This question came from a viral Reddit post in in which a woman wanted to know if she was in the wrong for refusing to move in with her boyfriend unless he learned some life skills on his own.
She said, "I'm 20F, my boyfriend is 24M. We've been dating for a while, and are thinking about moving in together. Right now he still lives at home, I have my own apartment. The idea [is that we] would find a bigger apartment together. Here's the problem, in a conversation we had, he said, 'I'd wear a nice shirt out, but I don't know if my mom has done laundry yet.' I was surprised and asked him if his mom always did his laundry. That's how this conversation started. Turns out, his mom does everything. And I do mean everything. He can't cook anything, doesn't know how to clean anything, never had to budget his money... I told him I didn't want to move in with him until he could at least do the basic things. I'm scared of taking on the teacher/mom role in the relationship, and not being able to escape it, if that makes sense. He doesn't like that, at all. He's annoyed that I don't trust him to learn these things, and that I don't want to teach him, so I must not care about him that much. I genuinely like him, but I'm pretty busy. I'd rather spend our time together hanging out, than showing him how to vacuum or do laundry. Plus I just don't enjoy taking on that role. I suggested he ask his mom, he doesn't want to. He wants to move in together 'and then we'll figure it out'... that scares me.
First off, OH HELL NO! She is 100% right in wanting to live with a grown man and not someone she has to be mommy to. My first ever serious relationship was with a momma's boy. His grandfather bought him an entire house as a graduation gift, and yet he would routinely take his laundry over to his mom's house so she could do it (he had a washer and dryer), and she would frequently cook for him whenever. Being an only child definitely magnified the situation. He wasn't as bad as this guy, but when I thought about our future together I could already tell we would be fighting often about him not picking up after himself, or expecting me to cook for him, or basic stuff he was used to his mom doing for him all the time. My fears became verified when he married a mutual friend of ours a few years after we broke up and the marriage ended within a year with her stating some of my thoughts that became her unfortunate reality.
I don't care if you are a man or a woman, living with someone who doesn't know how to adult is stressful because you know this is a capable human being who can take care of themselves...and that's what it is....they can't take care of themselves, so then how can you expect them to be able to take care of you?!?
In regards to the boyfriend in the posts idea of "we can figure it out together," ....uh, we all know those people whom you teach something to and they act like they just can't seem to get it or willfully ignore your instructions so the other person can keep doing it for them. No one wants to get trapped in that spiral either. Plus, as she said, she is not his mom, so ask your mom whom you currently live with, to teach you, and yet he refused. To me, that screams red flag right there!
I can already hear some of the...'but shouldn't you love him unconditionally.' Forget that!!! anyone who lives with someone else, or hell, even by yourself, knows living as an adult means you take on the tasks needed to sustain you and your living situation. Everyday there is cooking, cleaning, yard maintenance, money matters, etc that all must be handled. NO ONE wants to do this all by themselves all the time if they can help it. Plus, think about if you have kids in the future---it would be like having kids, plus an adult baby.
You have to know yourself, and know that living in this type of situation is going to stress you and him out if she feels like she has to nag him to learn or to do the basic things for himself and their home together because that is what it would turn into, hence her fears. Studies have shown that in long term relationships, outside of money, things like chores and habits are one of the number one things couples fight about.