The Importance of Similar Views In a Relationship

[HawkPerception]

Some of you that know me and have read my opinions have probably seen me on multiple occasions emphasize the importance of having similar views in a relationship as well as other important similarities. But today I'm focusing solely on similar views.

Let me start off by saying that it is POSSIBLE to have different views in a relationship, but the more differences in views you have, the more likely you are to have conflict and tension.

The maturity level of the people in the relationship also plays a large factor on how they handle that tension.

People have the misconception that opposites attract. Opposites attract only in the sense of man & woman, masculine & feminine, stronger & weaker, dominant & submissive, confident & shy, etc. Similarities is what truly bonds people.

Imagine you have different religious views. That's all well and fine. It's been done many times all over the world. As long as you respect each other's views it can work. But then when you're raising kids, and you want your kids to have a similar upbringing to your own and to feel nostalgic and live vicariously through their life, there's usually a conflict in what religion you'll raise them with.

Imagine you have different political views. One person believes in abortion and the other doesn't. One believes in the LGBT movement and the other is opposed to it. One believes people should have the right to own guns and the other is opposed to it. One believes in free education and the other believes they shouldn't have their tax money go to other people's education. One person believes in spanking children and the other doesn't.

Imagine you have different views in a relationship. One person thinks flirting with another person of the opposite sex isn't cheating and the other one does. One person thinks you should prioritize family before your partner and the other thinks it's vice-versa. One person thinks you should put effort into your health and appearance in a relationship and the other thinks you should love them no matter what.

I can go on and on about the types of differences in views you can have that might create conflict in a relationship. It can even be something to do with your pet, like whether or not should you neuter or spay your dog. But the point here is that all of these have the potential to create conflict or tension in a relationship. But when the majority of your views are similar, there's not many better feelings than that... being with someone who gets you so much that they can almost read your mind. You can just look at each other and know what you're both thinking.

If you're serious about having a serious relationship with someone, then these are the types of questions that should be addressed in the dating phase. Don't be afraid to ask the questions in fear of scaring away your date or coming across awkward. It doesn't have to come across interview-like. You can have fun with each of the questions. Don't be afraid to show your personality! It's all to find someone you have true chemistry with.

[sage2021]

I can attest that what the asker says is 💯% true and I lived it, so I can say it's really true what he is saying.

I have always opposed the idea that opposites attract. I think it's an old wives tale from some couples that were married yet didn't have anything in common but were stuck with each other maybe for religious reasons.

I had finally met the guy for me in December 2018 when I was about 62 years old. But he and I were both young at heart and laughed and played together A LOT!!!🙂

After being together for a couple of months he once said "We are not just two peas in the pod 🫛 we are the same pea in the pod".

It was so true. Only Patrick and I know what we had together and no one else! No one else was around us to see how we made each other laugh every single day!! It was constant!

He baked me chocolate chip cookies in the oven almost every day for weeks when I was sick in bed. They made me smile 😊 and that's why he did it, because he loved my smile and told me that a lot!

Our political beliefs are religious beliefs were the same so we could say anything we wanted to each other with no argument.

He used to have the florist deliver me beautiful yellow long stem roses because they were my favorite and he was always doing things to make me happy and I was happy!! 😊 And he was happy! 😊

I know that I have told these stories on here before but I am doing it again because I am proof that two people can and did have a loving relationship. Not a perfect relationship but a loving one.

Sadly he suddenly passed away last year in September and I know that I wouldn't have missed knowing him and spending part of our lives together for the world! 🌎❤️

I miss him every single day and I would give anything to be laughing about something, anything with him right now❣️

RIP my Patrick John 🧸🍪🍪🍪🍪 he loved cookies!!

[sage2021]

Thank you so much for the MHO 🙂🧁🌷

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Great take. The more closely the values and beliefs align, the less added strain. Relationships will always have some level of difficulty and pressure due to life in general. Making sure that the "basics" aren't where the pressure originates is a smart idea. Well-put and agreed! :D

[RavVid]

I am pretty strongly concurring with what you are saying. In terms of opposites attract think it is quite possible that a couple is more capable with a combination of opposites.

I might appreciate an extroverted girlfriend if I am introverted in that it helps me socially. An optimist and a pessimist might well balance very well with the pessimist bringing some caution to the optimist and the optimist bringing some adventurism to the pessimist such that the couple take chances on some things and refrains from other things more sensibly.

In part, this is your masculine/feminine divide that most of us go for. Apart from different bodies there are a large number attributes that males and females have in different degrees.

This is a very good thing if couple capability is greater than the individuals capability. I suspect this might be more prevalent and subtle than my optimist/pessimist example.

A real life example is my girlfriend was more capable of getting us out of a maze of a shopping center because she had noticed shops and even scents more than I had. But she had no idea of where the car was parked whereas I could lead us straight to it.

More than anything similar views on politics would be essential to me. Far more than religious. Common views of boundaries for the relationship would be mandatory as with your example of flirting.

We could argue that apart from a few areas like these where commonality is absolutely required differences are not that bad in a relationship.

[nastyb]

the same actually goes for friendships.

I find that when I befriend people of same gender, similar levels of education, age similar interests, the friendships tend to last much longer than befriending people of very different backgrounds.

Stick to your own kind if you want success in relationships

[thegreenyogi]

I agree 100% with what you say in this take. People never change and if there are too many differences the two parties involved will keep pulling the rope on either end and eventually the rope will break.

[Graptemys79]

It depends on the type of views. Differing world views such as on religion or morality will be much more important than your favorite movies or the best genre of music.

[notCryHONEY]

it's a special thing to have the same ideas, but it doesn't matter

[SolitarySolace]

Essential