I’ve done something I never thought I would... what should I do?

[Anonymous]

Been with my boyfriend now for 2 and a half years and I’m happy but at the moment we’re seeing each other less because of the global pandemic. Last night I met someone on an online game and we got chatting all night for hours and I was getting these feelings that I haven’t felt with my boyfriend for a long time. As the hours went by the conversation started to escalate. This guy was making me feel really good and then i started to flirt and it got a bit heated. I felt like I needed to let myself go because I feel like I’m not sexually satisfied enough in my current relationship and it all just came out. I feel ashamed for what I’ve done and now I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I can’t tell my boyfriend about this and I still want to continue speaking to the other guy because I really liked the attention he was giving me and he made me feel good about myself. Sometimes my boyfriend puts me down and doesn’t make me feel good about myself. I’ve always been loyal in my relationship but now I think I possibly may have cheated and I’m so scared and confused I don’t know what to do. I’ve always said to myself I would be loyal to my boyfriend and couldn’t see myself with anyone else but then why did this happen with the other guy? I don’t know what’s going on with me lately. When my boyfriend calls I always feel like I want to get off the phone and I am not feeling like I really miss him. I am trembling with nerves right now and feel so guilty and hating myself and I don’t know what to do and how I can fix this. Has anyone got any advice? Please no hate or judging. I suffer with mental health so I’m really in a bad place right now. I’m so scared I don’t know what to do :(

[CurLyF]

I didn't thought badly of you because of what happened with the other guy, you are only human and sometimes we don't really realise what's happening underneath and we kind of bury what's right in front of us and you've been burying the truth that you are no longer satysfied sexually by your boufriend or emotionally. It's not an unforgivable mistake, it's not that meditated like set a date and go and have sex and cheat. But then you go and say you won't tell this to your boyfriend and want to keep talking to the other guy, pardon me but that sounds selfish. You don't seem to really havea good relationship with your boyfriend anymore, why stay? He makes you feel bad emotionally and now he is not even meeting your sexual needs either. What's left?
Don't try to hoard guys because you are afraid to take a course of action.
You sound like a nice girl who really doesn't want to hurt anybody or do anything bad, so don't. Don't stay with your boyfriend and keep sexting with this other guy, that's not right, even if there's nothing left between your boyfriend and you, you need to do what's right. Talk to him and tell him you are no longer happy. And be really honest about wether you want to try things again or just break up.
I'm sorry you are not in a great place mentally right now, I've had depression for the last 12 years or so and anxiety, so I understand how anxious you might get with this dramatic decissions, but having a mental illness, or any type of ilness, does not means we get a free pass with everything. You already know what you really want deep down (I don't know what it is that you should do, but you do) so just need to round up the courage to do it and do it right ;)
"Now I have come to the crossroads in my life. I always knew what the right path was. Without exception, I knew. But I never took it. You know why? It was too damn hard. Now here’s Charlie. He’s come to the crossroads. He has chosen a path. It’s the right path. It’s a path made of principle — that leads to character. Let him continue on his journey." - Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade, Scent of a Woman.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for the lovely comment and you are 100% right. I know it’s not right but I can’t have it both ways so I need to do something. I couldn’t imagine my life about my boyfriend so I don’t think about breaking up with him. I’m just going through a lot of emotions right now but the guilt is killing me...

[CurLyF]

Let me ask you something hard: If your boyfriend had a crash tomorrow and wouldn't make it, would your life simply stop? Would you cease to exist? No, you had a life before him and you will have a life even if he's not a part of it anymore. There's love and then there's codependancy, that's not love and will never be healthy. Your happiness and your life is your responsability and yours alone. And your boyfriend will not cure you from your mental state, only you can do it and only you should do it.
I'm not pressuring you to ends things with your boyfriend, if you guys can work things out then great, but both of you desserve to be the best versions of yourself and to have something healthy. The best you can do for him and yourself is tell him things are not working. Doesn't mean you want to break up, means you want to fix things and are willing to put in the work. He needs to too, as you have claimed he makes you feel bad emotionally. That's not good either and he needs to change that, same as you need to change stuff that hurt him, and if he doesn't then you need to move on from him. You don't want to tell him that's fine also, but don't stay in a bad situation for the rest of your life, make changes, put in the work and see if he's willing to do the same to make things better. Good luck :)

[electromagnetic]

Yeahhh. You should probably tell your boyfriend about how you’re feeling. Although you like him now, you’re going to start resenting him more and more once your online dude makes you feel some type of way that your man can’t. If he’s putting you down, let him know. If he isn’t putting the effort, let him know. I can’t stress this enough, men aren’t mind readers! If you don’t tell him, your emotional craving for justification, may lead to something more. I’m not saying you will. I’m saying temptations are always in the air.

[Anonymous]

What your describing is the chemical feelings from a new love... it sure feels great doesn't it?

All new relationships have that feeling, as time goes on it fades. The only way to keep it all the time is to be one of those people that has a new relationship every so often.

What your describing is natural, your not getting that feeling from your boyfriend right now. It is not his fault, can he do more? sure... everyone can always do more. He probably isn't getting those feelings from you either.

The guy last night probably had the same sensations you are feeling, the newness the chemicals, all awesome no doubt.

If you break up with your boyfriend and go for this new guy, its a huge risk... those feelings will also fade with time.

You could try to just get to know him better and be friends, see where it goes. Don't rush it, take your time. You also need to give your current relationship 100% even if he doesn't, people will often up their game if the other side does. If your unable to or he doesn't respond to it, then maybe it is time to end it.

Ending a relationship is not the end of the world, it feels like it... but its not. Ending one leads to another.

P. S. I've been where you are, flirting with a girl in a online game... and not wanting to hurt anyone. Oh and cyber sex, totally not worth it. Chances are it was a guy anyways.

Your a good person for being concerned, I'm sure you will make the right decision in the end. No matter what it is.

[boggboss]

Yes u did cheat simply put if your boyfriend did what you did you know u would be hurt if you dont want to tell him fine it makes u kind off a shit person but then again most that cheat won't own upto it which I dont expect you too as for continuing to talk to the guy thats upto you but understand u are speaking volumes about your own character at that point not only did u cheat and claim u didn't mean it but would continue to speak to the guy u did that with how can u say u was ever going to be loyle when u are prepared to do that if anything end the relationship as its clear u are not fulfilled anymore and want attention elsewhere

[Freddy78361]

First... learm to use paragraphs.
Second.. keep your mouth shut. Don't tell your boyfriend. Don't talk to the guy from last night. Don't tell your girlfriends your thoughts.

It happened. Move on. Try not to do it again. Be respectful of and to your boyfriend in the future.

If it is that bad break up. But this covid shit is ending soon.

[Asker]

Sorry about not adding paragraphs... ok thanks you are right

[AFellowWeeb]

Fuck no, this is terrbile advice

[AFellowWeeb]

You deserve being hated, you are disgusting, and no, you are not innocent, quit the act, YOU CHEATED, own it! Tell what happened to your boyfriend and breakup with him, putting the blame on your boyfriend is not right, its not his fault you can't keep your legs shut. you're disgusting.

[Unit1]

Pfft. I bet 25 dollars, that if this new guy was next to you back then, you'd have sex with him there and then.

It is obvious you don't love your boyfriend and your boyfriend is unlikely giving you the attention you need.

[jmf909]

You have done nothing wrong do relax talking thinking and letting yourself lose and bringing your fantasies out is good opening up to new experiences is a healthy thing

[Iron_Man]

You’re not ready to have a boyfriend you can’t play both sides of the fence

[Wise4myage]

Everything happens for a reason, and I think this is a sign that you need to break up and move on.