Boyfriend kind of behaves a little suspicious at times - what should I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend overall seems like one of the good ones. He is good to me, has never hit me and hasn't even really ever yelled at me. We've had a couple disagreements, but we've been able to just talk them out instead of full-on arguing which is nice. But sometimes, I wonder if he really does want to stay with me.

He takes his phone in the bathroom constantly, even to shower. If it's charging, he takes it off and takes it with him. He has me saved as my first name and last initial, not babe or something. He uses SnapChat a lot more than texting and does have girls on there that I don't know how he knows or if they even talk. Recently, he had an event and I attended it to support him along with other friends. He told me he mentioned me in the post he made on Facebook thanking everyone who came to show their support. He actually didn't. I was not directly named at all. He had called his best friend out by name and then said and thanks also to everyone else who came to show their support. I was in the last category of "everyone else".

I do most things as well as far as household stuff goes. He doesn't really help. And he doesn't really do gifts/cards. I do. I've given him cards for special occasions as well as gifts when necessary and even some random just because cards here and there. I've never gotten a card from him. He's only ever got me a small bundle of flowers one time.

He has been telling me lately that he doesn't want anyone but me, I am the best girlfriend he's ever had and I will be his last. He told me that he'd never leave me and never ever wanted me to think he would and has also told me if we broke up, he would absolutely go off the deep end. I want to believe him when he says stuff like that, but I get worried sometimes with everything I've been through before. I know HE isn't to blame for a past jerk's mistakes. But I just fear a repeat. I would be sooo hurt if that happened again. I want to keep believing he really is a good one.

Opinions on this?

[DaveJord]

So, sound to me that you are in a real relationship, and that comes with all the things you have discussed.

Longer you date someone the complacent people become in that relationship, and that is not a bad thing. It means they feel safe and comfortable with you. Its natural over time, to start to feel underappreciated, and then you start to have doubts, and to question things... because in the beginning it was different and not its it feels different. But that is natural to certain degree.

My opinion is that you have begun to feel underappreciated. He says all the right things, but his actions are not always in line with his words.

For me the taking phone to bathroom and not leaving you alone with it... that's a concern. Could mean nothing, but you have noticed it. The longer you ignore that without talking to him about it, the more it will nag at you.

Now I am not saying there is nothing wrong with it, but he said something that is not true about his Facebook post. If you let that slip by without pointing it out, then the easier you are making it for him to lie again. Because if he realizes he left you off or not, or if he really believes he did, but didn't... simple fact is this... he should have known better and then once he realized his mistake done something to address it. But long you go without making that point, the less relevant it all becomes and more you will internalize it all.

NOTHING, you do without honestly and transparent conversations will make a difference and long it goes without that honest and transparent conversation... the more acceptable you are making it for him to continue to do the same things, and even make it worse.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you've been through before isn't relevant, because there's enough here to worry about all on its own. You can hope and believe all you like, but you can't ignore everything else altogether.

Do NOT bring up any of these thoughts or concerns with him in an attempt to get an explanation. That will only alert him to your suspicions, and he will alter his behavior. Taking your phone into the bathroom while showering means he doesn't even want you to see it. Maybe he doesn't have it set to hide messages from his lock screen, but it's not a great omen.

Being on Snap a lot and chatting with other girls also isn't a great sign. You may have to do some snooping and get a girl he's never seen to flirt with him. It can't be one of your friends because he'll want some pics. Question him as to whether he is seeing anyone, and if so, is it serious? See how sexual the talk goes and see if he's willing to meet in person.

If he is, you'll have a big part of your answer. Don't go to the meet yourself, because then he'll say he knew it was you all along. Let the girl go and see if it leads to sex, or something else. I know what this sounds like, and it's treacherous in a way, but you gotta know for sure.

[etsylo]

the things he's doing seems a little suspicious. that should be discussed if this will be a long term thing. bring up your thoughts and worries over his recent behavior.

the things he ISN'T doing or reciprocating every now and then (gifts, the helping around part) just seem sad. i think it's okay to gift each other stuff every now and then equally, or even just helping around the place equally. it's almost as if he's underappreciating you or taking the things you do for granted.

him not directly calling you out for attending the event, despite him calling out his best friend instead first, seems unsavory. it would make me sad too honestly. i get where you're coming from of not wanting a repeat of past situations and that you want this to be a true loving relationship full of trust, honesty, and just your usual good kind of love.

you'll just have to talk it out with him and see what he says. relationships don't progress much without certain talks needing to be done. :( i hope everything will be okay.

