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Why cheating is OK (Page 3)
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If you cheat and your partner won't forgive you, they don't love you?
You must have peanuts as braincells.
If you cheated to begin with, then YOU don't love your partner AND much less have any respect for them~ kick 'that loser to the curb the cheater is not deserving of "honest" love! he can stay with the new found skank~ be happy~ and so long~ ciao! ciao! :]!
By your logic, no one should be upset over murder or any sort of crime because "emotions are just chemicals. "
Ceasing the existence of another human being is rather different than merely altering their arbitrary emotions, don't you agree? Nuance is your friend.
I'm not comparing the eradication of emotion to murder, so I'm not sure where you got that from. Probably the same place you got this Take: your ass.
When people enter a relationship, they're committing to one another. If cheating is "okay" in your mind, why not seek out open, polyamourous relationships?
No, they aren't committing. 70% of women cheat, 72% of men. Clearly, we as a culture are ok with it. Why pretend otherwise? It's p*rn , romance novels, and masturbation--let's stop with the vestigial Puritanism and embrace our actual behavior rather than playing a charade.
Now you're just picking and choosing your study.
I've researched this a bit, and most sources report anywhere from 5-30%, and a few claim percentages as high as 70%. Like with all studies, there's plenty of room for error. Who knows the real number? But I'm betting its lower than 70. psychcentral.com/.../
if everyone's so ok with it then why does "cheating" involve sneaking around and lying? If our culture welcomes it why don't we all have open relationships?
If you want to cheat- AGAIN-seek out open relationships. It's that simple
Why so black and white with you?
If a person is against CHEATING they're Puritans? Right. Riiiiiight.
Masturbation =/= cheating
I didn't say masturbation = cheating. I'm saying it is equivalent in the sense that it's our natural behavior. Why deny it? Why define it as a wrong when it's our natural behavior? If you define swimming as immoral, then all fish are sinners. Rather a violent way to think, no?
First of all, animals don't have a sense of morality, perhaps with the exception of some highly intelligent species. Justifying your behavior with "buT ANIMALS DO IT! ITS NATURAL AND STUFF!" is absolutely pathetic.
Regardless, monogamy is beneficial to the humam race and always has been. That's not to say the urge to cheat isn't there. But the urge of our ancestors to poop wherever they want, eat with their bare hands, and viciously attack their enemies obviously was found to not be beneficial, and thus, these urges were ignored.
There's tons of things I have the urge to do, but as a rational, emotionally involved, and intelligent human being, I don't act on these urges.
Monogamy has been a tool of societal oppression. A way to keep women down, actually. Most men aren't attractive to women, so forcing marriage and having it be religiously ingrained into our cultures is a way of ensuring that less attractive men have a higher chance of getting a woman and spreading their genes. Why continue to support oppressive behavior?
Oh you're the king of bullshit aren't you? No one's being forced to get married. If/when I get married it will be to someone I want to be with. I'm not being oppressed. You're just a little horny fuck who can't keep it in his pants
Take a look around the world. Only until recently, most marriages were not much by choice, but were arranged, whether for politics or religious reasons. There are still places in the world where that happens. Also look at deeply religious countries, and see the oppressive tendencies. Our society is only recently moving past that, and we are simply dealing with vestigial notions surrounding our sexual relationships. Why allow the vestiges to continue to dominate our thinking? Let's shed the baggage of the past and move on to a more enlightened form of sexuality.
If you don't want to get married, don't.
If you don't want to commit to one person, don't.
Simple
Feelings manipulate human behavior establishing best possible organisation of the species. We feel horrible when we cheat for the same reason we feel horrible when we kill. It's NOT functional behavior for the species.
It poses a threat to the intimacy of the nuclear family needed to raise healthy, sane children.
"Feelings are just chemicals."
Damn morons... >.>
By that same logic, what's best for our species is procreation, since that ultimately is what keeps the species in existence, push comes to shove. If your partner isn't satisfying, then why not cheat? Today we have contraceptives that prevent the pregnancy from occurring, but the underlying motivation remains the same: have sex with a different partner. But why throw the baby out with the bathwater? Cheat, then go back and enjoy the qualities your partner does have.
