I feel ashamed that I've never had a boyfriend:/

[Anonymous]

In the 20 years that I've been in this world I feel horrible that I've never had one. I feel ashamed when people ask me, I kind of change the subject and brush the question of. I mean I have talked to guys and gone out and hang with them stuff like that but none of them ever saw me that way. I don't think I'm ugly but it hurts that there is no guy out there willing to step up and say "hey I like u,do you wanna be my girl?" it hurts. I think I've gotten to the point that I'm just done and become a tough cookie to break emotially. I don't think I want to let any other guy in because of the guys I've known in The past.I know it's wrong and I shouldint but I hate the pain.Does anyone else feel this way?

[LilyBee]

Hmm, well I'm 21 and I haven't had a boyfriend either, at least not a real one, but I have been asked out a few times. My issue is my weight. I need to lose some. lol I'm working on that now so I can be more comfortable with my body, and therefore more physically confident. I always get people telling me that I'm so pretty, "if you lost weight you'd be..." those kind of comments. I have had the chance to go out with some HOT guys who asked me out. I just couldn't though. I don't want to be the insecure wreck because I don't want to take my clothes off or anything. And maybe I'm a hypocrite, because I am attracted to some bigger girls who are a little chubby, but guys who are chubby chasers freak me the hell out. lol Of course, I'm not just chubby, I'm technically obese but people say I look just chubby. Regardless I'm trying to lose weight this year. I know that's my problem. So not only will I attract more guys, but then when a guy asks me out and I actually like him, I can just go for it.

I'm not ashamed of not having a boyfriend though. My best friend, who is not overweight by the way, hasn't had one either. I think we are both just picky or something, Idk. Plus we went to an all girls school if that matters at all, which it probably doesnt. Psychologists often say that young people who wait to be in relationships (even if it wasn't your choice) tend to be wiser having focused on becoming more self aware in the crucial teenage years when that's hard to do. Its said that they have watched those around them make the common mistakes and pitfalls in teen relationships. My best friend and I can totally relate to that. I don't know how many times I saw people in high school and even now just legitimately screwing up. I see the complete opposite in girls, like one of my friends, whose self esteem is dependent on having a boyfriend. Literally. You can see the choice differences between us and the sense of self esteem. Also people can become a bit jaded by their individual experiences with relationships in high school. So its not all bad. In the objective scheme, there's actually a lot of good in waiting, for committed relationships or sexual ones. I also tend to be wiser about different types of relationships than many of my friends who have been dating for years. They ALWAYS come to me for advice and then we laugh at the irony.

Theres nothing wrong about what you're doing. everyone handles emotions differently. do you have any close male friends or guys who could be honest with you? A brother, cousin, etc.? Maybe ask them what they think the problem is, if you can handle the honesty it might be good for you.

Also, are you flirting with guys or talking to them in a way that lets them know you're interested? Maybe that's an issue? If you feel like you have a wall up, its not hard for that to be conveyed to other people, which may hurt chances. And why not just ask a guy out yourself? I know its hard girl, I do, but it's no easier on them.

[Anonymous]

I am in the same boat. I got my first kiss at 19 (less than two months before I turned 20). I never put myself out there, and if by some miracle some guy tried something with me, I rejected him and he didn't care enough to try again. I've never had a boyfriend, although fingers crossed something's going to happen with my First Kiss.

All I can say is you have to love yourself. The only difference I can tell in myself is that I am more confident. I care what I look like, I make eye contact, I really like to joke with people and no longer get too caught up in what the guys I am joking with must think of me, and simply as a result of this, I flirt. And suddenly, I'm hooked up. Don't go looking for a guy, because you're going to end up investing yourself too much, getting stuck on a guy who doesn't really care, and you're going to end up getting hurt. Just love yourself and let him come to you. If you get desperate, guys will be able to sense that, but if you're comfortable with yourself, they can sense that too and be comfortable with you. The guy who then pursues you will be the one who's worth it.

[thisgirl3198]

I'm in the same boat as you, and I have learned one thing: embrace being single! Go out and have fun, go out with your girls to a party or club, relax, have a few drinks, and find some cute boys to talk to. They may not be "boyfriend" material, but trust me, it will most definitely boost your confidence when it comes to talking to guys, and when the right one does come around you'll be more than prepared to just sit him down and say, "Hey, I like you." I'm working on one right now and he seems pretty shy, so I already know that I'm going to have to be the one to say something to him, and that terrifies me because I've never had to do that before. But if you really like him, the excitement should out-power your fear, and you should just make the first move!

