"11 Habits That You Don't Realize Make You Seem Mean" Debunked

[Anonymous]

Alright so I found this article and it really irritated me because the person who wrote it says a lot of information about humanity and how people are that are just not generally true, and I will tell you exactly how most of these "11 habits" are full of shit because this person seems to be in wonderland or is very naive. Let's go over this.

If you want to read this article for yourself, here you go: https://www.bustle.com/p/11-habits-that-you-dont-realize-make-you-seem-mean-26318

1. Here's the thing, why should I care what others think? I don't go to parties anyway because I generally don't like them and a lot of stupid and illegal shit happens at parties, just my opinion. Why assume that I'm waiting around for anyone to approach me like I'm seeking attention? What if I just don't like being around people and that's why I don't approach them instead of "waiting around for people to approach me"? Trust me I can be very friendly but I just don't like or trust people anymore and I've seen how people can be, so when I'm around other people I don't start conversations, like in a store, I go in, get what I need to get, and get out, if someone wants to have a conversation with me I will indulge them and not cut them off however if I'm in a pretty closed off mood then I won't want to talk much. Don't get me wrong I'm still polite and say "Have a nice day" or "Have a good one" when talking to cashiers and people who work at stores and shit, but I don't start conversations if I don't have to. Besides, people have their own lives and their own shit to worry about so why would they want to have a conversation at a store? Not exactly the environment for a conversation unless you come across an old friend or family member there. Strangers? No.

2. I generally don't smile unless something makes me laugh or I'm enjoying someone's company or what they are saying, not to say that I'm not enjoying someone's company if I don't smile when talking to someone, but to put it simply I am not a person who smiles for no reason, I am a pretty stoic person and I'm pretty impassive, don't see anything wrong with that. I also cross my arms just because it's comfortable, not usually when I'm disconnecting myself even when I do disconnect. "You are boring and I'd rather be anywhere else" is not usually what's on my mind nor does it usually cross my mind unless I have to talk to someone I do not like. Looking at your watch is the best way to check the time without seeming rude, checking your phone is actually worse than looking at your watch. It's wise to not assume the other person is uninterested just because they have a date at 6pm and don't want to keep the girl/guy waiting, or whatever they have to check the time for. Being unaware of the time is doing you a disservice.

3. Blunt doesn't usually equal mean but it depends, I do not care how it comes across, because lets put it this way, would you rather have someone sugarcoat things for you and lie to you about how you performed at work or just be honest? You can't grow if you aren't told the truth. Lying is worse than just being honest and can hurt worse. Don't confuse being blunt with being rude, being blunt can be mean but it depends on how you put it, there is a difference between "You did a really shitty job at work today and you're really incompetent" and "You didn't do very well today but try to do better next time."

4. I understand what you're saying, but if that person has a legitmate reason why they cancelled, then you just have to accept it and move on. I agree doing it regularly can turn people off but that's why you need to talk to them about it and be understanding. If they're lying and are just making excuses then just move on from them and brush it off your shoulders because they aren't worth your time.

5. Everyone gets cranky, it's no reason to label them as mean at all depending on what they said, we're all impatient from time to time, either give them the benefit of the doubt or ignore them! It's really that simple. If you're going to label someone who's impatient as mean then you're just incredibly thin-skinned and need to grow a thicker skin and shows that you are actually the mean one, not them.

6. This I actually can agree with, but complaining about it won't do any good and will just encourage them to do it or that will give them ammunition to use against you because they have no filter and do not care about what you think. I had a couple of friends that didn't care what people thought of what they did or said and so they had no filter with what they said and didn't care if their friends didn't like it and said what they wanted. The way I look at it, if they're like that and say shit you don't like, throw shade, or say shit about you and don't care how you feel about it then they're not your friend anyway so tell them to fuck off.

7. My view or "opinion" (as you label it as) of mankind is tainted for a lot of reasons that I will not discuss here. Yes, you have to assume the worst of people, want to know why? Because that way anything they do, you're ready for so it doesn't catch you off guard. Also, give me one good reason how that makes me the bad one? It means I'm careful and that I'm very observant of people and aware of what people are like. Do you know what I call assuming the worst of people? Being prepared. I also call it adapting, improvising, and overcoming. If they prove me wrong, great, if they prove me right, well shit I guess our friendship/relationship won't last long then!

