Don't Wait to Make Your Move. You Must Kiss or Have Sex on the FIRST Date.

Don't Wait to Make Your Move. You Must Kiss or Have Sex on the FIRST Date.

Since the breakup of a two year long relationship, I have been a Vagabond of sorts in the dating scene. I am an above average looking guy but by no means a model. I am not incredibly tall, I am only 5ft, 8 inches. I am not rich. I dont have a car.

Somehow I have managed to date 19 women over the last couple of years. Out of the 19 women I went on dates with, 15 (79%) of them led to 2nd dates. I turned down 3 (16%) women after the 1st date and 1 (5%) woman chose not to go on another. I am not a man whore. I actually did like the 15 ladies I went on a 2nd date with.

Just 4 (27%) of my 15 second dates earned came from me being a gentleman and not attempting to kiss them on date 1. 11 out of 15 (73%) of my second dates came after kissing them on the first date. Even more surprising, 9 out of 15 (60%) of my second dates came after having sex after the first date. Out of the 9 women I had sex with, 7 (or 78%) led to longer term relationships or flings.

Based on my experience, if you try to kiss someone on the first date, there is a 53% chance you will get a second date. If you invite them to your place there is a 47% change you get a second date.

The next person is one swipe away on these dating apps. Sure, I have tried to be a gentleman and charming. I have tried to be polite and wait to make any rash moves. What I have learned is that it is a bad strategy. Its about sex and romance. But in those first few dates its about raw sex. You are thinking it and they are thinking it. Have a great time, enjoy that person's company. Truly have some deep and insightful conversation. But at the end of the day you need to flirt, say something charming, and ask consent for a kiss. Aaand when the night is over, you need to ask consent to have sex. If you dont realize that humans are motivated by the fire in their loins then your options will be limited. Take these stats as advice. Look back on your life and what worked. Being "polite" likely didn't work.

Don't Wait to Make Your Move. You Must Kiss or Have Sex on the FIRST Date.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • lightbulb27
    You have no problems winning dates, that's a lot within a short time. Trained as a player? It is not easy to win that many on online dating, so you must have a good presence and rapport.

    You are hitting on some good topics to understand and diagnose from the male side... when we really are interested in someone, why do we lose them? It is possible for us to mess up and scare them off, or not give what they were looking for. Its' frustrating, makes us question what we did wrong.

    Some women cannot move that fast, and he would lose them. Most, if not all women, are looking for something... generally speaking an emotional connection and something that says "go forward". Obviously, quite a few will get physical, that is the nature of things. I'd certainly say by date 2-3 if no contact, he is toast... and/or frustrating her. She needs and wants to know there is interest.

    communication is so important these days, man leading where he wants to go and paying attention to her comfort.

    Beyond this... I'll say there is more going on in mating than sex obviously, that is an initial set of chemicals, but there is also sub conscious mind aligning and working out it's love. The sub conscious is who is making the decisions.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Apope16

      Im not trained as a player. Honestly. I think I was "the best friend " of ladies for 20 years. Then at age 27 i lost my virginity and it all clicked.

    • almost parallel reality, I did same for longer. My bottom line, we have to lead... with our energy, she has to perceive the value. they are looking for this. there's good videos out there that explain this in diff ways, animal kingdom where there aren't words... works... they communicate intent.

    • Apope16

      Totally agree!

  • Anonymous
    Yep I’m in the exact same situation. I was brutally friend zoned in my teens and early 20s for being to chivalrous and nice to the girls I really liked.

    Truth I WANT to take it slow and do things right. But that has never worked in my entire life. Girls keep chastising guys who move too fast as selfish manwhores who think with their dicks. Not completely true. In many case we HAVE to make a move or she gets bored, rejects and/or friendzones.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Apope16

      Yep! You get my point! See?

    • Anonymous

      I just put up another question about this. It seems women are completely incapable of processing even a tiny hint of what we are trying to say. It’s just sad.

    • you are correct... it's a hard lesson to learn, but it is "nature". we have to learn how things work...