[PrincessBunBuns]

first, your first paragraph is the minimum for a healthy relationship. “doesn’t hit me”, “doesn’t yell”, he’s not SUPPOSED to anyways. so bad standard.


second, the only thing id be worried about is the lying. what need did he have to lie on his facebook post? none.


have you brought any of this up to him? one thing my ex didn’t do was get me gifts, and take me out on dates. i brought it up, one, then twice, finally a third time, and when he promised to change and nothing did— i broke up with him.


any concerns of yours are valid and only IF you bring them up without accusing him. just tell him what problem you have, how it makes you feel, and what solution you want.

[Changiis07]

Did you have a conversation about it? What you are feeling about the facebook thing any girl would feel the same. I don't see that you are overreacting here, it's more like he isn't making you feel special or say thank you to my girlfriend, so yes it's something to look out for and to talk it out with. If he cares and listens to it and makes a change then you know he isn't hiding you and is making a priority to make YOU a priority, so have a conversation and what you expect and see what he does

[Asker]

I was shocked when he told me he put me in the thank you message, then seen I was not named whatsoever and was just lumped into the "everyone else" category, while the best friend was specifically called out (literally said special thank you to *best friend's name* and a bunch of nice stuff about them, then said "and thanks to everyone else who came out to show their support as well"). I was pretty upset to be counted as just "everyone else".

[Asker]

He doesn't really think it's a big deal. The way he has me in his phone is weird too. Most couple have a pet name, baby, babe, honey, wife/husband, etc. Not their significant other's first name and last initial. That's a little odd. Same with never wanting his phone out of his sight. I'm not going to snoop. And I don't do that to him. I leave mine alone with him a lot actually and don't take it in the bathroom because shower steam is bad for your phone anyhow. Using SnapChat a lot is odd too. You have unlimited texting just like me. I don't use SnapChat but I know it deletes messages/pics after they're seen (so I've heard)... so that's a little weird that that would be his preferred chat option.

[Changiis07]

You have every right to feel that way though. I would have felt the same and it's happened to me before where an ex would not reply to a photo I put of us. Also I was not good at letting him know what I was feeling and how it bothered me so it's taken me time now to be vulnerable and I hope you can talk to him about it because even though you say he is one of the good one's my ex was one of those until I found out he was best friends with his ex.

[Changiis07]

The whole pet name on the phone I wouldn't worry about that, but the whole snap chat maybe. Follow your gut but don't over think it. Some guys don't think certain things are a big deal until you point them out and tell them how it's making you feel. So tell him everything and if he cares you will see small changes

[sawno]

Snapchat doesn't say anything, for all you know he's just using it to stay in touch with an old friend and the other girls are old contacts he no longer messages. If it really bothers you just be open about it and see how he reacts.

Him leaving you out on Facebook is odd, lying about it isn't a good sign to.

So wouldn't immediately go full sus on the snapchat presence since for all you know he just enjoys its AI bot. But the facebook situation raises questions for sure, combined i'd think its worth asking him about and seeing if he changes behavior.

[Asker]

If you want an old friend's SnapChat, why not just have their cell phone number and text them? Obviously they have a phone if they have SnapChat. With the girls, I don't know. I just fail to see why they wouldn't be removed if they weren't known friends. I was open about any males in my life so he'd know if he saw a guy's name pop up. He knows my guy friends and has met them. He knows my male family members' names so he knows I'm not just chatting up random guys. I know nothing about these girls or how they know each other.

