Why I always lie to my girlfriend.


I want to get this off my chest. I know lying is bad. However, I feel completely justified in lying. Whether or not that makes me a bad person isn't for me or anyone else to decide. You can judge my actions for what it's worth.

I choose to to lie to my girlfriend. I don't lie about big things, I'm not cheating on her or anything of the sort. I lie about small insignificant things in everyday life.

Why I always lie to my girlfriend.

Why? Why do I lie about small things? Not to shift the blame but I ended up dating someone who happens to get emotional and angry over insignificant things. As an example of one that just happened, my girlfriend was talking but I wasn't actively listening. She will get insanely mad if you don't actively listen to every detail she says. So, to pass the time and the nonsense she was spewing out of her mouth, I decide to scroll on facebook. I would periodically say, "yes, okay, great" to seem like I was engaged. She questioned how engaged I was and was noticeably getting upset. She said, "are you even listening to me!?! It seems like you don't care! If you don't care then just hang up, I don't want to talk with you." So I responded "oh no I wasn't listening I was reading a message you sent to me". That response seemed to buy some time. She went on a tangent about how her classmates treat her poorly and they don't actively listen to her. She then turns her school problems around and blames me for her problems from other people. So in the end, did it work out? Maybe.

Mind you this is common. She gets angry at me at least twice a day and thinks it's the end of the world. "OH MY GOD YOU LEFT A FORK IN THE SINK!! WE CAN NEVER BE TOGETHER!" kind of reaction is pretty common.

So I lie. I lie because my girlfriend constantly overreacts to honesty. She wants me to be honest, but gets insanely angry if it's not exactly what she wants to hear. So I lie.

I lie to save my own skin from her stupidity. Can't help it. I can't stand the hypocracy of wanting the truth but yelling at someone for being honest.

Why I always lie to my girlfriend.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • AmandaYVR
    I just happened to write a question about this - truth in relationships.

    Do you live together ("fork in the sink...") or do you just go over to each other's places sometimes? If you're living together, and it's because of covid or some practical limitations, I'd say maybe just carry on with what you're doing, cause then you'd be biding your time and just trying to keep the peace until you can get out of this relationship.

    But if you don't live together, although it's understandable why you are doing this, wouldn't you rather try and stop the behaviour (on her part) instead of just gritting your teeth and barely getting through it?

    You're sort of dealing with two issues here. One is the inherent communication styles men and women have/prefer. (She wants to talk a lot more, in more detail, more length, frequency, all that), and two is that she seems to have a habit of downloading all of her thoughts onto you (and maybe her problems) and expecting you to absorb it all, no matter what. A lot of females do this. The Pink Guide to Speaking Blue

    I would suggest talking to her constructively about some of the things I mentioned in that mytake (put it in your own words, or use mine, I don't know), and see if she's at all receptive to changing a bit. She'll run into this problem with every guy she's with, most likely. It's not about just you. (Unless you have a particularly shorter than average attention span, or are really impatient or don't care about her problems in life.) Yeah, it's not very nice, what you're doing, but it is a coping mechanism, a reaction to her behaviour. So I get it. A lot of women won't get it (as indicated by my mytake comments), but maybe you don't need to be with people who are that not self-aware, or are always finger-pointing in the other direction.

    (P. S. My husband doesn't hear many things I say, but we've talked about it a lot, and it's partly to do with how he takes in and processes information [which is very skeptically, and if it doesn't fit his existing framework, it takes a lot of time to incorporate it], and partly to do with the fact that he's stoned, ha ha. Sober guys are better listeners. Just sayin.' But they're less fun.)
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  • MzAsh
    Why do you feel the need to explain any of this to anyone else? You’re the one that has to suffer thanks to what you put yourself through. It’s your own fault. Your lies will catch up to you and ruin your life. You’ll only have yourself to blame.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • glutton4punishment
    I was thinking you were probably in your early teens, til ya mentioned that fork in the sink, example. Holy hell, are you a narcissistic douche, lol.

