What took you so long?

With everyman, it is the same way. He is completely blind to me today and months from now he is smitten. It makes me feel as if I'm not good enough. Makes me feel as if I am second best. Like what's wrong with me?It makes me feel insecure inside. I hate that I feel this way but I can't let go of this image in my head. I just want a man to say that he knew I was the one when he first saw me.

I have spent years of my life reaching out to men first. Back then I didn't know my worth and I allowed men to disrespect my love. Men who couldn't give two flying f's about me. They came around after I fought my way into their hearts. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be pursued. No, take that back. I deserve to be pursued. I deserve to be chosen. I deserve to be valued.

I have liked this guy for a while now but he only found out that I existed just a couple months ago. He's been coming around for a year now. He befriended everyone but me. He has even seen me before and we've had a casual conversation but that was it. I was a tad bigger before so maybe that's why he didn't notice me or make advances. He saw me as a person but not in a romantic fashion is what I mean.

Once he really noticed me he began to drop hints about how he feels about me the next day. Now he can't keep his eyes off of me. He's helping me do things and he's following me around. I think he only noticed me because I had on a tight skirt and got a new hairdo the day before.

Am I not good enough?
Am I not good enough?

I just keep asking myself how come he never truly saw me before he began to like me.

If he fancied me be as soon as he saw me I would have been underaged back then. Lol. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I need to be more friendly with people.

I like him. I really do but I just wonder am I searching for a perfect love story that only exists in the movies. He's perfect otherwise. Should I let him go and wait until a man notices me romanticly and chases me from the beginning? Can attraction/feelings grow?


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Most Helpful Guys

  • If a guy likes you after he gets to know you I'd call that a good sign. That'd mean he cares more than skin deep. If a guy only likes you after he see's you in skimpy clothing he's shit. Love at first site is bullshit, and infatuation will wear off within three years. Keep in mind guys are often intimidated by pretty girls and need to test them out before confronting them.

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    • yeah he started staring before i had on that skirt. y do u think love at first site is bull?

    • Love at first site is like loving a song, a porn pic, a vibrator, or a hamburger. It's not what one typically means when they say they love a person. You have to actually know someone accept their faults, admire their strengths (in character), appreciate their gifts (skills mostly), and to enjoy their demeanor.

  • There is something you have to understand: people are different! Because it took him long to like you, it doesn’t mean you’re not good enough or you’re worthless! To me, he seems to be the kind of person who loves step by step, not the first sight kind of a person!

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    • Yeah, yeah I think so too. Seems to be a patient kind of guy...
      Just because it isn't love at first sight... Does it mean it's not real?

    • I say this because I am the same type with your guy! I don’t like a girl for the first time, but as I get to know the girl, I progressively fall in love! I can’t make a conclusion about your friend, I think you need to dig deeper and learn about him! You never know what the future hold: you might not get love, but you might end up with a good friend!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Newsflash honey: NO ONE can make you FEEL anything. It is completely up to YOU.
    And yes, for sure you have unrealistic expectations and fantasies. Try getting more connected with REALITY.

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    • Is love at first sight not real?

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    • You have a lot going on here. Let me throw out some truths and perhaps you can reassess your attitude about men and dating.
      1. Love can't start 'till attraction does, and then there needs to be a conversation. So this guy didn't notice you before but you improved your attraction traits and then he noticed. Yes, that's how it works. No, you didn't deserve something, you worked for it, you earned it.
      2. The term 'love at first sight' is simply a cliche. People say it when they're smitten by someone they meet or see that makes them sit up and take notice. It's not 'love' per se, it's just what people say. Just like 'soul mates', or 'the one', there's no such thing as either of those either - they're just platitudes. So you're all hung up on what you call stuff, and platitudes.
      3. You cannot negotiate attraction and desire. You can help it along, but it's either there or it isn't. You can't force someone to like you. But you can help yourself get noticed, and you can express your interest - YOUR attraction and desire for HIM. And that will get things going much faster than any hair do or skirt, or pair of shoes, or even fake tits.
      4. Your total focus is on yourself. This is typical of young women, even older ones, but it's at it's peak when young, and it's a put off because everything in your universe is centered around your own FEELINGS. And young women fail to realize that they are SIMPLY FEELINGS, which is not reality, it's just how you've decided to FEEL about something, anything, you, the guy, whatever. It's all just feelings. And you'll change them at any given moment, so it's not something that could be deemed reliable. Just go with the flow.
      5. Most women have never taken the time to assess, or even to develop, their self worth, their value to a relationship. What exactly do you bring to a relationship that would be considered 'high value'? You need to be able to articulate this and develop this as a high value guy will expect it and be looking for it.

