I make friends with someone first. I take a long time opening up to and feeling comfortable with someone especially INTIMATELY. I cannot have sex with someone before I have a strong emotional bond to them and I have no interest in people who are so desperate to get laid that they'd reject me unless I gave in to sex immadiately, I think that they are shallow and pathetic and not relationship material by any means.
Asking for sex on a first date to me is a no go. You will most likely get nothing more but if you do you will end up flavor of the month, flavor of the week or as a one night stand. If you want to try to get a high quality person then your advice is not going to work. The numbers you came up with are from your experiences only.
Dont worry man. Nobody id saying you must have sex. All I am saying is if you have amazing chemistry with someone why wait? I understand morals for some people bla bla... but im just saying you are more likely to get a second date. Your odds increase. Thats all im saying.
@Apope16 Please explain hiw some people who had good chemistry with someone in a first date asked for sex got told sex was not hapoening and tgey will not go out with them again?
Well, if you know what you are doing you never explicitly ask for sex. The ask is, "Hey, do you want to stop by my spot to get a drink?" or "Hey, wanna grab tea at my place?" or some other random excuse to see your place based on the conversation (music, movie, snack, etc.)
Now... If she says no. Then you just treat it as no big deal. Because its not. Then give her a kiss goodbye on the lips. If she says yes, then you have to understand that she has subconciously calculated into her response the possibility of you being deep inside her. Your odds go from a 50/50 chance of having sex to a 99% chance of having sex. At your place she is at that point nervous and horny waiting to see how you are going to make your move. You see, she WANTS the guy to ask so that she can relax and not feel slutty. So then you confidently tell her honestly what you like about her or that you had a great night and you feel a chemistry. Then you say something like wanting to make out with her. By the time you are making out she will start taking off your clothes.
@Apope16 Peove the chance of having sex goes from 50/50 to 99% if a giys asks a woman to his place? Prove that because a woman any woman that is into guys who is at a guys home she will always be horny?
When I was younger I'd do the dating and waiting thing. Girls would tell me that they wanted to take it slow and that they hated players, and I was absolutely fine with that. That would always lead to me eventually being friend-zoned. Sometimes I'd find out they'd been dating or having sex with another guy.
I wouldn't usually try to have sex on the first date although sometimes that would happen, but if I liked the girl and could tell she liked me back I'd at least kiss her. Then I'd try to have sex on the second date, and if she liked me we would. Then I never got friend-zoned, and they'd be keen to see me again.
Scenario 1 is what happens when you listen to most of the girls commenting here, and most female advice. Scenario 2 is what happens when you listen to guys who tell you what actually works.
I have a dated a whole lot more than 19 women in my life. I don't count unless we have sex.
I have discovered some rules of thumb.
The most that is going to happen physically will be whatever we are doing by the 2nd date. If we are not physical by then, we we won't ever be. If we are only kissing by then, then we won't be having sex. There are some exceptions for when there just isn't time or the wrong time of month, but this is a general rule.
The other rule is that at least for a while, it seemed like about 1/3rd of women would have sex on the first date, about 1/3rd on the second, and the remaining don't get a third date because it isn't going anywhere. Same exceptions as above.
@Robertcw It’s strange that you think not acting like a thirsty low value is exclusive to virgins or Christians. The second a woman decides you are high value & that she wants a serious relationship, of course she will suddenly have a ‘change of heart’. The reality is that guys don’t value any if these women who sleep around easily much because they 1. Don’t value themselves, 2. Don’t offer anything but sex. I mean if the guy has half a clue or half a value himself
I don't know about that. There are four possibilities the way I see it:
1. Guy is hot and cheap sex is low value to him by default. 2. Guy is ugly and cheap sex is like a blessing to him. 3. Guy is high value but ugly, may not value cheap sex but also would probably be slightly grateful for the opportunity when it arises. 4. Guy is hot and high value; hates cheap sex and may do it just for shits and giggles.
@Robertcw, it’s not that there is high value sex vs low value sex. There’s high value relationships (serious) vs. low value. So in my opinion, easy sex is just a symptom not a cause or definitive reason. Similar to how “dressing like a hooker” is an indication/symptom but not absolute proof that one is a hooker.