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • So you are saying be a Ho and have sex on the first date or you won't get a 2nd? What kind of dating site do you use, Tinder? I'm sorry to break it to you but not all women are hot and horny and are looking for sex on the first or even the 5th date. If they are they are mostly bar fly types looking for one night stands. Is this the type of woman you really want for a wife or the mother of your kids? Because if she is that hot to trot do you really think she is going to be satisfied to just have one man for sex? Hell no! She will be flighty and probably cheat on you. But, you get what you pay for. You can pay little to get a Ho and suffer a lot of heartache, or pay a lot ( in dates and that) and get someone who will be loyal and a loving wife, not just for a while until she gets bored with you and wants someone else, but until death do us part. I just don't get why some people think wham, bam, thank you mam is the way to go for a good relationship. Either you aren't doing something right, or the rest of us who like long term relationships are.Don't Wait to Make Your Move. You Must Kiss or Have Sex on the FIRST Date.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Apope16

      Women who enjoy sex aren't hos. Neither are men. They are just confident people. And sexual. I dont know why sex is such a negative thing. Lastly, I only have one sexual relationship at a time. As for where i met the ladies. Its a mix. Friendships, work, bumble, okcupid, and tinder. But most were prior friends or work. My longest relationship so to speak was okcupid and this girl who worked at my workout gym. Those were 2 months each. I lost my virginity at 27 years old. Dated and lived with my ex girlfriend 2 years. Then ladies liked me I guess.

    • Sure they did, and that is why you are split up now, right? Dude, get over yourself. Confident people are not whoring around like a bunch of rabbits but are really interested in something long termed, not some one night stand which seems to be the norm anymore. Yeah, you may stretch some sexual relationship out for a couple of years but if that is all your relationship is based on then it won't last. I would think you would have figured that out by now but I think you are only in it for sex.

    • Apope16

      I think the issue is you see people in black and white. For 27 years of my life i was the nice guy. The shoulder to cry on. The best friend. I was a virgin for 27 years. It didn't worked. I lost my virginity because I took a chance and kissed my ex girlfriend and it wasn't even a date. Have you lived with someone youve dated? Its a big step. Anyway, I am surprised by the reaction because I thought my dating life was normal. I didn't think that dating that much was considered "ladies man". Im a nerdy guy. I dont know why ladies liked me. I think you see confidence as a whole unit. Im confident sexually. I'm confident in romance. But in other areas im insecure. I have endured abuse and abandonment. Much of my life I didn't take risks. It took years to even kiss a girl. Im not a whore. Some people want relationships and some dont. there's nothing wrong with that. I would say that some if the girls included in the stats I actually fell in love with. One moved away. I dont see what the big deal is.

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  • SydneySentinel
    I'd rather be single than feel influenced by statistics about how I "should" behave in order to get a second date.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Agree.

    • Apope16

      Thats cool. I say just go with the flow. That stats came tonight because a girl turned me down for a third date. I was confused and didn't understand why. I really liked her and wanted to be a nice guy you know? So I was polite, made good conversation, I didn't try to kiss her or invite her to my place for sex. I truly wanted to make a connection. So.. I looked back in the past and thought about who I dated and what worked. I wanted to help other guys out there.

    • I suppose it is also a question of what you want in the relationship. If sex is the goal then statistics are valuable.

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

  • OlderAndWiser
    1. What "works" is a matter of definition. If your goal is to have sexual relationships with many different women, then your strategy is obviously successful. Although you said that, "I am not a man whore," you also said that you had sex with 9 different women in the last two years. I think that many people would, indeed, call you a man whore based on those statistics, but if you disagree. . . what is your definition of "man whore?"

    2. Whether a man is looking for a sexual conquest or a long term relationship, I firmly believe that exhibiting self-confidence is a primary trait that many women seek in a companion. However, inviting a woman to get into your bed on the first date is only one way to exhibit confidence. Also, for many women, such an invitation would lead to them rejecting you for a second date.

    3. By your report, you did not have that experience of rejection. That leads me to believe that you were selecting women who you thought would be receptive to a short term sexual relationship. So this pool of women is not representative of the women that other users might date while looking for a long term relationship.

    4. I believe that doing something to express physical attraction on a first date is important. It sends the signal that I am not looking for another friend, that I am attracted to the woman, and that I have hopes of developing a romantic relationship if we find that we are compatible. I ALWAYS try to hold a lady's hand on a first date. If I sense that she is receptive, I will try to give her a good night kiss on the lips (but no tonsil examination with my tongue.)

    5. I think I am a good person but I don't consider myself to be an extraordinary catch for a woman. Therefore, if she is willing to get in bed with me on a first date, I assume that she does this with most first dates. That is not the kind of woman I want in a long term relationship.
  • SweedyPie
    I decided to message you... Ok this is weird haha but anyways I decided to message you and saw that I can't. I don't know it was a weird spur of the moment empathy related thing. Moving along. I understand your logic, with the very valid (no offense) type of people in today's society... So I get it.

    I guess what hasn't happened is you haven't met someone able to engage you intellectually or who was able to hold proper conversations and work with you to find other ways of slicing things up without the kissing and sex on the first date. I would most likely be horrified if a person I met for the first date, tried to kiss me then and there. Hahaha so it depends. Maybe try changing the location for first dates and second dates. Do fun stuff that you wouldn't normally do.