    • 6. It doesn't matter what your previous relationships did or didn't do, it's what you do with the current one. It's how you interact with your man. You having some kind of expectation for what he should or should do, what he could or didn't do, isn't really relevant to anything. In otherwords, it has nothing to do with him or the reality of it all. You cannot dictate how a man will be or act - they're an independent separate being from yourself. So all of those expectations of how things SHOULD be are simply a means to an end of continual frustration and disappointment. It's just not reality. And why I say most people go into a marriage with an unrealistic attitude about what a marriage is and what it should be and so we have a whole crop of disappointed spousal units which leads to strife, arguments, depression, cheating, and divorce. It's all just unrealistic.
      7. And so you are focused on this 'love at first sight' thing without even a clear understanding of what LOVE really is. And it's not about what you'll get, or how someone will make you happy, or 'complete you' - that's a favorite one isn't it? No, you need to be all these things BEFORE you get to a point in your life where you can SHARE it with someone special. Love is about GIVING, it's an outward expression of support and graciousness, not about how or what it will do for yourself and your life. So you have all these unrealistic expectations working against the success of any romantic relationship.

      This is just scratching the surface. But I'm going to sign off now, having rambled on enough. It very could well be that you're simply just not ready for meaningful dating and relationship building in the first place. Your total focus is ME ME ME. And that's simply not going to work in your favor, and actually stops or dampens the development of a romantic relationship.

  • Let me start of by saying. your worth is how you make yourself and how you judge yourself and how you judge others to me every persons life is priceless I have faith in who I am and where I am in life. life is to short to make things complicated for our expiry date is between 50-100 years that's if we are lucky. the heart and mind has a chemical explosion that needs feeding its why most people feel like they need someone, someone to hold, someone to be with , someone to care for , someone who cares for you , attraction is a complicated virus you may be attracted to him and he may not be attracted to you, but it seems since you wore the skirt the chemical in his brain triggered a hunger, a thirst for you , you don't wanna be with someone who is only attracted to you from a physical appearance because he's only with you for the way you look, what you need to do is go for someone who you have a mental attraction with because then the person is with you for your true self. That is the true inner beauty loving the soul is the true love... I hope this made some sense...

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  • 1. Most guys do not chase women anymore.
    2. He likes how you look now.

    What do you think you should do about your situation.

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    • I want a guy that likes how I look from the first time he sees me

    • You know what type of guy you have now.

      So what are you going to do about it?

  • Fairytale love, the one we see in movies is not real yet, we are conditioned to believe it is. I don't know how this guy is, just be careful. You do not want to end up hurt. It's like Wilcross says most guys don't chase women. "It's to much work" was a response I got. It made me upset and stopped pursuing the guy. I waited for a guy to pursue me. I loved it, it was like a sense of empowerment. Guess who showed back up "too much work guy. Asked why I stopped chasing him. I told him you were not worth chasing "it was too much work and I found someone better.

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  • If this is the issue over and over, then the issue is YOU!

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    • How do i fix that

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    • Umm they never became official relationships. They were love interests

    • Oh, so you have a bunch of fleeting, juvenile crushes and don't bother to act on them, and you wonder why you have no relationships?

      Get help.

  • Yes he sounds promising to you so you can be as you are or as you say, increase the friendship further.

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  • You're blaming him for something internal within you, you should work on yourself and then you may become ready for a relationship. Tc

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  • I understand you want that a man conquers your heart... etc. I understand you desire in this point, because every girl wants to be honestly adored and admired.
    On the other hand it's very difficult today, because you're attractive and you want a man on the same attractiveness level. Guys in your league are absolutely spoiled because they have always female admirers. For such guys you're just an option among others, hence they think "take what you can get... or go away".
    But don't give up sometimes every guy gets a crush despite many other options and wants give his beloved one what she wants and needs. (and deserves)

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  • You’ve been watching to much twilight

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  • I think you think too much.

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  • Good take

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  • Um... okay

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  • Dude, fuck him. Find yourself a Leo

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  • I don't know... uh... I ama Teen.

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