The Differences Actually Make A Difference?

[Desconhecida]

They say opposites attract...

*** Just a reminder that this myTake is inspired from my personal opinion on the topic.

I'm no relationship expert, but if I can give you advice from someone who's been through it, it's that the differences do weigh on a couple.

Whenever I hear someone say that opposites attract, I complete the phrase by saying “but they never last forever together.”

Am I lying? If there are exceptions, I haven't seen it yet but I believe that no truth is absolute. That's just my opinion.

Our fatal mistake is to see the problem at first and yet completely ignore the consequences. All right, all right... being in love is all about having feelings like hope, but it's also about getting super stupid logically ~ thinking that people change over time out of love.

Wrooong.

If there's a chance anyone could change, it's gonna be for themselves. The ugly truth is that we can't shape anyone to our will nor think that love will obey that huge list of things you want in a partner. Have you ever known someone that actually found love checking all the boxes of a dumb list?

Come on... we are better than that!

Also, I've heard lots of life coaches advising us to make a list of the perfect partner and that's the way we'll attract them.

Oh, really?!

I made my list when I was 12, where's my fu** prince? Seriously now, I am all for writing a list of things you expect into find in a romantic partner so you can even know yourself better but not to use as a guideline for dating.

The list is endless!

No living human being will be able to have all the little things you dream about because what makes someone lovable isn't only their qualities but their flaws since perfection is a myth.

The Winter is coming! But nothing else!

About the saying that opposites attract, it's true. That's the problem! If we are head over heels, we become blind to the many differences between us and the "love of our life".

• You want to study, the other one thinks it's stupid. He likes to travel, you're the homely type.
• You don't run out of dinner, she prefers to have a snack. You prefer camping in the woods, he prefers the beach.
• You want to know the world, he wants the quiet of a boring and safe life. One wants kids, the other doesn't even think about it.
• You sleep early, she's a night owl. She wants to spend the day in bed, you have a routine to attend to.
• You live in Oiapoque, he lives in Chuí.

I assume that although there are differences, if people choose to relate, there are also similarities, common goals. A determining factor in the success of the relationship is that they both walk in the same direction. Therefore, if two people love each other and want to get to the same place (together), respect will be fundamental when differences arise.

It doesn't matter if you wouldn't act that way, if you think differently, you feel different. Respect. Put your way of seeing things (with love and respect), without imposing on the other person's life.

When you weigh the differences, ask yourself:

• Why do I love this person?
• Why is it worth enduring the difficulties that our differences offer for our lives?
• What similarities do we have that makes me want to share my life with this person?

But if you want, if that's the love for your life, if life is difficult with such a person so different from you, but much worse when they are gone...

Give in, respect, put yourself on the other side, remember the reasons you have for loving that person, and learn to love differences.

And don't think it will be easy! But I am sure it will be gratifying and I dare to say, a relationship even stronger because it will be a love that will have learned to endure difficulties and survive.

Thanks for reading!

#scctakes #food4thought

[Dre_808]

This is a very interesting topic. It blows my mind when people say they are holding out for the perfect person. No one will ever be 100% perfect. There's always going to something you don't agree with or you don't necessarily like, but you just have to figure out if that's something you can deal with for the rest of your life. I believe that there is someone out there for everyone, but that someone isn't going to be perfect.

I do have a question for you. Since you made a list, do you have certain things on that list that are deal breakers? Like absolutely no tolerance?

[Desconhecida]

No, I didn't make any lists. There is just an example hehe
But since you asked, everyone has their dealbreakers. I guess mine would be the lack of sense of humor

[SunnySri]

That was a very good take mam.
I also think opposites attract but their is a reason behind it. Opposites attract so that they complete eachother, which does not happen in real life.
Like in a bar magnet positive, negative attract to neutralize the effect, but don't forget the fact that in the same magnet their is a side which the other magnet will repel.
You can't just ignore the things you don't like about the other person. Think about everything before going in a relationship that way you stay connected strongly together.

[SunnySri]

Thank you mam for the MHO

[OlderAndWiser]

1. Yes, differences may attract someone's interest but similarities will hold their attention over time.

2. Maker a list of all the good qualities you'd like to have in a partner. Then make a list of what you would consider to be minimally acceptable. If those two listed aren't completely different, you will never find a successful contestant.

[Desconhecida]

Good advice!

[MrOracle]

There ARE areas where "opposites" work - for example, if one person is submissive, they're going to be best matched with a dominant - but in most areas, if you are opposite, you won't be able to survive long in a relationship. Compatibility is VITAL to the long-term success of a relationship, and is so often ignored (it doesn't help that media loves to say that "love will conquer all" or "love is enough") until that incompatibility becomes a huge issue, and the relationship blows up and causes a lot of collateral damage.

So, yeah, certain types of "opposites" are highly compatible, but most are highly incompatible, and it's important to understand the difference.

And the whole part about making lists of attributes for a partner being unrealistic and unreasonable is absolutely true. If your list is longer than 3-5 items, you are being too picky and are probably delusional. These people with a 60+ item list are doomed to be alone forever.

