Seven Years Waiting For Nothing

menina m

I used to be the kind of person who believed that everything happened for a reason. But I came to the conclusion that this is not always true...

I had a lot of crushes! It started when I was 6 and I liked my classmate Diogo. I was a child, so obviously I didn't know what love was and I just thought he was cute. He didn't stay at my school for long because his father found a job in another city and his family moved. I got sad, but I "forgot" him...

Then during my teenage years I liked other boys. Some I liked for years, others only for a couple of months. I've always been pretty shy, so I didn't tell them that I was interested.

As I grew older, I decided to focus on myself and on my goals, so I spent a couple of years without paying attention to the guys around me.

But, then I met Miguel when I was 19. He was also a classmate (in college), we were friends, really close friends and he was so nice to me! Always smiling, trying to cheer me up, giving me advice, making me laugh and I can tell that he genuinely cared about me. To be honest I wasn't attracted to him when we met. To me he was like any other guy. Then I started to spend time with him, got to know him better and I found out that he was amazing! I fell in love! We kept talking and hanging out until the day that I found that he was dating. I was having lunch by myself, saw him holding hands with a girl and I knew that I had lost another chance... He saw me, greeted me with a handshake and left me with my heart full of sadness and regret... The last time I saw him was in June 2012, didn't hear from him again.

I had to drop out of college for financial reasons. I spent 4 years trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life, I was lost...

In 2017 I decided to go back to school. Once again I wanted to focus on myself and I never thought I would fall in love.

I remember the first time I saw him, I just thought: "Wow! He's cute, but he's just a kid and I like grown men! Don't get too impressed..." The first semester was over and during the second I didn't take any class with him.

But I got a pleasant surprise this year, I found out that he was part of my Spanish class. He was there again and I couldn't believe it! I spent two months staring at him, listening to him talking and thinking about how awesome and good looking he was. I could spend hours and hours talking about him, I could spend 80% of my day thinking about him, I was completely mesmerized by him and it felt amazing! A part of me was feeling ridiculous because I knew I was too old to have a crush and to behave like that Lol

So I decided to write him a letter to tell him how I felt. I wanted him to know because I didn't want to live with one more regret. Deep down, I knew he wasn't interested in me, but I was determined to do something good for myself. He got the letter and then I spent 20 days waiting for an answer. That answer came when I least expected: on December 24th by midnight. My heart almost stopped and I almost cried! I couldn't believe that he was giving me the best Christmas present that I could ever get!

He sent me a message, thanked me, said that my words were touching but he also revealed that he has a girlfriend. He told me that he has no doubt that we can be friends and that he wants to talk to me. I was in shock! Not only because he replied me but also because he was so sweet and so polite! I can tell why he's not single...

This story could have had a happy ending if it wasn't for the fact that he's taken and that he's not in love with me. But what really bothers me is the fact I spent 7 years without falling in love and when I did, I found out that he has a girlfriend. I put so much effort in that letter and I still like him.

Why does life has to be like that? It makes no sense...

This is what happened to me...
This is what happened to me...
Seven Years Waiting For Nothing
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Most Helpful Guys

  • JudgmentDay
    Now I see why somebody said one better not wait because situations like this reminds me of some rare item that's being offered and sold, we'll let's just say on eBay for example, and it's only going to be a limited time offer, and sometimes it can be a unique item that if and should that item be sold, then that window of opportunity is gone and gone forever, one can only hope one in a million or billion chance that item that one wanted will be offered and sold again. Happens a lot to rare stuff or anything that is discontinued but have a huge demand for.

    Anyways, there's no rewinding back to 7 years earlier and act then, and reveal how you feel back then. Perhaps had you been more aggressive and just taken risks early back then, you would have dated and been together by now. But that window of opportunity is gone just like the analogy I gave you as an example. You'd have to act fast and make a clear decision to get whatever you want and go after it wholeheartedly before the opportunity is gone. There might be still a different next time around, or there might not be, but that is the very lesson here. Right now it's almost like, you'd have to hope that there's still a chance to come around later, let's say hypothetically he breaks up and is back on the market for being single. Only then, just maybe you might still be able to end up with him, but what are the odds of that happening? The odds certainly are slim and unfavorable now. And even moreso if he was married by now or in the future.

    Another analogy I can make is the same situation with Bitcoin, who would have known that it would have been worth quite some serious money to be made from? But it's the same concept. Once you missed that small brief window of opportunity it's never coming back. It's like if only you had known, although I'm not saying the guy you like was actually single then 7 years earlier when you first met him, perhaps he was or might be then, but you missed it and thus now it's very difficult to impossible to get what you want and desire.

    Just like how if only I knew about what Bitcoin would've turned out like and took chances then, by now I would have many if not all financial problems and worries gone by now but I missed the small window of opportunity to invest into it back then when the risks were so small and now it's just simply too late. It just means there is much hardships and hard work that is required of me and I'm just going to have to deal with it.
    Is this still revelant?
    • JudgmentDay

      My point is to avoid hesitation and being completely passive, because sometimes you might look back one day and realize damn I should have done this then, or could have done this then, but the reality and the truth of the matter is that you simply did not do it then and did not act then and took no action then, or did not take enough action or any risks then when you had been able to and should have done so then and thus this is the results and outcome of your reality in the present. If you feel you are legit and serious about something or someone then pursue it 100% clearly with a clear mindset and do it wholeheartedly without delaying, postponing or procrastinating. SET CLEAR GOALS AND OBJECTIVES FOR YOURSELF, let's put it that way. And FOLLOW THROUGH with those goals.

    • menina

      Thank you for answering! And I agree with all of your points.

      But I guess I made a mistake, there's a misunderstanding.

