Very prodigious and remarkable Take. I can relate point #4 on my family. My dad used to hit my mother, she was traumatized badly. But she never gave up the relationship for the sake of my future. Now I'm mature enough, and my dad has changed because now I got ascendancy & I can stop him now. He realised his cruelty. Now we are living happily :-) Thank you, my brave mom <3
There's also the reason of them having a child with that individual and don't want that child to be without a father. Along with some women seeing that having a child with them might change them, which it generally does not. I personally would never tolerate being in an abusive relationship or bring a child into the mess. I hope these women get enough sense to get out of that relationship or have someone who actually cares enough about them to give them a place to live and help them.
Those points are all legit, unfortunately it's not just women who are staying in abusive relationship. Men do that as well. it's the need of others approval and fear of loneliness that trap them in. A lot of people hold onto relationship for the wrong reasons
These are women that are very insecure. They have no self worth because it has been chipped away at by the abusive men in their lives. All it takes to keep them in these relationships is the guy saying, "I'm sorry, I love you so", and so on and so on. They build confidence in these women until they are abused again. These are the same sorts of women who enjoy chasing those with a "Bad boy" persona. My thought is what you seek, You shall find. Go after the bad boys, No one has the right to come bitching and complaining to me when they find out that a bad boy is what they have ended up with. So my advice is to start being a tad more selective.
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Anonymous
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I never usually comment on posts but I had to for this one. I have been in a abusive relationship both physically and emotionally. When you love someone you try and look past the abuse they are putting you through. My bf now sometimes emotionally abuses me. Which sucks because I do love him and I know he can be a sweetheart. Which is why I am still with him. People will stay with their bf because they love them, and they hope they will change. Sometimes people stay because they think they can't get anyone better as their bf might tell them that. They will feel worthless and think they deserve that pain. But in my opinion I think emotional abuse is worse because it stays with you longer. Physical abuse hurts as well but when it comes to your emotions it is hard to get over what someone said to you.
THANK YOU for writing this. There was this one asshat on my FB feed who was mocking women who remain in abusive relationships a few months ago, calling them varying insults, and I just wish I could link him to this article.
I grew up in an abusive home my mum couldn't leave due to financial reasons and because my dad would threaten and attempt suicide when my mum tried to leave him. People think it is easy to leave but it's not.
i also think having been in an abusive relationship before is a strong point, because people subconsciously look for things they know and so they end up in another abusive relationship and stay there because it´s familiar.
Again great take I try so hard not to judge what is the adage "Never judge a person till you have walked a mile in their shoes". All we can do as a society is make sure we havecstructures very open, obvious, non threatening and non judgmental to anyone who wants to avail of the services in complete anominity and safety with adequate funding.
Sounds like a bunch of excuses. People need to take responsibility for themselves. I hope I can give my daughter the tools to avoid toxic relationships. I know a big part of that is on me to be a good role model. I want her to be strong. I want her to know that any man that puts his hands on her is unworthy. In the end it's going to be on her to make good decisions.
As a woman whose currently in an abusive relationship I disagree with most of these comments. People can assume all day but you will never know the real reasons until you're in the situation.
Many people who have been in that situation agreed with these points. Just because it doesn't apply to you doesn't mean they aren't true for other people. There are many reasons for why people stay in abusive relationships and everyone is different.
I don't understand why people get into abusive relationships. They don't have to be physically abusive because emotional abuse is still abuse. I've dated a girl who keeps going back to an ex that's not only cheated on her, but lied to her, used her for sex, etc and somehow he's still a great guy that she can change.
This whole I can change him mentality is stupid. You can't change a guy anymore than a guy can change a girl.
In my opinion its because of fear like my situation! Im wanted to break up with my bf but he threatens me that he will do wrong to me! He did one time to make me trouble. Its not the fear of losing them but the fear that they might do wrong with us..
Thank you, I know a lot of people will probably disagree (as a couple people have already) but that's okay, I just wanted to put the information out there :)
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Very prodigious and remarkable Take.
I can relate point #4 on my family. My dad used to hit my mother, she was traumatized badly. But she never gave up the relationship for the sake of my future. Now I'm mature enough, and my dad has changed because now I got ascendancy & I can stop him now. He realised his cruelty. Now we are living happily :-) Thank you, my brave mom <3
There's also the reason of them having a child with that individual and don't want that child to be without a father. Along with some women seeing that having a child with them might change them, which it generally does not.
I personally would never tolerate being in an abusive relationship or bring a child into the mess.
I hope these women get enough sense to get out of that relationship or have someone who actually cares enough about them to give them a place to live and help them.
Child reason is very common I agree with your post.
