Is it opposite attracts or similarities attracts?

[begum01]

Generally, people believe that it is preferable to have opposite characters among partners or among friends because they think that opposite poles attract each other.

Although people generally think that opposite characteristics are preferred in relationships, various studies show that similarities in established relationships are very important for maintaining a healthy relationship. Psychologists explain that only exposure and familiarity lead to an attraction, and in some cases, this results in stable relationships.

Studies show that similarity in values, ideologies, and background predicts greater satisfaction in relationships. At a low level of commitment, people choose to be with different people with different perspectives. However, the features that seem attractive in these relationships cause the relationship to break in later periods.

[UmbrusNightshade]

It’s complex. The answer is both. Just look at eHarmony’s personality testing (which does use psychological and sociological research). Certain attributes are best when both have a relatively close inclination while other attributes make a better relationship when they are opposing.


I’ll use myself as an example. For a relationship to work with me, a woman will have to share my religious views. She’ll also have to have a similar political stance.


I am an INFJ type under the MBTI and according to eHarmony I have a relatively high emotional reaction to the world compared to most guys. Their testing states that ideally a woman would have a similar degree of emotion so that in that regard we can bond. However, to balance out the relationship it would be better for her to have a slightly higher intellectual reaction and for me to have a slightly higher instinctual reaction.


They say that the desired degree of connectedness should be similar for things to work out yet because I lean more introverted yet have a desire to socialize a woman who has a similar desire to socialize but a higher degree of extroversion would suit me better than someone more similar in those regards.


There are a lot of factors and some need to be more similar while others being opposing can actually balance things out.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

What are Your religious views? I can marry Muslimas, Jews, or Christians, but not polytheists or atheists. My Jewish comrade is orthodox and would marry only practising Jews, but any sect.

[UmbrusNightshade]

Christian, non-Catholic and preferably non-Calvinistic only.

[UmbrusNightshade]

Christian only. Non-Catholic for sure. Preferably non-Calvanistic. Non-Charismatic. Also not Jehovah’s Witness nor Mormon as they are cults and not true Christianity.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

What’s wrong with YHWH’s Witnesses — they believe in no Trinity? No Puritans as well? They celebrate Christmas not. Also why not those other sects?

[UmbrusNightshade]

Jehovah’s Witness and Mormons believe things that were considered heresy in the early church, medieval and Renaissance eras.

All I listed are either cults or believe aspects that I fundamentally don’t agree with.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

Mormonism is relatively new. It came after the medieval and renaissance times.

[katestar89]

I agree with you.

[UmbrusNightshade]

Yes but it still follows heresies as defined back then. For instance they believe we all become gods if you dig into the deep of their beliefs.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

Anyway, I’m curious why. What exactly commit/believe those sects?

[UmbrusNightshade]

Catholicism has been wrong for centuries. Things like praying someone out of Hell, the deification of Mary, the acceptance of other religions as valid, among other things have negated most of its validity.

As for Calvinists, I disagree with the idea of Predestination and lack of Free Will.

Charismatics believe in speaking in tongues but most agree that spiritual gift is no longer around. The Bible says there is supposed to be an interpreter present and I have never seen one in a Charismatic church.

Jehovah’s Witness believe that Jesus and Satan are brothers, one heresy. And they had to alter their doctrine because originally they claimed there would only be 144000 of them and they are supposed to be the 144000 mentioned in Revelation, however they have more followers than that.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

I can see why You’re against those. I believe Mary is one of the best woman human beings in the world. Humans have free will, but spirits of light (Gabriel, Michael, etc) don’t. Yeshua is a messenger of G-d, son of Mary and a word from Her, and the Satan is an evil spirit of fire, so not related.

[OlderAndWiser]

These two ideas are both represented in "truisms" and sound as if they MUST be true: Birds of a feather, flock together, and. . . opposites attract.

There are many pairs of opposing truisms in Western culture, such as "Out of the mouths of babes come wise sayings" and "With age comes wisdom."

Neither is always true and both are true in some cases.

[ShellyB]

It is all gray areas bc no two people are exactly alike and also no two people are totally different, that said, I think it's hard to say which attracts people more but I think similarities are more likely to lead to a good longterm relationship/marriage.

I think it is comfortable for a couple where they are similar and I think it makes the couple stronger where they are different so, I think both are good, 100% of one or the other and you'd be missing either comfort or strength. JMO!

[Alessa13]

Opposites do not attract, as they attract lots of fighting and differences. I do not want someone that hates everything I do and I do not want to do what he wants to do.

I also would not marry someone who has different values than I do.

I would say it is similarities that attract, does not need to be exact but close enough.

I become afraid to say my true opinion if I know he will get upset about it, that is not good thing to happen.

[Guy13]

Opposites that we find attractive eventually exacerbates us although very enjoyable to begin with. Overarching similarities, such as worldview, is what keeps us together and maneuvering around troubled areas.

[RavVid]

I think similarities.

To take an extreme point I doubt a spouse who thinks fidelity is essential will be with a spouse who thinks you should have sex with as many people as possible.

If there isn't a similar world view then there are difficulties.

In some aspects opposites are useful. A introvert may gain from an extrovert partner. Someone who can't save may benefit from some who can. So it isn't as cut and dried as that simple thesis.

But the base world view needs to be shared values.

[exitseven]

I dated somebody who was the opposite of the girls I usually dated. I guess she was the opposite of me too. I had it pretty bad for this girl. Hanging out with her was a lot of fun and it was just such a different experience we had. It was exciting at first but I imagine it would have been tiresome after a while. Soon after I met my wife and you never met two people that had so much in common and so many similar life experiences. We have been married 27 years.

[whirled_up_girl]

I think there needs to be a little bit of both, having similar interests is okay but if your personalities are too similar things could maybe be a bit boring.

[Anonymous]

Opposites attract with physical traits like height and facial shapes. But opposites don't attract with things like personality, values, political views, interests, etc.

[FilmGuy93]

Opposites do generally attract, but it’s the right kind of opposite. Your core values and lifestyles need to be aligned. Opposites should be opposite on things like introvert/extrovert

[katestar89]

I have to agree with you.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

Opposites attract, according to the Electromagnetic Law. A positively charged substance and a negatively charged one attract a lot more forcefully than gravity, but two positives or two negatives repel.

[Flower7]

I feel like being similar is more important than being different.

[inhua]

only "attractive" attracts. that's all there is to it

[OddBeMe]

Both. You want some arguments and you want some similar interests. Like clubbing or sports. If one of you doesn’t like it and the other does…eeesh.

[007kingifrit]

opposites do not attract. my social psych teacher went over all the research with us one time and it's like a mountain of data on people being more similar staying together

[Keishio]

Never understood the saying. Can't imagine having the best time with an opposite. A few things in common always feel best

[LiamJHayden]

Complementary opposites are the good kind. Vehement opposites cause problems.

[Pterodon]

Opposites do attract initially but the lack of commonalities becomes problematic

[Anonymous]

I think opposites attract when we are younger, I think it's more about similarities as we get older.

[Anonymous]

Opposites attract is more about physical traits than personality or values.

[NathanDavis]

a balance of both

[In_Trance]

similarities attract

[21Cowboy21]

Similarites.

[Anonymous]

Similarities attract.