*** Just a reminder that this myTake is inspired from my personal opinion on the topic.
I'm no relationship expert, but if I can give you advice from someone who's been through it, it's that the differences do weigh on a couple.
Whenever I hear someone say that opposites attract, I complete the phrase by saying “but they never last forever together.”
Am I lying? If there are exceptions, I haven't seen it yet but I believe that no truth is absolute. That's just my opinion.
Our fatal mistake is to see the problem at first and yet completely ignore the consequences. All right, all right... being in love is all about having feelings like hope, but it's also about getting super stupid logically ~ thinking that people change over time out of love.
If there's a chance anyone could change, it's gonna be for themselves. The ugly truth is that we can't shape anyone to our will nor think that love will obey that huge list of things you want in a partner. Have you ever known someone that actually found love checking all the boxes of a dumb list?
Come on... we are better than that!
Also, I've heard lots of life coaches advising us to make a list of the perfect partner and that's the way we'll attract them.
I made my list when I was 12, where's my fu** prince? Seriously now, I am all for writing a list of things you expect into find in a romantic partner so you can even know yourself better but not to use as a guideline for dating.
No living human being will be able to have all the little things you dream about because what makes someone lovable isn't only their qualities but their flaws since perfection is a myth.
About the saying that opposites attract, it's true. That's the problem! If we are head over heels, we become blind to the many differences between us and the "love of our life".
- You want to study, the other one thinks it's stupid. He likes to travel, you're the homely type.
- You don't run out of dinner, she prefers to have a snack. You prefer camping in the woods, he prefers the beach.
- You want to know the world, he wants the quiet of a boring and safe life. One wants kids, the other doesn't even think about it.
- You sleep early, she's a night owl. She wants to spend the day in bed, you have a routine to attend to.
- You live in Oiapoque, he lives in Chuí.
I assume that although there are differences, if people choose to relate, there are also similarities, common goals. A determining factor in the success of the relationship is that they both walk in the same direction. Therefore, if two people love each other and want to get to the same place (together), respect will be fundamental when differences arise.
It doesn't matter if you wouldn't act that way, if you think differently, you feel different. Respect. Put your way of seeing things (with love and respect), without imposing on the other person's life.
When you weigh the differences, ask yourself:
- Why do I love this person?
- Why is it worth enduring the difficulties that our differences offer for our lives?
- What similarities do we have that makes me want to share my life with this person?
But if you want, if that's the love for your life, if life is difficult with such a person so different from you, but much worse when they are gone...
Give in, respect, put yourself on the other side, remember the reasons you have for loving that person, and learn to love differences.
And don't think it will be easy! But I am sure it will be gratifying and I dare to say, a relationship even stronger because it will be a love that will have learned to endure difficulties and survive.