No matter how stable your relationship seems, no matter how picture perfect MINE seems to many of you, it's not always this way....
Remember, this MyTake defines a very common Relationship issue that is not even an issue if you compare it to Toxic, controlling and violent relationships....so yeah I know...chill.
THERE ARE UPS AND DOWNS EVEN IN MY RELATIONSHIP
No, there is no perfect relationship, your Wife ain't perfect, your Husband ain't perfect, and whoever tells you that THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS PERFECT they are straight lying to your face.
THE HELL, YOU ARE NOT PERFECT !!!!
There are good relationships, the standard ones, and over time all these relationships go through ups and downs. Sometimes there are periods where the relationship feels more effortless, and sometimes where resistance is felt and more intention is required.
I see a relationship as a spike then drop, spike then drop sort of pattern.... And hell, it's NORMAL. It's just, we don't see it immediately, our brain freezes, and all we think about is "BREAKING UP , GIVING UP, CRYING"
That's why I always say, it's important to take a minute and reflect after every missunderstanding not only in relationships but in whatever ship you are sailing.... (you get my point).
I think the best relationships understand that "great relationships magically happen only in fairy tales"....it just requires you to have tools in your emotional toolbox, knowing how to use them, when to use them, when to stop, when to say sorry, when to give space.... and accept the fact that it's normal for a relationship to go through ups and downs.
The worst enemy in relationsips ? : OVERREACTION
Overreacting is what most of us do until we figure out that what just happened is a natural course of life, you even come to a point to blame yourself (because duh you overreacted) and in this case you need to pick the right tool in your box to correct it....
It's important to develop some sort of emotional intelligence, someone has to step back, assess and then see where the correction is needed, instead of causing more damage to the relationship.
PAUSE , WAIT, REASON THEN ACT
The higher your emotional intelligence, the more control you will have over your relationship. Because YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL are in control of YOUR relationship and your role IN IT.
Don't get me wrong... You are not in control of your partner, because that's when relationships become toxic...
You are in control of the relationship, particularly YOUR PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP.
Feeling ignored and pushed away
So this happens in my case plenty of times, we learned to understand though, IT TOOK US A LOT OF TIME TRUST ME.
Many times, we have our "social guard" down, when we go through a stressful time, (AND IT'S EITHER ME OR HIM WE NEVER HAPPENED TO BE IN THIS PHASE TOGETHER LOL) so usually we are sidetracked with whatever is stressing us, and are not fully present... but during that moment we don't think about it, we don't mean no harm....we just ignore our partner (without wanting to but it happens)
YOU MAY FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO ROW HARDER FOR THE BOTH OF YOU, and as a result, irritation can start showing up in you (or your partner).....
THIS IS A VERY REAL SET OF CIRCUMSTANCE THAT ANYONE IN A HAPPY , LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP HAS EXPERIENCED... so you're not alone here.
It feels like you're rowing the relationship boat alone, because they are distracted so they are not rowing in sync, or they are not rowing the way YOU WANT IT, or not rowing at all.
In this case, you have to be your partners help mate, you have to start to learn how to help him or her naturally, without "OVERREACTING". In some cases it helps....
BUT, sometimes some people naturally draw back, and it can be hard to help them, because they turn inward.
If this happens, we take it personally, as if they are drawing back from us but it's just their way of dealing with things. Some people deal with things through their own process, and that feels very foreign to you, so it scares you.. AGAIN IT'S NORMAL.
Obviously, this GAP can create som fallout, wondering why our partner is so withdrawn...asking OVERRACTING QUESTIONS like "why are they mad at me?" , "Why are they so irritated with me?" "Are they seeing someone else?" " Are they not attracted to me anymore" so you point the finger at yourself, and here we go the vicious circle of a downward spiral of negative emotions take place, and as a result NEGATIVE COMMENTS FLY BACK AND FORTH..SO MANY THINGS YOU DON'T EVEN MEAN COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTHS !!!
So what are you supposed to do?
Well, it's simple (even though easier said than done) you have to ACCEPT THAT THIS IS A STAGE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP, you have to reflect what your partner is going through and that it's not personal, it's not BECAUSE OF YOU. (Unless you've done something and he or she found out I mean.. that's something else I can't help you with that)
You have to choose your own VIBE, try taking a walk, swim, journaling, meditation, reading or listening to uplifting audio books, try to bring some sense of YOU BACK IN BALANCE.
Remember, it's your toolbox of your own adjustment. You have to feel your sense of calm and alignment again which will automatically bring more harmony in your relationship, and it will just rise from there.
WHATEVER IS HAPPENING, IS PERSONAL TO YOUR PARTNER NOT PERSONAL TO YOU. It involves you YES, because it involves your partner, BUT IT DOES NO WAY IN HELL DEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP UNLESS YOU CHOOSE TO LET IT.
Trust me, it's just about deciding then acting in favor of the happy, healthy relationship you desire in your life.
I really would love to see your way of dealing with situations like these, and if it ever happened to you and so on, so drop your comment below. Let's learn more from each other and see if we can apply one or the other rule into our own relationships.
Love
-D-
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