6 Reasons Why You Should Hook Up Before Your First Date

6 Reasons Why You Should Hook Up Before Your First Date

I recently had a conversation with a guy about his dating habits, and his take on dating sparked my interest. As a girl, we are under the impression that going home with a guy before going on a date with him is simply unacceptable. Though he claimed he didn't sleep with girls on the first shack sesh, he said most guys today prefer a more casual intro before taking her out on a formal date.

Since I was completely taken aback by this theory, these are his reasons:

1.) They Met At A Bar

Whether you met by chance or scheduled a round of drinks after connecting on Hinge, most occasions of meeting someone of the opposite sex in your 20s take place at a bar. If chemistry sparks, cocktails may lead to late night, and next thing you know, you're pouring a night cap snuggled up on his couch.

2.) No More Awkward Convos

There's nothing worse than showing up for a blind dinner date and realizing you have absolutely nothing in common. Whether you're waiting for an exit strategy or chugging your wine hoping a buzz will break the silence, you've signed up for at least two hours with this person and finding a solution becomes the nightly mission.

3.) Cocktails Are Cheaper Than Filets

Let's face it, dating is expensive. Though it may be old-fashioned, girls expect the guy to pick up the check on the first date. If he's speed dating on Bumble looking for his next girlfriend, his bank account will feel the pain quicker than his heart. A round of happy hour cocktails does the trick for night one.

4.) You Know What You're Signing Up For

Instead of trying to read between the lines during a stuffy dinner date, you'll learn a lot more about what a girl is looking for if she comes home with you. Is she looking for a one-night fling or a relationship? Is she a virgin saving herself for marriage, or is she open to having fun and seeing where things go? Whether she shacks until monrning or stays for a night cap and calls an Uber home, getting an idea of what she's looking for helps you know where you stand with her.

5.) When The Clothes Come Off, The Truth Comes Out

Since most people are more vulnerable in intimate situations, the idea of "putting on a front" is less likely to happen. You can find out if sparks fly between the two of you, or if you're simply best as friends. Though it may seem shallow, why not go for the make out and see if you click?

6.) Lastly, Dates Are Special

Though the reasons above may seem like he's not interested in treating you like a lady, his theory is that dates ARE special. Why make a romantic gesture seem like a round of business interviews? Getting to know the person better before a date makes both people appreciate the evening more and feel comfortable around each other. Dating should be a special - not a draft.

Though many people may disagree with this theory, in a sense, I think he has a good point. Since most of us are meeting at bars or via dating apps, why turn a casual intro into an awkward, formal affair? Though I disagree that going home with him on the first night is a good idea, I believe that keeping things casual will allow for things to progress naturally, rather than feeling forced.

Guys - What's your take on this method?
Girls - Would you be offended if a guy tried this approach with you?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Just did a retweet 🤑 Nice job!


Most Helpful Girl

  • You must understand most of the men agreeing that this is a great idea, are the same men who would hook up with you and call you a slut within minutes of the hook up.

    I am prepared to get dogged out by some of these vicious men, but this is something many of them will not admit.

    A lot of men like a chase.
    Someone that's easy doesn't allow that.

    My only question is,
    What happens when you have many one night hook ups that fail?
    Your method is to hook up before actual dates?

    Do you know many people have "actual first dates" and that is their LAST, and within a month time-frame they have been threw many first dates.
    The same is to be said about someone who believes in hooking up prior.

    Now you have this high number of hook ups that's not worthy to those who hold high morals to themselves.

    If you're one to not give a rats ass then don't worry about this comment , it won't affect you at all!

    • i Agree witth you stacy but the chase isn't true XD. I only date girls that are interested and dont play games lifes 2 short for that. I have turn down a number of 10/10 girls because they started playing games. Whta it really comes down 2 is most girls dont what the guy 2 play games with her , so they try 2 play games

    • "Now you have this high number of hook ups that's not worthy to those who hold high morals to themselves."

      Think that's also a very important point.
      Most people forget their acts have consequences and became part of who they are. They can do whatever they want, but then don't come here and say "I met such a great guy, but he's problems accepting my past. If he doesn't accept me for who I am today, then he must be a discriminatory jerk!"
      Or something along those lines.

    • @dipta agreed there are consequences for everything, and though they may be unseen to the naked eye, they are carried around inside us

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 28

  • Nope makes no sense.
    " Let's fuck first to see if we like each other"?