It's same like :-
Why murder is okay?
It's just stopping one's heartbeats. Nothing else.
Two words: Worst BS.
I think everything on this earth is okay after reading this. Check it out in comments :-
Why robbery is okay?
It shows your intelligence and power. And it is easy money.
Why r*pe is okay?
Free s**
Why racism is okay?
Because it's just our chemicals (melanin) nothing wrong.
Take owner, I know even you are not confident about your words.
I appreciate your c*w*rdn*ss by hiding behind anon mask.
Admins if these are the things which are good for community, then I think it's the right time say bye bye to the site. I don't think I am right to help you anymore. :(
Lol the word that brings vomit to the mouths, cheating no no.
Marital vows where they pledge fidelity are an explicit agreement not to cheat, but there are other vows as well, are there not? "Until death do us apart" being one of them. However, where 50% of marriages end in divorce, it is clear that we as a culture have agreed that marital vows are symbolic and not enforceable. In which case, it's clear that cheating is likewise permissible based upon those same cultural agreements.
72% of men cheat, 70% of women cheat. Overwhelmingly, people approve of cheating because they engage in the behavior. It's like judging people on p*rn or reading romance novels--except everyone is doing the same thing! It's silly, and we should just embrace the activity of multiple sexual partners rather than play this sill charade.
This is plan stupid. If you want an open realtionship withnsomeone fine, dont preach to the rest of us... Not interested.
Plain*
"If you don't cheat your only cheating yourself". I would break up with someone who showed me this for bad English alone. The rest of this idiocy would only make my decision easier.
The word you are looking for is "poor" English .
That's a pedantic distinction, it's like saying mad can't mean angry because traditionally it meant insane. Now, the distinction between your and you're is much, much better defined...
Right ok.
media.photobucket.com/.../..._zpsd4529287.gif.html
that's awesome
i wholly disagree. I've been cheated on twice in a relationship. it did nothing to improve the relationship. only ruined them.
Selfish partners will do that. Why were you so possessive? If you had simply let it go, things could have worked out.
I'm being possessive when my gf breaks the trust and commitment to our relationship? it's not about not wanting her to hook up with someone else its about being able to trust someone. if a girl says to me "I'm thinking I want to hook up with someone else" then that's something to talk about but to just go behind someone's back is to go against monogamy which was explicit in the terms of the relationship
Wow, blame the victim much?
The person who cheated was the selfish one, not the one who got cheated on... SMH
Cheating is as common as masturbation (which we also stupidly condemn). We get disgusted with people when they get caught masturbating, we do the same when they cheat. There'd be no need to condemn if we simply accepted that we're sexual creatures and stop being so archaic and Puritan about our thinking.
apples to oranges... these are not comparable arguments and people don't cheat as much as they masturbate. so we have to talk apples to apples
we don't condemn masturbation the way we do cheating. at least I and most people I know don't. I don't give a crap if my wife masturbates but I do care if she has an extramarital affair. if you want to have sex with someone else, then you can, just don't expect to be with me.
you may not believe in monogamy and that's fine it's up to you. but you can't condemn people for believing in monogamy and not accepting infidelity. it's really that simple. if you are ok with it that's fine but to think that your rather unique viewpoint should be the common belief is like saying we should all wear the same clothes, work the same jobs, etc.
Monogamy has been a tool of societal oppression. A way to keep women down, actually. Most men aren't attractive to women, so forcing marriage and having it be religiously ingrained into our cultures is a way of ensuring that less attractive men have a higher chance of getting a woman and spreading their genes. Why continue to support oppressive behavior?
how is anyone "forced" to get married?
marriage is a choice each person makes. you make a choice to get married and set the parameters of that marriage. if you choose to have an open relationship then there you go, but if you choose not to that should be the expectation
religion is only a factor in a marriage if a couple chooses to let it be. the reason why some get married may be based on their religious beliefs but for plenty, including myself, religion has nothing to do with it. I got married because I wanted to commit to one person and getting married allows for pretty good tax breaks
a relationship is an option. and the grounds in which you participate are unique to every relationship. no one HAS to get married, no one HAS to be monogamous. BUT if you choose to be in a monogamous relationship then that are the terms of that relationship and they should be honored. It's really that simple.
