My husband is is good shape great looking, but he has low self esteem. Why?

[Anonymous]

I have been with my husband for 15 years. He has always been in great shape. Very muscular, very good looking and a great guy. I recently got very upset with him because he never ever initiates sex. Well after a long talk I find out it is because he thinks I am smarter and better than him and he doesn't think he is good enough. I always thought the opposite that he thought he was too good for me. He has always been in great shape, but he tries to hide it under his clothes. I always ask him to take his shirt off or not wear clothes to bed, it turns out he is embarrassed and does not think he looks good. I complement him a lot and love him so much. Please guys, what can I do to help him understand he is wonderful. Has anyone experienced this, what would help? Thanks

[Bvroon]

Self esteem is a slippery subject at best, granted this doesn't make it impossible, as you have learned from your husband, the good news is he told you these things, which is a step in the right direction, I say this because you would never tell anybody about self esteem issues if you didn't trust them in the first place. In the exploration of his esteem issues, get ready for a long trip, I suggest this because given your age (36-45), no worries I'm in the same boat, ;-) it indicates to me that these esteem issues were established a long time ago and are more than likely nested in several other complex issues. I say these things because not unlike your husband my self esteem is not quite where it should be, however it is improving and so can his, your compliments and reassurance will go a long way to helping rebuild the esteem he should have had, but regrettably somebody in his past probably dedicated a lot of energy to tearing him down, it may have been a parental figure, or perhaps a partner, regardless it was somebody close to him, and somebody who's opinion mattered to him. For me my brother did a good deal of damage to me. As for his physical appearance and other attributes, well you can have the body of adonis but if you don't feel it on the inside (not to suggest conceit is the goal) then it won't matter how you look or dress or really anything else, there is always this little voice in the back of your head telling you how you are not good enough. I know this how it works for me. To help change this, he will need to know he has value, which I'm sure he understands on some basic level, but it needs to be quantified, I say this in the sense that batteries have value, but that value is only valuable if you have something that needs batteries. To be sure he is not a battery, my point is I'm sure he understand that he has value as your husband or as a worker, but he needs to know just how valuable he really is, and most importantly this message needs to make it to his heart, where I believe the home of self esteem rests.

[timmy111]

He is feeling really low within himself, slight depression maybe..
Build up his confidence, be fun, let him know how much you appreciate him
Takes time, but he'll get there

[unicornsandglitter]

Its a confidence thing more or less. You can't help how he feels about himself. But what you can do is make him feel confident. Flirt around with him, tease him, tell him he looks sexy, grab his butt, take off his shirt and say you like it when he's shirtless. Just make him feel good about himself, and maybe that'll help.

[The_Lone_Ranger]

There is a challenge in which you and you husband have sex 101 days in a row. I would take this challenge to fix his ego.

[Frost_Byt3]

Honestly it'll take time. Compliment him often, like really often, and he will eventually build up confidence.

[Consultant]

He might be low testosterone, seriously. He should go to a doctor and get it checked, lots of guys that age have that.

[reptocarl]

Have him talk or see a counselor

[Anonymous]

i know a guy like this too.