Power struggle in a relationship...


After knowing someone for 10 years I had hoped that this person would be my greatest ally.
That if either of us ask for something or decline it, we could sit and talk things out like the adults we've supposedly grown into. But it's a battle of wills.
Even when explanations are given the acceptance is next to none and met with resistance and pressure.

My understandings are that some of the main reasons couples fight are usually relating to money, misunderstanding, incompatibility, stress and sex.

In our case I think it's financial and misunderstanding. But given how this person is they are unable to find the ability to be nice. They mostly talk in this need to know way and at you rather than with you so you're left feeling like you're in a relationship with a parent...
They expect to ask and receive whilst the mere fact they have graced you with an hour of their time should be enough, even if in that time they are vacant...

Now we're at the battle of wills. Both stubborn, neither backing down. He makes contact but pride is stopping things changing. Every thing that's said somehow seems to have a double meaning, even when it doesn't.

Caution taken to not cause offense so an explanation delivered as an unquestionable sub text.

Emotionally draining and mentally taxing. I should just block him, but I can't bring myself to do it.

Power struggle in a relationship...
Power struggle in a relationship...
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Most Helpful Guy

  • opnbuk59
    You are determined to get your way, why are you putting your self through this it's like praying for the sun to shine in an endless storm no good will come from this relationship here is set in his way, in hugs mind it's 2 ways of doing things, his way or else his way he is a narcissist controlling and when you don't submit he sulks real immature and you must be miserable as hell I would have been packed and gone instead of living coming home to such a dismal gloomy home, life is not to be unhappy In a relationship who want to come home to a sour face not saying much or showing affection you might as well be alone than come home to chuckles, I bet if you was to leave him be a month before he notices your gone that's no way to live sunshine when he's gone storm clouds when he's around, need an umbrella to be around this guy you don't need to put yourself through this
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • kangy
    A relationship should be harmonious and non destructive
    It should support and encourage each other
    Though nothing is a bed of roses, especially when we are talking about two persons of different characters and background.

    If I need to face power struggle in a relationship I would rather end it. I dont like to tire myself out.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Beautiful myTake.
    I'm sorry you are going through this situation.
    I don't have much advice to give, since you know I'm going through a similar situation and the light is still quite far.
    I wish you all the best, you seem you are a really kind and good woman and you deserve a happy and serene relationship.
  • MzAsh
    This sounds very toxic and unhealthy. I encourage you to get out of the situation immediately.
  • Phoenix98
    IT's a good my take, I'm sorry for your situation.

    As for myself I don't play the whole power struggle game, to me there's a man and a woman in a relationship each individual is reasonable for 50%.

    50/50 down the line equal partners. That's I try and do things you should never be struggling and vying for power in a relationship like it's a hierarchy that right there is a sign something ain't right.
    • lilyanony1

      Thank you, I couldn't agree more 😊

    • Phoenix98

      Mhmm :) Best of luck to you in dealing with him.

    • lilyanony1

      Thank you by the way you are incredibly kind x

    • Show All
  • wankiam
    never understood that at all... neither should be struggling to take control in a relationship and when it ends you should just be happy for each other as you go off and do different things... i know i sound like an old hippy and yes im guilty as charged but at least i never really had to deal with any of that crap
    • lilyanony1

      The problem is that the power struggle is unequal. He wants to dominate and control whereas I am a free spirit and believe in free choice--if you pick someone to date why parent them? Whether that be to tell them how to live or to show them the basics.
      Adulthood brings a certain level of knowledge avd experience, but it doesn't mean you know everything it means that you are now free to make your own trial and errors. A partner is a team member a cheerleader, a ally. Not the force that breaks the other down. I don't know why he doesn't get that.
      As I said simple things like, if I cook dinner you wash up, that's a fair deal. Maybe we can even dry them together. But it's met with such resistance... Very very unfair and unkind. There is no pro to this type of situation. A one sided game of take take take...
      I was offended when I read your comment as it felt like a personal jab at me. As has your messages lately but I guess I need to remember you don't know me, and taking on listening to me and my woes is a big commitment. Best of luck to you in your next chapter in life.

  • First thought is there is an emotional block underneath that other discussion. See if can up root that.

    Does that ring a bell or make sense?
  • Rubenjann
    Most problem in relationship are caused by the fact women in general are so dam attracted to ALPHA males , the tall dark handsome guys , also the narcicist too
    • glenns

      So quit being a little weenie, hit the gym, learn to disrespect women and the proper times to show it, lose your current role models and acquire the opposite, and for once in your life, pay attention to the way you look and how you carry yourself.
      Do this before the end of the year and you shall not go down in history as another 40-year old virgin.

    • Rubenjann

      @glenns I'd think my superhot fiancee will bee astonished if I'd suddenly start altering my way of living , the reason she chose me, wasn't a guy that needed to build muschel, but a guy that who didn't give a shit about how people looked at him. So I don't think I ever should change my way of living my life as this fantastic beautiful girl of mine might be sad and leave me for someone else

  • Unit1

    No really. Money is the power! Money is the motivation! Money is the conversation!
    Money is absolutely everything!

    That's why I plan to get as much of it as possible!
  • Oparocky98
    So you didn't really give any examples tbh there's not a lot anyone can really draw from this accept that you're both stubborn and you feel intimidated by him but we dont exactly have enough context to draw a conclusion but if I where to give advice on this I would say sit down at a cheap date and give your own need to know questions use it as a common ground of sorts
    • Oparocky98

      Also a follow up there may even be other underlying things going on that are causing him to be so stone walling and demanding maybe see if there are a few little things that are part of it but at the end of the day you 100% have the ability to block him so if it really is a mute point you need to make sure you take care of yourself

  • theCobbler
    Wow, Dam ! That's tough! Maybe getca 3rd party involved, ( if you can ) an unbiased 3rd party , but if he's the way you say , than that probably won't work either! Blocking maybe , but it won't fix it ! Communication, is a key to any relationship, if he won't talk sensibly, than maybe it's time to move on , ... Lifes way to short to live like that , and no human, should have to , but for every action there's an opposite, pick your battles , ... this is why I've been single for 13 years again , tired of being right , but always wrong !
    Be strong , stand your ground, and May God bless and keep You!
  • Chris1690
    doesn't seem to be doing the two off yous anygood , end things even for a short period
  • LexyIsSexy23
    This is a good example of why a car only has one driver. Same with a functional relationship. Someone must lead
  • Jamie05rhs
    Sounds like he needs to be dumped.
    That's a toxic relationship
  • SecretGardenBlood65
    Nice take
  • Marissa095
  • Y2KxD
    Welcome to how 97% of women treat men
    • Oparocky98

      I mean I get it but we dont exactly have enough to know what's going on