Steer clear from the relationship "gurus, experts and coaches"

[Anonymous]

This is some "take it or leave it" advice. I've only got some experience regarding this and I thought I'd share it here. Hope it helps someone.

Moving on...

A few years ago I bumped into one of those "Relationship coaches" on YouTube. I was in a really tricky spot with a girl at the time. I had watched dozens of his videos until I fell on one that truly resonated with my situation.

I was captivated by his analysis, so much so that I decided to fork out what little savings I had left to pay for a private email session.

I thought "Great, he's going to help me out, I'm going to resolve this issue I have, or at least have some clarity" - Far from it.

After 5-6 back and throughs, he concluded that 1) She wasn't into me; 2) Was using me for emotional validation; 3) I was on her "backburner".

He advised that I cut my losses, ignore her and block her. No explanation. So that's what I did.

Please don't get me wrong: This is not an excuse for what I put her through. What I did was inconceivable, callous and cowardly. Even now I still find it hard to believe I had done such a horrible thing to someone who really, truly cared about me.

Her closest friend told me she was absolutely rocked by it, often crying, isolating herself, not coming out, avoiding contact. She told me that she loved me and just could not find the courage to tell me because of our situation.

I leave you with this: Do not trust anyone claiming to be a relationship "expert", "coach" or "guru". They're frauds. Preying on the desperate and helpless.

Dating is learnt, not taught.

[Anonymous]

This is mostly true. Many of them are good at teaching guys how to get laid, but that's it.

They're like pilot instructors who can only teach you how to take-off, maybe keep it in the air for a little bit, but not how to land the plane. They only teach part of the puzzle.

Their default response to any difficulty, especially the men's coaches, is to tell you to leave and go fuck other women. Because that's what they do. The ones who can get laid at least.

In evolutionary psychology there's something known as r/K-selection, which describes the mating strategies of certain animal species.

r-selected types are those which have sex with multiple partners indiscriminately. They invest less parental effort, and are sex-focused. Rabbits are r-selected - thus we have the term "fucking like rabbits".

K-selected types are those which are more likely to pair-bond. They invest more parental effort and are less sex-obsessed, more concerned with other things. Wolves are K-selected.

This strategies exists in humans too. There are r-selected and K-selected people, on a scale. People who are more r-selected tend to fuck around a lot, they don't create strong attachments, and they can't do monogamy very well. People who are more K-selected are more monogamy-minded and family oriented.

Most of these guys are r-selected types, sex obsessed, like teenage boys. If you want to have sex with a lot of women, some of them will help you (I say some because most of them are fakers, some would struggle to get laid in a brothel). If you want healthy relationships, not so much because again, they have the mentality of a teenage boy and their mentality is not K-selected.

Female coaches are just as bad. They'll give you advice that benefits women and barely benefits you at all.

In fact most self-proclaimed experts in relationships are complete phonies, no matter their qualifications. Even trained marriage therapists have above average divorce rates. All of that "professional" training and around a quarter of them can't hold a marriage together.

[ItsTheNephilim]

You got it dude. No matter how experienced these dating experts claim to be, they still HAVEN'T been with your partner or understood them. One can never really know literally everything and give you objectively right opinions or advices. You should still believe in the fact that you have the closest experience with your partner so before you take an advice from anyone, use your own head before and after taking their advice. These dating gurus may be right or wrong but they're not to be believed.. just like everyone else. Use your own head which I think you now understand better.

[Hangry22]

Well a stranger can never know what two people have gone through and what feelings persist. All the advices and estimations are based on probabilities.
My friend asked me to become a Psychiatrist in the future because i can understand people's emotions and analyse what might be wrong. Kinda like a 6th sense🤓
Ya but i help and listen to people for fun and when i am in the mood. And so if there's cash involved, i will be scared to give out advices or ask people to do it exactly this way because it's all a probability factor plus gut feelings.
So technically when that guy was paid, it became his job to give out advices that you would think is accurate
The same thing happened when i met a psychologist for my depression. She did not understand what is my exact reason and tried to make it about something else which i didn't give a fuck about. But the way she said and gave me advices made me feel this is the right step when it wasn't.
What i mean is if there's cash involved, your mind automatically thinks this is legit advice like anything else we buy from the store

[btbc92]

I'm glad that you finally woke up. Very sad that millions of men still haven't to this day. The sad reality is exactly what women go through and men still today don't seem too freaking care. Hopefully you change for the better and you didn't continue to have people like that milk you out of your money and your misery because you didn't do what you had to do. You have somebody that love and care about you and now she's hurting broken because of your selfishness. That's what happens gentleman when you let Your Lust and selfishness just get the best of you. You say you look for a good woman and then you reject a good woman. You say you want love to, but you want sex so much you rather forsake love all for sex. So when people want to say that you're not hurting anybody, look at the damage that was done.

[MzAsh]

It’s likely you went to the wrong type of professional for what you were looking for or expecting to get out of it.
What does this person actually call themselves? Did you read their terms, conditions, and disclaimers? A dating coach is different than an expert. There’s also mentor, consultant, counselor and they’re all different from each other based on what value they bring and how they work with clients.

[Danny98]

I never wrote to one, but I would think most of them, like many of the so called experts in those types of fields, are full of $#!+. There are probably some that are good but I would think people are better off asking a rational friend or family member.

[Anonymous]

The YouTube coach videos can be used for general context and to provide new ideas. I agree we should not rely on them for personal advice. For that, follow your own nose. At least then you've noone to blame but yourself if it all goes wrong and you have full understanding for the next time.

[Unit1]

If people wanna spend their own money to hear what they want to hear (rather than hearing what they need to hear), who are they to not take advantage of people like (no offense) you have been this one time?

[Anonymous]

Uh oh, I see you immediately attracted the attention of the resident GAG female dating coach, who is well known for giving women horrible advice and being one of the most sexist users on GAG over the last six years. lol

[msc545]

There are no requirements to become a "coach" of any type other than greed and the ability to bullshit people. There are a ton of requirements to become a licensed professional. Try someone who is really qualified.

[R3DthatDude]

Left me on a cliffhanger here. Did you get back with her?

[myTake Owner]

What do you think?

[legalboxers]

Lies!!! @coachanthony is the utmost expert here and is the most helpful

[Shuttlebus78]

Yeah most relationship gurus are awful. Donovan Sharp is one and he is the most arrogant and full of shit person I’ve ever heard.

[ChefPapiChulo]

Lol what.