33 years old and never had a girlfriend, is that ok?

[Anonymous]

I am 22 dating a guy who's 33. We've been together for over 6 months now and recently I found I'm his first girlfriend. This was an immediate red flag, but should it be?

[JSmuve]

Oh for fucks sake, how is this an immediate red flag? Sure its possible that there could be some nefarious underlying cause at play here, but its also equally probable that he wasn't in a position to meet the girls he wanted to, or that all the girls he approached were taken, or his lifestlyle wasn't conducive to meeting lots of single women, or he's choosy about what types he's attracted to, or he's not very outgoing, or he's not down with the hook up culture. None of these are red flags yet women seem to think that a guy is somehow broken if he hasn't pulled in lots of girls or he hasn't settled on someone by his age.

Listen, for a lot of guys life's not an unless snatch parade and those who aren't outgoing and have standards will find it harder to get into relationships. Its not a red flag and doesn't say anything about his character. You've known him for 6 months and seem to have been fine up until now. Maybe you should ask him why he hasn't been in a relationship until now. I swear, you women can be so fucking judgmental about the smallest damn things.

[Homebakedcookies]

Huge amounts of good men hold back on dating because they're not ready for it, or they feel like they dont deserve a girlfriend unless they have a stable income and good place to live.

For some reason you didn't seem to find any problems with him before you found out.

[Asker]

I do have a problem with the fact that at 33 he doesn't have a career and has no idea what he wants to do with his life.

[Homebakedcookies]

Understandable. But I wouldn't blame him in this day and age.

[supernerd99]

not all people value the same things as you. what are girlfriends and carreers other than societal conditioning and forced necesities?

[smartman12]

You women are so harsh on men. In this day and age with lack of good father figures, livable full time jobs, women having unrealistic standards, and women expecting men to have good social skils when most dont, cut us some slack will you. Im 33 and dont ha e a career due to making bad choices and trying to get a job when most employers have eliminated training. It sucks out there for men.

[VICTOR9212]

As a guy i agree with your statement and am in that position.

[Goldie757]

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I can understand never having been in a relationship at 23... but having never been in a relationship aged 33 implies something a bit stranger than simply never finding the right person. I mean you've had by far enough life experience by then. If a guy ever told me aged 33 they'd never been in a relationship it just really implies they have some major social problem. I'm not trying to be harsh here, just honest, that how society works.

Or...

... he was a player. My personal observation is somewhere around 29/30 guys start getting a better handle on what they want in life and they may also be tired of all the work it takes to "play". In many cases players will settle down for a while, then they just get bored and go back to what they know. I've seen it far too many times and I'd never trust a guy who told me he'd 'changed his ways'.

[CliffordHankins]

You're 24 yet seem to know quite a bit about older men... that's a red flag.

[whatyousay]

I'm 32 and haven't been in a relationship, dated, or had sex with anyone since I was 22. Why? Because I've been building my business for the last 10 years and have been focused on scaling it as much as possible. Just because a dude hasn't been with someone or a long period of time does not mean there's something shady going on. You women come up with some of the most redundant excuses for "finding" red flags and it's disgusting. y'all should be ashamed of yourselves.

[Melirain]

I think it depends on why he was single.
If dating wasn't a priority for him, it could be understandable; I've known guys going through college and grad school who are great people, but just haven't gotten into relationships yet because that's not their focus right now. If he did something like that, or had other focuses in his life (his career and financial situation, helping his family through some kind of crisis or situation, things like that), it would make sense if he got into dating later in life.
If he's one of those people who's wanted a girlfriend since his teens though, and wasn't distracted by a strong focus on school/career/other unusual circumstances, I'd be cautious, that'd be a red flag for me.

[Asker]

He said he thinks he should have settled down in life years ago and he feels already too old, so I think he's wanted to be in a relationship before. He doesn't have a career or anything, so it was not like he was focusing on work or his own business. It's just weird in my opinion.

[SarahsSummer]

Do you like him? If he hadn't told you that, would you be happy you'd met him?

[Melirain]

He could also just regret that he didn't put more effort into it earlier, but that doesn't mean it was a priority for him when he was young, just that he now wishes it had been. :P
It is a bit weird, but it doesn't mean he's not a good guy. There could be any number of legitimate circumstances that kept him from finding a girlfriend before--and in the end he did wind up finding you, and I'm assuming hasn't done anything weird to drive you away from him?
Honestly this is a red flag, but less of a red flag than if he'd gone through a bunch of relationships that all ended badly or couldn't be sustained, for instance. I'd say just keep going. If later on you find things about him that make you want to break up, that's fine, but this shouldn't be one of those things I think.

[Asad1ONE1]

At least he doesn't have to worry about slut shamming like yourself.

[SarahsSummer]

@Asad1ONE1 what infirmation here gives you reason to say that?

[Asad1ONE1]

@SarahsSummer Yea I may have took it a bit far lol. But I think it was rude of her to admit how a guy that's wanted a girlfriend since his teen years remaining as such many years later being a "red flag". But if she meant "also a guy not focusing on life goals", that makes perfect sense. My mistake then sorry 😢

[SarahsSummer]

Not necessarily. He could just be very picky or focused on other aspects of his life previously.

[Soshy]

Depends why he's been single. Have you talked to him about this?

[Asker]

He said when he wasn't travelling he would find hard to meet people, so he's had mostly 1 week relationships or one night stands.

[VICTOR9212]

Definitely not a red flag.

He may have not dated because of school/study or just not having the time or meeting the right person.

You could ask him what's his story.

The reasons for not dating up to 30 and more are meny.

I haven't had a girlfriend and I'm 31.

