Am I being a birthday brat? boyfriend makes no effort on my birthday, expects some on his?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend and i have been together 4 years and its mostly long distance as he has to work in another state so we dont do gifts. we did gifts last Christmas for the first time as we spent a whole month together around that time. he makes no big deal out of my birthday the past two years but he's a sweetheart the rest of the time. all he sent both times was a short birthday email saying happy birthday sweetheart and later talked to me on Skype as though it was another ordinary day. the first two years he made a big deal on my birthday

i always go all out on his birthdays and he really enjoys it, this year he's going out to his favourite restaurant with his boss for lunch and going to another restaurant for dinner after work by himself to celebrate his birthday and said i could talk to him for an hour or two after work before he leaves. i wished him happy birthday for tomorrow sending a long email full of nice things and hoping he has a great day then i asked if he wanted me to send him a gift or something as i wasn't sure if we were doing gifts this year (my bday is a month before his) and i already had to cancel a gift voucher for a day out night time ziplining and a paintball session because he said he wasn't interested when i hinted. he replied saying you dont need to get me anything but you can if you want i dont want to make it unfair for you because i buy you things from time to time and i know you dont like me spending more on you than you do on me. thats the bit that annoyed me because he hasn't spent anything on me this year, im not after presents i just thought it was a bit cheeky to say that when the last time we did gifts we bought each other the same amount of Christmas presents.

sorry its a ramble, am i just being a brat or is he just not bothered about me as much anymore? i make so much effort for him and see none back on birthdays. I've said something last year and he just said im sorry ill try harder next time which he obviously didn't

Updates

+1 y

****last year he actually forgot my birthday until the very end of the evening when i told him it was and then i got a short email the next day saying happy birthday ill try better next year im sorry :(

[aficionado]

Well... if I were in your shoes, it would bother be e bit that my significant other is too casual about my birthday. I mean... a birthday is a special day in everyone's lives. If he isn't making it special for you, then that certainly I something which you would obviously be bothered about.

If he was like this from the beginning, then you could have assumed its his nature. But since he's doing this only since 2 years, you have all the reason to be annoyed, and perhaps even worried.

[Asker]

i guess thats what im afraid of :/ if he was like this all along i wouldn't have a problem because i could put it down to his personality but he loves birthdays. he expects me to not have any plans on my birthday and sit talking to him on Skype all night about every day stuff without a single mention of my birthday. on his i send him love coupons (pics in any pose he wants, a weekend out of the year i come up to his and spend it with him with no effort from him etc), i hand make his birthday cards and mail them to him, I've hand made him a scrapbook of all our vacation photos and all i get is an aww. im not asking for expensive gifts here im just asking him to show he cares more than a half assed generic message when he can remember

[Asker]

and on his birthday hed rather go out to a restaurant twice, once BY HIMSELF than even share it with me. i got no invite to come see him and i felt insulted that i could talk to him for an hour before he goes out like he's doing me a favour.

[aficionado]

My goodness, this is terrible. I'm sorry to say this, but he certainly isn't being a good boyfriend here. Would it take so much effort from him to spare just ONE day in a year to make your birthday special for you?

I don't understand how caring girls like yourself end up with guys like him, whereas the caring and affectionate guys always get friendzoned so they never get an opportunity to show how caring and affectionate they can be.

[Asker]

he's a typical nice guy so its not like i went for a jerk, he still is a nice guy all year round its just like he's slacked off the special days for the last two years :( thank you for talking this out with me i guess when you say it out loud it you realise how much worse it is than when you're saying it in your head to yourself and dismissing yourself as being selfish and over reacting

[aficionado]

Thanks for MHO! :)