Stuff like the Facebook situation is very odd. Same with having me saved as my first name and last initial. Why have my last initial? That's super weird. He seems to think it's not much of an issue, but I didn't appreciate any of that. He has several girls on Facebook as well, mostly mutual connections of friends or co-workers outside of family members. But he will routinely pay attention to what they post like it's super important when it isn't. When he's shown me his feed, all I see is drama. The girls will post stupid stuff all the time - baby daddy drama, relationship dramas, "poor me I'm single" crap, just ridiculous, immature stuff. And he feels the need to tell me about it. I don't care about what they have going on. And he shouldn't either. Their drama or relationship stuff isn't any concern of mine OR his. It just reminds me why I DON'T use social media lol

[WindAtMyBack]

He's just being a guy. Of course not all guys are like that, but in general guys tend to take things for granted in relationships more than girls. Doing "little things" is more common with girls than guys. Guy just don't care about those little things, so they assume their girl doesn't either. So for a lot of guys, it's a learned trait.

I have to stress again that it's not all guys, but it's common. They tend to think "Well I'm with her, so that should be enough to show I care."

[BoopBoopBeep]

I don't know any man that saves anyone as "babe" to be honest with you. Taking his phone to the bathroom could be to have something to do while he's there/listen to music.

Your whole third paragraph makes him sound like a jerk though. I'm not understanding the appeal.

[CallmeTheKnight]

The only problem I see with this is that you never had a real conversation with him about this. I don’t know how long the both are you’ve been dating but you do. I don’t know his regular activities when you are around them, but you do. I don’t know what else you got going on in your life, but you do.
How About you just relax and don’t make something out of nothing. Because if you keep on, you’re gonna ruin your own relationship out of paranoia, rather than being responsible enough to communicate your true issues With him.
And from what it sound like you came from a rough past where you made poor decision or you had Bad relationships. Just understand he has nothing to do with that and it doesn’t sound like the both of you Never had a conversation about how to love one another. Set aside and work on that and stop overthinking with stuff that’s not gonna help you at all.

[strateguy632]

clearly he can tell you suspect him , so doesn't want you spying on his phone. he thinks you don't feel love toward him. if you love, then trust him or you will chase away the guy who is loyal to you.

[OlderAndWiser]

How long have you been together? Do you live together? If not, have you ever been to his place? Have you met his family? Have you two ever talked about getting married?

[spartan55]

Some of what you mention seems reasonable. Some seem absolutely ridiculous.

[Asker]

What is reasonable and what is ridiculous?

[spartan55]

How long have you been together?

[ThrillSeeker01]

When he says that you'll be his last girlfriend that sounds kind of disingenuous. Like he'll say anything to make you happy.

[RainBat]

Don't worry, he just doesn't want you to find the big branch.

[OddBeMe]

Firstly, you sound paranoid as hell. Projecting?

Second, he does seem attached to his phone, which makes him an average guy taking a shit.

[KrakenAttackin]

And you do EVERYONE of the above behaviours as well, including overly sexualized pictures on FB and IG. My guess is he is getting tired of your shit.

[Asker]

Uh... no. Not even close. Your unwelcome assumptions are very false. I don't use Facebook, SnapChat or any other social media because I have better things to do with my time. I don't post "sexual pictures" anywhere. I don't take my phone in the bathroom with me. I use the bathroom or shower and get out. If my phone is charging, I leave it on the charger. If I am going to the bathroom, I leave my phone wherever it currently sits and go to the bathroom. He takes his constantly. So yeah. You were wrong. Very, very wrong. But kudos for judging a person you've never met.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker, I hope I am wrong and that you are a good woman. I just know that genuinely good women are endangered as a species.

[Asker]

I am one of the endangered ones

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... Well, please start breeding rapidly 😉

[AmeerX]

Grow up out of Snapchat and FB romance please

[Asker]

I don't use either. I stay off social media. HE uses SnapChat as a main means for contact and he showed me on his Facebook page what he wrote.

[AmeerX]

Hmm, still I think it's alright if you tell him to stop looking at girls this much. Don't be suffocating but tell him it hurts you. If he is caring he will reduce exposure

[Asker]

I don't understand why he wants SnapChat when I don't use it and he can just text people. We exchanged numbers at first. I don't see why he has so many people on SnapChat only. It feels very odd.

[AmeerX]

Probably an insecure guy or not a committed person. If you have been with him long term then tell him you want to marry him. He will squeal like a girl and run 😂🤣

[Danny_dan92]

Hidden camera the boy