I have seen my takes and questions here talking and asking about what guys or girls look for in a partner. Members have tried to inform what you should be and what they think is the best person for the ideal mate. Everyone has their idea who would be the ideal mate. Is that not how it is? Everyone has their own idea.
It is time for me to reveal what I am looking for an ideal mate. It has taken me long to think about what I want out of life. And i would like to share it with someone. Now I only had three relationships in my life. I made mistakes and I made quite a bit of sacrifices. But it is not good to deal with a relationship where I do all the work. It does not work that way.
So what am I looking for in a woman?
Maturity
We should make an active effort to recognize and resolve the negative influences from our past.
- She should be willing to reflect on her history and be interested in understanding how old events forms her current behaviours.
- She must be less likely to reenact or project past experiences onto our relationship.
- She should evolve; be less likely to look at me as the person to compensate for her short comings and weaknesses. Or looking to me to complete her incompleteness.
- She should look at me as the person to share life with as equals and appreciate our independence.
- She should break ties to her old identities and patterns and be more available toward me as her romantic partner and the new family we create together.
Openness
We both must be open, undefended and willing to be vulnerable to each other. We must be approachable and receptive to feedback. Her openness is an indication of her interest in personal development and often contributes to development of our relationship.
- She must be forthright in expressing feelings, thoughts, dreams and desires.
- Someone who I can talk to about an area that we lack in our relationship and is open to evolving.
- She must be willing to accept feedback and looking for that kernel of truth in what we say to each other.
Honesty & Integrity
Honesty builds trust between us. Dishonesty confuses each other betraying each our vulnerability and shattering each other's sense of reality.
- She must strive to live a life of integrity so that there are no discrepancies between words and actions. For all levels of communication, verbal and non verbal.
- We must know ourselves and our intentions. Though difficult it's an effort worth striving for.
Respect & Independence
We both must value each other's interests separate from our own. We must feel congenial toward and supportive of each other's overall goals in life.
- She must be sensitive to my wants, desires and feelings, and place then on an equal basis with her own.
- We both must respect each other with respect and sensitivity.
- She should not try to control me with threatening or manipulative behaviour.
- We should respect each other's distinct personal boundaries while at the same time remaining close physically and emotionally.
- We both must value and respect our sovereign minds, she must not try to change me to what she wants.
Empathy
We must understand each other, become aware of the commonalities that exist between us and recognize and appreciate our differences. We must feel understood and validated.
- She must perceive me on both an intellectual, observational level and an emotional, intuitive level.
- She must both understand and emphasize with me.
- She must be capable of communicating with feeling and with respect for my wants, attitudes, and values.
Affection
Affection is important and it adds a poignant feeling in our lives.
- She must be easily affectionate and responsive on many levels: physically, emotionally, and verbally.
- She must be personal, acknowledging and outwardly demonstrative of feelings of warmth and tenderness.
- She should enjoy closeness in being sexual and feel uninhibited in giving and accepting affection and pleasure.
Sense of Humour
We must laugh at ourselves to make life easier for both of us. It would be one of life's greatest joys to be able to laugh with someone close to me.
- She must have the ability to laugh at herself and at life's foibles.
- She must maintain a proper perspective dealing with sensitive issues that arise within the relationship.
- She must be playful and tease often to diffuse potentially volatile situations with humour.
In short I am looking for my rock. That one person I confide in and give my deepest depths of my soul to. Nothing more and nothing less.
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