Why you should not be giving that person a second chance

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

This won't be long.
I premise that this doesn't mean you should never give second chances, but that in at least 75% of the cases you shouldn't.
Here the biggest reasons you should not give a person a second chance.

They hurt you physically

This goes without saying.
If someone hits you, rest assured it wasn't a mistake and they weren't ''blinded by anger''. They wanted to hurt you, fair and square. And I've learned from personal experience with my first girlfriend, that those people never change.
They will hit you, then apologize.
Then they'll hit you again, and apologize again...

So recognize the abusive pattern and step away from them. Involve the authorities if necessary.

They cost too much

Yes, some people cost too much.
And they'll reach out to you because they want or need money or others privileges from you. With my mother is like that. In those months we have got close again, I estimate she "borrowed" at least 14000€ from me. Money I don't expect to see those money back, plus she asked my fiancée too.
She's not malicious, but she really can't stop leeching off people.

And like her, many people do. Maintain contact with those people only if you are ready to "pay" for them. Literally.

Too much time has passed

They say that wounds fade over time, and only the scars remain.
But scars are delicate and there's no reason to reopen the wound by letting that person back in. Especially if you can't imagine any positive outcome or a healthy resuming of the relationship with that person.
To me it's happening to a friend who had blocked me last year. Now she has unblocked me and asked a common friend to message me to try to talk it out. I said no.

It's a matter of respect. This person probably thinks I'll be up at her beck and call like a dog, and this is not a good reason to reach out. Plus it'd be too awkward and embarrassing. I told the common friend that I would not unblock her and to drop the matter before I block her too.

Weigh down the positives and negatives of letting a person back in your life by giving them a second chances. Most of the time, you'll find out that it's a net negative.

Thank you for reading.

[ManOnFire]

I learned very easily from past relationships not to keep running back. I am the kind of person who - when the relationship starts looking like it's about to crash - will try to work it out because I believe that both people shouldn't just let a relationship die, that although there will be rough moments, you both should fight for your love. However, when it gets to the point where there is clearly no hope for it to survive, and the other person really doesn't want it to, then I let go. And I don't go back. I won't keep trying to revive it.

A person's behavior also does tell me a lot about where things are going, and if I get burned really badly, I do not give second chances. I wish my brother would understand this. Right now he has rebuilt a connection for a third time with a girl who has already burned him twice, and although he just says they're friends, it's foolish for him to even want to maintain a friendship with somebody like her. He disrespects himself to rekindle a connection with someone who has disrespected him more than once.

[Anonymous]

Don't give someone a second chance if you aren't willing to bear negative consequences.

Violence.
If you're a man slap her back (open hand of course and not with full power) it should be a sing of humiliation not real harm.
If you're a woman, cops and domestic violence.
Of course you have to put things right after pitiful rage show of your partner. If you don't show where your personal red line is, they will always try to find it out.

Money.
"If you want lose a friend borrow them money."
In relationship it isn't different. Never borrow but give if it's really necessary. Some fancy handbag isn't a necessity. If you give her money for that you set a wrong sign. At some point your partner will be only nice if you're willing to give them money.

Time
It's your time, don't sell it cheap. If your time (friendship, affection, attention...) is cheap it has no value for others.
I know it's difficult sometimes to keep healthy balance in this matter but having too much dignity pays better of then having no dignity at all.

[treselle]

If truly depends on the situation. Perhaps there was a communication issue or repairable trust issue—its worth another shot if two people genuinely care for each other.


I am recently reconnecting with someone with whom it didn’t work out the first time around with, two years ago. Back then I was very much afraid to be myself, plus we both had a ton of trust issues (and I secretly was dating him while having a long-term relationship with someone else). The timing was bad, I wasn’t ready to face the music then, and we both weren’t ready to be vulnerable.