[ohshee]

I really like your take I agree with so much of it first of all when you meet someone what you see is what you get if you think I like every thing about this person except this and that , there's only 1 thing you can do and that is be 100 % honest tell that person because it they really like you they will change ,

People ask is there love at first sight, for me there is a feeling at first sight ,, it's just like the MAGNETS in your post MAGNETS are energy we are made of water and Atoms ATOMS BROKE DOWN IS ENERGY,,, for me being an Empath the only way I can see , when I see heard talk to someone in pain or has hurt and sorrow all it takes is one of the above to happen and with in 15 mins I have the hurt pain or sorrow and they feel good the only way that could happen is energy ,,

Now when I meet someone that I like or really like or just meet I get a feeling that is cool or so bringing beautiful it's so intense it makes me want to cum it's the depth of there energy thst I feel

So let me show you something to explain this is what I feel from every person I interact with. And if you got to learn about your self I think we all have this happen so if you want to learn about a lot if things and about your self. This is what I feelm24 hrs a day.

Get 2 magnets the bigger the better. Hold in each hand first finger and thumb bring them together don't let them touch play with them hard. But feel every little move they do feel it in between them feel in your fingers in your hands arms chest your whole body and times thst by 100 that what I feel when I talk to someone from 100 to 1000. Turn the MAGNETS over feel them pull each other together and then will not let's the. Other touch it feel how beautiful of a feeling that it in your whole body

Next time you meet and one pay attention to what you feel and how deep you feel it because it will tell you so many things

[Anonymous]

good take.
for myself, I required a lot of training for intimate relationship. Many girls sufferred along the way to teach and deal with me. I'm not bad person, but had major emotional flaws. It takes work and the choice of change as you note, is not easy. It is a choice to really listen to the other, and be wiling to change. Then that is that persons choice, with support to grow. Most don't want to though... who wants to change who they are and heal their wounds? Much easier to remain who we are... problem of humanity.

opposites: I've seen this, it's a mess and very painful. and yes, they can stay together, but it is hard work and suffering. Choose well using your rational mind and not the emotional one, less suffering. Have friends and listen to them, really observe and learn about each other. This stuff can really hurt...

[Jjpayne]

I could not agree more! We need to be realistic and reasonable when it comes to dating.

Great mytake! And merry Christmas to you! :)

[Desconhecida]

Merry Christmas, my dear friend!

[Jjpayne]

Thank you 😊

[monkeynutts]

Generally it’s about compromise. As long has they try hard and show they care, if I’m attracted to them, I’ll let the Norse gods sirt the rest out. But I don’t like pig headed women, the stars and the planets don’t orbit around us, we should not act like they do.

[ZackBan]

As someone who's tried loving before I've become desynthetized to it somehow.

I just don't fall in love, no matter how beautiful, charming, funny the girl is i feel attraction but I never feel this warmth in my chest I used to feel before.

I guess it's part of growing up and realizing just how the real world differs from our personal utopias.

That makes me a bit of a cynic but I can't help it. I take cynical over stupid any day of the week.

[Avicenna]

Excellent points, as always. Some things are not so important that we should insist on them in a partner, and some are.

[DavidHart]

Thanks for reading?
Thank you for sharing!!!
Keep posting your experience.
i would love to read it.

[bamesjond0069]

Differences are necessary. Its what creates sexual attraction. The trick is to have complimentary differences not opposing differences.

Ie man wants to primarily work and take care of kids secondarily where woman wants to primarily care for kids and work only as some extra income - this is a complimentary difference.

Where if man believes in abortion and woman does not, this is not complimentary and in certain situations cause huge problems.

[Gwenhwyfar]

This is a really good Take

Love your new pic

[thrombis]

On a lot of ways yes. They are things that will drive you nuts but more that will endear them to you. Some you will just plain wish you were like.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

It's best to have similarities and differences. Have things in common but have differences that help the other partner.

[Vetis]

"You can't shape anyone to your will"
I disagree. Operant conditioning is one way to shape someone's personality into the way you wish it to be.

[uknown789]

sorry I hate love but no person is perfect love sometimes what can we say you will find a panter the person is not perfect but their least one reason bc of that you love him sorry fi was rude or wrong

[Anonymous]

Masculine-Feminine Polarity, something I hear discussed a lot over the years. At the same time it reminds me of something I never enjoyed

[Anonymous]

it reminds me, it gets very annoying or enraging when people say that women need skills for dating and relationships as well, its long and difficult to explain.

[michael1469]

Damn... so what happened?

[Desconhecida]

What do you mean?

[michael1469]

Usually people will write things cause something happened to them

[Desconhecida]

I've never heard of that theory LOL

[gaguser2021]

great mytake better to be just single for your whole life

makes it easy that way there are no difficulties our differences

[Anonymous]

I think " I hear someone say that opposites attract, I complete the phrase by saying “but they never last forever together.”"