    That's completely irresponsible and devalues us as people.

    So what if dating costs money, it's about living, the thrill of the chase and not simply a means to an end.

    Secondly only Lazy-assed people use dating apps.
    People are not a fast food item.

    • WOw this post is full of crap. It doesn't devalue anyone; as if having sex was tied to our value as human beings. I mean don't be ridiculous.

      And what do you mean so what if dating costs money? You're money is much better when invested as it makes more money. Putting in 5000 dollars in your 20's could give you several hundred thousand in your 40s if you do it right. people spend tens of thousands on dating. You're acting like money should just be blown willy nilly. And realistically relationships and sex are always a means to an end--people either do it for personal pleasure, to find a lifelong partner, or to get children. It wouldn't make sense if you didn't have at least one of these end games going for you.

      Finally dating apps dont make you lazy. They increase the range of women you can meet and increase the chance of finding that special someone. Efficient does not equal lazy. Also having sex when you want doesn't make you a fast food item--it makes you a sensible human.

    • Show All
    • "it devalues us by objectifying each people as "a means to an end" instead of the individuals with thoughts and feelings we really are."

      So I'm taking it that by "objectification" you mean the exclusion of their humanity. The guy at a grocery store bagging my items is "just a service object" to me, but I know he's a human being trying to make a living. I'm just not particularly interested in his story at this time. But I don't think that's what you're talking about.

      So why does hooking up necessarily exclude acknowledgement of each others humanity? I've hooked up before, but we were people who talked casually and we understood each others human condition just fine, nor did we ever forget it. We just didn't date, or share intimate details.

    • @Transigence just in my opinion, how casual we in society are treating our sexual relationships shows a growing disconnect between the people and the physical act itself. What was once revered as the ultimate bonding experience between two people in love, has been watered down to two people screwing to see if they "may or may not want to get to know each other first".
      That's all , it just comes off as too impersonal and cold for my taste.

  • Here's 6 reasons NOT to:
    (1.) STD's
    (2.) It's stupid
    (3.) You don't know them and they could harm you. Especially physically, being raped is not aging thing.
    (4.) It's stupid
    (5.) Possible pregnancy
    (6.) It's stupid

    • My thoughts exactly.

    • Show All
    • @serp777 whatever, to each his own, you like it, then do it, I don't like it so I won't do it ( and they aren't only religious things that stop me from doing it ) so nevermind, I won't argue about it coz its not worth it, have a nice day

    • @DaniaMQ well being on this thread probably wasn't worth it but whatever

  • I'm not saying this to be an ass, really, but you really need to be careful. Girls who actually believe this stuff are the most likely to be raped, assaulted, or hurt. Again, not trying to piss anyone off, just complain about being used if you do this.

  • There is no check on the first date because I don't take them to a restaurant on the first date. How am I supposed to talk to a girl if our mouths are stuffed with food.

  • YES! At least to second base. I was trying to explain this to a friend a couple days ago. Dating when you don't even know the person is so contrived it's painful. The guy is expected to behave like a girl will be his one and only forever and ever while ignoring the fact that he wants to have sex and she also wants to have sex. And this is supposed to happen more than once until if he's /played his cards right/, she will sleep with him.

    YOU SEE THAT? DATING ENCOURAGES GUYS TO BE PLAYERS. Do what you have to do, say what you have to say to get laid. This process is archaic. Get physical before even going on a date.. There is no incentive for a guy to be someone he's not, no incentive for a girl to act selective; to play hard to get for the sake of playing hard to get, as if that is what makes a guy think she's a *decent* woman. Nope. A girl doesn't have to prove that she isn't a slut. She has to prove that she doesn't deserve a label. And I say fuck that.

    Tell me you aren't going to be more honest with someone you have hooked up with.
    Tell me you aren't going to have more fun with someone that lust after and not long for.
    Tell me, tell me, tell me.

    A guy sets his sights on sex with a girl after 4 or 5 "dates". He is a player, he has a goal, he wants to score.
    A guy 'scores' before date 1. There are now no goals, he is playing no game. The guy is himself..

    Tell me you don't want someone to be themselves, ladies & that is when I call you a whore.

  • Actually, I think it's worse to have sex that early on, at least if you want something serious that is. Not that it can't ever work out in that scenario but from my experience anyone I've ever had sex with early on or hooked up with super early, usually ended after that. And it wasn't me who left. It can also feel weird to get to know each other if you don't know each other that well before sex.