my wife isn't oppressed because she can't have sex with someone else nor am I...
we want to be faithful to each other. we want to be honest and loyal to each other. those are choices we made on our own accord... if my wife has other desires she can follow them, but if it's not in line with what I want in our marriage then we both have a right to that
That's very nice and idealistic. But cheating isn't a matter of if, it's a matter of when. How will you respond when she does cheat? Are you simply going to throw everything away your loving relationships out of selfishness and possessiveness? I think we as a species can be better than that.
cheating isn't a matter of when... everyone doesn't cheat. so stop that line of thought
If my wife cheats, I'll make a decision but more than likely if pressed to make a decision now I'm out. not because I'm selfish, not because I'm possessive but because I wouldn't trust them.
" I think we as a species can be better than that."
That's a fine sentiment for your point of view but it doesn't suit mine. if you are fine with a relationship in which your partner has sex with other people then it's not cheating, it's just called an open relationship. but for the vast majority of people they don't feel the same as you, which our right just as your point of view is your right. but don't bash those who see differently from you. what would you call someone who close minded to other points of view that don't affect them? I'd call them selfish, I'd call them possessive
there is actually a very pertinent philosophical thought regarding the Morals of language called Moore's paradox. the conversation came about when a person was talking to someone and they said, "Albany is the capital of New York, but I don't believe it"
the idea that a person could say they don't believe something that is fundamentally true, and in the case was stated as true in the first part of the clause... the same can be said for 'Why Cheating is OK"
Cheat is defined "act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, especially in a game or examination OR a person who behaves dishonestly in order to gain an advantage"
so by definition cheating is dishonest, unfair and therefore cannot be ok. if you are ok with "cheating" what you are actually ok with is people having open relationships. but that's not cheating. cheating by definition, whether relating to relationships or other, is bad and dishonorable and therefore cannot be ok
Cheating is no different than masturbating. If she cheats on me, the only difference is that she has someone inside her. I'm not jealous or possessive, so why should that bother me if she does that? Doesn't she have a right to have sex with whom she chooses? Why should her autonomy be a threat to me?
The only reason to be upset is possessiveness born of insecurity and selfishness. There's no place for it in a loving relationship.
your opinion is your opinion. you don't see cheating as cheating. so therefore you don't have a right judge those who view it as cheating. you'd be great in an open relationship because you are fine with that kind of thing. but most people aren't. for most they want monogamy. you can call it possessiveness while others call it love, commitment or whatever.
there's this thing called polyamory which is way less emotionally abusive than what you're talking about, there doesn't have to be any sneaking or lies. But you can get turned on knowing that your partner fooled around with someone else, or see if the grass is greener! go back to your partner, and maybe check out some other grass some other day. not a big deal.
If that's what works for you, be with someone that has the same set of values.
I'll keep my monogamy though, thanks.
This is the STUPIDEST take I've ever read. Don't try to justify cheating
Take a look at Bandit74 thread. I didn't present my only line of reasoning. I may have to do an updated myTake.
Wow someone wants to live in the society that Aldous Huxley feared we would become... What has the world come to? Might as well start saying "a gram is better than a damn" and give up all autonomy while we are at it.
I'm glad someone brought up Aldous Huxley, because if you didn't, I was going to.
Cheaters are horrid people who don't deserve happiness, they don't care about anyone but themselves. Cheating is not ok.
I strongly disagree. Cheating is no different than masturbating. If she cheats on me, the only difference is that she has someone inside her. I'm not jealous or possessive, so why should that bother me if she does that? Doesn't she have a right to have sex with whom she chooses? Why should her autonomy be a threat to me? Why should mine be a threat to her?
The only reason to be upset is possessiveness born of insecurity and selfishness. There's no place for it in a loving relationship.