[golani]

honestly.. no, its not ok and yes it should be a red flag. not only is he your first girlfriend, but he's also 11 years older than you.

either way i dont think this could be a healthy relationship. you two are at completely different points in your lives. almost every guy at 33 guys is thinking about getting married and starting a family. and you just finished college (assuming you went to college). you're still growing up, and 33 is around when you should begin to settle down

[Asker]

Where I come from, it's pretty common for people to marry around the age of 22 to 24. I finished college and have my own business, so I'm not concerned about what I'm gonna do for the rest of my life. I know we have a very big age difference, but we know where we stand, what we expect from each other and so far we get along just fine. I just think by his age I would have had a couple of relationships and a career, and he hasn't had neither.

[RomansToPhilemon]

Do what? You date him for 6 months and now you think it's a red flag b/c he hasn't dated before? WTF? Who cares. Seriously, leave the check lists at home. Hell, throw them away.

[Asker]

But I think the first six months you're still getting to know the person. At least for the first month we wouldn't share anything too personal or private. We would share like funny first date stories, but conversation about previous relationships only came up like one month ago and I just find it so strange that he's never mentioned before it's the first time he's having a relationship like ours or that his "excuse" for not having a relationship before is he finds it hard to meet people.

[RomansToPhilemon]

I just think you are overthinking it. Like, it's his past. You liked him all the way up until now. Nothing has actually changed. Not everyone is social butterflies and Rico Suave. Have some sympathy.

Think about it this way. If every girl he ever was interested in thought the same way you do when he tells them this, then he would never ever have a g/f. Maybe this is why he, at 33, hasn't had a g/f. End the cycle lol! :)

[Anonymous]

Depends. Society wants to red-flag everything. Some people just go through a hard time. Some come out with qualities that are nice and others - not so nice. It's a gamble if you just guess. That's why you investigate... ask questions, ask him about his situations. Do probation. When you get a job - they probate you. Put him on probation. It happens to women too. If you don't have the patience and energy to investigate then you either miss a good opportunity or avoid a bad one.

[Opinion Owner]

It's like stock trading.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Basically your brain is telling you why is it most women avoided this man for a relationship. Could it be he is a player who now wants to settle down or is there something wrong with him that other girls picked up that i haven't.

[vertigo3201]

Is this the first 'problem' you've come across in your relationship? I wouldn't be worried if there wasn't anything else going on that you've picked up on in the past.

[Tanuron]

I dont see why that should be a red flag. Certainly not hard to imagine why he wouldn't say that right away either, even more so again if u actually find it to be that bad.

[stevethepervert]

Why not ask him why?

What makes you special?

Is his definition of girlfriend different from your?

[RaggaMon]

Yeah, you know there must be a reason and other women probably picked up on it.

[Anonymous]

It's likely to be a lie. He'd probably be clingy as fuck going that long without the love of a good woman, he'd latch onto you and you'd never get him off. lmao

[Anonymous]

I had a boyfriend who was clingy because he'd been so long between relationships, it's definitely a problem. Not saying for all guys like that but it's a very real risk and not one worth taking in my opinion.

[Asad1ONE1]

Good thing you're in minority slut

[smartman12]

You women are so harsh on men. In this day and age with lack of good father figures, livable full time jobs, women having unrealistic standards, and women expecting men to have good social skils when most dont, cut us some slack will you. Im 33 and dont ha e a career due to making bad choices and trying to get a job when most employers have eliminated training. It sucks out there for men.

[CoolSky01]

well it depends , i had my first true realtionship at 19-20 and even then i thought i took too long so 33 is dinetely long , but if you like him then so what?

[Intraluminal]

Kinda yeah unless he just finished a tour of duty in Antarctica.

[akadatank44]

No haha why would that be a red flag? Tbh I dont even include my high school relationships to people. They were nothing looking back.

[NerdInDenial]

If you are happy and he is too, why not continue dating?

[Anonymous]

Well depends, do you like him, are attracted to him? But anyway, I've felt for a while now, guys are far more at risk than girls are at becoming 25+ years of age being a virgin or never having a relationship before

[Anonymous]

And that's why I encourage men to fucking lose their virginity ASAP, so that retarded women like this won't be a problem for them.

[CliffordHankins]

Absolutely correct.

[Anonymous]

i think he killed all of his ex gf's and he is trying to cover it up by acting like the ultimate single dude.

[Blueeyes81]

Has he been a good boyfriend? If he has, what's the problem.

[Anonymous]

I'm way younger than him and I can't get a girlfriend... some can and some can't

Its just the way it is

[Anonymous]

well i'm that kind of guy. do what you want. it can be a redflag or he could be a very shy guy with ethical values, religious background and whatnot.

[RaggaMon]

[goes anon, sprays bullshit]

[Opinion Owner]

as for the guy that says he'd be clingy af, not necessarily. i never base my hopes on people nor do i believe i possess anything

[Opinion Owner]

@Asker It isn't absolutely necessary that he is bad. My uncle maried as a virgin man at 38 and he is the kindest husband and father i've ever seen. but he had a deep connection with God since he was a little child. i think its related to him being so kind.

[Anonymous]

No, he sounds like a really good guy! If he hasn't been in a relationship, then he's been waiting for the right person this whole time. You are the lucky girl that he had been waiting for. Now you two can get married and have many babies 😊

[skeptic007]

yes its weird really weird

[Anonymous]

This guy sounds a little weird. Is the sex awful?

[Anonymous]

Ugh yeah, that's super weird

[Asad1ONE1]

At least he doesn't have to deal with a slut. Most cute guys prefer inexperienced girls.

[KevinFart]

No, it's fine.

[Anonymous]

No somethings wrong. That's a bit stance

[Opinion Owner]

Strange * but if you're happy with him that's all that matters.

[CliffordHankins]

Umm... you're not even an adult yet.