The Friendzone Does Not Exist

bente2

Say it louder for the people in the back.

THE FRIENDZONE DOES NOT EXIST.

I will be talking about men mostly in this take, so if you’re easily triggered™️ and will whine saying i’m a misandrist, a feminazi or whatever, please carry on your life in your little bubble.

To explain why it doesn’t exist, I shall first explain the concept of the “friend zone”.

The friend zone is what people call it when a human (often female) purely wants a platonic relationship with another human (often male), but they seek a romantic/sexual relationship.

So why doesn’t it exist? And why is it wrong to use the word? Why do (majorily) men seem to think it exists? A couple of reasons:

The right to say no

Anyone has the right to say no. To have a sexual relationship, both parties must agree or we call it rape. Seems easy right? Yet those that use the term “friend zone” seem unable to comprehend it. Someone can like you as a friend, but not as a romantic partner. They have the right to do so. Stop making people feel bad for rejecting you. They don’t owe you anything.

Male ego

The ego of some men is so fragile that it simply cannot get over the fact someone might reject them. That someone might just see them as a friend, rather than as a romantic interest. The friendzone was made to soften this ‘blow’ and make unrequited love seem like it’s somehow the (majorily) girls’ fault. A human didn’t feel the same way you did. Boohoo.

“The nice guy”

Simply put, if you view yourself as a nice guy, you often aren’t. By being nice to someone, you are not entitled to anything. You are not better than someone else, you do not “deserve” any lovin’ because you were nice. If the world worked this way, i’d have to fuck nearly everyone around me. The expectation that being nice gets you ANYTHING, let alone sex, in return, is incompatible with human decency. If you think being nice entitles you to someone elses body, you’re the awful one. And then you complain about “girls don’t date nice guys!” No, girls don’t date you. There’s a difference. You’re the one with underlying victim issues and misogyny.

Thinking you are owed something for not being an asshole, makes you an asshole.
— Desireé Dallagiacomo & Justin Lamb - “The Friend Zone”

Immaturity

Another thing people often don’t talk about when on the subject, is how immature someone is when they have these expectations. In my opinion, one can only be considered an adult when they are who they are because they want to, and expect nothing in return.

Devalueing friendship

One of the most toxic things about the friend zone is the fact you devalue a friendship with someone. Being friends with someone should be seen as a privilege rather than a misfortune. And can you imagine the other party? Finding out someone doesn’t value you as a whole person but instad just wants to bone you?

Friendship is something that should make you happy. Not some sort of penalty box.

To sum it all up, the friend zone is a terrible thing to think is real. Just let the rejection go and get over yourself, only to start again. Jeez.

The Friendzone Does Not Exist
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Anonymous
    If only all men were as smart as you and could see the world in your way! What a shame we're a bunch of dumb asses. If you don't appreciate the sarcasm, please carry on your life in your little bubble.
    Disagree 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?
    • bente2

      This is exactly what i was saying, i’m not a misandrist. I love men, most are awesome. The guys on here though... seem to fail to comprehend basic human interactions.

    • Anonymous

      Your myTake doesn't say that you are talking about guys on G@G, so I thought you were speaking in much more general terms. Most of the guys on this site are not typical of the general population. This site has guys who have the failure-to-launch syndrome, never had a girlfriend, and don't understand women at all. It has guys who had a girlfriend once, they got hurt, and now they're mad at the world and gone MGTOW. It also has players who have no respect for anyone.

      The friend zone does exist. A girl says she sees a guy as a platonic friend only and she will never see him as a romantic interest. Any reasonable person recognizes that we each have the right to make those judgments and accepting rejection is just something that we all must learn to do.

    • bente2

      But you see, the point is, when someone comes to terms with just being friends they wouldn’t say they “are friendzoned”, they would say this is my friend. That’s the issue i have with naming it this way. It makes it sound as though the girl has done something wrong.

      I guess you’re right about gag not representing actual men, because i wouldn’t even be dating then😂. But still, it seems rather important to say what’s on your mind

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • Aguamarina
    Yeah it doesn't exist. Some People like to use the "friend zone" as an excuse.
    Disagree 2 People
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

2262
  • _Enigma_
    The friendzone refers to one person rejecting another and simply wanting to be friends. Hence, the friendzone. This post is basically just more femenazi man hate. It'd be nice for you people to talk about real issues instead of spewing crap like this.
    LikeDisagree 7 People
  • ThatPersonOverThere
    I've never seen a post with so much wrong about... man where to start...
    Okay, YOUR OWN DEFINITION of what the friend zone is
    "The friend zone is what people call it when a human (often female) purely wants a platonic relationship with another human (often male), but they seek a romantic/sexual relationship."