[PHILR]

LET ME TELL YOU THERE ARE PROBABLY 1/2 DOZ GUYS THAT ARE FANTASIZING ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW BUT TOO SHY TO APPROACH YOU.

I KNOW YOUR SAYING WTF THIS GUY TALKING ABOUT RIGHT. WELL DO A GOOGLE SEARCH ON SHY GUYS(BOYS) BODY LANGUAGE AND SIGNALS. AFTER READING 6 OR MORE FROM EACH CATREGORY (BODY LANGUAGE AND BODY SIGNALS) YOUR GOING TO BE SURPRISED . SOME CUTE GUYS HAVE BEEN FLIRTING BUT YOU NEVER KNEW WHAT TO LOOK FOR OR REALIZED WHAT THEY WERE DOING WAS FORMS OF FLIRTING.

WHY SHY GUYS YOU MAY ASK WELL ABOUT 70% OF THE GUYS OUT THERE THAT ARE AVAILABLE ARE VARYING DEGREES OF SHY. BUT IN GENERAL MAY NOT APPROACH YOU UNLESS ENCOURAGED BY YOU TO DO SO. (THAT MEANS IN MOST CASES YOU HAVE TO BE BLUNT AND TO THE POINT SAYING TO THEM "I LIKE YOU A LOT AND I WAS WONDERING IF WE COULD HANG OUT TOGETHER. " EVEN THOSE GUYS YOU SAY YOU ACTUALLY HUNG OUT WITH MAY HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU BUT WERE AFRAID(TO SHY) OF A REJECTION (WHICH IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST REASONS WHY SIOME GUYS ARE SHY BECAUSE THEY'VE BEEN REJECTED BEFORE AND POSSIBLY NOT IN A NICE WAY)

HOWEVER AFTER READING AS SAID 6 OR MORE OF THESE ARTICLES YOU'LL SEE SIGNS OF THESE POSSIBLY WITH SEVERAL GUYS YOU MAY KNOW ALREADY THAT ARE HIDING THEIR FEELINGS THRU THE SHYNESS THEY MAY HAVE AROUND YOU.

I KNOW READING WHAT I HAVE HERE MAY BE HARD TO SWALLOW BUT ITS TRUE NEVER THE LESS.

[EZlats]

I didn't have my first girlfriend til I was 18. And not for lack of trying, I've liked plenty of girls since I had been 13 years old, I just didn't ask anyone out. My first girlfriend I got was because she asked me out. Why she did is a different story but there's my point. Don't just sit around and wait for a guy to ask you, sometimes you have to ask them. Believe me, getting with a guy is easy if you're just looking to find a guy that you can get with (sexually). You don't sound like you want that though and that's where it gets tough. Open up and if you're not going out, go out more. And when I say open up I don't mean let people in. You're like a museum, let them see what you have inside but don't let them touch any of it until you know who they are and you're less likely to get crushed needlessly

[makesumwake]

that sucks, but its fixable.

first, stop focusing on "the pain"

start focusing on what you are gong to do about improving your life.

second, don't assume that your life is going to be great just because you got a boyfriend.

relationships cause more problems than they solve, at least for me. that's why I only do friends with benefits anymore these days.

if you don't have your sh*t together as a person, first -you won't attract the kind of guy you want, and second - you won't be happy even if you do get into a relationship.

if you act needy because you want a boyfriend, guys are going to run away from you.

focus on becoming a more attractive person. hit the gym, eat right, develop yourself and your personality.

take acting class, take drama, take speech, do social activities, avoid being on the computer all the time. start learning how to flirt with guys and be a fun person to be around.

being a kickass person (looks and personality) and not needing anyone is what makes guys want to chase you.

i meet girls all the time who are single, maybe even attractive, but just don't have any personality. if you can't keep me mentally interested, its not going to go anywhere.

if you are hot, you might get guys to have sex with you, but you won't get a relationship that you want unless you learn to mentally challenge guys and show them that you are worth keeping around.

[BigMrZ]

I'm 20 and only just started chasing the ladies around my collage campus, no major bites yet, just a few nibbles, and one nasty gash on my forearm from a "shark".

don't go to Eastern-Europe it kills the mood to want to date. lol.