Those points are all legit, unfortunately it's not just women who are staying in abusive relationship. Men do that as well. it's the need of others approval and fear of loneliness that trap them in. A lot of people hold onto relationship for the wrong reasons
These are women that are very insecure. They have no self worth because it has been chipped away at by the abusive men in their lives. All it takes to keep them in these relationships is the guy saying, "I'm sorry, I love you so", and so on and so on. They build confidence in these women until they are abused again. These are the same sorts of women who enjoy chasing those with a "Bad boy" persona. My thought is what you seek, You shall find. Go after the bad boys, No one has the right to come bitching and complaining to me when they find out that a bad boy is what they have ended up with. So my advice is to start being a tad more selective.
I never usually comment on posts but I had to for this one. I have been in a abusive relationship both physically and emotionally. When you love someone you try and look past the abuse they are putting you through. My bf now sometimes emotionally abuses me. Which sucks because I do love him and I know he can be a sweetheart. Which is why I am still with him. People will stay with their bf because they love them, and they hope they will change. Sometimes people stay because they think they can't get anyone better as their bf might tell them that. They will feel worthless and think they deserve that pain. But in my opinion I think emotional abuse is worse because it stays with you longer. Physical abuse hurts as well but when it comes to your emotions it is hard to get over what someone said to you.
Very well thought out and written take. I completely agree with everything you've said.
Thanks for reading :)
THANK YOU for writing this. There was this one asshat on my FB feed who was mocking women who remain in abusive relationships a few months ago, calling them varying insults, and I just wish I could link him to this article.
but you can! :D
I think it'd look pretty weird if I dig up posts from a few months back just to post this LOLLL
I grew up in an abusive home my mum couldn't leave due to financial reasons and because my dad would threaten and attempt suicide when my mum tried to leave him. People think it is easy to leave but it's not.
Yeah, that's the point I was trying to make here but I think a lot of people just don't understand.
Anyone who has not experienced it cannot truly understand.
Very good Take, and well written too.
I have the upmost sympathy for women (and men) who have found themselves in an abusive relationship.
I really do think they need more support and advice.
Very well written, I've thought of the same thing as well. a couple of those reasons too are why some men stay in abusive relationships as well.
i also think having been in an abusive relationship before is a strong point, because people subconsciously look for things they know and so they end up in another abusive relationship and stay there because it´s familiar.
Feel it's better than being alone, Stockholm syndrome, low self esteem, Savior complex, just plain in denial and sad
I was just about to comment with Stockholm syndrome, but you beat me to it
and i beat you to your second, third, and fourth comments as well!
blonde vs. Asian, looks about right. okok i m just happy i got a free textbook just now=D hugs.
Again great take I try so hard not to judge what is the adage "Never judge a person till you have walked a mile in their shoes".
All we can do as a society is make sure we havecstructures very open, obvious, non threatening and non judgmental to anyone who wants to avail of the services in complete anominity and safety with adequate funding.
Sounds like a bunch of excuses. People need to take responsibility for themselves. I hope I can give my daughter the tools to avoid toxic relationships. I know a big part of that is on me to be a good role model. I want her to be strong. I want her to know that any man that puts his hands on her is unworthy. In the end it's going to be on her to make good decisions.
Good article, informative and I have nothing else to say about it because the take already did.
As a woman whose currently in an abusive relationship I disagree with most of these comments. People can assume all day but you will never know the real reasons until you're in the situation.
Many people who have been in that situation agreed with these points. Just because it doesn't apply to you doesn't mean they aren't true for other people. There are many reasons for why people stay in abusive relationships and everyone is different.
I don't understand why people get into abusive relationships. They don't have to be physically abusive because emotional abuse is still abuse. I've dated a girl who keeps going back to an ex that's not only cheated on her, but lied to her, used her for sex, etc and somehow he's still a great guy that she can change.
This whole I can change him mentality is stupid. You can't change a guy anymore than a guy can change a girl.
In my opinion its because of fear like my situation! Im wanted to break up with my bf but he threatens me that he will do wrong to me! He did one time to make me trouble. Its not the fear of losing them but the fear that they might do wrong with us..
Sometimes its their first love andnits hard to leave them
One of the best Takes I've read. Well done. 😊
Thank you, I know a lot of people will probably disagree (as a couple people have already) but that's okay, I just wanted to put the information out there :)
A lot of people have trouble understanding things they haven't experienced. I think that's the source of a lot of issues in society.
Yeah, that's probably true, unfortunately. I mean, I don't need to experience something to have empathy for someone who has experienced it.
Me neither! But it seems that's not a skill everyone has. Ugh