Dude, cheating isn't just sex, I'm completely non sexual... if a guy says that he loves me, but then goes and tells another girl that he loves her... that's cheating
Who said anything about love? Sex is fun just for itself, there doesn't have to be love involved in sex. Why can't my partner please herself with another man yet love me all the same? I see no reason to fear.
Did you comment in the wrong place?
No, you assumed a guy goes out and says to another girl that he loves her in order to have sex with her. That doesn't have to be the case. They could simply be dtf without any feelings of love, simply for the sexual gratification.
No! You misread... I'm not talking about sex at all, cheating is about betraying ones love, cheating doesn't just mean you have sex with someone. I'm trying to tell you that telling other people you're in love with them while you're in a committed relationship is cheating.
And I'm telling you that when I have sex with someone who isn't my partner, it's just for sexual gratification, and I'm sure she does the same. We also realize that emotions are fake, so it's our choices that matter, and our choice is to be together regardless if we're having sex with other people or not. I'm saying that cheating, the very concept, is antiquated, and that only our possessiveness and jealousy makes us hold onto the notion.
@LovelySerene
in my opinion, male cheating will be mostly about simple sexual satisfaction or variety. Female cheating will be more about compensating for a lack of solace or attention than about sexual satisfaction or variety.
@jacquesvol Yes usually, my problem is that the take owner thinks that cheating is only sex. There can be cheating without sex. Emotions may be fake for him, but they are very real for most people. If I love someone and we agree to only be with each other, then he goes off and goes with someone else behind my back... then that's cheating. Even if he's not having sex with her, if he's telling her that he loves her, that's cheating.
I completely agree with your opinion of cheaters. They have no self control, and they are all around dishonest.
No, because a relationship is a contract. A clause in the contract is that sexual and romantic associations with other parties is strictly forbidden and subject to a possible nullification of the contract in such a case
The only time a contract becomes part of a relationship is marriage, to which I'm opposed due to its oppressive nature.
No, it is an oral contract when you form a relationship. That is what a relationship is--an oral contract with a clause of exclusivity.
The only legitimate oral act in a relationship is a bj--"contracts" are nonsensical.
What do you think a relationship is other than a business contract? A contract is an agreement between to or more parties to meet and oblige by certain terms. A romantic relationship fits that exactly by definition.
Cheating is no different than masturbating. If she cheats on me, the only difference is that she has someone inside her. I'm not jealous or possessive, so why should that bother me if she does that? Doesn't she have a right to have sex with whom she chooses? Why should her autonomy be a threat to me?
The only reason to be upset is possessiveness born of insecurity and selfishness. There's no place for it in a loving relationship.
That comment does not address my rebuttal to your argument at all. When you form a contract, you give up a degree of freedom (usually). This is so in a relationship.
You are viewing relationships as a violent form of limitation, which I find abhorrent. I reject your violence. You seem hell-bent on a possessive view of your partner. She is NOT your possession!
Do you disagree that relationships are oral contracts with certain clauses and restrictions?
And, for that matter, I'm actually pretty cool with open relationships. I prefer them over normal ones. I'm fine with a partner having sex with someone else as long as I'm still the hottest alpha in her mind.
I strongly disagree that relationships are contracts of any kind. Your partner is not an asset or possession, they aren't there to boost your ego. They aren't someone to "get" something from. They are autonomous. Being the "hottest alpha in her mind" clearly indicates your possessive mindset.
Where do you disagree specifically with my contract argument?
Cheating is wrong you are in a relationship to be loyal.
No, you are in a relationship because you are trying to secure a partner for mating. Why oppress ourselves with a single partner because of cultural conditioning?
Well... I suppose It's fair to say the admins won't promote this Take!
This take got traction because it WAS promoted. I understand it may be radical to many people, but it is assuredly a more realistic viewpoint on how we should behave than pretending we don't cheat or by pretending that cheating is wrong.
72% of men cheat, 70% of women cheat. Overwhelmingly, people approve of cheating because they engage in the behavior. It's like judging people on p*rn or reading romance novels--except everyone is doing the same thing! It's silly, and we should just embrace the activity of multiple sexual partners rather than play this charade.
