I've never had a boyfriend. What's wrong with me?

[Anonymous]

Its probably a very common question...whats wrong with me? But I seriously need some opinions here. I'm 25...pretty good looking, I've got a stable job and a masters degree...I've never had a boyfriend...plan on staying a virgin till I get married...family oriented...religious...and have quite a few friends that I love to hang out with. My problem is that every time I like a guy...they NEVER EVER like me back...and their excuse is usually..."i just don't feel the same way" or "it doesn't click". They want to always continue to be my friend though (which never works out because by then I'm so depressed that I can't stand being their friend without wondering why the heck I got rejected) When I ask my friends they all say its because I'm too good for the guys and they are intimidated by me. I'm not convinced, those are things any good friend would say to someone like me. Can guys really be that intimidated by a girl that even though the girl is telling them that they like them...the guy still refuses to give the girl a chance? What's really my issue here?

[tiredofbeingsingle06]

You are definetley not alone, and it makes me feel better that there is someone who is older than me and who is still single, no offense. I just turned 22 very recently and I have never had a girlfriend in my entire life, still a virgin. It's very frustrating for me because since I'm a guy, I have to do all or most of the work in order to get the girl, like making the first move, starting a conversation and keeping it going, doing all the phone-calling, texting. Overall, us guys have to initiate everything with you girls. I hate how other guys or people say that put's you in the drivers seat, that gives you control, well guess what? I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT BEING IN CONTROL JUST AS LONG AS I'M IN A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP. I would only enjoy it if the girl was welcoming my advances on her. Seriously, I'm so f***in' jealous, or I usually get jealous of those other guys out there that have no problem pulling girls, getting a cute decent girlfriend. Well c'mon, I kinda have a right to be, you can consider me a player hater, and I don't even want to be a player anyway, I just want to be a one woman's man.

In reality, it is much more difficult for a man to meet a woman, a potential girlfriend than it is for a woman to meet a man, a potential boyfriend. Men can not wait and rely on women to approach and ask for the date because men WILL NEVER BE ASKED OUT. Men have to do everything in order to get anything with or from a woman, and I'm not just referring to sex. . When a man gets rejected he has to shrug it off and his friends would tell him to “be a man”. On the other hand, if a woman gets rejected, she would most likely take it as a personal insult on her inner child and her friends will comfort her. A woman is automatically accepted by society as a woman; whereas men have to prove themselves at every turn. A shy woman WILL get asked out without having to over come it. Men have to work more on themselves than women do. Men must have confidence, real self confidence, that is not based solely on how they look, but rather understanding and acknowledging their self worth in order to approach. Building up this type of confidence takes time and understanding. Overall, a girl can get a date or a boyfriend without having to overcome shyness or any form of social anxiety, awkwardness, however, the same thing is not applied for guys.

[ariadne]

"A shy woman WILL get asked out without having to over come it."

This is not true at all. I'm a shy 25-year-old woman. I never get asked out. The one and only boyfriend I've ever had, I had to practically throw myself at, and he turned out to be emotionally (and almost physically) abusive.

I'm decently attractive (I'm probably not a good judge, but I get friends as well as strangers telling me so), slim, kind, intelligent, and quite successful with a bright future ahead of me. And yet I appe

[intra]

Ahhhhh, the age old problem, the ones you like don't like you, the ones that like you you don't like ( I'm sure there have been suitors who you have rejected because they don't match up with your list of qualities in a partner). It takes time to find your penguin, where the desire is mutual. We all have our predilections, or desires in a partner. I know what I want to wake up to in the morning and so do you, just takes time to find him/her. For example if you look at a dating site you might go thru and find the look of a group of guys, then you might look at his location or his education background and slowly find a pool of guys you would actually date. The problem is if you contact these individuals they go thru the same process, they might reject you because you don't satisfy their criteria.

If you are telling them that you don't believe in premartial sex, ie you want to date, establish a realtionship and get married without any sexual tension or intimacy you it will take time to find someone who shares your values.

It will be hard but not impossible to find someone to accept that you intend to stay a virgin till you get married especially when they can date lots of other women who are prepared to have sex without geting married.

I would like to date a super model but I accept that ain't going to happen I can deal with it and get over it ;)

[ariadne]

Hey, looking at your follow-up comment -- "I think I tend to go for guys that give me a lot of attention and can have good conversations w/" -- This is EXACTLY what I do!

I haven't had any luck so I have no advice to give... except that apparently we need to change this.

[Killfest400]

While you sound like a good catch overall, it's possible that you could be coming on too strong with guys. For example, you mentioned that you're religious. If I dated a girl who is religious, then I would expect her to respect my beliefs (I'm an atheist) just as I expect hers. If she decided that I must be a devout member of her religion in order to be with her, then I would definitely not want to continue seeing her because she obviously doesn't respect me for who I am. Try to evaluate your behavior while seeing guys to see if you do something that could put them off. Your behavior makes you a better girlfriend than your looks or your job ever will.

"Can guys really be that intimidated by a girl that even though the girl is telling them that they like them?" Yes. Many girls will lead guys on (also works in reverse, guys do it too), and guys can often be wary of a girl who seems too good to be true. A lot of guys would still give this girl a chance, but others will refuse.

[rbutler406]

To be honest, you sound like a great girl that a lot of guys (that I know, at least) would fall all over themselves to get to. May I ask what kind of guys you are setting your sights on?

Also, a lot of guys might not be able to handle the fact that they won't have sex with you without a marriage... Pretty shallow, I know, but this is, unfortunately, how some men feel.

Just keep doing what you are doing, you'll find a great guy. Just be yourself and let things develope, you know?

[Asker]

I don't think I have a particular "type"...But I think I tend to go for guys that give me a lot of attention and can have good conversations w/.... So they make me feel as if they like me....and then when I tell them that I like them....they tell me they were just being nice and all they want is friendship...

[moviedude714]

I'm 22 and never had a girlfriend, so you are not alone, I'd say it's harder for us guys because most of us have to initiate, there are some exceptions but most girls will not chase or pursue a guy

[Anonymous]

I'm the same, i just never put myself out there