I could give you some lame advice about "being true to yourself" or "don't try to be someone you're not" etc etc...but what help would that be?

I don't know anyone who likes the pain that you speak of, but it is important to know that not all people are the same, open the window a bit and let them talk to you from a safe distance before letting them in. and DO NOT let the past influence how you live your life today, learn from the experience and grow, don't let it control you.

as for the guys who don't come over to talk to you/ask you out: they're most likely shy or just as afraid of being hurt by you as you are of them.

take my words with a grain of salt, I'm not really highly qualified to give advice on this subject.

I wish you the best of luck

[rdr005]

23 and I'm finally in the process of getting my first girlfriend. We're casually dating but anywho...

I don't think its anything to be ashamed of. If people ask, just say it was by choice. People will still respect you for it. The only people that will make fun of you are players and hos... and its not like they matter. How are socially? How are the dates? It can be hard to want to ask a girl if she seems impossible, or uninterested by being distant in a relationship. Try going to social events (not referring to parties, but you can try those too) to get to know new people. I think its OK to be tough, but don't take it out on yourself. Hey, for all you know, it could just be that you're both attractive, but not some easy-to-lay hooker and it may just be intimidating :-P Smile, be positive, if there's a guy that interests you, give subliminal messages for conversation starters. A guy sometimes just won't find it reasonable to pursue a girl if she just seems completely uninterested in him. I used to feel that way because I did ask a couple of girls I really liked out, over the course of 5 years I think, and was completely rejected, but then I just moved on and wished for the best. And I'm pretty sure I found her :)

It'll take time. be patient.

[BunnyToast]

I'm single and 17 and still think that all the time. Even though I try so hard not to break emotionally I realize the truth: There is no age set in stone as to when you are SUPPOSED to have a relationship. Society just pressures us into relationships that we don't think we need. If anything, you should be celebrating the fact that you have stay independent and strong all this. You are a beautiful woman and those are beautiful qualities. So don't rush into a relationship, all you will get is something that is not worth your time. Just wait and be proud of how strong you are.

[zeitgeist057]

It is a hard world sometimes but you can't let it break you like that. I was talking to my ex today and saying how you just gotta keep loving and trying and be open even if you get hurt or feel like you're not getting what you give you can't give up because then it's a downward spiral for everyone. Be a light in the world, give some love and relax. Don't worry about not having a boyfriend, you can focus on being a good friend, a good relative, a good neighbor or just a good person.

When you are happy by yourself, people will flock to you. When you are the one filling a need instead of demanding to have one filled, you will attract others. It's not up to some guy to come around like a knight and break down your emotional walls, it's up to YOU. Be your own hero(ine).

[swagger]

You should be open and honest just like you have been here. Do not hide behind 'anonymous' (What I really mean by that is don't hide behind a mask or a fake persona). Just be yourself and I'm sure that you'll find guys hitting on you in no time.

Guys love to see vunerability in a girl as it means that we can be the man and protect you.

Take it from me, after reading your question I feel like I want to give you a hug and tell you it'll be OK. So just keep it real.

Good luck. You sound really sweet inside.

[swagger]

Sorry... loads of Typo's so I posted again!

[DaveMicharl69]

Yeah, I do. I didn't have a girlfriend til I was 26, & I've still only had two, but now I met someone online that, if I could find a way to move closer to her appears to be the one I've been looking for, & in the end that's all I care about. I think you'll find someone, & thatit'll happen before too long, but eventually you'll HAVE to let someone in to have a real relationship. I didn't want to let anyone in for a long time either, & I still sometimes kind of do it step by step when I meet someone, but some true friends came along that taught me to trust again, but without letting someone in, the connection can't be made, & somtimes a guy could be interested, but wants to get to know you a little before taking that first step. I truly feel your pain, & I wish you all the luck in the world...

[Kati11]

You shouldn't be ashamed. I'm 17 and I've never been kissed. Just have hope, in some karmic, cosmic way we should all end up with a bit of romance unless you push it away. There was once a news story about a 107 year old woman who had never even been kissed because she didn't believe in the whole romance drama. I don't really know where I'm going with this but basically you shouldn't be ashamed. When it's destined to be just let it happen. I know it can feel horrible to feel inexperienced and like you're missing out but it'll come.

