Sometimes people whom we think would be the perfect match for us don't end up being so. They become toxic, and toxic people are not worth your time.
This take is written in a male point of view. One reason is because this includes some of my personal experiences as well, and the other reason is to make people aware that men too can face abuse in relationships. I must mention that these toxic traits can be seen in both genders and by writing this I'm not attempting to criticize one gender by any means.
- She is always right.
You do a mistake. It annoys her. She yells at you. You accept your fault and say sorry.
She does a mistake. It annoys you. You yell at her. Instead of accepting her fault and saying sorry she justifies it.
If she doesn’t like to accept her faults, and instead she prefers to justify them, then remember it’s a big red flag. Sometimes she would say sorry, but still she would put some effort to justify it by adding comments like “You remember you did something worse than this that day?”, “Let’s not talk about what happened last year when you…” etc. And that won’t help to settle the problem, instead it opens doors to some more problems. Matured people always accept their faults instead of justifying them.
- He was not like you.
“Johnny did this, Johnny did that. Johnny wasn’t like you.”
“Johnny once bought me a ring…”
“Whatever you did was embarrassing, even Johnny didn’t do that.”
She compares you with her ex. She tells you about how he used to do some funny things. Sometimes she tells you how you’re worse than him, and other times how you’re better than him etc. Sometimes she would suddenly talk about something amazing her ex did hinting you that you haven’t done something similar so far. You’re not her ex, you’re a different person, if she doesn’t find you to be good enough then you’re probably wasting your time.
- She is a storyteller.
You find that the stories she tells you and the stories that had actually happened are two. She talks all the odd things about that one friend of her with you, then with that friend she talks all the odd things about you. She tells you that last night she went to bed early because she was too tired, but she had been online till the dawn. You share everything with her, but in return she shares only a part. More and more of similar things are to be found, and she has answers for all of them, but she replies with anger. Also, trust your gut feelings. If something doesn’t feel right, feels completely odd, there’s a chance that it could be so.
- She uses your past relationships to annoy you.
She: Do I look beautiful?
You: Of course, you’re looking great.
She: C’mon don’t lie. I possibly can’t look any better than your Susan.
If time to time she tends to use your past relationships to annoy you, trust me, you better leave. This means she doesn’t trust you that well and she is trying to test if you are still thinking about your ex. And in case if you get angry and in return say something about her ex, she’d probably get mad and will get possessed by the devil and start a fight with you. A giant red flag.
- She digs up what you buried.
Remember that awful fight you had a few months ago? Remember how you settled it? If out of nowhere she suddenly reminds it, hints about it and push the conversation back to that awful topic again and again, then it’s another red flag. If some issue was already settled, then it’s gone, y’all did well at solving a problem, and now y’all need to move on. But instead if she tries to bring those issues back, then there’s a problem.
- You are her stress ball.
“You should bear it because I’m not in a good mood these days. I get a lot of mood swings.”
“So you say that I insulted you yesterday? Sorry for that, I was having mood swings.”
You’re supposed to bear insults, get mocked, and feel humiliated because she is having mood swings. It’s true that women tend to get mood swings, I’m not saying that someone is toxic because of their hormones are working. What I’m saying is that if your partner uses mood swings as an excuse for all the verbal and mental abuse she cause you, then it’s not right. If she constantly puts her stress out on you, boy that’s a deal breaker.
- You’re always the one to be blamed.
You’re getting blamed for trivial reasons. No matter what good you do, for her there’s always something wrong somewhere. You do something sweet for her today, but she won’t remember it tomorrow. As I mentioned in the 1st point, she acts as if she is always the right one out of the two of you. She can talk with any guy she wants because you need to trust her, but if you talk with a female friend of yours she’ll inquire you like the FBI and treat you like a cheater. She’ll make you feel guilty for crimes you haven’t even committed. She makes the rules and she breaks the rules, whatever she does is always supposed to be right. But in case if you do some minor mistake she goes on talking about it for a lifetime.
- She plays the silent game.
She: You don’t care about me. You didn’t talk with me, you didn’t ask me if I’m okay.
You: What the f--- is this? I asked you, I called you, I texted you, you don’t reply, you don’t tell me anything. So I thought you needed some time to be alone.
She: Shut up! You have reasons for every friggin thing.
Ever had a fight like that?
All of a sudden she would go silent. You ask her what’s wrong, but she doesn’t give you a proper answer, or she else she doesn’t answer you at all. This may sometimes continue for days. You keep on trying to talk with her until you feel like you must give her some space. And when you give her some space, she starts blaming you for not caring about her, and for not checking on her. The silent game is all about you playing hard and harder. You don’t have to play that, just move on.
- You don’t say what you want.
You’re tired of fights, you’re done with unnecessary drama, and all you want is some peace. So you avoid saying what you want hoping it would help to prevent another fight. You don’t say “No” or “Enough”, you agree with everything she says. You don’t talk about how you feel or what you think, instead you talk what would suit best for the circumstance so you don’t have to deal with another conflict. A relationship shouldn’t feel like a prison, you must feel free to talk about anything with your so. There you go with another red flag.
- You feel drained.
You don’t feel excited to see her. You don’t feel interested about talking with her anymore. You don’t feel like hanging out with your friends. You feel lonely although you’re in a relationship. If so, then it’s time to leave. Your mental health is more important than a toxic partner.
There are some more things I could include, but this is already too long. In case if you find yourself facing any of these things, maybe it's time for you to leave the relationship and begin a new life. Sorry for any grammar mistakes, and thank you for reading.
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