This is why I say women don't make good friends to male. What you described is a PART of friendship. But it is the only part of friendship that most women are willing to have with a male. That leads to men feeling like emotional tampons. If that's the only part of friendship that is offered, and all other friendship aspects are non existent by choice. I would say that is using someone. Not,"Well look here son, that's what FRIENDS do!!!"
Um, that isn't the only aspect of any of my friendships. Be it with males or females. Its just one aspect. Srry if one chick you know only ever wants to talk about her feelings but that doesn't mean that's what the rest of us do
That's what I stated. It's not the only aspect. But out of all the female friends I've had in my 34 years. I would say that that is what you get 3/4 of the time. Not one woman to base this off of but dozens. This is why I state that men and women can't be friends. This is why a lot of males feel like they are just a shoulder to cry on. 15 years ago, I would have said that men and women could be friends. But its not all on the females. Because of females encountering males wanting more out of the friendships, they hold back on a lot of the friendship aspects as to not give the guy the wrong impression. With every year I age, I see how muddled the waters become. Things become less cut and dry.
I think the bigger reason why men and women can't be friends is because men want to put their dick in EVERYTHING.
Like I said in the post, if you feel used, walk away. Keep those 1/4 female friends who do more than talk about feelings. And be happy. I don't keep the company of people I don't enjoy and then bitch about it.
I actually really agree with this. I think this happens a lot. I have a few girls I dated who wanted to stay friends when we found out we mutually did not work as a couple and that was fine for both of us. But after about 2 weeks each time I realized all they wanted me for was a friendly ear to vent to. They wouldn't hang out anymore and on the rare occasion we did it was because they needed to vent. They would hardly talk about anything but issues. Anything friendly I said to try and redirect the topics ended conversations. I wonder if guys do this. I mean Im sure we do but after reading this I realize I have ran into it a lot with women.
also I should mention all my totally platonic female friends and me always act like normal friends. Its the ones I have dated, expressed wanting to date, or they wanted to date me that go into this weird mode. At least in my cases.
you say nothing about how women are prejudiced against friendly guys. they re either perverts or gay in their minds. you say nothing about how some women use these male friends of theirs. you say nothing about the true definition of platonic relationships. p. r's are not when one member shows non reciprocated love, its when both people have feelings but they remain at an innocent non sexual level.
1
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
you say nothing about when they give you false hopes and manipulate you, to maintain that life sucking relationship and use as much as they need of you.
you either never did those things or you are butthurt cause that's exactly what you do. these things have happened to me and many guys i know. but i've also met girls that were better friends than my best buddies. two of them. but the though, one i learned after a lot of time had romantic interest in me. so much for the inter-gender friendship.
-women are not prejudice against friendly guys. Just because you're "friendly" and girls don't like you does not mean girls hate friendly guys. -"use these male friends. " some women do that, but also most men confuse being leaned on as a friend with being used. Like I said if you feel you are being used walk away. Otherwise you're letting yourself be used. And don't forget many men use women for sex. -the definition of "platonic" is (:of love or friendship) intimate and affectionate but not sexual. it says nothing about having romantic feelings. -wtf at "p. r's are not when one member shows non reciprocated love." You're not owed her love! !!!
You posting as anon isn't going to help your case. As far as I know, only betas and insecure idiots get used.
And it isn't because you get 'used'. It is because she is exposing you for who you really are, a piece of hypocritical shit that only want some return for whatever you're 'investing' in her, when she could've gotten it somewhere else for pretty much free without you.
Know this, you are NOT special when you do this for her, you just so happened to be available at that time. And that IS an opportunity for YOU to learn about her, not make her feel like she OWED you something. Can that even be counted as being 'used'?
I don't even think you get to that stage of being used, you're just perceiving crap about girls who treat you like nothing because they don't even acknowledge you. You're not in any friendzone, you're in NO ZONE.
you do it again already. why "friendly"? why not really friendly. is it so bad to want to make you my buddy and not sleep with you? is it so necessary my approach has sexual and inferior motives? and waht do you mean they don't like me you stupid ignorant twat? do you know how many girls i've heard saying "is he gay or something"? you see a quiet or friendly guy "he is gay and why he won't hit on me", you see a player, "men are pigs". i'm not the one contradicting myself. you are. as for men using women for sex i don't think they dragged them in their bedroom from their har. and still i gave the correct definition but wherever romantic put "loving" (in the general sense not necessarily erotic).
