, someone is just there for sex, three dates on, 4 months on, waiting till marriage, whatever, they certainly aren't going to wait for you male or female, unless they have nothing and no one else waiting in the wings, or really are emotionally invested in the person to put their physical desires on hold--which I mean, really, those people who want sex, want it--time waits for no wo/man.

If the person withholding sex doesn't have a desire to just have immediate sex, why put themselves at risk (b/c sex can be a risk... pregnancy/stds, etc. even with protection) over someone they are unsure of. For the same reasons you're saying go have sex, b/c you'll get dumped anyway essentially if they aren't there to stay are the same exact reasons I'd venture to say, if they don't want to just yet, don't have sex... because you'll get dumped anyway if that person isn't invested in you for however long it is they want to wait.

[Apope16]

Thats fair. I dont mean people should have sex on a whim. Only that it does nothing to change core feelings. If you truly connect, waiting changes nothing. Same thing if you dont connect.

[Opinion Owner]

But that's just it, sex 'can' change your relationship and your life. There are so many women who had intense feelings, acted on them right away instead of waiting, then out pops a kid, and that guy disappears. Waiting, especially if you are younger can mean a HUGE difference in learning whether you do/don't have a guy that's just going to cut and run should a pregnancy happen, or a girlfriend who's going to cheat because she can't even wait a month for you, or you're trying to figure out if it's just about sex or about building a solid relationship with a partner. Many say, if someone is willing to wait for marriage or until they feel secure and sure of whether they or their partners feelings are just lust or love, it means something. Guy/girl who just wants sex is going to go find that. They are not going to wait, and thus waiting would screen them out for that person which clearly matters a lot more to them, then just having sex because the feels are there at that moment.

[Apope16]

Well. Pregnancy is a different convo. Maybe it depends on the person. I guess sex might make people more attached than less. But i know people who can have do it and mot get too attached. Im one of those people. I could have sex with a friend or someone i dont like for pleasure and not fall in love. I separate intimacy from sex. But maybe only abused people csn do that? I don't know. I've done things with 2 ladies. Had fun. Felt pleasure. Felt no butterflies or feeling beyond that. With exes i have felt love. Do you think people can separate the 2?

[Apope16]

Also. The pull out method and a condom are both 98% effective. chance of pregnancy is low. Accidentally get pregnant is kind of a myth if you follow proper technique and are responsible. Then you have hormones, day after pills. And abortions. Its an age of freedom.

[AriesMan]

No, I was never fearful that she would get her thrill and walk away if we had sex on the first date. I was fearful that she would think that was my only intention, to get sex from her, and then she would avoid me like the plague after.

I have had sex with girls too early on, and it was either a mistake to have done so because she changed after we did, or she had no intentions of having a relationship with me. Then out of fear, I would not have sex with a girl early on and she wound up ditching me for a guy who did sleep with her. F'd up, no? Every girl is different, so my words of wisdom are, if she wants sex early on, just go for it, but if she wants to wait, then for God's sake, WAIT!

I get attached after having sex with a woman because my comfort zone is based on familiarity, I don't like new things and I have no interest in "sampling" different bodies of different women! Hell, I won't even consider buying a new car when I want to have a car shop restore what I have to like new! It is because I am so familiar with my car!

I am willing to wait for whatever woman is willing to give me a chance to be significant in her life and to adore her from emotional support and being her best friend to being her partner in that fun activity of sex where I will relish "worshipping" her body and expressing myself in how I show my adoration of her, and then to be the father of our children. THAT, is living life to it's fullest!

[Annewill82]

I kind of don't agree with this. I've never been a wait until marriage type but I'm definitely not into having sex with just anybody. I like sex as much as the next person but my main focus when dating or being interested in someone isn't "hmm... I wonder what they sex game is like". Sex doesn't make someone love you but a lot of men pretend to be feeling you just so they can have sex with you then what happens? They leave you high and dry once the deed is done. I've seen it happen to multiple people... the dude either leaves or keeps them around by a thread so they always have access to them. If a dude loses interest in me because I didn't give him any or wasn't "sure" about his feelings until after I gave him sex... that's not a man I want in my life honestly.

[Apope16]

Good points. But i dont think it says have sex with anybody. Jusy someone you like and trust. A first date isn't always just meeting or not knowing them. But its cool. Thanks for the reply!

[azzntittiz]

I can attest to this because I have first hand experience. Great sex can keep a person too but it won't make them love you, let me point that out. They are just sticking around for free stuff.

But if a person is meant to love you, sex three months after meeting or the first date won't make a difference.

If you have your reasons to wait, I won't knock you either, that's not what we're doing here, just stop thinking making them wait will keep them cause it won't.

[Ali4u]

Having sex or not is the pure choice of the individuals that are dating, but as a human being modesty is the top priority. Dating means to understand if indeed they are made for each other, or if the motive of dating is sex, then it's just sex, should not expect more than exchanging fluids. Sex is just fun, love is eternity. Then if you have sex with your date couple of times and someday he stands with a quote " Hun it's life, we have to move on" and leaves, what's left, you got squeezed, he enjoyed your body, got fed up and went on search for another. Is it easy for a woman to give up her modesty for fun? Then what's the difference between humans and beasts?