    People act like it's only guys who use women for sex but there's girls who use guys for sex too. Make no mistake:

  • Great take! interesting insights here

  • I disagree with everything here. Well, except for the carrot bouquet, which is an amazing idea.

    Anyway, to each his own.

  • This is the most irresponsible tripe I've read on GaG. You're encouraging young impressionable females to be promiscuous. What worries me is there's numerous young ladies who agree with you.


    • You're despicable for thinking your ancient religious values are superior and pretending to be self righteous. Its the modern age; sex is fun and can be very safe with the proper "equipment."

    • @serp777 yknow where people go who want to have sex for fun?

      A BROTHEL.

  • I don't even know what this take is. Meeting someone and then arranging the two of you get together for drinks IS a date. Its just a casual date that hopefully isn't going to cost too much and put too much pressure on either person

  • I wouldn't want anything to do with any of this..

  • Yeah, cause there's no way someone will just fuck you and never contact you again after that. Do you even hear how ridiculous this sounds?

  • I agree with everything, except for that part about, "Most guys today prefer a more casual intro before taking her out on a formal date." I believe that, no matter how much of an asshole he is, whether an 18 year old man, or 50 year old boy, he's gonna want a girl to stay with him for the long term even if he commits despicable and unforgivable acts like lying, cheating, ignoring her, and everything else that loses him, his potential whatever, rather than a, "Side ho."

    Though, I am not an asshole, I'm actually a bit smarter than my alternate form of toxic and waste of space male in that I never commit despicable or unforgivable acts. I never give her a reason to leave. Instead, I find out if she really wants to be with me and if she does, then it's great for both of us. However, sometimes it's not always the man who is the asshole and I (And I guess others like me) am the one to leave.

    This world is plagued, not by war, but my the inhumanity of humanity. Most relationships or even would be relationships are locked in a cage with no key, which might not make sense, but eh.

  • This is my exact method, I won't even consider dating a girl unless we have had sex already. It is the smart way, the world will soon know, but until then it will seem unacceptable, by girls especially (funny because they are the ones who miss out the most)

    Just look at the downvotes given by girls on the comments here. Those are the girls who were taught their value as a human being derives from their pussy, who think withholding sex somehow makes them more moral, pure, gives them more self-worth etc. What hogwash.

    I will enjoy my enlightened promiscuous women, and you other girls can keep self-hating and projecting it on others :)

  • Nice fun take... But then there would be no second date for sure.. Or maybe the would be.. But then it would ask be about sex only...
    And I would think that she is so slutty... Cause then I would think she has done the same with other guys... And I wouldn't be comfy with that at all...

    Here... I just told everyone the truth... !

    • Also I would think she must be having any STD or something.. LOL

  • Reads like a bad Buzzfeed article.

    Just scrolled down to read the female responses and they've got it covered from pretty much every angle. Basically this is a great idea if you're looking for sex. Not so much if you're looking for a relationship.

  • Up next on hoe diaries.

  • ah, this American dating system sounds so nice

  • I think this theory is right as long as you hook on a person that you really like, rather than a random stranger.

  • Man i wish they thought of this to girls at school lol

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What Girls Said 34

  • ah, interesting points here but I'm not about that life. i don't c why id need to hook up to know all this before the first date. I've figured it all out before just getting to know him and ill do it again.

  • Girl, you do what you want to do and you do it well. I respect what you are saying and all but this idea is not only dangerous, but you are putting yourself and him in a very vulnerable situation.

    And who is to say that you will get a second date? He got what he wanted. Why should he date you again? It is like biting an apple and going back to it a week later when it is already rotten.

    Only slutty men would agree with you. I mean hey, they're getting a free show.

    I do appreciate girls like you though. You vacuum the irrelevant men and you leave the good ones who would think your idea is repulsive to us.

    Every point that you put up makes you sound cheap and disposable. I don't have sex on the first date and I go through dates just fine. Sure the guy that I dated didn't work out, but that is because he didn't want to wait while I was to going through a difficult time and I don't want a man like that.

    I would be extremely offended if a guy tried this approach with me. Where the heck has he has been? Now I am not saying that you shouldn't have sex, but get to know him and allow him to get to know you and RESPECT YOU until you think about taking your clothes off.

    This take irritated me to no end.

  • I would absolutely be offended. I date formally in the old fashioned way and it works just fine.