    Do the both of ya's a favor and break up. If you (must) be with someone, then I'd suggest finding yourself a deaf/mute girl.

    Of course, that would just be cruel to her then. Hmm... well, then I'd suggest becoming a monk... as that would prevent you from breeding, as well!

    Though I'm doubting you'd be able to do the whole, "vow of silence" longer then it takes to catch your breath, between telling them how lame their teachings are, in comparrison to the awesomeness that is you.

    So maybe you should just become a hermit, instead. No... cause that'd just be an act of cruelty to nature..

    Welp, how's about doin the world a favor, instead then and just "lie"... in a hole, bout 6 feet deep.
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  • Not_Average
    I personally think the correct approach is to work on the issue at hand directly. Lying in an attempt to avoid confrontation is pretty weak in my eyes. You need to address the issue, which is your girlfriends irrational outbursts. Offer to work with her, and even suggest therapy. Tell her you value integrity and don't want to lie anymore. If you continue down this path, it will only accelerate her anxiety towards you, and you'll end up building resentment through time. It will throw off any progress of the relationship advancing to a healthier state. If she's unwilling to work on this with your assistance, then I'd suggest you exit the relationship and find someone who's more emotionally mature.
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What Girls & Guys Said

  • whatiflifewasmore
    I can't help asking why are you with this girl? She looks like a nightmare. An advice to you: if you need to lie everyday even if its about small things then you are not in a relationship that suits you.
    I dont want to be pessimistic but you guys are not going to last.
  • igaveyouanickname
    Lying is too much to remember. It sounds like you don't respect her enough with the truth but don't have the balls to let her go. Respect her OR let her go. Pick one.
  • errorgoodnameunfound
    Dude, you want "honesty"? She sounds like a complete bitch. I say put your foot down or let them walk you out the door.
  • KrakenAttackin
    You are dating a "Karen", I know because I stupidly married (and divorced) one. Dump her immediately! She will only bring pain and misery into your life, she will NEVER realize what a cunt she is. Dump her!
  • Kaazsz
    damn I would dump her ass. You can do better, you don’t need a nutcase like that lol.
  • bobalife
    welp, this relationship is going to end soon if you both can't build a good communication and care to listen to one another. There's never a good excuse to lie esp in a relationship, which will build an unhealthy relationship. If you can lie about small things, what will happen when bigger issues come? Imagined if you were in her shoes, you were going through a lot and want your s/o to be there while she pretends to listen and not care? Pretty crappy, right? If she doesn't make you feel good either, then talk to her about it instead of resenting her because it will continue to build til it get worse. If you really care for your girl, have an honest talk to better understand each other and bring a better version of yourself in the relationship. It should be about bringing your 100 A game, not your 50 or 75 game.
  • Ellie-V
    OR break it off because she has certain needs that you cannot meet and you are belittling her in your mind because you two very clearly do not understand each other enough.
    If she is how you describe them she needs a partner who is as much as an energized and engaged personality as she is herself. You are not that. And yes it’s wonderful to have balance but you don’t initiate that needed balance you just choose to treat the situation as an inconvenience and act accordingly.
    Solution: Stop wasting her time and stop wasting yours. Leave. She deserves better and you deserve whatever consequences that come with your habitual lying.
  • Edanurus
    Ok but that's a terrible excuse to lie but a really good excuse for why you need to stop this relationship. It's not healthy and is not going to end well.
  • emilyknows
    Personally, I don't think it is ever okay to lie in a relationship. However, many people do. Here is an interesting article on when and if it is okay to lie to your partner:
  • Unit1
    Get a better girlfriend... She's more trouble than she's worth.
  • Daniel3035
    This is a toxic relationship it's best to call it quits and leave it there.
  • Dave31989
    relationship built on lies

    yeah, cause that'll work
  • msc545
    I would lie too, but more importantly, I would leave her - she will only get worse.
  • Swarthiestviking2000
    This means, you do not trust her enough. If you trust me someone fully, there is no need to lie.
  • RainInOsaka
    Oh man I'm so sorry..
  • consice
    That makes two of us mate.
  • Anonymous