@soneoak well a narcissist only hurts, so i guess you can't relate. it's only normal. i've been in more zones than you will probably ever be. i doubt you've been to more places and jobs and experiences (i dont necessarily mean sexual) than i had till just my 23th year. the last few years i returned to my hometown and i settled in a way.
@soneoak. you lost me at "only betas get hurt by women". so you''ve never been? the i guess you are the one who did what you accused me off, you talk about stuff you can't relate to. and "betas"? are you that insecure, that you need to devise a new category of humans to feel superior and seasoned? thats so "beta".
Uh, betas, gammas, omegas, whatever you want to call them. Basically, we use terms to help communicate concepts without having to explain everything.
Being hurt by a girl? Nope, I know I've been hurt by my emotions, but it was definitely the no-zone rather than the friendzone.
Also, nope, you were talking about being used, not being hurt, epic huge difference there, being 'used' is something you label yourself as. If you don't learn from it, then too bad, keep thinking whatever you want.
The way you phrased 'used' implies lots of negativity, like you felt you were 'owed' something. Seriously if that were the case, just speak up and stop doing whatever crap you don't want to do. If you're doing whatever it is you're doing hoping to get 'something' in return, like sex or similar, then you're a piece of shit (unless she promised sex, highly unlikely).
Girls tend to reciprocate the listening, the advice giving, the 'intervensions', the diners etc. As for being used? bullshit.
She addressed all of that. If someone's not into you they are not into you. You're still looking for ways to cintrol their opinion to change the situation, instead of chamging the situation by controling your actions and moving on.
If you feel like you are being manipulated or are getting false hope then why don't you just fucking leave. Nobody is forcing you into staying friends with a girl if you do not want to. And you know what, most of the time men just mistake "friendliness" with "flirting". This is not our fault. You should start observing the way a woman is around all her guy friends, she'll treat them all the same, if you get the wrong idea, that is your problem. Maybe you should just open you're eyes for once and accept the fact that you made a mistake and fucking move on without wanting to blame woman.
She addresses that in her Take. She says that if someone is truly "using you" and only dates you after you give them a lot of gifts, then that is not the kind of relationship you want to be in. That is a one-sided relationship and it is bad. Anyone who accepts presents from you and uses you in that way is not a good person. And if you think that she is "using you for emotional intimacy," the Take Owner addresses that too: "Well look her son, that's what FRIENDS do!" I talk to my friends about my problems. I ask my girl friends for advice, I ask my guy friends for advice. And in return, I give them advice. I listen to their problems. That's called friendship! My friends aren't entitled to sex just because they listen to my problems. I am not "leading them on" by asking for advice. That's what friendship is.
HaventMetYouYet would you say you're closer to your girl or guy friends? Which are you more likely to wake up at 3 in the morning so you can cry to them? Which are you more likely to ask for a ride? Guy "friends" who like you are going to go out of their way A LOT more than a girl-friend who doesn't like you. If you take advantage of that fact, then you're a bad person
A girl friend who doesn't like you won't actuslly be a friend.
A guy friend who is only going out of his way bc he secretly wAnts to fuck you is also not a real friend.
A real friend would go out of their way bc they care not bc they get sex or anything ekse.
It sounds like not only do you not want to be accountable for your choice to remain in friendships with romantic feelings are one sided but it also sounds like your platonic rekationshios kind of suck too. If a friend cared they are going to want to help you. The fact you see that as only something a guy who wants to fuck his girl friend would do, indicates you don't gave a lot of good experuences with real friendship. Maybe make some new friends.
Also if you want to shower someone with attention that's your right. But if you're doing it expecting them to want a rekationship with yiu snd you are never ckear sbout your intentions then that's in you. You're being manipulative by not being honest.
@M_A_X what don't you understand? If two people are involved in friendship then leaning on one another is a part of friendship. You're not entitled to sex or love because you listened to her cry
The hell? Women are emotional and lean on all their friends. The fact that he's a male means nothing. If you don't want to listen to a girls problems then don't
Ha it made me laugh I like it an also its just the less intelligent guys that think that way. Also people who are blinds pulled over there eyes can't read body language at all
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Yes! The 'friendzone' does not exist, because if that girl/boy does not want to be with you and only likes you as a friend, they are not obligated to sleep with you. So if you are a girl/boy that complains about this I need to shut up and go eat a bag of d! cks
If anything guys should be happy girls are accepting them into there life as a friend. She can can give you advice or introduce you to her single female friends
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Agree. You can be friends. However, it is possible that one may fall for another or both start to flirt it up.
