This is one of the topics that made me surprised in my current relationship. He is always there whenever I need him. I am also there for him. Before him, I used to think that it was okay if my partner refused to be there for me when I feel depressed because everybody has their ups and downs, it might be his bad day too. The problem was that these bad days were always collapsing and I always justified their absence in my life. I thought doing this was respecting them, but no: It was actually disrespecting myself.
My boyfriend and I have a relationship in which we listen to each other at all costs. When our bad moods collapse, we simply sit together and talk about our problems- just like you would do with a friend. I see it is easy for people to chat with their friends about both sides' problems one by one but when it comes to relationships they are looking for a one-sided system. They want to stop listening completely and have a one-sided conversation. I don't understand this. The worst thing about this is that I used to believe this was "the" normal when it came to relationships. Now I reject not sharing my problems with my partner because I can see it is not the dynamics of a relationship but the person we are together who draws such harmful lines.
I want to solidify this. I have been suffering from depression since my childhood. My early boyfriend was also depressed so there was a massive hardship in our little lives. I always tried to listen to him and make the best for him. For example, I started waking up early just to wake him up too because he was unable to get up from the bed by himself. I was there for him, I listened to his problems and tried to make it easier for him. However, when it came to me, he was always lost. He was either offline or not able to meet with me. I always tried to justify this situation by remembering his depression, which made me forget about mine. My ex-boyfriend was emotionally unavailable but refused to accept it, rather than that, he harmed me by accusing me of being selfish.
To compare, my current boyfriend also has mental health problems. He is suffering from anxiety and depression but he is never far away from me. Whenever I feel down, I can feel his presence next to me even if he is not near. This is because he is emotionally available even though suffering from mental health disorders. He is always with me, we find solutions to our problems together. Talking on the phone with him for 10 minutes makes my day so much better because I can feel that whatever happens, we are together in it.
There is no excuse for not being there for you constantly. The absence of significant other in your life is not a dynamic that you should tolerate. Nobody deserves to be alone while in a relationship. Find yourself, someone, you are compatible with. This not only makes you happier but will solve your mental problems to an extent because even if you don't notice it, these emotionally unavailable spouses cause big damage to your stability. Take care.
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