If we got rid of our childish, vestigial Puritanism and embraced our actual inclinations and nature, we'd all be better off.
Then why is said perso even have relationships and commitments, If said person is going to be DISHONORABLE and break it?
Just stay single, or do poly relationships only.
There's no way to refute what I said, without being dishonorable and deceptive.
If 72% of men are cheating and 70% of women, then it's a high likelihood that both of them are cheating on each other at the same time, but the one who got caught first is "dishonorable," their behavior unbecoming, like masturbating.
It's purely a game of one-upsmanship to say one person is dishonorable and the other not. And why does that game need to be played? because of that vestigial puritanism. Eliminate THAT, and things will be just fine.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Why define it as a wrong when it's our natural behavior? If you define swimming as immoral, then all fish are sinners. Rather a violent way to think, no?
Please stop trying to make deceiving someone, making said person THINK you're in a monogamous when you're not... a "good thing".
Said person should either stay single, break up when he/she wants to pursue someone else, or make it clear he/she want an open relationship from the beginning.
It's not the other person straying that makes people emotionally hurt with cheating... It's the deceit. The fact that said person broke the honor of a commitment between two people... while making it SEEM like said person was committed to the relationship 100%.
How can anyone hold the opinion that cheating is okay? D: What the heck is wrong with people now days?
Cheating is no different than masturbating. If my girl was cheating on me, the only difference is that she has someone inside her. I'm not jealous or possessive, so why should that bother me if she does that? Can't you see how I'd be selfish if I felt that way?
Absolutely not, no! Your wife BELONGS (rightly placed in a proper position) to you! NO one else! Your wife's body and your body are meant for each other in marriage, the way God designed it! You're in NO way being selfish by holding your spouse (and yourself) accountable to yourself (same for her). How could you say 'selfish'? D:
It is a violation of trust. Some might wave it off, like yourself, but those with more sensitivity, who truly treasure their relationship, who are vulnerable in front of their significant other, will be hurt more than you obviously understand.
It's no different than masturbation.
Someone's hand isn't a sentient human being.
Cheating is no different than masturbating. If my girl cheats on me, the only difference is that she has someone inside her. I'm not jealous or possessive, so why should that bother me if she does that? Can't you see how I'd be selfish if I felt that way?
That shows a disregard for the relationship then! It's not selfish, it's showing you give a damn for the other person!
No, it shows a respect for the other person's autonomy. Who am I to tell her who she can and can't have sex with? Who is she to tell me in turn? I won't disrespect her independence, she shouldn't disrespect mine either.
It's not a dictation, it's a show of respect that shows the relationship is more important than sexual gratification.
A relationship is more important than sexual gratification, which is why we remain together, whether cheating takes place or not. Can't you see that love is more important than mere genital rubbing?
Love is loyalty and devotion to someone. In a romantic sense, physically and emotionally. What you feel is not love, or you wouldn't be ok with cheating. If this gf tolerates it, that's her issue, but what about your future relationships?
I would "tolerate" it from her as well (that's an ugly word you chose). You understand this isn't a one-way thing? You also assume "future relationship" despite she and I being happy together.
You might be happy, and it might last, but what about friends? Family? What do they think of this? And what happens if you two get married?
Now you're grasping at straws. What business is my sex life or my partners sex life to my family and friends? We don't go spouting that off to people, and they don't have a right to that information. There would also be no difference after getting married--marriage isn't some magical difference maker in a relationship, it's just legal recognition based on historical (and outdated) precedent.
It comes down to your morals. I believe in monogamous relationships, not becaue of religion, but of respect. What do you believe to excuse cheating?
I believe this entire thread shows evidence of why I think it's ok. Again, I don't believe in violence, in possessing another person or making demands upon their autonomy.
I'm not advocating violence either! It shouldn't be possession, but a conscious choice for both parties! What you have described is friends with benefits with a minimal amount of emotion, with casual sex and your "love" for your girlfriend.
Why is anyone even bothering with this idiot?
He is clearly ignorant and will only last in an open relationship.
let him be stupid