    The right to say no - I agree that you have the right to say no, what the hell does that have to do with the friendzone?

    Male ego - The friendzone was not made to "Cushion the blow." If you really think it hurts any less by the virtue of having a common terminology, you are mistaken. Does getting "Dumped" hurt any less because you have a word for it? No, so don't be an idiot. And I wouldn't use the word "Fault" but if the male wants a relationship and the female doesn't, then she is in fact the party responsible for there not being a relationship.

    “The nice guy” - No, being nice doesn't mean you're owed sex, who said otherwise? You know what IS incompatible with human decency? When a guy puts you in the hospital and you reward him with sex, yet that shit happens constantly. At any rate, what the hell does that have to do with the friendzone?

    Immaturity - When you go to work, is it because you want to, or because you're expecting something in return? That's how the world works dear, we all have needs and we're all trying to get them met. Regardless, what the hell does that have to do with the friendzone?

    Devalueing friendship - Holy shit the baseless assumptions you make! Who the hell said that they don't value you as a person? Who the hell said that wanting sex with somebody is devaluing the existing friendship? Friendship without being able to have sex with the person you want to < Friendship with being able to have sex with the person you want to. That's just mathematically true. Just because people would rather have Y, doesn't mean that X loses its objective value. And yeah, it's such a fucking privilege to spend time with a woman who doesn't value you enough to give a relationship a fair chance. If you really can't even give him ONE date to see how things go, are YOU really HIS friend?

    Your entire argument boils down to "The friendzone isn't real, the evidence is these unrelated things based on my flawed assumptions of what guys are really thinking. Also I find the notion of the friendzone to be offensive, therefore it doesn't exist." If it makes you feel any better, there are plenty of guys find the friendzone offensive as well...
    LikeDisagree 3 People
    • bente2

      She might be the one that doesn’t want a relationship but it is her right to do so. And then guys go and say “aw i got friendzoned so hard” like it’s her fault. No, she didn’t want a relationship with you. It’s no one’s fault.

      Just thinking sex is a reward in general is hella creepy?

      Inaccurate comparison.

      What the fuuuuck, dude, you’re pathetic.

    • Again, nobody even remotely claimed that she didn't have the right to not want a relationship. I seriously don't know who is telling you otherwise. Again, it's not "Fault" but she would be the party responsible if she's the one preventing it.

      Sex isn't always a reward, but it can be. What would you call it when a guy beats a woman so bad she winds up in the hospital, yet she continues having sex with him? To the rest of us, it looks like women habitually reward guy's shit behavior with sex. And if you'd STOP having sex with men who beat you, men would STOP beating women. They do it because you fools let them get away with it and reward them for doing so.

      Inaccurate comparison on what? The point still stands that your "Evidence that the friendzone doesn't exist" is complete bullshit.

      You're the one getting bent out of shape that people have given a term to a universally recognized concept, and then going off the handle based off of your idiotic assumptions.

  • Quintessence
    That last point--yes, yes, a hundred times yes!

    I've always hated the word "friendzone" for that very reason. It doesn't just devalue the meaning of friendship; it goes completely against what friendship actually entails.

    Friendship, by definition, is based on MUTUAL affection, respect, trust, loyalty, and all that nice stuff. The "friendzone", on the other hand, IS NOT. It's not a mutual bond. It refers to a situation wherein Party A has rejected Party B, and Party B--being the altruistic, amazing character that they are--have settled for the next best thing: a platonic relationship.

    That's just wrong. That's NOT friendship. The word "friend" does not belong in the description of that situation.
    Call it unrequited love. Call it a one-sided, unfulfilled romance. Call it an acquaintanceship. Call it a rejection. But do NOT call it friendship.

    Maybe it's just me, but I believe that friendship ought to be sacred. If I call you my friend, it means I would take a bullet for you. It means I care for, admire, and trust you. And if you're truly my friend, you will feel the same way about me. Anything less than that is not friendship in my books.
    LikeDisagree 7 People
  • bloodmountain1990
    I don’t see why people complain about the so called “friend zone”. It’s better to be someone’s friend than enemy even if they don’t like you romantically.

    And just in general, if someone “friend zones” you or rejects you, move onto the next one. Plenty of fish in the sea.