But our chemistry was fire, he was a sweet person and I couldn’t stop thinking about him all those two years. I’m in a much different place than before, am actually single (lol), prepared to be vulnerable, honest, and take it slow to work through our trust issues. So far it’s been even more amazing the second time around! :-)

[Xoxocutekitty]

More often than not second chances don't work. You don't get over how you think the world should be in a day, you can't fix a list of grievances someone has against you in a week. You don't become magically better at communicating and some problems really do just need money thrown at them.

Unless you have been out of contact for a while, and had some time to grow up yourselves (think long lost high school sweethearts), then usually it doesn't work out. But that's okay. Every relationship end until it's the last.

[SiyamDi]

If you really love him try giving second and last chance it all depends upon your thoughts and your love for him. In my case he did hurt me physically so badly. So, I wouldn't think of giving a second chance. For me it doesn't make sense even If I miss/love him.
I was really happy with him but he couldn't even thought before having wild mindset will have mental impact.

I would say, it's all upto your individuality and choices. Just decide it life is very beautiful and short so enjoy to the fullest.

[DiegoO]

The only reason I haven't deleted her or cared to contact her like before, is because I only met her online. I don't have any clear clue of who she is exactly. What I do know is that she was highly insecure when we were together and that she turns out to be the type that quickly jump to other arms, shortly after a failed relationship. Do I miss her? Hell, no. She needed a therapist not a boyfriend. Also, she lied to me for a year, so fuck that. If she lied like that to me, online, I can't imagine what she kept from me from her real life.😬

[Zarapeachy]

I didn’t read everything except the physical point and well the main question. But I gave one person countless chances and honestly I will continue to do it. I don’t even know why. But anyone after that person screwed. It ain’t got chances

[ch2raf]

A really good article. But if I had to sum up everything mentioned in one thing
If someone hurts you once (like really bad)
They'll do it again
So make it short and save time and energy on yourself

[ItsTheNephilim]

Add mental abuse, lying and cheating too and I can't think of any other reasons.

[Finchie40]

Add cheating and mental abuse as well , is someone does that to you , don’t take them back , realize you deserve better , value your self worth

[pleasestopthis]

Agreed. Some people are just too toxic and tiresome to be around, and it's better to just move on. Life is too short and there are better people who will be a positive point in life.

[Unit1]

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

Undeserving forgiveness is for the weak.

[Dargil]

One strike and you are out. Everything is intended. There are no accidents or flights of emotions.

[soleil6997]

Interesting
I think people are a bit too harsh when it comes to giving second (or even third) chances.
Appreciate some never change - I do kind of leave the 2nd (any) chance door open, providing they have changed.
It would feel cruel otherwise (I know people, well, women, who have not given me the 2nd chance when the first went wrong due to circumstances, and theirs as much as mine - silly, in the end, once we could both afford to be close and not get any parental critique over it)

[SavageGirl101]

Who even still gives second chances? Cmon it’s 2020 grow up y’all ✋😭

[classic80sgamer]

I agree some people are just toxic in general which can be bad for the relationship but generally speaking I tend to be more forgiving then others but if they are willing to work it out I may give them a second chance

[classic80sgamer]

That's if they are willing to make a change

[bluetoblack99]

It comes down to judgment of knowing if it was a fundamental problem (dealbreaker) or something out of character.

But I 100% agree with the physical violence part.

[aaliyah_loyen]

I think if you really love a person you could give him/her a second chance but if they do the same thing again I think it's best to break up with him.

[LeoElias]

True. Once you end it with someone it needs to stay that way.

[msc545]

whatever caused the breakup to begin with will still be there.

[007kingifrit]

most of the time its a good thing to give people a second chance. people learn from their mistakes

[Silver158]

One thing I've found with giving a person a 2nd chance is they'll try to get away with the same old shit again that caused the issues in the first place. Although in one case on advent of the third chance they changed their tune.

[vasilias]

I never give 2nd chances. Betray my trust and that motherfucker need to run.

[Liam_Hayden]

I've had one girl who was violent. Threw a book at me. Dumped her immediately and have not spoken to her since. That and cheating are Insta-Dump, one and done for me.