(Optional) Background:
As a female I grew up learning how to communicate differently, groups of female friends are small and we focused on uniting where we communicate roles to be played and learn to be cooperative. I saw that men grow up encouraging competitiveness and apply external rules to structure activity, more instrumental. For females that I grew up with, talk is the essence of relationships, to share ourselves and to learn about others. For males that I grew up around, talk is the effort to establish status and control in order to accomplish goals, preserve independence and entertain themselves or others, more abstract than female speech and less emotionally responsive. That being said, I'd like to clarify that I'm not here to assert my own importance as a woman. I'm here to express, in a feminine-way through my feelings, why I feel like our men and women have had a lot of misunderstandings (but the focus is on why us women misunderstand and hurt the men and why I feel the men should not give up on themselves and women). I do this in hopes that it brings comfort and some form of understanding that may have been missing for some and for all ages. I hope the men feel my love and appreciation for them through this.
Just to clarify, I am not here to denounce women's pain, suffering and importance. I share the pain of my fellow women who have been neglected, abused and used. I was one of the many woman who adopted polarized thinking, stereotyping of men, for a long time in my past. For most women, if one man hurts us the rest of the gender must be just as bad- especially if culture accepts the stereotypes as normal and our fellow female friends adopt the same belief. Us women have adopted anger. In order to fit in society a lot of our women have taken up masculine roles and have beat down our men to ensure our place- based out of fear and hurt, "dog eat dog world". BUT as I grow older and learn how to better communicate and understand those around me and the influence of cultural values and it's powerful influences on the way we communicate about gender... The more I learn that men are also neglected, abused and used, and not much different from us women. Now I just want to send a little love, support, gratitude and appreciation to the men of our society.
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Dear Men,
I always wondered what made a man.
Up till I was 5 I looked at my dad first, he was always there for me, taking me out, filming fun home videos and he encouraged me to sing and paint. I would wonder, was this the way of the world? I got a brother, he stole my fathers and mothers attention. I would then wonder, was this the way of my new world? Eventually I got two more sisters. I watched my dad, he was now always angry or aggressive, working and chose the tv over my sisters, mother and I. While trying to help me and be there for me with my math homework my dad would call me stupid and give up on me. I was only 12, and I gave up on me too. Then I wondered, was this the way of my world now? In high school, I stopped giving myself a chance. To have friends, to try at school, to enjoy a sport, to leave my room. I turned to my mom, I needed guidance and nurturing but she wasn't there for me. She didn't understand herself, she couldn't even be there for herself. I turned to my dad and I gave him my fits of anger, he returned it back to me. But I learned something when I was 18. My dad was mostly always angry with me, but he was still always there for me. Something inside me changed when I realized that he was still always there for me, always trying- even in his own disillusion, frustration and his own emotional struggles with his wife- my mom. Instead of being angry with him for always being angry at me, I realized how much I actually appreciated him sticking around for me. For being there for me in some form even though he couldn't be there for himself entirely. He stayed to protect me. He stayed to love me. He stayed to fight for me to have a better opportunity. Even if he couldn't be a pleasant person to be around. He stayed.
My dad stayed and I realized my part as a woman in any mans life. To be a nurturer for our protectors. Our protectors are our men, who souls are just as innocent and vulnerable as us women. They feel immensely and deeply, they are there for us even when in pain, neglect and self-hate. They hide their sorrow under their anger and hate. Culture has taught us to separate as genders in order to learn our gender appropriate lessons, but our current culture hasn't taught us how to come together to support our strengths and weaknesses in each other. Instead, women have tried to take the roles of our men to support themselves. In order to not need men. But the truth is, we need our men and our men needs us. We've become so disconnected emotionally, we chose to hate each other instead of facing our pain and taking responsibility over our own actions.
I want to offer a hand out to our men, as a woman. I want to do my part for as many as I can. I want our men to hold onto hope and to find that courage and strength within them. Our men are loved, our men are beautiful, our men are amazing and bring so much for us. The women (or anyone with a dominate feminine energy) in our lives are responsible for guiding our soul... using their intuitive, creative and emotional touch. When women don't have that touch, our men lose sight of why they do what they do and who they do it for.
I see every man as a father, a brother and a friend. I will continue to reach out and be there for our men. I hope our men find the love for themselves to ready themselves and invite good women into their lives. Not everyone is doing their part, but try to have compassion for them. We are all on a journey for a better future. Lets try to guide each other in support of each other.
From my heart to yours <3
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