    Also, there are advantages of having female friends like the possibility of meeting other women.
    Like 4 People
    • bente2

      Not to forget female friends will make you look really nice if you let them style you, introduce you to someone you are compatible with and see if someone is flirting with you before you do.

    • Yep. I mean I’ve had my struggles with meeting women and dating in general. My female friends don’t have a lot of female friends and I’ve had to use online dating to meet women, which isn’t the best method for either gender, but that is by no means women’s fault.

      But there have been times where I’d have past dates remain acquaintances or friends which is way better than having anxiety of running into someone you dated where it ended badly. Trust me.

  • NJ_Casanova
    Too Long to read.

    Yes it exist... for guys and Girls.

    I've had female friends that I later found out had crushes on me.

    9 out of EVERY straight guy friend a girl has is a guy that wants to have sex with her... but she only wants to be a friend.

    Disagree 4 People
    • bente2

      Don’t read? Don’t comment. Lazy bum.

  • Jackblue
    With respect Ms. bente2 nothing you said here demonstrates that there is no such thing as a friendzone. You merely claim that men are not handling the idea that women reject them well. I would agree that that is often true, but I still think that regardless of whether one thinks it is a good thing or a bad thing a friendzone exists.
    Like 3 People
    • bente2

      Thank you for the critism.

  • englisc
    I think you're reading way too much into it. The friend-zone is just a term to describe the situation where a person sees you only as a platonic friend rather than as a potential partner. It doesn't automatically mean that they feel entitled to sex or a relationship or whatever. You either fancy someone or you don't.

    As for it devaluing friendship, that's just dishonest, as is calling it a problem with male ego. Many people just aren't comfortable staying platonic friends with someone that they have feelings for in the same way many people aren't comfrortable having a casual "friends with benefits" type thing with someone they want a relationship with. If that's what you want, then it's good. If not then it's bad. That goes for men and women. Women will leave a guy who doesn't want to commit to them because they don't just want casual sex, they want something more serious - but you wouldn't call that a problem with female ego, that would be silly. The same goes for what you're saying about this.
    Disagree 1 Person
  • MrMAC777
    When someone says they got stuck in the friend zone, they are using one phrase to tell the story of their failed attempt at romance and the resulting "unrequited love". So the term exists and the situation exists, accept that fact. If someone doesn't like the offer, they don't have to take it. You should be careful who you chose to be friends with, so I think people should be more selective with who they place in the friend zone as well. If you actually don't want to be their friend, and are just using it as the nice person cop out to reject someone, maybe the person doing the rejecting is the douche bag in the situation? People should just be upfront and honest with their feelings. Saying you should be happy with my friendship is like denying someone a steak dinner and throwing the bone at them after someone else ate it, "friend bone", it is more fitting. I do think that if 2 people started as friends and the offer is to go back to just being friends, that has clearer intentions to me.
    LikeDisagree 3 People
    • as you should already know many women are good at playing guys on this. They won't tell them straight up their not interested, they crave the attention too much so they'll keep playing them along.

      As a former "nice guy" I wised up to this bullshit in my late 20s. I remember some girl called me asking to help drive her car in the middle of the night because she was drunk. This is after I bought her dinner a week before, then she cheeked me for the kiss and didn't respond to my text message a few days later.

      I told her tough luck and call an uber. Proud of myself, because a younger me would have chumped up in that situation. Never heard back from her again, nor do I want to.

    • Kkaos

      @somewheresomeway That's true. It's insecure and submissive men who allow women to manipulate them in this way. A man's got to take the lead and that way, she has no opportunity to manipulate him. I'll make moves on a girl and if I get any resistance without a valid explanation I'll move on.

    • @Kkaos yeah I had to learn the hard way 2 or 3 times. Glad you are figuring this out when you are young. Wish I knew better back then.

    • Show All
  • molonski2
    Oh it exists alright , and just steer clear of it coz it never ends correctly and causes massive drama.

    If someone breaks up with you , they say " Ohhh , look I just want to be friends " , always tell them .." I hand select my friends , you are no longer one of them " , because it never happens anyhow.

    For guys , never be seen as " safe " , and never ever put yourself in a " friend " zone , unless its someone you are not remotely interested in.