It is possible though that the guy or girl leads on their friend a little or teases them now and again. Now that is misleading.
@been_waiting "I didn't say every guy just wants sex..." "men want to put their dick in EVERYTHING."
How do you reconcile those two sentences? Now I've read your posts before and know you're smart enough that you didn't mean the second sentence literally, but it's easy to see how when someone reads something like "men want to put their dick in EVERYTHING" they might mistake your tone and your words to mean that you are suggesting something similar to "every guy just wants sex."
@Bluemax I didn't say that in my take. It was in a comment to another user. But like you said... its an exaggeration. Not only that, but there's a difference between wanting sex and only wanting JUST sex.
However I think you missed a few points like for example sticking you in the friendzone after flirting ridiculously with you for fun or sending you wrong signals etc
People flirt. Guys flirt too bc it makes them feel good sbout them. Flirting doesn't mean you want a relationship and failure to date someone after you flirt doesn't mean you're put in a zone you have to climb out of... Just means she's not into you never was and you deserve someone who is.
I'm sorry but out of experience, guys took my being friendly as me showing interest in them. They read the signals wrong and then blame us for not making it clear. I am very oblivious when it comes to guys that show interest, and I'm sorry if my personality gives you false hope, but that is not my fault. I decide to be nice to every one, and I treat all of my guy friends the same, some get the wrong impression and others don't. If I'm friends with you I do not want to walk on eggshell, being careful of how I should treat you and not be too friendly or talk to you too much, or give you a hug whenever I feel like it.
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Well look here son, that's what FRIENDS do!!!
This is why I say women don't make good friends to male. What you described is a PART of friendship. But it is the only part of friendship that most women are willing to have with a male. That leads to men feeling like emotional tampons. If that's the only part of friendship that is offered, and all other friendship aspects are non existent by choice. I would say that is using someone. Not,"Well look here son, that's what FRIENDS do!!!"
Um, that isn't the only aspect of any of my friendships. Be it with males or females. Its just one aspect. Srry if one chick you know only ever wants to talk about her feelings but that doesn't mean that's what the rest of us do
That's what I stated. It's not the only aspect. But out of all the female friends I've had in my 34 years. I would say that that is what you get 3/4 of the time. Not one woman to base this off of but dozens. This is why I state that men and women can't be friends. This is why a lot of males feel like they are just a shoulder to cry on. 15 years ago, I would have said that men and women could be friends. But its not all on the females. Because of females encountering males wanting more out of the friendships, they hold back on a lot of the friendship aspects as to not give the guy the wrong impression. With every year I age, I see how muddled the waters become. Things become less cut and dry.
I think the bigger reason why men and women can't be friends is because men want to put their dick in EVERYTHING.
Like I said in the post, if you feel used, walk away. Keep those 1/4 female friends who do more than talk about feelings. And be happy. I don't keep the company of people I don't enjoy and then bitch about it.
I actually really agree with this. I think this happens a lot. I have a few girls I dated who wanted to stay friends when we found out we mutually did not work as a couple and that was fine for both of us. But after about 2 weeks each time I realized all they wanted me for was a friendly ear to vent to. They wouldn't hang out anymore and on the rare occasion we did it was because they needed to vent. They would hardly talk about anything but issues. Anything friendly I said to try and redirect the topics ended conversations. I wonder if guys do this. I mean Im sure we do but after reading this I realize I have ran into it a lot with women.
also I should mention all my totally platonic female friends and me always act like normal friends. Its the ones I have dated, expressed wanting to date, or they wanted to date me that go into this weird mode. At least in my cases.
you say nothing about how women are prejudiced against friendly guys. they re either perverts or gay in their minds. you say nothing about how some women use these male friends of theirs. you say nothing about the true definition of platonic relationships. p. r's are not when one member shows non reciprocated love, its when both people have feelings but they remain at an innocent non sexual level.
you say nothing about when they give you false hopes and manipulate you, to maintain that life sucking relationship and use as much as they need of you.
You're delusional and you have Nice Guy syndrome.
you either never did those things or you are butthurt cause that's exactly what you do. these things have happened to me and many guys i know. but i've also met girls that were better friends than my best buddies. two of them. but the though, one i learned after a lot of time had romantic interest in me. so much for the inter-gender friendship.
but one of them*
and you are also butthurt because you gave a mistaken definition of platonic relationships.
-women are not prejudice against friendly guys. Just because you're "friendly" and girls don't like you does not mean girls hate friendly guys.