    See, yeah great sex will attract them to the second date or third, but sex is just sex. You have to build the connection itself, encourage open communication etc etc. If that stuff doesn't work then maybe they aren't worth wasting your time having sex with (unless you're into that which if you are the go forth and prosper). So I say challenge yourself to try something different
    • SweedyPie

      Autocorrect kills me lol I'll take it off sigh.

      I said
      *VAPID type of people in today's society
      *SPICING things up without kissing

    • Apope16

      Its cool. Yeah. I dont know why you couldnt message me. Thanks for your reply. I think the controversy has been that the ladies think I have been a player all my life. That not true. Most of my life I have been the best friend. Just me and all the ladies at the club. I changed because I learned that women want guys to lead. And women act based on emotion and impulse. Its not about kissing. Its about building connection and chemistry. You kiss at the end of the date. You flirt during. You certainly make some reference to sex or underwear, etc. Just having a fun conversation about underwear style can make a girl horny.

  • Amy_Theo
    I will try my best to cushion my words but please try and find it in yourself to forgive me if I fail.
    I applaud you for taking the time to do the math and substantiating your opinion with statistics. From someone who's lazy as hell to someone who's clearly not, kudos to you, my friend.
    Now that that's out of the way, there are 2 things that I believe needs to be addressed with regards to this piece.
    1. It's something else entirely when the results of a survey conducted"properly" (keeping in mind the precautions and possible bias and when the sample used for the survey is a collection of people of different kinds, ages, ethnicities, etc.) is used but that is not the case with our statistics. The women who make the sample in your survey are not a reflection of women in general. A possible condition to have considered is this: unless you randomly went out with random women, I can't help but assume you picked who you "dated" based on your personal preferences. Studies show that people are attracted to counterparts who share a lot of similarities with them. So theoretically speaking, most, if not all, of your partners more often than not expect the same thing from a relationship that you do. That's not a bad thing. To each their own. But it isn't something that you can generalize to a general population.
    2. It's rather condescending when you generalize a behaviour (especially about a sensitive topic as sex and relationships, sensitive in quite a few cultures atleast) based on the results of a survey conducted, well, incorrectly. As a woman who holds different opinions on sex and romantic relationships and who has female friends and loved ones who also hold different opinions, your "advice" makes us want to slap a wall out of frustration.
    I understand that your intention was to help other people who are probably confused on what to do in a relationship and I applaud and thank you for that. But your advice as such makes a lot of people (including myself) wonder how the hell humanity became quite so narrow-minded in a way...
    I wish you the best.
    P. S. I am NOT admonishing you for your lifestyle. I have no right to or any intention to. I just don't want people to be influenced by factually incorrect information.
    • VIVANT

      You were very polite. I don’t think this should be insulting ☺️

  • Comawhite666
    If you try to do more than kiss on the first date with me, you won't be getting another one. I will not have sex with anyone until It's an established exclusive relationship for at least a month. If a guy can't wait that long then they're not worth my time.
    • Apope16

      Thats fine. Nobody is saying that is bad. The article is advice to guys on how to increase their chances in a world where women can message hundreds of guys with one swipe. I know this because I have been in situation where there is an over abundance of dating options. It doesn't matter how nice they are, those who provide immediate gratification get center focus and priority. Went on a date last night. Had great convo. didn't kiss her. she's not responded back about another date.

    • I can see your point, I am a bit old fashioned and I don't like to move fast, I like to make sure she is worth my time first and needless to say, it doesn't work out well. That said I would ask what kind of women you are looking for, what is their age range and cultural background (I mean no disrespect but in my experience certain groups, specifically within the black community, are much more quick and to have and more focused on sex. Cultural back ground could affect your results (the youngest generation for instance seems to be most conservative then the millennials so they having different cultures may get different results, black culture in the US may have much different results then Asian culture (based upon statistics that is), if the women are older they may be more willing to give it up in an attempt to keep you around etc.).

  • NatashaJ
    Stop pressuring women no one HAS TO FUCK YOU IF THEY DON'T WANT TOO. You know we have choices too in life. Smh pathetic mytake lol if you need to convince women to do this on the first date probably you not getting anything on the first date and you salty about it.
    • Apope16

      There is nothing above that says anything about pressuring women. As a matter of fact the word "consent" is used.

    • NatashaJ

      You trying to shame or convince us to change our minds is not okay either. Regardless it's creepy that you invested to "change" women's minds when it comes to sex on the first date. We are allow to do whatever we want so you have no right to try to "change" us.

  • wingattebaby16
    I feel women on dating sites are looking for hookups... you dont kiss them or have sex on the first date and they move on to the next Swipe.

    nowadays, most of us girls are looking for a fun time and not a relationship... my gfs 20-30 are not ready to settle down and get married, UNLESS Mr. Right comes along.. for now, we all have Mr. Right Now...
    • @wingattebaby16
      Not are 20-30 year old women just want a hookup.