    That's how men feel.. fact.
    LikeDisagree 3 People
  • Krumpir
    This makes no sense... Friendzone is not just a rejection. Friendzone is "I like you too, but only as a friend"... You see, that as a friend makes a friendzone. Not being nice or treating person like a majesty. That "friend"-ly kick in the balls is what makes a froendzone real.
    LikeDisagree 3 People
    • bente2

      No, that’s what we call unrequited love or a one sided crush. It’s rejection. It’s not placing someone in the category “i wanted to fuck you and you placed me in the terrible friend box!”

    • Krumpir

      There is difference between I want to fuck you and I really like you.

  • JSmuve
    The friendzone is just a state of mind. Its how one frames their situation. Some people might get down on themselves for being rejected. Others might get excited for making a new friend. Doesn't change the fact that its the same situation, just viewed differently.
    Like 4 People
  • Unit1
    ... Until the gorgeous and truly amazing man, that you are Oh so dearly obsessed about puts you into the Friend zone, you suddenly may very likely rethink what you wrote.
    LikeDisagree 3 People
    • its not like that. we are mature enough to understand and accept that he may not like me. he doesn't owe me anything.
      bdw i am talking from experience. please grow up and change ur perspective.

    • Unit1

      @IndianGirl01 please leave me be 🤚. Thanks.

    • snowangle

      You're acting like girls never get rejected lol.

      I've been rejected before. I still understood his right to reject me and recognized my choice to either stay friends or cut contact. I usually stayed friends with the guy, because I could always use more guy friends! I would only consider cutting contact if it was too painful (NOT out of spite).

    • Show All
  • snowangle
    I read recently that this happens so often because guys generally don't rely on platonic friendships for emotional support; they rely on romantic relationships for that. That's why we always hear "she wants to USE me for emotional support while she SLEEPS with someone else." Uh no, she's acting like you're her friend!

    Anyway, I dunno how true it is but it definitely seems to match up.
    LikeDisagree 2 People
    • guys do rely on platonic friendships for emotional support AFTER WE KNOW THE PERSON FOR A FEW YEARS not people we just fkn met a few weeks or months ago. For anyone to do that regardless of gender is naive.

    • the only time we rely on women for emotional support and vice versa is in a romantic situation though yeah that's the mistake girls will make. They will rely on a man for emotional support once they've friendzoned him and wonder why it's not there anymore. It's because men reserve that for one women only, if they are good and honest men. You are pretty much correct though this is happening to me right now and I don't know how to tell her "you said you wanted to be friends, you are dating someone else, I cannot be used for these purposes" LOL I'm too nice...

    • snowangle

      @Goochbreaker But she's not using you. If you agreed to be friends, then it's reasonable for her to expect emotional support to some extent. It's totally understandable if that's too painful for you, and it's okay for you to tell her that, but it's not wrong of her to treat you like a friend if that was the agreement.

      As for your other comment, I disagree. Friends can develop quickly. I don't have much experience watching guys' friendships form, but girls can bond within days or weeks. I don't think you have to wait several years before you start sharing personal feelings at all.

    • Show All
  • Leafpool2
    Bless. The friendzone doesn't exist guys are just too pathetic to tell girls "hey I wanna date you" and expect us to read their minds and get mad when we don't. And you accuse us of mind games, as fucking if.

    LikeDisagree 3 People
    • Let's face it, the people in the "friendzone" are the ones that are not even technically considered your friend, it's more of an acquaintance zone than a friend zone; the girl or guy in the back that can't stop staring at you weirdly, those are the people in the "friendzone".

    • Leafpool2

      @TheUglyMonk Over the years I can name 8 different men I thought were my friends who it turns out only ever wanted to fuck me. When I was 16 I made a friend at my high school, we had common interests so I hung with him a lot and we talked about all kinds of stuff and I liked talking to him because! We were friends! I had thought that anyway. I invited him to my house at some point and he asked why I wouldn't fuck him and I was like "uh, you never said you were interested and im gay?" and he outright said he'd only been talking to me all that time because he wanted to fuck me. That was it. I'd thought he valued my company the way I valued his but nope. After that he was super mean to me the entire year but I changed schools (unrelated, it had been the plan well before this went down) so whatever.

    • Leafpool2

      When I was 13 same thing, I was playing card games with a guy in the same activity as me at summer camp one day, we started talking and I thought he was funny and liked hearing his impressions. I would find him during store (our activity break/social hour at night) and we'd talk about the activities we weren't in together or the creepy art on the doors to one of the cabins. At the end of camp he demanded I be his long distance girlfriend and I said I didn't like him like that I had just liked being his friend and I don't understand why that was so bad. He spent like five minutes yelling at me for wasting his time. I'd gone up to him to get his e-mail so we could talk more because, I had thought we were friends, and wanted to keep in contact.