-"use these male friends. " some women do that, but also most men confuse being leaned on as a friend with being used. Like I said if you feel you are being used walk away. Otherwise you're letting yourself be used. And don't forget many men use women for sex.
-the definition of "platonic" is (:of love or friendship) intimate and affectionate but not sexual.
it says nothing about having romantic feelings.
-wtf at "p. r's are not when one member shows non reciprocated love." You're not owed her love! !!!
You posting as anon isn't going to help your case. As far as I know, only betas and insecure idiots get used.
And it isn't because you get 'used'. It is because she is exposing you for who you really are, a piece of hypocritical shit that only want some return for whatever you're 'investing' in her, when she could've gotten it somewhere else for pretty much free without you.
Know this, you are NOT special when you do this for her, you just so happened to be available at that time. And that IS an opportunity for YOU to learn about her, not make her feel like she OWED you something. Can that even be counted as being 'used'?
I don't even think you get to that stage of being used, you're just perceiving crap about girls who treat you like nothing because they don't even acknowledge you. You're not in any friendzone, you're in NO ZONE.
you do it again already. why "friendly"? why not really friendly. is it so bad to want to make you my buddy and not sleep with you? is it so necessary my approach has sexual and inferior motives? and waht do you mean they don't like me you stupid ignorant twat? do you know how many girls i've heard saying "is he gay or something"? you see a quiet or friendly guy "he is gay and why he won't hit on me", you see a player, "men are pigs". i'm not the one contradicting myself. you are. as for men using women for sex i don't think they dragged them in their bedroom from their har. and still i gave the correct definition but wherever romantic put "loving" (in the general sense not necessarily erotic).
@soneoak well a narcissist only hurts, so i guess you can't relate. it's only normal. i've been in more zones than you will probably ever be. i doubt you've been to more places and jobs and experiences (i dont necessarily mean sexual) than i had till just my 23th year. the last few years i returned to my hometown and i settled in a way.
@soneoak. you lost me at "only betas get hurt by women". so you''ve never been? the i guess you are the one who did what you accused me off, you talk about stuff you can't relate to. and "betas"? are you that insecure, that you need to devise a new category of humans to feel superior and seasoned? thats so "beta".
Uh, betas, gammas, omegas, whatever you want to call them. Basically, we use terms to help communicate concepts without having to explain everything.
Being hurt by a girl? Nope, I know I've been hurt by my emotions, but it was definitely the no-zone rather than the friendzone.
Also, nope, you were talking about being used, not being hurt, epic huge difference there, being 'used' is something you label yourself as. If you don't learn from it, then too bad, keep thinking whatever you want.
The way you phrased 'used' implies lots of negativity, like you felt you were 'owed' something. Seriously if that were the case, just speak up and stop doing whatever crap you don't want to do. If you're doing whatever it is you're doing hoping to get 'something' in return, like sex or similar, then you're a piece of shit (unless she promised sex, highly unlikely).
Girls tend to reciprocate the listening, the advice giving, the 'intervensions', the diners etc. As for being used? bullshit.
She addressed all of that. If someone's not into you they are not into you. You're still looking for ways to cintrol their opinion to change the situation, instead of chamging the situation by controling your actions and moving on.
If you feel like you are being manipulated or are getting false hope then why don't you just fucking leave. Nobody is forcing you into staying friends with a girl if you do not want to. And you know what, most of the time men just mistake "friendliness" with "flirting". This is not our fault. You should start observing the way a woman is around all her guy friends, she'll treat them all the same, if you get the wrong idea, that is your problem. Maybe you should just open you're eyes for once and accept the fact that you made a mistake and fucking move on without wanting to blame woman.
I'm just leave this here:
https://youtu.be/IGK2KprU-ToGreat take by the way, I wish every guy could read this.
Okay, so here's a good question. If you know you're only using someone emotionally, why do you keep accepting the damn gifts?
I don't do that... so.
She addresses that in her Take. She says that if someone is truly "using you" and only dates you after you give them a lot of gifts, then that is not the kind of relationship you want to be in. That is a one-sided relationship and it is bad. Anyone who accepts presents from you and uses you in that way is not a good person.
And if you think that she is "using you for emotional intimacy," the Take Owner addresses that too: "Well look her son, that's what FRIENDS do!" I talk to my friends about my problems. I ask my girl friends for advice, I ask my guy friends for advice. And in return, I give them advice. I listen to their problems. That's called friendship! My friends aren't entitled to sex just because they listen to my problems. I am not "leading them on" by asking for advice. That's what friendship is.