    • Apope16

      Why are you assuming that all of the women I've dated have been from dating apps? I have dated friends, colleagues... the same applies.

  • little_bird1
    Pretty accurate for people 30+ years old. If you don't kiss on the first date, there most likely won't be a second one. Also, I like the idea of asking for a kiss! It is sweet and respectful, and it actually gives a girl the opportunity to say no if she doesn't feel it. Surprise kisses on the first date can go horribly wrong.
    But I don't agree with the sex thing. It's too pushy, even if asked politely. I think a girl should initiate this, whenever she is ready.
    • Apope16

      Thsnks. I always wondered if asking was tacky and weak

    • little_bird1

      Not in the slightest, it is perfect!

  • Cherokeehp
    There’s nothing wrong with going on dates with many women, and there’s nothing wrong with kissing and having sex on the first date. It just all depends on if the two people like each other and what their comfortable with. You don’t have to kiss the girl or sleep with her to secure a second date, but if she’s willing to kiss/have sex with you on the first date then that either means she really likes you, or she wanted a one night stand. Kissing and sex on the first date are definitely not a MUST.
    • Apope16

      True. I am not saying it is a must. I am saying that asking consent is a must. Also if you do want a second date... you have to at least kiss her. Otherwise your chances are slim. Women are emotion based. Just kissing them on a first or second date ignites the butterflies.

    • You don’t have to kiss her either. Some women don’t like to get physical on the first date.

    • Sex on first date = Ho in most instances. Plus you will never hear the end of it when they cry they are pregnant or caught a STD. Really? Did they think they were going to a party?

  • CreativeMumble
    All women aren't the same. And sure, you can use statistics as to how to act, but then you never really get to know that person properly.
    It's more about reading the mood, the signal and knowing what kind of person stands before you.

    Also, it sounds like many men thinks there are two kinds of ways to act, either be a proper gentleman or a complete player.
  • Royalsarcasist
    I think the data is a little messy considering these women probably just want sex. If you tried looking in you’re community or workplace for a girl the relationship would be stronger and she probably wouldn’t want to have sex with you the first or second date. I think you have to look at the values that the women hold not just yourself. Not to shame the girls, but I don’t think you took into account them being a variable.
    • Apope16

      The data is my experiences with both community and online dating. And yes, even work relationships. It is skewed slightly to online dating. However, the same applies. People are motivated by sexual attraction. There are just too many options in society now days. And yes, I have had sex with coworkers.. just not in my same department thank god.

  • hahahmm
    Women on dating apps don’t even need romance. They’re ran through by dozens & hundreds of dudes. Better be safe
    • Apope16

      Yeah. The whole romance thing is gone.

    • Robertcw

      Meh, it isn't for Christian virgins. They still ha e the whole conservative dating style going strong.

      I have also seen girls have change of hearts and force themselves to value romance over everything else, same for young single moms.

    • hahahmm

      @Robertcw It’s strange that you think not acting like a thirsty low value is exclusive to virgins or Christians. The second a woman decides you are high value & that she wants a serious relationship, of course she will suddenly have a ‘change of heart’. The reality is that guys don’t value any if these women who sleep around easily much because they 1. Don’t value themselves, 2. Don’t offer anything but sex. I mean if the guy has half a clue or half a value himself

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  • AuroraRoseat
    No. Not interested.

    Also you can’t apply your experience onto other men because for others it does not work. On top of that, not all women are similar to the women you dated.

    Your reasoning is flawed.
    • Apope16

      Ask 10 guys how their relationship started. I promise 7 out of 10 will say a kiss or something happened in the first two dates.

    • I can ask 20. That’s not enough of a sample to project onto the larger population.

    • Apope16

      You are correct. This is not a scientific statistical sample. This is GAG. People get advice from regular people based on experiences. Its not a phd dissertation. So yes, you are right.

  • AlienParasite
    I think it's ok to kiss or have sex in the first date if both feel ok with it. Though I doubt it's a good formula for long term relationship, despite you said you got "long relationships" from those experiences. Let be serious, 7 long term relationships in only the last couple of years sound like 7 short term relationships.

    I agree it's possible to kiss or have sex in the first date and get in a lasting relationship... though... I don't think it's possible if the date it's a complete stranger like in dating apps. I myself had sex with my SO in our first date and we have been together 4 years by now, BUT he wasn't a complete stranger, I did hang out with him and some friends before any date and by the time of our first date we knew each other for 2 years.

