What is the difference between a boyfriend/girlfriend and a lover?

[Anonymous]

Do you think boyfriends are just for dates and hangouts and lovers are more serious relationship or both are just same?

[Anonymous]

I can relate to the term “lover”. I've never had a girlfriend in my life. Never been in a relationship or have been involved something that I thought was going to be long term. However, I've done things with a good friend of mine. We were friends from the start because I chose it to be that way. If it was up to her she would’ve been in a relationship with me from day one we started hanging out. Im not entirely sure what that means to me but maybe later down the road ill find out whether she was just bouncing between guys or genuinely wanted to be with me.

Anyway, we continued as friends but later things started to get intimate. Sitting right next to each other turned into cuddling. Cuddling turned into kissing, kissing turned into fooling around and then eventually…sex. All done while we still retained that friendship and deliberately made it clear we were friends.

You wouldn’t of known we were lovers out in public places, but under the radar we kissed, we desired each other, we craved each other’s presence. It was a real intimate friendship that was going down a road I knew was bound to end bad. Turned out it did. She got her feelings hurt because I told her we were moving too fast. I did not want to become something more than a friend even though I desired her so much. It was strange. I was confused and afraid. She though it was because I simply didn’t want to be with her. It was to do with the fact it was my first time doing anything with a girl, and how overwhelming the matter was. It escalated within a matter of weeks. Commitment within that’s short of time span would’ve brought me to extreme levels of emotion and not in a good way. I waited for so long 21 years to do anything, I did not plan on it going down this way.

Getting to my point. Lovers to me may mean two individuals share their sexual lives with each other intimately, and emotionally. This can also apply in committed relationships such as BF and GF. It only goes one way though.

[Superstrength79]

In my mind I consider boyfriend/girlfriend as a more intellectual relationship. It takes effort to make it work. You have to go through the courtship process, fights, etc.

Lovers. To me that defines those relationships where nothing gets in the way of sexual interaction and romance. Usually there isn't much else going on in the relationship, and they might not even know each other's name (think romance novels).

After a long dating history, and after being a couple for a while, I can see some people falling into the lovers category. All the issues have been ironed out between them, and nothing else is left to get in the way of appreciating each others' company.

[Gia65]

I believe you need to establish this with the person your involved with. I personal have a man in my life and he is my friend and lover which = boyfriend or if you will significant other.

However; in the past I had a lover who was a friend but not a boyfriend. In other words we where friends who did the wild thing!

You know it is sad that in this day of age we have to make the simple things so complicated.

In my opinion and yes, I said my opinion. Young people are confused to day because they take sleeping with someone so lightly. Because of this you young adults have a hard time establishing what type of relationship you are in and more often one of you gets hurt.

I wish you luck and do yourself a favor make it clear when you meet someone what it is your looking for. Be honest right from the start. Yes, I want to sleep with you and no I am not looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend. And so forth

Good luck

[LessthanLisa]

I typically refer to my boyfriend as my lover and my significant other. I feel that boyfriend is a very highschool like term and it sort of applies that one belongs to me, I don't own my significant other, nor does he own me. He is my lover because we connect, he is my significant other because he holds a significant part of my life. He is my boyfriend because that seems to be the term most people used but really any of my past "boyfriends", I just thought of as really someone that I liked that I could date for awhile, but not anyone I wanted to spend a significant period of time with, or not anyone that I felt the connection that lovers would have.

[gravygirl]

Seems pretty much the same to me. Except if you introduce someone as "my lover" it would sound awkward and weird. Like you wanted everyone to know you were having sex because you thought that they might not know and it was important to you.

[Anonymous]

If we look at the history of romantic relation: 'lover, partner' terms were used in early times, 'BF' and 'GF' didn't exist. And love was more solid and kind of "one true love" for whole life, for which they would sacrifice each and everything. But time changed and people became more caring about themselves and sacrifice considered as a foolish thing. The concept of love changed from that deep, blind, selfless and eternal feelings to lust and sex. Today everyone keeps jumping from one to other to another and so on, until they decide to settle down, and if sex is not involved then it ain't called love. So people wanted a less permanent term (like their relation) hence 'BF' and 'GF' came in play. And now the people's thinking have so much changed and concepts so twisted that if you call someone your 'BF', 'GF' then it is taken as a romantic relation (with or without sex) but if you refer the same person as your 'lover' then it is thought to be a relation in which sex is definite.