Should I apologize for acting weird, wait it out, or just let it go? I screwed up!?

[Anonymous]

Recently, I misinterpreted a friend's actions to mean that he was being completely rude to me and blowing me off, when in reality I jumped the gun and assumed things were definitely planned out, when they weren't.

Like an idiot, I panicked and fired off a letter telling him how I felt about him and pretty much issued an ultimatum: either he would let me know that I was misunderstood in my assumptions or I would take his silence to mean he was no longer interested in being friends. He got the letter and texted me almost immediately to say that he was tired from his travels and he just wanted to rest.

It's been almost two weeks since I've heard from him (that's a little while for us to go without talking), and I feel terrible because I know I was in the wrong BIG TIME for cornering him on something so trivial. I screwed up so badly, and it's keeping me up at night. I feel like I lost my best friend (I know two weeks isn't a very long time, but it feels like an eternity) and I just want him to know I'm sorry for acting crazy.

However, I don't want to come across as being needy and desperate for his attention. I do have my own life, I just don't want to end our years-long friendship because of something stupid.

Should I text/call him to apologize, just wait and see if he comes back around to talking to me (he may have been busy), or should I just let it go and realize that I messed this up?

Updates

+1 y

Oh no, not that long. It may take me some time, though. We've been really good friends for a few years.

Updates

+1 y

I do think he is exercising the part of the letter where I told him that I would take his silence to mean that he doesn't want to be friends. Maybe that's what he wanted all along. I'm simply devastated.

[Niceguyscumlast]

An apology is appropriate and everyone has screwed up an apologized at one point in their life your guy friend is not perfect I'm sure he has had to apologize for something he said or did as well. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by so doing.

Good luck

[Asker]

But what if he was trying to push me away intentionally? I don't want to apologize for misinterpreting if his intention WAS to brush me aside and he just isn't that skilled at doing it.

[Niceguyscumlast]

You have to ask yourself this question (if I apologize what is the worst that can happen?) only a selfish idiot would be upset at receiving an apology. And your "What if ing" yourself too much.

[Asker]

I tend to do that a lot, which ends up screwing up every relationship I ever get into, whether platonic or otherwise.

[Niceguyscumlast]

I understand maybe this step is the first step for breaking this pattern?

[Asker]

I've gained nothing but the harsh realization that I am, indeed, a bad person.

[Niceguyscumlast]

No you are not a bad person you may have made some bad choices but your not a bad person.

[Asker]

I've sent you a message.

[natalieblue7]

Give him a call and apologize for being crazy and overreacting, but don't make too big of a deal out of it, just casually say that you feel really bad about it and then just continue the conversation how he is and what he's up too and stuff.

[Asker]

He's not responding to calls or texts, though.

[natalieblue7]

Then he is the one overreacting now. Just write him that you really are sorry etc. and then leave it. I mean was what you wrote really that horrible?

[Asker]

I didn't think so. I simply asked him if he felt I was misunderstood, to let me know; otherwise, silence means to part ways. I don't know if his silence means he wants to part ways, or if his response to the letter asking for space was his answer, and I just need to give it time.

[wowzer]

if you want to apologise, do it.

[Asker]

I did. He still won't speak to me.

[wowzer]

Then the way I'd approach it is assume it's over and move on. If it's not over and he comes back that's nice, if not you didn't waste more time doing mental gymnastics.

[Asker]

I'm going to continue to do mental gymnastics until I get a response. I know he doesn't owe me one, but it's human nature to want one.

[wowzer]

How long do you think you'll wait? The girl I left was still wondering some 6 years later.

[Asker]

Let me ask you this: is it anything I can come back from? I don't necessarily mean in this instance, he's probably thinking I'm a psycho. He said it was cool once before, but could I expect the same courtesy again from him as well as others?

[wowzer]

It might be, it might not. You cannot expect it, that's why I think you should assume you won't get anything and move on or at least stop with the gymnastics. Then, should he not return you didn't waste a bunch of time going potty.

[wowzer]

It's better to either make a move rather than hope he'll come around imo. So, no move, don't hang around.

[wowzer]

It's not needy/desperate if you were in the wrong- it's the right thing to do.

[Asker]

Cool. Thanks. It doesn't help me feel better right now, but it will in the long run, I hope.

[wowzer]

If doing the right thing was easy we'd all be saints =)

[Asker]

I've sent you a message.