      What I mean is that the last time I liked a guy was 7 years ago. Then last year, I was interested in another guy, wrote him a letter and then I found out that he wasn't single. What hurts me is the fact that I decided to act on it, but it went wrong.

    • JudgmentDay

      Either way that windows of opportunity is gone. Avoid repeating the same mistakes next time around. If you are serious and legit about your interest in someone in that sort of way then go pursue them and let them knkw you are interested as soon as possible without constant delaying and postponement. And yes there will be those same risks of finding out they're already taken or that you can still become rejected and being another statistic to unrequited love or whatever. But it's either you take action and just do it, or just simply let it all go and not look back and fret and regret about it later. It took me a while to let go after learning about Bitcoin I was greatly upset that was the window of opportunity a big ticket out of pretty much every and any mess that I'm currently in. But oh well I learned to live with it. For a long time I was very angry about not being made aware of it beforehand, but it's too late now because that window of opportunity to make any actual profit and have any sort of financial freedom from it is all over. Because it's too costly now to invest in it. Just like how people didn't realize how much Microsoft and Apple or Amazon's stock would become one day and if only they had invested in shares of any of those company way back when their share values were really low and affordable and easily purchased in large volumes and in bulk. Perhaps there still will be another brief window of opportunity out there like that I'll just have to be more aggressive and vigilant to try amd track it all down and locate it AND ACT AS QUICKLY OR EVEN IMMEDIATELY once I am certain I've finally found it. Because that's about all I really can do now instead of moping and sulking about missing all of those past opportunities.

    • Show All
  • ZeussLightningBolt
    Story of my life
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • OlderAndWiser
    You are shy and you wait too long to make your interest obvious. You get your feelings invested without even knowing if the guy is dating someone else, then you feel hurt. I know you are not doing this intentionally but this pain - ultimately - this pain is self-inflicted, isn't it?
    • menina

      Yes, it's true that I'm shy and that I wait too long. I just didn't know that that the guy was dating this time. Before him I was sure that he didn't have a girlfriend.
      I'm not inflicting pain to myself. These things just happen. I have no control over them.

    • You are not willing to see that your pain is self inflicted. That is why you keep repeating your mistakes.

    • menina

      Because it's not. I didn't choose to fall in love after 7 years.

  • Texaskid1
    What can you do?

    Nothing really except learn from this. Seven years is a long time to pine over someone that is not into you. How many women was he with in those seven years? How many nights went by where he was not thinking of you and he was busy with some other girl? (These are rhetorical questions of course)

    Ask yourself why you spent so many years thinking about this guy. I am going to take it that you don't date much or perhaps you spend a lot of time in your own head. I am 42 years old and your story reminds me of a younger me - I used to pine over girls that were already spoken for , I would get friend zoned often , I spent a lot of time in my own head over some girl. This happened a lot when during my college years.

    But keep in mind that a crush is not a relationship. A crush - especially as strong as yours - is based on a fantasy ; you see someone attractive , maybe you make some chit chat with them or even befriend them , they are nice and friendly with you... and then you start to dream about them. You fall in love with a fantasy. And that is all that it is. A fantasy. Often times when we have a crush on someone we overlook the negative aspects or the incompatibilities. A good friend or coworker might not make a good boyfriend / girlfriend. Now if I meet an good looking women and I catch myself dreaming a bit too much about her I remind myself that I really don't know her at that level , that she is human and that she has her set of flaws like I do and that my fantasies of her can be very different from the reality of her.

    My two cents.
    • menina

      Ok, by reading your opinion I remembered that I missed an important detail: I didn't spend 7 years thinking about him.
      What I meant is that the last time I liked someone was 7 years ago. Then, I met another guy in 2018 and I found out that I liked him in 2019.

      I know that a crush is not a relationship.

    • dmm31888

      I haven’t actually liked anyone in a long time either

    • menina

      @dmm31888 Really? Do you like someone now?
      I think I'm going to spend another 7 years without falling for someone.

    • Show All
  • candacerain
    This just means he is not the one. It took me longer than that to be found by my husband. My husband is 40 and I am 39 now. We met when I was 35. I initially saw him on OkCupid but for whatever reason I did not message him. That was about 2012. Things happen and years later (3 to be exact) he sends me this message that at the time I just needed to hear. Long story short we were married in 2017.
    • menina

      Well, I guess he's not :(
      And I still don't understand why I fell in love with him at this point of my life...
      Your story is so beautiful! :) ❤❤❤

  • dmm31888
    Hi! I can relate to your story very well! I was like that myself while growing up. I missed out on a lot of opportunities because I was very shy and never told anyone how I felt about them until it was too late. Any man I’ve ever been in a relationship with, I ALWAYS had to pursue them! They never pursued me, but I guess I learned it’s best to take a chance and not let life pass you by. Anyways, those relationships are done and over, and the men simply weren’t right for me. But at least I took a chance at the time and got what I wanted, even if it didn’t work out in the long run.
    • menina

      Hi! It's good to see that I'm not the only one in this situation. But at least you learned and you were lucky enough to get what you wanted.
      After this last experience I decided that I won't tell how I feel again. I'm pretty sure that I'll be single for the rest of my life.

    • menina

      Better yet, that I wasn't the only one in this situation, because you changed.

    • dmm31888

      Yeah I’m sure someday you will find someone again. Just don’t wait for too long. Let them know how you feel.

  • SecretGardenBlood65
    Nice mytake.
    *hugs* 💓💓
  • Anonymous
    Don't let the next seven years pass you by in a similar fashion. Get off your ass and pursue your own happiness.
    • menina

      That wasn't the problem. The problem is that I fell in love after 7 years and I didn't want to. It was the wrong person at the wrong time.
      But I know what you mean and I won't let this happen again.