If both people are on the same page, no immediate harm done. If their actions cause problems that complicate their life later (pregnancy, std) harm is done.
It comes down to perception of the ‘buyer’. If what you offer is valued highly in the marketplace you choose to offer it then you will ‘profit’ otherwise not.
So at one phase in a person’s life the meaning off all this is different than in another 😀
I feel women on dating sites are looking for hookups... you dont kiss them or have sex on the first date and they move on to the next Swipe.
nowadays, most of us girls are looking for a fun time and not a relationship... my gfs 20-30 are not ready to settle down and get married, UNLESS Mr. Right comes along.. for now, we all have Mr. Right Now...
I think the data is a little messy considering these women probably just want sex. If you tried looking in you’re community or workplace for a girl the relationship would be stronger and she probably wouldn’t want to have sex with you the first or second date. I think you have to look at the values that the women hold not just yourself. Not to shame the girls, but I don’t think you took into account them being a variable.
The data is my experiences with both community and online dating. And yes, even work relationships. It is skewed slightly to online dating. However, the same applies. People are motivated by sexual attraction. There are just too many options in society now days. And yes, I have had sex with coworkers.. just not in my same department thank god.
Stop pressuring women no one HAS TO FUCK YOU IF THEY DON'T WANT TOO. You know we have choices too in life. Smh pathetic mytake lol if you need to convince women to do this on the first date probably you not getting anything on the first date and you salty about it.
You trying to shame or convince us to change our minds is not okay either. Regardless it's creepy that you invested to "change" women's minds when it comes to sex on the first date. We are allow to do whatever we want so you have no right to try to "change" us.
I think that having sex on the first date sets the tone towards lust rather than emotional connection. Dated that way my whole life and got into toxic relationships. Trying it another way and I’m getting a lot more quality women. A girl who puts out on the first date most likely isn’t going to be your future wife. The fact that you broke down these stats is kind of strange lmao. I don’t even know what my slay count is man. List and attraction isn’t an algorithm.
This reminds me of how one-sided this is, the burden of making a move first always falls on the guys shoulders, and if a guy views it as a burden or resents it, he gets labeled as whining or having a victim mentality, but not the other way around if a woman hates or resents what's expected of her in the dating game
That likely depends on what you're looking for in a date. If someone tried to kiss me on the first date I would not go for a second one. I'm shy and prefer to move slowly.
I am surprised. For most of my life I have viewed myself as just a nerdy guy. Apparently based on the comments my experiences are rare. 9 bed partners in 3 years.
My husband didn't kiss me on the lips before a couple of days before I left China, he said I was his first kiss too. I am also the first woman my husband has been with intimately and he is the first man for me too. That being said, being a gentleman does pay off when you have marriage in mind.
There is a more adult way of doing the same thing. Tell the person that you like them. Ask to see them again. If they turn you down, move on. If they say they'd like to see you again then good for you. Intimate crap shouldn't be treated so worthlessly. Here's an important thought though. Should we just compromise ourselves and give up everything for an incredibly slim chance it'll last long term?
The statistics fit for either scenario. Kiss on the first date if the moment is right. As for me, each relationship was different. Sometimes with some girls I just wanted sex or fun. Other times I was in love and wanted a relationship. The same conclusions applied regardless.
Personally I dont think emotions like love are logical and for a relationship of love I think you need respect and kissing on the first date doesn't seem respectful to me also may I point out you had 19 dates and still no relationship like marriage sooooooo...
I think im starting to be at peace with thought of being single. More and more people have toxic views of how a relationship should work. Its unsettling. Being alone is better than continually putting urself in potentially shallow relationships that will most likely end badly.
@Apope16 I am going to come out with a new Take using this article as a reference if you dont mind. When i saw the title... i knew which gender was going to talk the most shit. So in my Take, im going to explain to those shit talkers why guys these days are having this kind of mentality.
You actually make a great point. Thats why the advice above helped. I noticed sometimes women were dating just for free drinks without having to show any attraction at all. With a kiss or a request you at least know where you stand. I never knew that asking for consent to kiss or have sex was so controversial. haha. apparently it is.
