My boyfriend is ''confused''. He won't give me a straight answer if we're together or not. Is he stringing me along? What do I do?

[Anonymous]

So I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and everything has been perfect. I mean we have our ups and downs but that's a normal part of relationships. But the past month he has been acting distant. He started hanging out with his friends again and choosing them over me. Saying he will see me and doesn't. Treats me amazing one day, then treats me like shit for a week, then sees me and acts like everything is fine, and it's a continous cycle. I have asked him ''Do you want to be with me or not''. It's a simple question to answer. Yes or no. But everytime I ask he just ignores me. I told him today that I wanted to know by tonight and he's just ignoring my calls because he doesn't want to answer the question. I'm guessing he just wants the best of both worlds. He says he loves me and he cares about me and all that nice stuff that I want to hear. But then he goes againist his word. He makes me out to look like a physco towards all his friends and family. He tells me we're together, but then he tells everyone else he's not with me (ashamed to be with someone that's a ''physco''). I know for a fact that there isn't another girl and he wouldn't do that. But it's always on my mind. I just don't know what to do. Why is he choosing his friends over me? He used to do everything and anything to make me happy and smile and now he doesn't even care if I'm crying my eyes out or he's hurting me. But why can't he tell me if he wants this or not. Today on the phone he said baby I do love you. Like that's not going to fix anything. Is he just stringing me along and treating me like shit so he can do whatever he wants. I just don't know what to do. I'm over crying every night over him. I just want to know but he won't tell me. Help!

[martyfellow]

He's not ready for a serious relationship, but is ashamed to admit that to you. But it's obvious, so don't pressure him to do what he can't do! Do whatever you need to do... become 'just friends', break up totally, or what other alternative you can come up with.. there are many shades of grey between being broken up and being 'just friends.'

Never ask too much of someone at his age if you want to stay in his life.

[Asker]

I just want to know where I stand with him. Like I'm the type of person where when I end it with someone, I don't like ending it badly. I want it to be civil. But I could never be just friends with him. I love him so much and I know he loves me, he's treated me like a princess our whole relationship. But recently he's started seeing his friends and I'm not his priority. I think he is just stringing me along incase things turn to shit, he's got me on the side. I don't have the strength right now to leave. I need to have a mature conversation with him. But he can't do anything to help me right now. If he's not ready for a serious relationship, why has he been with me for so long? And made plans for our future and everything. It just doesn't make sense.

[martyfellow]

Actions vs. words... maybe he meant he hoped you'd have a future, but when it comes down to it, he knows he's not ready for anything deep.

[Asker]

I just don't know. He's been hurt so badly by his ex girlfriends and he said I was different and he could see a future with me. We looked at houses to move into together last week and there's just this massive change of attitude towards me. Do I leave him? Like what do I do?

[martyfellow]

You can wait for him to be ready.. or you can call it off and just be friends. I'd try not to have a bitter scene, just a calm discussion and reclassify yourselves!

[toxicatedpoison]

do not cry. dump his ass & find someone better.

[Asker]

Not that easy.

[toxicatedpoison]

no one said it'll be easy!