Relationships

To The First Man That Ever Chased Me

Anonymous
Come And Love Me
Come And Love Me

I used to think you were hideous. I still think you are...in some of your worst pictures anyways. Kinda look like a lizard but a good looking one with fire in your eyes and strength. They beem with masculinity. They set off a fire within me. They cause all my hairs to rise. Something I can't explain...Your eyes are the gateway to a world unimaginable. You look drunk and high with red eyes but those same eyes take me to another dimension. I could get lost in them.

I have seen you time and time again in this sanctuary.

Within months you have managed to befriend every single youth person here. Added, followed and formed relationships with. (Females as well) So, did you manage to skip over me? Did you ever see me? There was one instance where you referred to me as "Y'all" The most you ever said was "Hi" and that was only because I had to greet you to get you out of my way.

To That Special Woman Of Yours

Her name is R. You see every man I have ever fancied has lead me to compare myself with her. I ask myself, what does she have that I do not. Is it my weight? Is it my age? Is it my personality? (I'm not the most feminine but I'm slowly finding myself, just wait on it.) I am not extroverted! I do not smile after every sentence that flows out of my mouth! I've got some belly fat to lose! I am me and not even close to what she is! Never have been and will never be. So if you want a woman like R, go find her! As she said to you, "Take your jacket off" Y'all are always speaking, that eye contact is something (or nothing), looks as if she has taken comfort to you. You follow after her, as you and her smile. Or maybe I see what is not there. Who knows?

Everything Has Changed

So months pass and I see you but never ever do you see me. So I forget about it, I forget about the unexplained that I feel when you are around. I bury it. "He's too old for me. He's not interested. I'm too big. He likes her. Move on, already."

It's Friday night in the sanctuary...I am wearing a skirt and a nice top, the braids are did. (first time he's seen me in braids) ...and it begins...

SO YOU WANNA PLAY GAMES

I'm not quite sure how you knew it was me but apparently, you did. I'm sitting by the door alone and I hear keys just BANGING the wall. (I'm very perceptive to sounds...I just have to find the source of what THAT DAMN THING IS) I look up and it's you, standing directly 5 feet away from me BANGING away!

Hours pass by, people leave and the pastor is done speaking. Then boom there you are. It's as if I froze you in place for an eternity with your eyes set on me. "Look away. He doesn't like you. You're being weird. Don't look at him. He's probably looking at something that's behind you. " I look away! Then something was DEMANDING me to look back at you. I fought the feeling but I looked at you again and realized that this is when you had fallen for me. Fallen 50 feet hard into the ground.

I DONT LIKE YOU

There is an outdoor event where people come from all over to be fed, preached to and pampered. Preparations are to be made, water is to be handed out and more. Every time we are about to meet down the aisle I walk in the complete other direction. I refuse to speak to you...(well limit myself to one worded responses anyway) You flirt with me, it's as if I became deaf all of a sudden.

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH

Was it that you extended your hand out to me to help me with my task numerous times? Was it you finding my eyes in the midst of a hundred people countless times? Was it that every time you managed to get some words out of me we were almost eyeball to eyeball? I gave up trying to fight it. You wanted to peel my layers away and break me down. You stopped what you were doing to make me a priority. My wishes were your command.

YOU WON

The last conversation we had your eyes sunk into mine and mine into yours but I couldn't let you see that. This is when I knew I had fallen as well. After all, you can not fight someone that has open arms and unconditional love to give. You gave me a silence, a feeling of calm. Made me feel as if no one had ever existed when we spoke. We were in the clouds. Just you and I. What I had buried all those months ago, CAME RUSHING OUT OF THE GRAVE. I began to grow jealous of you helping out other females. I began to initiate the conversations. Surely, you won.

THEN YOU WERE GONE

I came on Sunday hoping that that same red Toyota I had seen you in (that had parked next to my car months ago was yours). I looked through faces, up and down. But you were nowhere to be found. I was sad. So I came that night and your body was in no chair. You left me to cherish and obsess over the memories that we had created together, alone. If I could have done it all again, I would have opened my heart to you. I feel bad. It was wrong of me to treat you how I did. How could I harm the one that I love? You are the ice to my fire.

TO BE CONTINUED...

To The First Man That Ever Chased Me
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