Since the breakup of a two year long relationship, I have been a Vagabond of sorts in the dating scene. I am an above average looking guy but by no means a model. I am not incredibly tall, I am only 5ft, 8 inches. I am not rich. I dont have a car.
Somehow I have managed to date 19 women over the last couple of years. Out of the 19 women I went on dates with, 15 (79%) of them led to 2nd dates. I turned down 3 (16%) women after the 1st date and 1 (5%) woman chose not to go on another. I am not a man whore. I actually did like the 15 ladies I went on a 2nd date with.
Just 4 (27%) of my 15 second dates earned came from me being a gentleman and not attempting to kiss them on date 1. 11 out of 15 (73%) of my second dates came after kissing them on the first date. Even more surprising, 9 out of 15 (60%) of my second dates came after having sex after the first date. Out of the 9 women I had sex with, 7 (or 78%) led to longer term relationships or flings.
Based on my experience, if you try to kiss someone on the first date, there is a 53% chance you will get a second date. If you invite them to your place there is a 47% change you get a second date.
The next person is one swipe away on these dating apps. Sure, I have tried to be a gentleman and charming. I have tried to be polite and wait to make any rash moves. What I have learned is that it is a bad strategy. Its about sex and romance. But in those first few dates its about raw sex. You are thinking it and they are thinking it. Have a great time, enjoy that person's company. Truly have some deep and insightful conversation. But at the end of the day you need to flirt, say something charming, and ask consent for a kiss. Aaand when the night is over, you need to ask consent to have sex. If you dont realize that humans are motivated by the fire in their loins then your options will be limited. Take these stats as advice. Look back on your life and what worked. Being "polite" likely didn't work.
Most Helpful Opinions
You have no problems winning dates, that's a lot within a short time. Trained as a player? It is not easy to win that many on online dating, so you must have a good presence and rapport.
You are hitting on some good topics to understand and diagnose from the male side... when we really are interested in someone, why do we lose them? It is possible for us to mess up and scare them off, or not give what they were looking for. Its' frustrating, makes us question what we did wrong.
Some women cannot move that fast, and he would lose them. Most, if not all women, are looking for something... generally speaking an emotional connection and something that says "go forward". Obviously, quite a few will get physical, that is the nature of things. I'd certainly say by date 2-3 if no contact, he is toast... and/or frustrating her. She needs and wants to know there is interest.
communication is so important these days, man leading where he wants to go and paying attention to her comfort.
Beyond this... I'll say there is more going on in mating than sex obviously, that is an initial set of chemicals, but there is also sub conscious mind aligning and working out it's love. The sub conscious is who is making the decisions.
Im not trained as a player. Honestly. I think I was "the best friend " of ladies for 20 years. Then at age 27 i lost my virginity and it all clicked.
almost parallel reality, I did same for longer. My bottom line, we have to lead... with our energy, she has to perceive the value. they are looking for this. there's good videos out there that explain this in diff ways, animal kingdom where there aren't words... works... they communicate intent.