Boyfriend gained weight and doesn't want sex anymore?

[Anonymous]

We've been dating for 5 years and are getting married this summer, but I've noticed a large change in him; he used to want to have sex on a daily basis, and it was like that up until a month ago when he found out he gained 7 lbs.

He is by no means fat, in fact he's really muscular. He has a little fat on his sides, but not enough for anyone to notice. But I can't help but feel less self confident as he doesn't touch me or have the same sexual desire for me as he once did.

I myself am petite, thin but fit, and he's assured me that it's not me, it's him, but I don't know how I can make him feel better. He went on a diet this past month and he dropped 5 lbs., but he's still feeling discouraged and told me he wanted to give up, and now we've had sex maybe twice this past month.

What should I do to make him feel more confident?

[BertMacklinFBI]

7 lbs? what is he tripping about he's not a obsessive girl. and the body fluctuates from 7 lbs on and off weekly. more like 5 but lets call it 7.

that's strange behavior, maybe he wants to save the rest for the wedding night.

[Asker]

Right? When he was making jokes about it at first I told him the same thing. It's not even something to worry about.

I wish that were the case. He just seems so... sad? Maybe it's stress not just from this but also from his work, I don't know. I just know it's making me sad too, because I keep trying to help him feel better, but I can't help him help myself.

[BertMacklinFBI]

mmm well I can't say I have a solution but the best thing to do would be to continuously show your support and be there with him, find ways to help him like maybe more walks together at night and healthier meals. relaxation time as well.

[Asker]

That's exactly what I've been doing; the reason why he probably felt like he got bigger was because he was eating a lot of take-out and junk food, but for the past month I've been making him healthy meals and go to the gym with him, and now he's lost most of the weight. I just hope that continuing this routine for another month will be enough for him to get back on his feet.

[BertMacklinFBI]

he probably puts high value on his body so if that is the case then i can see how 7 lbs would affect his mood. help get him back on track and then see how he is, i bet he will be much more pleasant :)

[AlexCab]

Tell him to be a man and stop whining. 7 lbs is nothing, specially if he's a muscular guy. :-)

[Asker]

Yeah I did (at first), but now that he seems so controlled by it I'm not sure if adding insult to injury is the best thing right now. My mind tells me to go yell at him and tell him how he's being a crybaby over nothing, but my heart tells me this is one of those times for me to be compassionate and gentle.

[AlexCab]

lol, you are right of course. You can't put added pressure to him, he would reject you. is he planning to lose that weight? if so, show him your support, work it out with him and add sex back gently, not as an urgency but as an added value to the process of losing weight.

[Kyndra]

Some people might disagree with me, saying it's not right but... If I were you, I'd show him how much I wanted him.

[Asker]

I would if it weren't so challenging for me.

I'm asexual, and in general I don't care for sex or see the necessity in it in a relationship, but I love him and understand how it's important to him, so without him forcing me to I've always met him halfway when it comes to sex.

But now that he's down in the dumps it's pretty much impossible for me to peek his interest; I'll try to initiate things and he'll react at first, but then he'll just drop it all together. :/

[Kyndra]

Yeah, I can see how it would be difficult for you. Well if he's really so upset about his weight, things should go back to normal soon ^^ Sounds like he's almost reaching to his original weight.

[Asker]

Yes, he's definitely been working harder than usual. I chalk it up to eating a lot of junk food, that'll make anyone feel bad after awhile. I've been cooking him all his meals for the past month and exercising with him and now he's almost done, I don't know why he would want to give up now. I just hope he feels better soon.

[Dakota_The_Rota]

He might have low testosterone, guys who don't want sex tend to have it.