[Harry_Richard]

Good take, here's a meme: https://i.imgflip.com/11rlho.jpg

[John_Doesnt]

Does it bother you that we'll all burn in hell if we take this advice?

[Apope16]

Lol. Nope.

[marrk]

I am waiting because I want to honor my future husband as sharing something only we share together. I don't want to compare either. I also want to follow God's commandment.
On a non-reigious note: I have a very low chance of getting any STDs or AIDS or an unwanted pregancy or manipulated/blackmailed/shamed through sex.
I also don't waste money on condoms and health tests.
I'm not judging I'm jusg sharing the pros of staying a virgin :)

[TheSpartan]

This doesn't address the fact that premarital sex is a mortal sin.

[Apope16]

No it doesn't. according to your religion. or the religion you are referencing. Thankfully, not everyone has such religious beliefs.

[TheSpartan]

You live in a Christian society. Why would you assume people don't?

[Apope16]

Because there are many aspects of Christianity. Some are less strict thsn others. Also, most Millinials are less religious. Christianity is a religion that is dying out. But who cares? Im not religious. Christianity will be a minority religion in 100 years. Agnosticism will be rule.

[TheSpartan]

Premarital sex is sinful in every denomination of Christianity.

Actually, no. Agnosticism and atheism are dying-out due to low birth rates.

[quietguy1967]

If whilst living in a world of large hadron colliders, space travel and a century after Einstein, you are still referencing text over a thousand years old and scared of "supernatural" beings, you can't be helped.

[TheSpartan]

@quietguy1967 if you're that painfully-unaware of philosophy and apologetics, then I can't help you, either.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

beliefs aren't inherited atheists frequently come from christian families. In fact for some pepole it probly makes it more likely from an identification standpoint as the religion they grew up with results in them being treated poorly so they grow up seeing some of the shitty sides of it.

[TheSpartan]

@sedrftvgyhujik Beliefs are almost always inherited. There is a strong connection between raised religion and identified religion.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

atheists frequently come from religious families

[TheSpartan]

@sedrftvgyhujik Yep, and far, far more Christians come from Christian families.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

In the UK in with access to the internet that doesn't seem to be the case I honestly think most pepole my age are agnostic or atheists not just christians but pepole i knew from muslim families as well that where atheists or only nominally there religion.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

maybe its just a different culture in the US and harder not to identify i know you tend to put more importance on status so by extension mabey family religion and churches become part of that for you?

[TheSpartan]

@sedrftvgyhujik yeah, I've heard that the U. K. has gotten pretty pathetic.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

I can tell for some reason your getting bitter and maybe insecure?

[TheSpartan]

@sedrftvgyhujik No, not at all. That's just what I've heard. I heard you guys even tolerate gay men have sex in public restrooms lmao

[sedrftvgyhujik]

yep your bitter

[TheSpartan]

@sedrftvgyhujik lol bitter? How so?

[Slothprincess]

Why do you think millennials are stupid and suicidal? Cause they don't believe in religion..

[Slothprincess]

You see all the retarded music they enjoy? And the fact that they reject real good music

[TheSpartan]

@Slothprincess someone is wise 👌

[Apope16]

Thats factually not true. There is a new baby boom. The millinial generation birthrate almost rivals boomers.

[Apope16]

@Slothprincess what is good music in your opinion?

[Apope16]

@Slothprincess the majorityof people committing suicide are middle aged men. Not Millinials. Guys in their 50s.

[Slothprincess]

Songs from 50s-90s

[bloodmountain1990]

I just say when the time is right and that can be whenever. It just makes things awkward when it's rushed or forced.

Usually when I have sex with a girl, were already cuddling, making out.

The conversation isn't like hey you wanna go have sex at my place?

[Robertinho]

Never mind the question, i was just checking out the Asian girl... sorry. (Asian fetish).

[Thecureandthecause]

YES
I can't stand people acting like having sex drops your value if you're a girl? Like a girl doesn't get anything out of a one night stand.
I see myself more as predator than prey

[soulbabe]

makes no difference to me im a 17-year-old virgin and i won't find love so it makes no difference to me because i will be alone and im fully ok with that

[S_Rose]

This MyTake creeped me out about what you're writing -------> www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a48835-virgin-tragedy

[Phoenix98]

No thanks.

If that is what works for you, power to you, but it's not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

this is dumb... ill make a guy wait till marriage idc if he don't want to wait that's his problem he can leave

[Apope16]

The point is that waiting changes nothing about his feelibgs toward you. The entire purpose of waiting no longer has value. Thats the point. Did you read beyond the title?

[Daniel_James]

I wonder why people who wait statistically have higher iq's. less abortions and happier marriages if waiting is pointless?

[bekkesmash]

Get ready to get dumped by any guy who isn't a religious nut.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Sex outside of marriage is typically for people that are looking for all the great benefits and pleasures of sex with no real intent of commitment to each other over the long haul.

[DonkeyRick69]

Ladies if your looking something serious wait until your sure about him before sex.