    So, I think that it's ok if someone who is searching for a short term relationship or casual sex to be direct and go for it. Though if the person truly aims for a long term relationship, they would hardly ever get a real one having sex or kissing in the first date with a complete stranger (it's only possible to work if the person it's not a stranger).
  • Shellyworld
    I’ve to break you but if I accepted men’s sex requests all the time during dates. Then I’d be slut-shamed in my neighbourhood. Sex is only for long term relationships /marriage. And not for “trying to get to know whether we can be lovers forever” - you mean reverse dating like in Scandinavia, how can you be sure it’s love when you're blinded by sex?
    • Apope16

      Sex is for if you are attracted. Period. Even if its pleasure or fun.

  • evm987
    That likely depends on what you're looking for in a date. If someone tried to kiss me on the first date I would not go for a second one. I'm shy and prefer to move slowly.
  • curiousnorway
    Not all women and men are the same, so it's important to keep that into the consideration too. I won't have sex on a first date if I wants a long term relationship because of it's good to know the person better before to find out if it may work out or not. Going too fast often ends up in more disappointment and misunderstandings. Since I knows my own intentions, therefor I may feel perfectly comfortable kissing a girl on the first date if I finds her attractive. I do still understand not all girls would feel the same though.

    If I was a girl dating a guy, I would be more careful. I know many men from some cultural backgrounds interpret a kiss as something sexual and that they wants to go faster. The women however may want to wait and take it slower to get to know the man better. The best option is to avoid getting pregnant with the wrong person, because of the children either ends up with a single parent in poverty, adoption, in an orphanage care or as aborted. While the man may end up with no custody right and has to pay child support, the woman would be pregnant for 9 months and give birth to it - so the situation isn't ideal for anyone. Condoms breaks and pills fails as well.

    Therefor it's important to take it slow if one of the parts thinks it goes too fast. Often women have different needs and wishes as men too.
  • Dongtai
    There’s nothing wrong with not getting a second date. You don’t need to rely on what you call statistics. There isn’t a blueprint to dating. Just be yourself and you’ll attract the right people.

    Just because you get a second date with a girl you kissed doesn’t mean you’ll get a second one with the next girl you kiss on the first date. Your data proves it. It’s not 100%.

    I feel like I see a lot of guys relying on theories and data to avoid what they consider failure with the opposite sex. By doing that you’re constantly quieting “your” voice, your true self and allowing someone else to tell you how to be you.

    Just be yourself. Master yourself. If you do that you won’t care about statistics or data because it won’t matter. Your validation will come from within not outside.

    I’ve dated plenty of women, had sex with more than I can complain about and I’ve had my share of relationships. I will say that in my experience, the girl falls for “you”.

    It’s not the action that makes the man. The man makes the action. That’s why you see some girls going for one guy who does one thing, but reject another guy who does the same thing.

    BE YOU and do it with PRIDE
  • piscies
    Ladies and gentlemen this is not a good start of a relationship it starts with a friendship first and foremost and to do activities and to build a list of your goals and interests short and long term and sex is not a way to go and it is a commandment as a illegal move and as a sinful act that gos to hell and breaking promises and dating 19 girls is so very wrong to do that no one should do that and does not give the ultimate respect to the other girls while dating relationship's and I am way different than all this big time I would never do that at all and I am a pure gentlemen and I really do have special needs and a very sensitive person who will give girls and adult ladies their ultimate respect on what they rightfully deserve and considering when I was in high school there is guys that tell me in what look at but I am a real different person than that because when I look at the ladies I usually look at their ultimate dreams to come true and their life and ladies I will be honest to you and my family wants me to fall in love with someone who is a God fearing person and it does not matter what job that you work for as long as you are passionate to people and who is willing and who is fully committed to stay in love with someone with special needs person
  • MysteriousDarkness
    Asking for sex on a first date to me is a no go. You will most likely get nothing more but if you do you will end up flavor of the month, flavor of the week or as a one night stand. If you want to try to get a high quality person then your advice is not going to work. The numbers you came up with are from your experiences only.
    • Apope16

      Dont worry man. Nobody id saying you must have sex. All I am saying is if you have amazing chemistry with someone why wait? I understand morals for some people bla bla... but im just saying you are more likely to get a second date. Your odds increase. Thats all im saying.

    • @Apope16
      Please explain hiw some people who had good chemistry with someone in a first date asked for sex got told sex was not hapoening and tgey will not go out with them again?

    • Apope16

      Well, if you know what you are doing you never explicitly ask for sex. The ask is, "Hey, do you want to stop by my spot to get a drink?" or "Hey, wanna grab tea at my place?" or some other random excuse to see your place based on the conversation (music, movie, snack, etc.)

