Disclaimer: I'm 18 and the guy this myTake is dedicated to is 26. He lives about 400km/250 miles away from me, which is not a lot for US's standards but it's another country in Europe with an entirely different way of living, currency etc. We speak the same language. I refer to him as Bob in this myTake.
A good definition of The One That Got Away can be found on the website of the Urban Dictionary (I can't insert links yet)
I broke up with a guy I was in love with for three years. We never met and I wouldn't say I loved him because for this reason. However, the feelings I had for Bob were stronger than those I ever experienced for someone else.
Given that I am very young, this probably doesn't mean a lot.
However, although I've never had a boyfriend (I'll explain why in a bit), I met about ten guys I was very close to dating but never did for many reasons, mainly because any feelings experienced went away after a short amount of time. It was never anything close to how intense it got with Bob, who I met online. I am moving to his country in a few years because there's a good university there.
I should also mention that I stopped cutting because of a good point he made about 1.5-2 years ago.
I've never had a boyfriend because I have very high moral standards, meaning that I don't want to have sex before marriage and not many guys are up for that. I've grown up knowing this, and in my social environment, the majority married as virgins. It's not unusual or weird to me at all and Bob criticised me for my religion etc but what broke us apart really was that he needs sex in a relationship, I don't want to have sex before being married and he never wants to get married.
I knew that I would run into huge problems if we ever dated, I introduced a guy I didn't care too much about to my parents this summer and that went horribly. All they knew was that he's not religious. However, that guy smokes weed and cigarettes, which he stopped for me, has really awful friends and drinks too much alcohol (e.g. 1.5L of beer because he apparently didn't feel it). If my parents had known this, they never would have agreed to me bringing this guy to our house. Bob smokes both cigarettes and weed, drinks alcohol occasionally and has had MANY sexual partners in the past. We talked briefly about him giving up cigarettes but he doesn't want to because it would be "too exhausting" and smoking weed is - although highly illegal here - the only thing he enjoys (apparently). He doesn't drink a lot, but he used to drink way too much, to the point at which he got on a train home but woke up on the other part of his country (which is small but still). His sexual endeavours were degenerate and disgusting to say the least, especially to someone like me. But I'm fairly certain that he didn't have a lot of sex in those three years during which we chatted.
I should add that Bob and I were always open about our feelings for one another. He loved me at some point but only told me when he didn't love me anymore. He always knew I liked him more than I should.
Why I feel like he'll be The One That Got Away to me is that I will never know what we could have had. Nobody ever showed me he cares as much as Bob did. He's the only one I had deep conversations with for more than a year. We fought and made up so many times. I will always have feelings for him, which I am extremely worried about. I hate seeing my emotional future ruined, it's not something I was aware of could happen when I let him in.
I wish I could have met, hugged and told him how grateful I am for the time we shared. I'll miss texting every day and feeling alive and dead inside at the same time with someone I've shared so much with I know I'll never want to open myself up to someone like that again. I couldn't help him with his depression and this eats me up day after day after day. He helped me to move on from past mistakes and I have no idea how I should move on after this.
It's basically like my own timeline now looks like Life before Bob - Life with Bob - Life after Bob.
I'm at an all time low and am thinking about seeking additional help despite being in therapy since what feels like forever (half my life).
To everyone saying you can't feel what I felt and feel for someone you've never met: he grew on me. I always knew that we weren't compatible but I love what we had and will never forget about it, because I can't.
What has helped you move on after breaking up with someone you know is The One That Got Away? (also: meeting someone briefly but never being able to be with them)
What has changed for you since meeting this person?
Have you tried telling the person about how you feel?
Are there any songs or movies that helped you?
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