I 100 agree with you there man. Cause I actually have been though the same thing and it worked out nearly just how to explain it. I actual told one lady I wanted to have sex with her cause she was looking to good... Well no lie. We had sex more then once I mint add...
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Trying to kiss me or have sex on the 1st date dramatically decreases your chances of getting a 2nd date
It depends on the guy. If he's tall, confident and handsome we all know what's going to happen but if he's a average, nice guy he will never get sex :D
@Mamamialetmego Not true. I got sex. I waited 6 months (my choice), but I got it. She was a virgin, but I don't think that matters since we're still dating. I am not tall 5'4", or particularly handsome. I would score me at a soft 5. Once I actually ask a girl out Ism fairly confident with her, but nervous up until she agrees to go out with me.
@Twalli I wouldn't say no to a 2nd date because of that alone, but in my mind it's a red flag and I would be cautious moving forward. We don't even know each other and you're trying to kiss me, that's a big no in my book. It makes me question your intentions
@Twalli well yeah, we're on a date, I would assume there's some kind of interest there but it's the 1st date. It pretty much tells me that they put their mouth on anyone.
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I make friends with someone first. I take a long time opening up to and feeling comfortable with someone especially INTIMATELY. I cannot have sex with someone before I have a strong emotional bond to them and I have no interest in people who are so desperate to get laid that they'd reject me unless I gave in to sex immadiately, I think that they are shallow and pathetic and not relationship material by any means.
Asking for sex on a first date to me is a no go. You will most likely get nothing more but if you do you will end up flavor of the month, flavor of the week or as a one night stand. If you want to try to get a high quality person then your advice is not going to work. The numbers you came up with are from your experiences only.
Dont worry man. Nobody id saying you must have sex. All I am saying is if you have amazing chemistry with someone why wait? I understand morals for some people bla bla... but im just saying you are more likely to get a second date. Your odds increase. Thats all im saying.
@Apope16
Please explain hiw some people who had good chemistry with someone in a first date asked for sex got told sex was not hapoening and tgey will not go out with them again?
Well, if you know what you are doing you never explicitly ask for sex. The ask is, "Hey, do you want to stop by my spot to get a drink?" or "Hey, wanna grab tea at my place?" or some other random excuse to see your place based on the conversation (music, movie, snack, etc.)
Now... If she says no. Then you just treat it as no big deal. Because its not. Then give her a kiss goodbye on the lips. If she says yes, then you have to understand that she has subconciously calculated into her response the possibility of you being deep inside her. Your odds go from a 50/50 chance of having sex to a 99% chance of having sex. At your place she is at that point nervous and horny waiting to see how you are going to make your move. You see, she WANTS the guy to ask so that she can relax and not feel slutty. So then you confidently tell her honestly what you like about her or that you had a great night and you feel a chemistry. Then you say something like wanting to make out with her. By the time you are making out she will start taking off your clothes.
@Apope16
Peove the chance of having sex goes from 50/50 to 99% if a giys asks a woman to his place?
Prove that because a woman any woman that is into guys who is at a guys home she will always be horny?
This is how it worked for me too pretty much. G
When I was younger I'd do the dating and waiting thing. Girls would tell me that they wanted to take it slow and that they hated players, and I was absolutely fine with that. That would always lead to me eventually being friend-zoned. Sometimes I'd find out they'd been dating or having sex with another guy.
I wouldn't usually try to have sex on the first date although sometimes that would happen, but if I liked the girl and could tell she liked me back I'd at least kiss her. Then I'd try to have sex on the second date, and if she liked me we would. Then I never got friend-zoned, and they'd be keen to see me again.
Scenario 1 is what happens when you listen to most of the girls commenting here, and most female advice.
Scenario 2 is what happens when you listen to guys who tell you what actually works.
I have a dated a whole lot more than 19 women in my life. I don't count unless we have sex.
I have discovered some rules of thumb.
The most that is going to happen physically will be whatever we are doing by the 2nd date. If we are not physical by then, we we won't ever be. If we are only kissing by then, then we won't be having sex. There are some exceptions for when there just isn't time or the wrong time of month, but this is a general rule.