[Shiner4]

Girl if you go around worrying about having a boyfriend and getting all upset about it. The right guy will come along you just have to be patient. Trust me you don't want to to date just any guy who wants to go out with you you want to date the right guy(s). I'm 19 and I've talked to a lot of guys but the closest thing I have had to a boyfriend was datin a guy for 3 weeks when I was 16. I understand that you feel like something is wrong with you but I'm pretty positive that there's not and there is probably a bizillion guys who think you're wonderful. Just be patient and work on finding all the things you enjoy about yourself and your life. I've noticed that many people find what they are hoping for as soon as they stop looking. Good Luck!

[M_A_X]

I was basically single and a virgin until I was 21. Like you, I'd hung out and stuff, but never really had a committed relationship... and I wasn't a bad looking guy either.

You need to learn to get over the pain though, sweetheart. Eventually, you'll find a guy who likes you if you keep the right attitude... just, try to avoid being so tough emotionally... guys sometimes take that as a sign that YOU don't like THEM, and it keeps them from making a move.

[NRBlnktd]

I'm 18 and the only boyfriend I've had was in 9th grade and we went out for a week. Pathetic... The truth is, I never made the effort to get a boyfriend. All the guys I would tell I liked them would say they didn't feel the same way. Guys have told me that I'm pretty or hot, but not since 9th grade and that's kind of sad. haha. I totally see where you're coming from. It makes me feel like a loser. I am really shy when it comes to guys and because I've been turned down so many times before, I kind of gave up in 11th grade and just didn't make the effort. There were some guys I felt might have an interest, but I never knew, so I never asked. I just always hoped they would tell me. Now that I'm getting older, I feel like I need to take the initiative to ask out a guy. If he turns me down...well, there's plenty more. (:

[virgininla]

I understand. I think a guy will ask you out one of these days, you just need to increase your social circle. If it makes you feel any better, I'm 32 and have never had a girlfriend. I feel like the biggest loser.

I'm so ashamed about it, it is kind of a catch 22. Girls expect you to be experienced at my age, but I'm not so how do I get experience.

[Hello_World]

You may learn something from this, if you feel too, have a listen while you clean up your room or something:

I found it very entertaining and learnt so much.There's more on that website

Pastor Judah Smith - Dating & Your Destiny

link

[BenBenondatrack]

well going through high school I never dated nobody either until I got to the 11th grade and that was my 1st true love..i look at it as quality over quantity. when you do date somebody you will understand what I mean..and you will really enjoy them. don't stress it cause somebody is going to be yours one day..dont look for love, let it find you..but also don't try to hide from love either

[swagger]

You shoudl be open and hones as you have here. Do not hide behind anonymous (What I mean is don't hde behind a mask). Just be yourself and I'm sure that you'll find guys hitting on you in no time.

Guys love to see vunerability in a girl as it means that we can be the man and protect you.

Take it from me, after reading your question I feel like I want to give you a hug and tell you it'll be OK. So just keep it real.

Good luck. You sound really sweet inside.

[swagger]

Sorry... loads of Typo's so I posted again!

[destroyer]

Don't worry about what others think of you. If no guy has asked you out (many are just shy or intimidated by beauty) then ask some guys out, many I'm sure would be happy to oblige.

[likewoahhh]

aww, your sweet :)

[frustratedchump06]

I just turned 23 and never had a girlfriend, always been single, I hate the pain too but what I hate even more is that society and culture, and the vast majority of girls always feel it is the guy's job to take initiative

[Kazkari]

Just give it time, seriously if you go looking for someone you just end up with idiots, wait for a good situation, a chance meeting and build on it.

Far to many people look for relationships and they just don't last.

You'll find someone one day just don't give up.

[kamsum]

hi there =) you dun need to feel ashamed. I have my first boyfriend at 20 too. and we have been dating for 2 years plus and still going on.

as I'm a shy one so I find it hard to communicate to new people and so I guess it make them feels like I'm arrogant or so whatever and starts drifting away.

so dun ashamed and contd to meet new friends. you will find the one to know you truly. and so what the big deal if we find our 1st boyfriend later than others. stay positive and good luck to u

[Marty]

HAHAHA! Cheer up dearie. I'm 26 and never have one. Admirers come and go, but no one became my boyfriend. I love my life. It's just a matter of perspective. ?