myReview 1 mo

Why even bother with love? I know why!

We've all been here. Someone comes into your life, whether by your action or theirs, and they grow on you. You start seeing them in a different light, appreciate all they are, enjoy their very presence. Something about them, whether their personality or what you wish to call their soul, is something extra to you, something more special than what you see in others. You start to like them, you spend more time with them, you commit your energy, feelings and dedication to them and before you know it, you're in love.

And as soon as you have it, it is snatched away. The good ol', "it's not you it's me," motivation. No amount of reasoning, assurance or pleading makes a difference. You thought you had something good going on, something that would fulfill a part of you and fill you with life, but it was a facade. And it was simply a matter of time before it fell apart.

Perhaps this has happened once, perhaps twice, perhaps a lot of times. Many would, upon such break ups, fall into an abyss of despair and momentary hopelessness, a festering wound in your heart which transcends into anger, and then dissipates into a void where that someone used to be. It feels unfair, it hurts, and it disassociates you from the very existence of your emotions for the time being. And like me, you might even feel unlovable. As if you're just never quite worth the effort nor the risk.

This very trapping of emotional misfortune has befallen me. But I will neither do what I did the first time it occurred, nor what most do. Instead I will encourage you to not look at breakups or heartbreaks like this, as a finality. Nothing is impossible. And if you truly love someone, it does not have to be over.

Why even bother with love? I know why!


This all depends on the reason for you separating of course, but if only because of fear, insecurity, irrationality or low self-esteem, then be instead hopeful. Many relationships are right, just not right at that time. You do not have to give up on something merely because it ends once, and I am of the firm persuasion that a relationship that comes back from an end, will be more stronger and meant to be than ever. Have patience, quell your anger if you have any towards them, and choose instead to trust in God, who has a plan and a path for us all. And a wide door open for us to follow it if we only place ourselves in his grace.

With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.
Matt. 19:26

Love bears all, and is ever hopeful. Let us not live in disappointment and discouragement. There is an alternative. Maybe not now, maybe not in a year, but if you truly love someone, and if you experience that your relationship ended when it should not have, you do not always have to move on instantaneously. Be a warrior, fight for what you want, wait for what you want, pray for what you want. As I see it, something gained with difficulty through sheer will and dedication, is more so indicative of what is meant to be than what comes with ease. And no, I am not advocating for all people to be complete creeps and stalk/bother their exes day and night. I am merely suggesting perseverance and prudence. Maybe you will be friends for the time being, or merely polite acquaintances, if you really have fallen in love with someone, you want them to be happy, in which case you can wait for another opportunity to show them how happy you used to be together. And if rejected a second time or if the relationship once resumed crumbles yet again, so be it. But then you know you did not give up on something that could have been, without truly giving your love's worth to it.

As for myself, if not a chance with the woman I have come to love, then no one. And if so, I can learn to accept that. For that is a choice that can set you free as well!

Why even bother with love? I know why!
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Most Helpful Guy

  • nightdrot
    This was exceptionally well written and you deserve a lot of credit. There is much wisdom to be had here. However, one thing I might add is an underlying principle that you, in effect, mention implicitly but not quite explicitly.

    Specifically, that to love and stay true to that love, we need a strong sense of who we are. We cannot love if we define ourselves as unworthy of being loved. Because when that happens, every break-up becomes a tragedy and the point of despair.

    Of course, you have to be careful. It is a VERY thin line between self-love and self-absorption. Suffice to add that, particularly in this time and in this culture, the latter is as common - if not MORE common - than the former.

    Still, love means willing the good of the other as the other. it is hard to do that if you are not sure of your own worth. In Christian terms, it is why it is crucial to know that God loves us. We cannot find the strength and confidence to give - and give selflessly - if we are insecure in being worth being loved. Because, lacking that sense of worth, then every act of giving becomes a loss and not a gain.

    By the way, I learned that lesson the hard way. A woman I loved aborted my baby without even involving me. It crushed me. I was lost. I felt like a failure. I am a man. I should have protected my baby. I would have cared for my girlfriend and our baby and given them anything and it all did not matter and it shattered me.

    It was like a bad movie. I drank too much. I wanted nothing to do with women and then would sleep with any woman and then back again. I risked my career.

    Then one day I met this beautiful woman at a business reception for my boss. I was wary and let it go. She kept trying and slowly she made me realize that I was worth being loved and then I could love. Now she - and the three little gifts she has given me who run up to me and give me little kisses and call me "Daddy." - are the center of my universe.

    The paradox was that I had to feel worthy of being loved to give love and you can lose that when you are rejected. However, I realized, that was not real love. You have to view rejection as the revelation of the truth of the absence of love and not a reflection on your worthiness of being loved.

    To be sure, I to this day miss my baby and I hope, one day, to be able to hold him/her and tell him/her how sorry I am. That regret and that failure will always be with me.

    However, along the way, I learned to love because I was worthy of being loved. The failure hurt me and I made mistakes and I am so sorry, but the beautiful woman in my life showed me that I was still worthy of being forgiven and loved. That is why - in addition to all your wise and well written words - you bother with love.
    Is this still revelant?
    • As astute and well put as always Nightdrot. You give validity to the old adage that with age comes wisdom. And my deepest condolences to what happened to your child.

      But I must also inform you that my attititude to this has already born fruit, and I am once more with the woman I am in love with.

    • nightdrot

      Thanks for your kind words and congratulations to you. Happiness always.

Most Helpful Girl

  • mermaidia_lol
    Beautifully written myTake, Alex.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Serenity2014
    This was something I had struggled with. I had felt like I’m not good enough for someone to be in love with me. But I did enjoy reading this. It gives me a different perspective.
    • Ellyn2

      Do you have any siblings?

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