      Now... If she says no. Then you just treat it as no big deal. Because its not. Then give her a kiss goodbye on the lips. If she says yes, then you have to understand that she has subconciously calculated into her response the possibility of you being deep inside her. Your odds go from a 50/50 chance of having sex to a 99% chance of having sex. At your place she is at that point nervous and horny waiting to see how you are going to make your move. You see, she WANTS the guy to ask so that she can relax and not feel slutty. So then you confidently tell her honestly what you like about her or that you had a great night and you feel a chemistry. Then you say something like wanting to make out with her. By the time you are making out she will start taking off your clothes.

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  • nightdrot
    You certainly got this down to a science, I'll give you that. That said, whatever the "science" may tell you, I am not sure that a society that strips away the pretenses and just works that way would be a good society.

    Of the two women that I had sex with on the first date, one relationship did not last past the third date and the other lasted about a year but ended in the most painful experience of my life. Eventually I got her pregnant - not on the first date - and then she aborted my baby without telling me and it shattered me.

    Luckily, not immediately, I met a gal. I was extremely wary and it is fair to say that she chased me by being kind and funny and gentle. Eventually we started dating and then moved in together - we don't want to be married - and now we have three children and I am, without doubt, the happiest and sappiest and more in love man on the planet. I cannot imagine my life without my girlfriend and the three little gifts she has given me.

    The point being that your analysis conflates quantity with quality. Yes, human beings have instincts rooted in evolution. Males and females, in different ways to be sure, want sex. It is our instinct, at the most base level, to mate and reproduce and share the physical intimacy that comes with that.

    However, we actually want and need more than that. You will rack up the numbers, but over the long run that is not an assurance that you will find someone who makes you feel loved and respected and cared for and feel every ounce your manhood with all that entails.

    Over the course of my dating life, I had sex with 11 women, by my best reckoning. Some went well for a time, others not. However, none of that was indicative of what made me happy.

    Don't get me wrong. I have zero problem with sex outside of marriage and casual sex. Our instinct for sex is natural and - this is key - so long as we are willing to take the consequences of our choices, there is nothing wrong with enjoying sex and seeking that sexual relief.

    We have natural biological instincts and satisfying them is perfectly understandable and generally healthy. Moreover, we have sex as part of social bonding and "making a connection." The strictures limiting sex to marriage are sensible and rooted in the need to limit the male instinct to mate with as many females as possible.

    However, having sex with someone is zero assurance that you will find that person who will make you feel loved and wanted and who you know you would die to protect. My girlfriend and our three little munchkins are that to me. That is something else and something special and there is almost zero relationship between any chance of you finding that and the number of women you have sex with.

    By all means have sex with as many women as will have sex with you. The sheer physical relief is healthy and satisfying. Just don't make the mistake of supposing that doing so will lead to finding that person around which your whole universe will turn.
  • Estaroze
    Hmmm I seriously doubt that. I want to sex after marriage.
    And I haven't seen a guy who didn't want to do second date with me.
    I think date is just about knowing each other and spending fun time.
    If you must do something during the date in order to get him, it simply means he is not the one for you. And you can get the right one for you when you act like yourself and showing what you belive.
    Furthermore, girls who like to have sex on the first date are more likely to get the guy who calculates the number of sex he had on the first dates and make a statistics out of it.
  • WhiteShoulder
    Kissing is important, but I only ever had sex once on a first date.
    • Apope16

      I am surprised. For most of my life I have viewed myself as just a nerdy guy. Apparently based on the comments my experiences are rare. 9 bed partners in 3 years.

    • Robertcw

      Is your age correct? You are 32?

  • osili
    wow you have every stat except if tommie lived 1.5 miles from the train depot and Billie lived 1mile away but was now legged dam homie questioning 14 of those dates cause with all the percentages and numbers your ass ain't got the time for ur self let alone woman who would stay long enough to be a stat step back and take urself out and evaluate urself you might not want a second date with u
    • I think I had a stroke while trying to read that.

    • Apope16

      I am not sure I understand what you wrote. But thanks for reading and for the reply.

  • SarahsSummer
    I think there is more to your statistical analysis than you are aware.
  • ImSparkly
    So if i'm just another twat in your Tinder queue, you can go perform autofellatio and get on your way.

    If we f* on the first date, often there isn't a second as it seems like you really dont care to know me, are impulsive, and just want to do your thing. I can be up for that, but its a hookup.

    I rarely kiss someone of the first date if I'm really interested. I also won't wait three days to communicate with him if im interested too. Its like a job interview, drop your thank you note off in the mail when you leave.
    • Apope16

      Riiight. Or you can see it as a guy really does like you. he's attracted. And wants to kiss you. He also feels pressure because if he doesn't kiss you, then you go home to 50 other matches on tinder.