The other rule is that at least for a while, it seemed like about 1/3rd of women would have sex on the first date, about 1/3rd on the second, and the remaining don't get a third date because it isn't going anywhere. Same exceptions as above.
Women on dating apps don’t even need romance. They’re ran through by dozens & hundreds of dudes. Better be safe
Yeah. The whole romance thing is gone.
Meh, it isn't for Christian virgins. They still ha e the whole conservative dating style going strong.
I have also seen girls have change of hearts and force themselves to value romance over everything else, same for young single moms.
@Robertcw It’s strange that you think not acting like a thirsty low value is exclusive to virgins or Christians. The second a woman decides you are high value & that she wants a serious relationship, of course she will suddenly have a ‘change of heart’. The reality is that guys don’t value any if these women who sleep around easily much because they 1. Don’t value themselves, 2. Don’t offer anything but sex. I mean if the guy has half a clue or half a value himself
I don't know about that. There are four possibilities the way I see it:
1. Guy is hot and cheap sex is low value to him by default.
2. Guy is ugly and cheap sex is like a blessing to him.
3. Guy is high value but ugly, may not value cheap sex but also would probably be slightly grateful for the opportunity when it arises.
4. Guy is hot and high value; hates cheap sex and may do it just for shits and giggles.
@Robertcw, it’s not that there is high value sex vs low value sex. There’s high value relationships (serious) vs. low value. So in my opinion, easy sex is just a symptom not a cause or definitive reason. Similar to how “dressing like a hooker” is an indication/symptom but not absolute proof that one is a hooker.
If both people are on the same page, no immediate harm done. If their actions cause problems that complicate their life later (pregnancy, std) harm is done.
Another complication is if you have so many partners that it makes it hard/impossible for you to bond in a serious relationship later.
What about people who are just devoid of any sex in the first place? It isn't even about high or low value, it's more like any vs none.
It comes down to perception of the ‘buyer’. If what you offer is valued highly in the marketplace you choose to offer it then you will ‘profit’ otherwise not.
So at one phase in a person’s life the meaning off all this is different than in another 😀
I feel women on dating sites are looking for hookups... you dont kiss them or have sex on the first date and they move on to the next Swipe.
nowadays, most of us girls are looking for a fun time and not a relationship... my gfs 20-30 are not ready to settle down and get married, UNLESS Mr. Right comes along.. for now, we all have Mr. Right Now...
@wingattebaby16
Not are 20-30 year old women just want a hookup.
Why are you assuming that all of the women I've dated have been from dating apps? I have dated friends, colleagues... the same applies.
I think the data is a little messy considering these women probably just want sex. If you tried looking in you’re community or workplace for a girl the relationship would be stronger and she probably wouldn’t want to have sex with you the first or second date. I think you have to look at the values that the women hold not just yourself. Not to shame the girls, but I don’t think you took into account them being a variable.
The data is my experiences with both community and online dating. And yes, even work relationships. It is skewed slightly to online dating. However, the same applies. People are motivated by sexual attraction. There are just too many options in society now days. And yes, I have had sex with coworkers.. just not in my same department thank god.
Stop pressuring women no one HAS TO FUCK YOU IF THEY DON'T WANT TOO. You know we have choices too in life. Smh pathetic mytake lol if you need to convince women to do this on the first date probably you not getting anything on the first date and you salty about it.
There is nothing above that says anything about pressuring women. As a matter of fact the word "consent" is used.
You trying to shame or convince us to change our minds is not okay either. Regardless it's creepy that you invested to "change" women's minds when it comes to sex on the first date. We are allow to do whatever we want so you have no right to try to "change" us.
I think that having sex on the first date sets the tone towards lust rather than emotional connection. Dated that way my whole life and got into toxic relationships. Trying it another way and I’m getting a lot more quality women. A girl who puts out on the first date most likely isn’t going to be your future wife. The fact that you broke down these stats is kind of strange lmao. I don’t even know what my slay count is man. List and attraction isn’t an algorithm.
Lust* and attraction.