    • Show All
  • TwinCKI
    I don't know why people make things so complicated. Either you are sexually attracted to a person or you aren't. It's kind of like a switch and people just to have to live up to the reality that not everyone is going to find them attractive
    Like 2 People
  • r4ngeF
    ok, lets do this:
    sometimes "friend zones" are just a mere way of men to enjoy all worlds. (mostly men's)
    it is well known that women are having much harder time dissociating feelings from sexual desires, and so it helps men manipulating the and squeeze them until they dry out.
    i also think that men could see much more reasons to be "only" friends with someone, since most of the times its women who are struggling and being afraid to talk about their feelings (else, you cannot explain the urge of willing to enter to a twilight zone such as "friendzone") which is rather weird, since women are those who are better at expressing themselves.
    the only thing im pretty sure of about friend zones, that it is always a "level" to reach, in order for you to reach other "levels" in which you may exploit everyone.

    i am a cynical person. i do not believe in people's pure honesty. i dont always think its that bad, but i still believe that there's always a concealed emotion or a concealed interest behind people's intentions.
    it may not always be a "bad interest" since some of us could really absorb pleasure and enjoyment from the idea of helping anyone, but lets face it, its still an interest. so some are bad, and some are less bad.

    once you've reached the conception of "how to use it for your own purposes"...
    there's actually absolutely no limit in what you may cause or make people do.
    friend zone is that zone where people will feel obligated to you, just cause they trust you the most, and too blind to see that they - as well - have that power, but they are not selfish enough to use it.

    in the end, i must stay reluctant, and admit that i've seen in life cases that really amazed me. some people did have the mental strength to be in such a relationship and keep it platonic.
    it is true, i dont think it will end right between them, but i cannot say I've never seen a beautiful relationship like those before.

    to be honest, we all talk from our own private island.
    there's a saying in hebrew: "a man shouts that he lacks"
    and in some point, everything we say or do (even here on gag), is a derivative of our own needs and urges, thus, all of what we express here, is sort of a huge snow ball of "projection", and this is why i will always not think that im perfectly right. there are some slight chances that im wrong, and eventually my perspective is just a twisted one, processed in a mind that is too cynical to withstand the idea of good people.
    people that are utterly not me.
  • BrittBratt2416
    Sorry but it exists, just cause you can reject being friends doesn't mean that person hasn't put you there or just sees you as a friend. If someone only sees you as a friend, then your friendzoned. Yes some girls use at a shitty excuse to reject a guy and never talk to them again but then you do have girls who have been friends with a guy for so long that they just want to keep it that way cause there's no romantic feelings.
    Disagree 1 Person
  • OfDeath
    Lol ok so being nice is bad.

    Just one small thing: when the girl just wants a friend and the man wants sex and she won't give him a chance, that is the friend zone. It exists and is clearly defined.

    Now you are correct that the friendzone doesn't exist because that's not a real word. It's two words FRIEND space ZONE.

    Go back to school for more English lessons young lady.
    Disagree 1 Person
    • bente2

      No, the thing about the friend zone is that the guys are purposefully ACTING, not being, nice to get in someone’s pants.

      What you just described is unrequited love. Plain and simple. It hurts, get over it instead of trying to shame women into thinking they’ve done you wrong.

    • OfDeath

      Hello? Unrequited love and the friend zone are the same thing. Haven't you ever heard of slang?
      Another English lesson.

      As far as being nice goes. EVERY guy tries to be nice to get with a girl. That's what you do. That's not restricted to one context.

    • bente2

      You’re not getting the point, BEING nice is not the same as ACTING nice. Thinking “oh.. will like this, maybe i should do...” is not the same as “i will score points if i do... maybe she’ll fuck me.”

    • Show All
  • SarahsSummer
    I disagree. The “friend-zone”, for lack of a better term IS real. How people deal with it is the problem.
    LikeDisagree 11 People
  • Joelski440
    I disagree, This mytake is well written A little heavy on the male bashing.
    I love my female friends, i'm all for male/female platonic friendships. I've been friendzoned & I have friendzoned, no one is entitled to anyone or anything. when there's a member of the "friendship" that's suffering because they feel slighted because of unrequited love that's no longer ok.
    Like 2 People
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