    • ^ true that , some girls dont got morals anymore lol, If it feels good why not

  • So, look, I'm all for this theory in general. I was always the girl who, uh, conducted "auditions" to see whether there should be a first date in the first place. LOL

    But, a couple of things:

    "most occasions of meeting someone of the opposite sex in your 20s take place at a bar."

    Srsly? MOST?

    Kids these days. Limited lives.

    "Let's face it, dating is expensive."

    Then yr doing it wrong.

    If you need more than $0.00 for the first few dates, yr doing it all wrong. Probably doing life wrong, too.

  • First off, this whole thing is revolved around alcohol and then sex. How exactly is that a great way to get to know someone better? To me it just sounds like one alcohol/sex fest and I'm not sure in the long run how that's helpful to anybody.

    Second of all, I'm one of those paranoid people that's doesn't trust anyone and if I met them in an unfamiliar environment knowing zilch about them, I'm not going to leave myself vulnerable and do something that could potentially be dangerous situation for me. So, I don't think it's wise for anybody to accept a drink or go home with someone you don't know. I realize not everybody is bad person in the making but why risk that the one person you said yes to turns out to be in the small group of people that go to bars trolling for their next victim, why take that risk?

    Now for the points you presented

    1. Not all people in their 20's meet someone at a bar, my cousin met all her boyfriends at her work place. I don't know who came up with that figure but I don't think it's 100% true.

    2. I understand that some people just aren't compatible but some awkward conversations can be a good thing and just because it's awkward doesn't mean you're not a good fit. Nerves take over on a first meeting and so things are little weird at first, doesn't mean that it's not worth a second try or that going home with a random person you just met is actually better than an awkward date.

    3. I'm not a drinker but from what I understand, depending on where you go and how many drinks you get, the bill can add up quite a bit. Not to mention, that's lazy excuse for not going on a proper date. It's better to hook up before your first date, then to fine a cheaper place to go on a first date? How does that even logically make sense?

    4. You're kidding me right? You don't know what you're getting into. You're both essentially strangers to each other and it's reckless to think taking them home will make things less complicated and easier. You could just be asking for trouble.

    5. Is that so? Is this truth just limited to making out to find out if you're attracted to each other or does this naked truth extent to spilling all the details of your past encounters and any STDs you might have? If not, then guess the truth isn't actually being revealed, is it?

    • 6. Dates can be special, not the first date (unless you've known the person prior to this and this date is a long time coming). First dates in general though, aren't suppose to be special. It's a way of getting to know each other. So, the more dates you have with that person, the more special they become because you now have reason to make them special.

      I personally, don't agree with this or find this to be a good idea but I'm sure some people would consider something like this. So, I guess it's just about what kind of person you are and how you see the world. I can be paranoid when it comes to people, so this would not a good thing for me. Not to mention, I don't drink and even I if I did, I wouldn't with somebody I know squat about. I don't trust people.

    • I was going to do what you did (blast all of her points), but then I didn't want to expend the energy. Thanks for doing it. :)

  • Hell no... Lets forget about the fact that I will save my virginity to marriage and imagine that I won't... I'm not gonna have sex with any guy before I get to know HIM first!
    if you inter the "relationship" in a sexual way then it probably will fail sooner or later coz is was based on SEXUAL ATTRACTION in the first place! Even if the sex was great, that has nothing to do with liking the person! What if that relationship turns up to have other intentions? Whether its the girl or the guy!
    its simple.. If you knew the guy and you loved his personality and HIMA then if you want to have sex AFTER IT thats ok
    but if you still don't even know who the guy /girl is and you totally give up on yourself without getting to know who you are actually with just so those 6 things won't happen, which most reasons were avoiding " awkward" moments then no..
    if you get to know each other, like each other and trust each other then there shouldn't be much of those awkward moments... Thats my PERSONAL opinion

  • and if you do and he never calls you again because he thinks your a ho or was using you then what? one reason not to do this.

  • I don't like dating until I've already gotten to know the person. I like to hangout. Take a walk or do something fun. I'm not a dinner and a movie type of girl. I won't sleep with someone on the first time getting together no matter how hot I think he is. I would kiss if I'm feeling it but nothing else. I've never been on an awkward date because I keep things less demanding.