This reminds me of how one-sided this is, the burden of making a move first always falls on the guys shoulders, and if a guy views it as a burden or resents it, he gets labeled as whining or having a victim mentality, but not the other way around if a woman hates or resents what's expected of her in the dating game
I don't view the responsibility of making a first move by itself as a burden per se, as a guy.
@UncleJessieRabbit
I like to be the first love. It’s really hot when the guy is relaxed about that
I know it’s a conundrum bc some women like it and some don’t. So it’s hard to tread.
@VIVANT i looove when a woman makes the first move. They are godesses!
Too many women are adamant about their refusal to make a move on a guy
That likely depends on what you're looking for in a date. If someone tried to kiss me on the first date I would not go for a second one. I'm shy and prefer to move slowly.
Kissing is important, but I only ever had sex once on a first date.
I am surprised. For most of my life I have viewed myself as just a nerdy guy. Apparently based on the comments my experiences are rare. 9 bed partners in 3 years.
Is your age correct? You are 32?
My husband didn't kiss me on the lips before a couple of days before I left China, he said I was his first kiss too. I am also the first woman my husband has been with intimately and he is the first man for me too. That being said, being a gentleman does pay off when you have marriage in mind.
There is a more adult way of doing the same thing. Tell the person that you like them. Ask to see them again. If they turn you down, move on. If they say they'd like to see you again then good for you. Intimate crap shouldn't be treated so worthlessly. Here's an important thought though. Should we just compromise ourselves and give up everything for an incredibly slim chance it'll last long term?
Do want a real relationship or sex two totally different things dude
The statistics fit for either scenario. Kiss on the first date if the moment is right. As for me, each relationship was different. Sometimes with some girls I just wanted sex or fun. Other times I was in love and wanted a relationship. The same conclusions applied regardless.
Personally I dont think emotions like love are logical and for a relationship of love I think you need respect and kissing on the first date doesn't seem respectful to me also may I point out you had 19 dates and still no relationship like marriage sooooooo...
I think im starting to be at peace with thought of being single. More and more people have toxic views of how a relationship should work. Its unsettling. Being alone is better than continually putting urself in potentially shallow relationships that will most likely end badly.
@Apope16 I am going to come out with a new Take using this article as a reference if you dont mind.
When i saw the title... i knew which gender was going to talk the most shit. So in my Take, im going to explain to those shit talkers why guys these days are having this kind of mentality.
Pretty much, if a female is actually attracted to you she will fuck you in the first date, if she doesn't you are being used for free food.
You actually make a great point. Thats why the advice above helped. I noticed sometimes women were dating just for free drinks without having to show any attraction at all. With a kiss or a request you at least know where you stand. I never knew that asking for consent to kiss or have sex was so controversial. haha. apparently it is.
I 100 agree with you there man. Cause I actually have been though the same thing and it worked out nearly just how to explain it. I actual told one lady I wanted to have sex with her cause she was looking to good... Well no lie. We had sex more then once I mint add...
Trying to kiss me or have sex on the 1st date dramatically decreases your chances of getting a 2nd date
He said that you have to ask.
It depends on the guy. If he's tall, confident and handsome we all know what's going to happen but if he's a average, nice guy he will never get sex :D
@Mamamialetmego Not true. I got sex. I waited 6 months (my choice), but I got it. She was a virgin, but I don't think that matters since we're still dating. I am not tall 5'4", or particularly handsome. I would score me at a soft 5. Once I actually ask a girl out Ism fairly confident with her, but nervous up until she agrees to go out with me.
@Mamamialetmego it doesn't depend on the guy for me. Intimacy on the 1st date is just too soon
@Twalli it would probably still decrease their chances
Just asking if they can kiss you, if the date was really good?
@Twalli I wouldn't say no to a 2nd date because of that alone, but in my mind it's a red flag and I would be cautious moving forward. We don't even know each other and you're trying to kiss me, that's a big no in my book. It makes me question your intentions
The guy probably finds you hot and really enjoyed your date.
@Twalli well yeah, we're on a date, I would assume there's some kind of interest there but it's the 1st date. It pretty much tells me that they put their mouth on anyone.
Would it be different if you were friends first?
@Twalli I don't know
@Twalli maybe not