    • ImSparkly

      Thank you for dating me, You will be screwed in the order in which I swiped right.

  • sagevalentineee
    I mostly agree with you. Men who really know what they want, and go for it are actually a bit more likely to get another date. If you didn't really display obvious interest in me... I wouldn't be so eager. My boyfriend, was very forward with me on our first date, he would touch me, (respectfully) after our first date, he kissed me and did not give me a choice, he made sure we had set up the second date before he left that night. It was good because I daydreamed of him all week.

    You do have to be careful though. There are risks to being so forward. If she is shy or conflicted you may put her off. What my boyfriend did only worked because he knew me very well enough to know that I wanted him to do what he did. So be careful of reluctant girls, I really don't want any false accusations of sexual harassment for you guys
    • Apope16

      Good points. Thanks. And congrats!

  • Bensbrie
    My husband didn't kiss me on the lips before a couple of days before I left China, he said I was his first kiss too. I am also the first woman my husband has been with intimately and he is the first man for me too. That being said, being a gentleman does pay off when you have marriage in mind.
  • imbeingsneaky
    There is a more adult way of doing the same thing. Tell the person that you like them. Ask to see them again. If they turn you down, move on. If they say they'd like to see you again then good for you. Intimate crap shouldn't be treated so worthlessly. Here's an important thought though. Should we just compromise ourselves and give up everything for an incredibly slim chance it'll last long term?
  • TonyBologna25
    I think that having sex on the first date sets the tone towards lust rather than emotional connection. Dated that way my whole life and got into toxic relationships. Trying it another way and I’m getting a lot more quality women. A girl who puts out on the first date most likely isn’t going to be your future wife. The fact that you broke down these stats is kind of strange lmao. I don’t even know what my slay count is man. List and attraction isn’t an algorithm.
  • incelposting
    Pretty much, if a female is actually attracted to you she will fuck you in the first date, if she doesn't you are being used for free food.
    • Apope16

      You actually make a great point. Thats why the advice above helped. I noticed sometimes women were dating just for free drinks without having to show any attraction at all. With a kiss or a request you at least know where you stand. I never knew that asking for consent to kiss or have sex was so controversial. haha. apparently it is.

  • ifOdinWasAgirl
    I think im starting to be at peace with thought of being single. More and more people have toxic views of how a relationship should work. Its unsettling. Being alone is better than continually putting urself in potentially shallow relationships that will most likely end badly.
  • Tdieseler
    @Apope16 I am going to come out with a new Take using this article as a reference if you dont mind.
    When i saw the title... i knew which gender was going to talk the most shit. So in my Take, im going to explain to those shit talkers why guys these days are having this kind of mentality.
  • xkildy
    I 100 agree with you there man. Cause I actually have been though the same thing and it worked out nearly just how to explain it. I actual told one lady I wanted to have sex with her cause she was looking to good... Well no lie. We had sex more then once I mint add...
  • Gedaria
    No, I totally disagree, it's not a race. The idea is to get to know each other. Not a quick way to sex...
    • Apope16

      Nothing above says dont get to know them

  • Avicenna
    That's definitely not true. It's more fun to simply enjoy the company and get to know each other better than to feel pressured to push things along. Most women don't want to have sex with what is basically a complete stranger anyway.

    • Avicenna

      I've had four first dates in the past two weeks which have all led to at least a second date and some thirds. These women know that I'm interested in them and that I'm taking my time to get to know them. If I had tried to kiss them, they wouldn't have wanted another date. They know they can initiate one or have their body language let them know they do, but it hasn't happened yet, and I'm fine with that. We're interested in finding the right person for a relationship.

  • SzinNapalm
    your absolutely right my friend the women I pounced on like a fucking tiger I had the pleasure of having them in my life the longest but not all the time once in Vancouver this swedish girl rode me around literally for the week and come to find out I was just "Sancho" I should have know I found out a few days into it but I didn't care she was hot and all around adorable.
    I had this one girl that was a roommate not like me she would talk down to me and I tried to get to know her but she knew what I was doing and would head me off not giving me a chance. then one night I was watching a movie in the Livingroom and no one was home I realized she was siting really close to me so I was like fuck it I went for the diving kiss across the floor then we fucked she didn't really talk to me after that but a couple days later she came into my room again when I was watching a movie but she kept l little distance we just chilled quietly (it was like she almost wanted to tell me "I know you wanted to fuck me so I gave you some were still cool but I don't want a steady guy in my life") The best thing for all you guys out there don't try to be what a woman wants you can only be a man who pretends to be something else or a man that knows what he is. and behavioral attributes of women were given to them befor coming to earth to live out there next life buy having them put their hand in a bucket and pull out 10 pieces of folded paper with attributes written on the paper. don't try to guess its done that way to make a man live blindly to the world to see if he is cut out to wear his flesh or not and so is decided the destiny of his soul
  • confusedrepeatedly
    Do want a real relationship or sex two totally different things dude
    • Apope16

      The statistics fit for either scenario. Kiss on the first date if the moment is right. As for me, each relationship was different. Sometimes with some girls I just wanted sex or fun. Other times I was in love and wanted a relationship. The same conclusions applied regardless.

