Breaking the cycle of unworthiness

Breaking the cycle of unworthiness

Have you ever wondered why do you keep attracting people who treat you poorly? Why are you always the friend who gives the most without receiving? Why you are always the one who cares? Why is it so hard for you to set boundaries?

Let me start by saying that you are not alone, and nothing is wrong with you. Being a caring, loving person is a super power in a world that encourages coldness. Never let your past experiences and people harden your soft heart.

We attract the people that we subconsciously think we deserve. If you subconsciously have the limiting belief that you are not worthy, you'll have people around you that will keep making you feel this way. Have you wondered why is it hard for you to say no? You think that by saying no, you'll lose that person, or they will be upset with you. But, if this is the case, then it wasn't the right person to be surrounded with, in the first place. If someone gets upset with you for having standards or boundaries, then they're the one who are not worthy of you.

But where does this belief of unworthiness come from? From childhood. If you felt like you needed to be a certain way or act a certain way for your parents or teachers to not be upset with you, then this is the root of the problem. Most of us weren't encouraged to be ourselves, but to act a certain way to be praised. We were made to believe and feel that our authentic self wasn't worthy enough for the people we looked up to the most; our parents.

This creates a cycle of people-pleasing, and abandoning our true self. Are you more afraid to be abandoned by someone else than abandoning your own self? Of course not, would be the right answer, but most of us don't feel this way deep inside.

In order to break the cycle, you have to start putting yourself first, respecting yourself and your values. And if someone doesn't appreciate or respect the real you, then they are the one who are not good enough for you. By being your true self, you'll start attracting people who love you and respect you for who you are. People who'll encourage you to have boundaries, instead of breaking them. Maybe you'll lose people in this process, but you'll find your tribe, your real family. You'll be surrounded by people with whom you don't have to wear a mask. Think of it, would you rather go through this difficult process for a couple of months then be free for the rest of your life, or keep wearing a mask, keep betraying yourself just to keep these people in your life?

You deserve the best, you are worthy, don't let anyone make you feel less than that.

Breaking the cycle of unworthiness
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Most Helpful Girls

  • DianaWest
    i care very deeply about my parents and other people in my family. i have a few teachers/professors/mentors that i highly respect and would not want to disappoint. on the other hand, most other people i don't care so much for. i mean, i have compassion and if a person needs help, i would help them as best i can. i am not a mean person or treat anyone with disrespect unless they disrespect me. but i am not a people pleaser. even with the people i love the most i have certain boundaries, but they know this and respect me, so we get along really well.

    as for those who disrespect me, i could care less about them. people need to learn to stop giving a damn so much. for instance, i found out a guy i was dating was cheating on me. it hurt me a lot. i cried for about 2 days. but then i looked around and noticed how many hotter, smarter men were around me and i was like, eh, who cares if that chihuahua look alike cheated on me? i stopped talking to him entirely. deleted him from every social media account and blocked his number. he shows up and asks me to forgive him. i tell him i have 0 interests in liars and cheats and tell him to have a good life with his botox bitch. he now regrets doing what he did. honestly, with men or people like this you just have to show you don't give a damn. it really increases your happiness when you block out toxic people.
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  • Explorer91
    Yes but I think people focus too much on this. Initially yes you need to learn to create self worth but that takes a long time to build up. In the meantime people need to focus on “having a life” creating goals, a career, travel plans, whatever it is for you. I find one of the biggest reasons people attract/ put up with or don’t break up early enough with difficult people is not because of a lack of self worth but of boredom. Lack of purpose. Not much going on in your life to look forward to. The only thing they have are those toxic relationships or friendships as their purpose.
    so yes all this psychological stuff matters, but what matters more I find is to not focus so much on self worth and focus on creating a life and things to look forward to, easier to say no to people or things that make you feel bad when you have clear visions and goals distracting and keeping your focus xx
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    • Anonymous

      But again, if you don't feel worthy, you're going to build a life that's very average. You won't dream big, you'll feel that you're not worthy to have good things in life.

    • Explorer91

      I think that’s more an issue of clinical depression than self worth per se. Tbh.

Most Helpful Guys

  • lightbulb27
    Well said.

    The process to feel worthy is still illusive. The feelings are deeply rooted that is who I am, so it isn't other people who cause it, it is me... self image. How does one change a self image?
    Is this still revelant?
  • Browneye57
    Not bad actually. You come up with this? Or something you saw on the internet?
    And why are you posting anonymously? It's like hiding.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      I came up with this after years of healing, I thought it might help someone.

    • Browneye57

      Well, the truth is, we each get to CHOOSE our worthiness. We get to be in charge of our own feelings and emotions. Some people, particulary women, blame everything and everyone else for where they're at. It's a victim mentality. They never stopped to think that where they're at might be due to their decisions and actions. No, they put the blame elsewhere.

      NEVER turn power over yourself to someone or something else. EVER. Take charge, accept responsibility for yourself, own your own shit.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Mofunfour20
    They show that theyre unfit and i show her the door. People show you the side they want you to see til the habits they're trying to hide surface
  • oddwaffle
    Breaking the cycle of unworthinessUnworthy!!!
  • tatianamay
    Damn, this was eye-opening and wonderfully written! Amazing 🤩
  • zagor
    Hard to relate to, as I rarely even MEET anyone new, of any "worthiness".
  • townhouse
    Depends what ur being worthy about and if ur body mind and heart is ready
  • JustinTimberlegs
    Thank you
  • aqua0101
    I really enjoyed this blog. It helped me a lot.
  • Mavie
    Well said.
  • Joker_
    I am worthy now
  • na2398
    Thank you so much for this ❤️
  • Abdulwahh
    Change your mindset and control the frame