  • or you could just hang out as if you're getting to know a person and forget about dates until you're actually interested in each other for sure.

    this is why i dont date strangers,. bc it is awkward and fake. but that doesn't mean sex is the solution.

    this just sounds like he's not interested in getting to know her. getting to know someone has nothing to do with fancy dating. go for a walk, talk. sex is not a good way of getting to know a person. i dont care if people want to have sex immediately, thats their business. im just saying its not a replacement for getting acquainted.

    i think people should stop trying to come up weigh excuses to have sex. i dont think its horrid or unacceptable to have sex first thing. it works for a lot of people. but not people who are looking for excuses. if you want sex and want to get to know someone after fcking great go for it. but sex is not a replacement.

    a lot of guys want to test the car before taking it out to dinner, thats all. solution dont go out to dinner. not have sex. in my opinion.

    a lot of this gets confused bc of money involved. if there was not an expectation for someone to pay for getting to know someone there would not be a quid pro quo complacency or entitlement. having someone pay your way is not any real kind of standard its talky contrived. if people just worked on getting to know each other as people not as roles, then there would not be an excuse to use sex or anything else asa a bartering tool.

    that guy is basically relating to women as prostitutes,. he wants sex before he pays. hits not enlightened or innovative,. its how things have been done for thousands of years. except dinner is the new marriage.

    again, i dont care if he wants sex but he's not being honest or respectful about it. in my opinion. bc he's attacking it to a measurement of money and time value,. which treats her like a commodity.

  • I say, do whatever feels right. Just make sure to stay safe and place safeguards so that you won't get caught up in a dangerous situation. You made some valid points and I agree with some of them. I don't judge anyone's sexual past by numbers. As long as you use protection consistently, who am I to say you're wrong or that my morals are better than yours? We all have a filter by how we judge others but to say that the person is immoral or wrong is ludicrous. I have been on both sides of the spectrum. I was a virgin until I was 24 with the belief that sex before marriage was sinful etc. I fell in love and had sex with a boyfriend of ten months. Fast forward six years later and now I'm more open minded about my thoughts. I do believe in premarital sex. I did have a friends with benefits whom I had sex on the second date and I don't regret it. No one ever made me feel alive as he did. Do I regret this? Never. The first time he touched me I literally felt electricity... and the sex with him will always be unforgettable.

    I've never had an STD or pregnancy. I am very open minded. Billy Bob Joe isn't paying my bills so I could careless if people call me immoral for having had a friends with benefits. Also, I don't judge those who are against this TAKE or are saving themselves for marriage. I respect everyone's opinions and belief system, even if it doesn't totally agree with mine.

  • No. Just no.
    If a guy tried this method with me, then I wouldn't give him a chance cause i'd think that's what he's mostly interested in. Sex.
    And no - I wouldn't start the relationship with hooking up. Where the hell did class and chivalry go? And what's wrong with formality at the beginning? It's a sign of respect.

  • Dates are "spexial" but sex isn't? I'm confused here

    • @BelleGirl21 I'm so glad I'M NOT playing the field. Because good lord! It's insanely vein and impersonal.

  • I would never sleep with a guy on the first date. Just because you're both taking off your clothes it doesn't mean you are getting to know the person inside and out. I would prefer to go out on dates with the person and take it from there. This is the way I've done it for years and it hasn't failed me. This gives men the impression you're not worth the money since all he had to do was buy you a drink (when you met) and now you're in his be.

    Nope he needs to take the time to court me and show me a good time. I need to connect with him on a deeper level and build trust so I know the moment we get intimate I won't have any regrets. It is careless to jump into bed with someone you barely know (in my opinion). There's no reason why sex can't be enjoyed, but it doesn't harm to slow it down a little.

  • Most guys today prefer a more casual intro, haha.

    Well, since not all guys are going around asking random strangers out on a date, that problem is already taken care off. Never hear about going out for a coffee either? That's really informal.

    As for making out before the date, of course they would prefer that. After all, it's a stranger - better know if they like kissing the person or if it's better tossing them aside before the date. You know, because making out with someone for the first time is the most reliable experience in terms of compatibility. Lol.

  • I don't think I would be offended- keeping it casual at first seems like a pretty good way to go tbh. But I wouldn't go back to his the first night.

  • Disagree.

  • This things doesn't work for for me. I'm old school...

  • LMAO Matbe Im just to old but I can see why you posted this anonymously.

  • Lol this sounds kind of ideal to me I never understood that practice americans have of going on these formal dinner restaurant things with someone they did not know well. I feel when you do not know someone so well casual situations are the best way to go.

  • Very offended. I wouldn't put out first just for it to have been a waste right after that.

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