GUYS! He Doesn't text me as much as he used to?

I'm kinda new at dating life, he's the first REAL boyfriend I've had, so I just wanna make sure I'm not crazy or anything, I'm NOT a clingy girlfriend, if a guy needs space ill leave him alone, if he wants to talk then he can come to me I don't mind, I have MOUNTAINS of patience and tolerance, but there's just something I'm confused on;

we have been together for four months and things are pretty good in my opinion, we have been a little intimate, only got to exploring with hands and making out nothing further than that so I don't know if that will help in this question at all. he seems to absolutely love me but I don't know because I'm not him and I can't read his mind.

anyways, we live across the city from each other so we don't get to see each other but once every other week or so, for only a day which goes by WAY to fast.

for a long time we texted each other even if we didn't have anything else to talk about, just to talk to each other, and we always used to stay up at night while everyone else was asleep so we could talk to each other, and say goodmorning and goodnight to each other and I love yous.

in the past 2 weeks or so, we suddenly don't talk as much. I say goodmorning and then he says it too, then I leave a message that is open ended in hopes of maybe starting a convo, but then I go for HOURS at a time waiting for his reply, wondering if he is busy, or if he doesn't want to talk, or if he could possibly be starting to loose interest in me, but idk. I know he used to text during school (hes in college) and I am able to also, so I don't see why he can't text me unless its one of the reasons I speculate. now lately ill leave a message that he can reply to and I get a sort of blunt answer. he's not rude sounding at all but its not as enthusiastic as it used to be. like he used to reply as if we were talking to each other face to face but now its just meh. unless its something that's really motivating like sports or racing or something. :/

I miss not being able to talk to him as much, and I've asked if he is alright, and he says he is fine. but I also know guys say their fine when they arent, so I don't know what's going on over there.

ive thought about not talking to him for a few days so that it would be his turn to worry what I'm doing or if I care or whatever, BUT I'm not that lame ass girl who likes to play games and confuse the hell out of guys, so I wouldn't do that. especially since I don't want to argue or make him feel like I'm one of those other girls, we have never argued yet and I don't like being compared to anyone clingy or obsessed or bitchy or anything. I just worry if he is alright, I love him to death and I'm 99% sure he feels the same way.

also when we DO get to see each other he acts normal and we, so idk.

so now for your turn guys, why would a guy be texting like crazy and be all sweet and lovy dovy and then suddenly slow down and leave short answers less often? is that normal? should I really be worrying this much or is this something I have to get used to?

  • Nah he's probably just busy, maybe he doesn't have the time to reply as much as he used to
    Vote A
  • He is too lazy or doesn't care enough, the convo isn't interesting enough for him to reply to
    Vote B
  • He is probably looking at other girls that are right there every day and wondering if he wants to stay with you
    Vote C
  • You're such a GIRL, stop worrying so much, I'm sure he misses you and loves you the same as he always has
    Vote D
  • See my comment
    Vote E
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I just found out yesterday that he has been VERY bisy all week with his college club meetings because they assigned him as chairman and no one else helps out in his club, and he has the possiblility of moving away to NC soon, so I think he just didn't message as much because he couldnt
we went to a festival with each other this past weekend and he doesn't seem distant to me, but idk
Over the last week he says he is really busy, which I can believe, but it makes me feel lonely and unwanted almost. I can't really show him how I feel through text but next time I see him I wanna ask him why he hasn't said goodmorning and stuff. like I feel that when he doesn't even say goodmorning or hi all day its like I'm just some girlfriend and he's got better things to do than waste his time saying hello or how he's doing.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hoo boy, can I relate to this! It's really hard to say. I would back off though, and see what happens. It's not game-playing, it's just taking a cue from him and maybe not being in his face so much. I'm sure he'll explain if he's worth it.

    If you back off, and he makes no attempt to contact you more or you visit each other even less often, then you know, IMO. But again, don't text him for a day until he texts you and see what happens.

    P.S. I LOVE your avatar.

    • yeah I think if in a week he still doesn't text me often then ill try that. today was our four month anniversary and he texted me first, so I think he cares, maybe he is just busy. :/ and ty, my avatar is my own personal character I made a while back :D

    • Show All
    • Nooo, not you, his actions are lame. Would it kill him to text a "hi" or "goodnight" once a day, especially if you don't talk on the phone? Meh. You're right for not telling him what to do, but it is reasonable to ask for more contact. If he's too lazy to do the bare minimum of a relationship, he's not relationship material.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • My significant other is in Canada and I'm in the U.S. We also talk a lot on the weekends when everyone sleeps and text a bit on weekdays. He probably doesn't want to talk too much so texting won't get boring and topics don't run out. You two should discuss how busy each other are and plans when you should text and talk. I know it sounds a little lame, but it stops both people from worrying despite the live between you two. Planning makes things a lot better.

  • both genders get lazy to an extent. an some don't try to keep the relationship fresh. So they become very boring or very confusing fast.

  • He was sweet before because how else was he going to get your attention? Men have to pursue hard in the beginning, and eventually it tapers off because they know that you're there for them and they don't have to make a big deal out of it anymore.

    • yeah I've heard that before, does that happen with every relationship?

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    • Let him know that you want to hear more from him more often, that way he'll know that it's been bothering you a little. Compromise.

    • yeah I think ill try that tomorrow, I like to compromise, its one of the best ways I solve problems. :)

  • He's just busy. Don't go make yourself stressed over such not so big deal things.

  • Shouldn't try to understand a mans mind...we don't understand ourselves

    • Little Known Fact about girls: we don't understand guys OR ourselves either. XD I think guys understand each other more though, when compared to girls. :P

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    • Well sorry for being curious and wanting to know how stuff like this works. I guess ill just keep things to myself and be left wondering then.

    • Yes, thank you

What Girls Said 1

  • because they get lazy once they know they have you, at first they were working harder to make sure you're interested once theyk now you are you become less exciting, it happens almost all the time