    • Personally I dont think emotions like love are logical and for a relationship of love I think you need respect and kissing on the first date doesn't seem respectful to me also may I point out you had 19 dates and still no relationship like marriage sooooooo...

  • Liam_Hayden
    You do you. I NEVER do either on a first date and get a second date over 90% of the time that I want one.
  • Dating is about getting to know each other. Unless you establish it upfront don't expect to get laid on the first date.
    • Apope16

      You can do both. The article is not about expectation. Its about asking consent. Just asking increases the possibility of a 2nd date. Just say, "Want to come to my place for a drink?"

  • Ladyslipper
    Typically when i have have sex on the first date I don't plan to have a second one lol
  • Pejtu
    The bigger the dick
    The better the chick
    Nothing less nothing more
    • Apope16

      Who told you about my size? Haha

    • Pejtu

      Thats not anything new everyone knows that the better looking a guy is the better chances he has
      And the bigger the D is the better the sex is like come on
      You dont have to be a genius to know that two 🎰

    • Apope16

      True. But wallet size is king

    • Show All
  • Pandagurl_88
    I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules that apply 10% of the time it all depends on the relationship and the people
  • Mrblooo
    Jus remember to use a condom better safe than sorry if u know what I mean there's worst things that STDs my friend😁😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
    • Apope16

      Thanks a lot! Good Point! Thats why I have chosen to do more self pleasure and unfortunately become more gentlemanly. You know.. actually get to know chics. Its just too easy to have sex with anyone.

  • Robertcw
    Completely agree. This is spot on.

    In my experience waiting is only a slowly dwindling fire. It fizzels or she finds someone else.

    I will get back to you shortly to see how waiting has played out for me recently with one girl I have been talking too. Think it backfired this weekend but won't be sure until next week.
  • DWornock
    I suppose it's OK to try. Just don't be pushy about it.
    • Apope16

      Just ask for consent. Thats all. I never thought asking for consent was so controversial. Lol

    • DWornock

      I believe consent is implied more than given after being asked. I don't believe men very often ask, "May if fuck you?" because the success rate would be rather low. Instead they start with a touch and proceeds further and further if the woman's responses are favorable.

    • Apope16

      Haha. THats actually a good point. When you are making out with a check and she is taking off your clothes and pulling down your boxers? haha.. yeah..

  • Bonez0503
    Sure why not you're on a date getting know each other more some people go by how good you are in bed so on the first date if you think things are going well with you you and your guy or girl you're with next step find out if you two are sexually attracted to each other if so might as well start a relationship
  • Sunset1290
    Nope! Any man who makes those moves on me, shall get dumped and will never get a second date.
  • Abdul21
    This is true if dating hos but dating other women they look into your pockeys only..
    • Apope16

      This is true of all women bro. Try it. And you are correct.. relationship wise its all pockets.

    • ktaillieu

      Well if your inferring we women look into men’s pockets to look upon how large those said pockets are you may be correct. Cause I don’t know about any other girls but I don’t get to experience large pockets on any of my clothing if there are pockets at all. However I get the hint that your are not inferring to actual pockets, more like money you find inside. Which I would like to point out women cannot be just categorized into hoes or money grabbers. Personally I prefer paying for my self with everything. I don’t like to feel like I owe anyone anything, I prefer things to be equal and fair. (Seriously though, why do you guys get pockets on everything, us chicks over here got stuff to carry too lol)

    • Apope16

      @ktaillieu its not about large pockets. Its just elevation of current status. Does that make sense?

  • Shamalien
    Ur advice is great if u dont believe in a higher power and dont give a fk about anything but pleasure
    • Apope16

      There is nothing sinful or wrong about sex. There are many Christians that have sex on the first date. There is nothing wrong with that. I dont believe in slut shaming.

    • Shamalien

      Three words

      Fake. Ass. Christians.

      I do slut shame and back when society generally did, kids had stable families

    • Apope16

      It is true that in the old days there were more stable families.

    • Show All
  • jmb9030
    That's a toss up for me a kiss of course as long as it feels right, sex if the vibe is right and if your not looking for something serious, serious relationships should take things slowly other wise they always will find it in a downward spiral and ending badly