8. I make eye contact all the time, but if I don't want to talk to someone or don't like them, then I won't. If someone doesn't make eye contact it comes off as being shy or nervous, not mean, you are confusing way too many things here. "Unfortunately people misinterpret this as you being snobby and disinterested" Uh, no that does not happen, it depends on your facial expression if you're not making eye contact in the way that woman in the picture is, then that definitely can come off snobby or disinterested because of her smirk. Most of the time though, this is not the case, the other person usually assumes they are just nervous, shy, or introverted, or whatever other reason.

9. The problem with this is that people often don't know the difference between a fact and an opinion and they often confuse facts with opinions. A fact is not always a statistic, a fact is something as simple as "not everyone is an asshole" or "not all men/women are cheaters" and people often confuse those two things as opinions, they are facts. What is an opinion is "all men/women are cheaters", that is an opinion.

10. This is one that really got on my nerves because it's giving people the wrong idea of how other people are. Let me put this as simply as I can. "People want to get to know the real you" No they do not, not everyone is going to like you and not everyone is going to care about the "real you" because they do not know you! If people think I'm standoffish then so be it. If my friends think I'm standoffish because I don't open up to them (if you're talking about friends I just met, acquaintances, or just regular friends) it's maybe because I don't trust them yet and they have to earn my trust. Most of my partners would know I'm standoffish, because they're my partner and therefore earned my trust a long time ago, and therefore I'm not standoffish with them compared to strangers and regular friends. "Talking about your feelings and being vulnerable lets people relate to you and allows for people to get close" Very untrue and if you do this with anyone, people are most likely going to distance themselves from you if they don't know you well. So no this doesn't allow people to get close, most people don't like being personal straight off the bat when meeting new people because it comes off as overbearing, this is especially for dating. I don't talk about my feelings with everyone, and I only talk about my feelings with people I'm pretty close to, my partner, or both. Being vulnerable right away just to try to get close to people will get you hurt, and badly if you aren't careful and I learned this the hard way and promoting the opposite is awful advice.

Let's also keep in mind that people have their own lives and their own loved ones to focus on and they have shit in their lives that they need to devote time to. Not everything revolves around you. People can be cruel, heartless, dangerous, and selfish, malicious, toxic, narcissistic, and all kinds of things, not all are of course, but they can be. I'll put myself as an example, nobody cares to know about the "real me" besides the people that are close to me, not everyone is going to like me, and people are not usually going to put aside their own shit for me, that's not how it works, not everything is about me. If you care about others, great, good on you, but do not expect people to go out of their way for you. Don't get me wrong I can be a great person and I do care about others, but I realized what people can be like and so I learned to be more closed off and reserved, I do it for a reason. Don't expect people to be kind and wonderful because that's a way to get yourself hurt. It's necessary to be cautious. Don't close people off and never let them in, that's not what I'm saying, but what I am saying is to be cautious and keep the possibility that they will disappoint you or hurt you in the back of your mind, and keep aware of what people can be like. Ignorance may be bliss but not when life starts to kick the shit out of you.

11. I do agree with this and that it can be rude, but what I do not agree with and that you are wrong about is "Are you sort of closed off, or a bit cranky? Try noticing and then doing your best to change things up." Okay, being cranky doesn't make you mean depending on what you say nor does being closed off make you mean. Everyone has their own reasons for why they are closed off or cranky.

Overall the person in this article seems to be very naive and thinks that people are generally wonderful, this is not always the case. Some people have the luxury of not knowing what people can be like and can write misleading articles that give the wrong advice.

If you can take anything from this myTake then take this; people will let you down, it's life. What's important is being able to push past it, not let it bother you, and strive to improve yourself and your life as well as look for the people who you mean a lot to and who mean a lot to you. This article is mostly bullshit and is very misleading.

Share your opinions if you'd like! If you disagree with anything I said, then let me know and we can have a civilized discussion about it. I'm open to it.

[DennisWatkins91]

Pretty subjective opinion.