HaventMetYouYet would you say you're closer to your girl or guy friends? Which are you more likely to wake up at 3 in the morning so you can cry to them? Which are you more likely to ask for a ride? Guy "friends" who like you are going to go out of their way A LOT more than a girl-friend who doesn't like you. If you take advantage of that fact, then you're a bad person
A girl friend who doesn't like you won't actuslly be a friend.
A guy friend who is only going out of his way bc he secretly wAnts to fuck you is also not a real friend.
A real friend would go out of their way bc they care not bc they get sex or anything ekse.
It sounds like not only do you not want to be accountable for your choice to remain in friendships with romantic feelings are one sided but it also sounds like your platonic rekationshios kind of suck too. If a friend cared they are going to want to help you. The fact you see that as only something a guy who wants to fuck his girl friend would do, indicates you don't gave a lot of good experuences with real friendship. Maybe make some new friends.
Also if you want to shower someone with attention that's your right. But if you're doing it expecting them to want a rekationship with yiu snd you are never ckear sbout your intentions then that's in you. You're being manipulative by not being honest.
@M_A_X what don't you understand? If two people are involved in friendship then leaning on one another is a part of friendship. You're not entitled to sex or love because you listened to her cry
I'd just rather live in a world where women cry more often than using men so they don't have to. Might actually make you stronger people
The hell? Women are emotional and lean on all their friends. The fact that he's a male means nothing. If you don't want to listen to a girls problems then don't
Ha it made me laugh I like it an also its just the less intelligent guys that think that way. Also people who are blinds pulled over there eyes can't read body language at all
Yes! The 'friendzone' does not exist, because if that girl/boy does not want to be with you and only likes you as a friend, they are not obligated to sleep with you. So if you are a girl/boy that complains about this I need to shut up and go eat a bag of d! cks
*i need you
If anything guys should be happy girls are accepting them into there life as a friend. She can can give you advice or introduce you to her single female friends
Agree. You can be friends. However, it is possible that one may fall for another or both start to flirt it up.
It is possible though that the guy or girl leads on their friend a little or teases them now and again. Now that is misleading.
Well your "Imagine if your... all my troubles." part was scary.
Hope it put it in perspective.
Thanks for the general advice.
Not every guy just wants sex. I sure as hell don't. Nobody dumps kindness into a girl for sex. And they are not vending machines.
-I didn't say every guy just wants sex...
-a lot of guys think that being nice should be rewarded with sex and or romance
@been_waiting
"I didn't say every guy just wants sex..."
"men want to put their dick in EVERYTHING."
How do you reconcile those two sentences? Now I've read your posts before and know you're smart enough that you didn't mean the second sentence literally, but it's easy to see how when someone reads something like "men want to put their dick in EVERYTHING" they might mistake your tone and your words to mean that you are suggesting something similar to "every guy just wants sex."
@Bluemax I didn't say that in my take. It was in a comment to another user.
But like you said... its an exaggeration.
Not only that, but there's a difference between wanting sex and only wanting JUST sex.
And actually anon here wrote this before I made that comment.
That's what I was trying to say in my article but it seems like you were just saying exactly what I was saying. Great article though
Ehhh. The only friend zones I'm into is friends with benefits zones.
The best kind of friendzone :)
@chocolatedragon Yep. Hahahah.
Interesting read.
However I think you missed a few points like for example sticking you in the friendzone after flirting ridiculously with you for fun or sending you wrong signals etc
People flirt. Guys flirt too bc it makes them feel good sbout them. Flirting doesn't mean you want a relationship and failure to date someone after you flirt doesn't mean you're put in a zone you have to climb out of... Just means she's not into you never was and you deserve someone who is.
I'm sorry but out of experience, guys took my being friendly as me showing interest in them. They read the signals wrong and then blame us for not making it clear. I am very oblivious when it comes to guys that show interest, and I'm sorry if my personality gives you false hope, but that is not my fault. I decide to be nice to every one, and I treat all of my guy friends the same, some get the wrong impression and others don't. If I'm friends with you I do not want to walk on eggshell, being careful of how I should treat you and not be too friendly or talk to you too much, or give you a hug whenever I feel like it.
There's a simple solution, just don't be friends with chicks
I agree 100%
Picture was very funny:)
True and what a lovely delivery.
I agree, I just move on from them. I don't like being friends with girls though honestly.
I enjoyed the morpheous meme :3
Finally, a very good take! Love it.