Hey yo folks!
I have started to fall in love with one of my closest friends. These feelings are almost guaranteed mutual and the fact that he likes me too makes me so happy. Things haven't really escalated so we still remain friends, however, I don't mind at all. We talk for hours, hang out after school, sit close to each other in the sofa watching movies and play video games. There is this little flirty tension between us that is just so genuine and pure. Innocently we simply enjoy spending time together! Indirectly he tells me how much he loves me almost every day and his actions and words are as honest as the ones of a puppy.
Today I told a friend about how I feel for this guy. She said she wasn't surprised, but had noticed how he acted around me. That made me glad. We talked a bit about it and she was very supportive. However, after a while she asked me:
- Hey, but... Are you still, like.. Asexual?
- Uh, yeah..? I mean, that's just who I am.
And she said
- Right. But then I think you should tell him asap that you just want to be friends so that you don't get his hopes up.
I've gotten these misunderstandings many times. So, basically, many people believe that just because you are asexual means that you cannot genuinely fall in love. My friend practically told me to ignore these feelings of mine and tell him his a good friend. I just couldn't grasp it at first and that last comment kind of crushed me. I do know where she is coming from though.
Being asexual means in most cases that you aren't interested in having any sexual interactions, that goes for me as well. For most people this wouldn't work in a relationship. I know that. But hearing my friend say it makes it feel like I have to friendzone the person that I have fallen in love with. Bluntly, I won't do that. An asexual person is just as normal as anyone else. Of course I will tell him about it, it's a big part of who I am, but just because I am I won't tell him that I just want to be friends. Because that is a lie.
In all great honesty I would enjoy any kind of close relationship with him that would allow me to spend time with him. Him being a friend, brother or a partner would all be fine as long as I can be close to him. If he would hold my hand while we walked, hug me to cheer me up or kiss me on my forehead; it would all just be a bonus. But that's just me.
If I were to specify who I am, I happen to have a young mental age, be ridiculously prude and asexual. I do not require much in a relationship. However, that does not mean I cannot fall in love. All people can fall in love, and nobody should be told to deny it.
If any of you happen to read my venting, Thank you so much! I would love to hear if you have any thoughts about this matter.