What's really the difference between a best best friend and a boyfriend?

[alyssaishere]

Yes besides the sex and kisses etc, what's the primary difference between a very good best friend and a boyfriend?

Love columns say that a boyfriend is one who "is always there for you when you need him", "will always support you", "will make sacrifices even when it's hard"... etc

I think that this describes a really good best friend as well. So what really (aside from the sex) makes your boyfriend one and not your best friend whom you have sex with?

Thats not my question though. My question is, if there is no other difference between the both, why do partners expect so much from one another, yet expect much less from their best friends?

For example, some girls get upset when their boyfriends have things to do and other friends to hang out with instead of spending all their time with them. And when the guy isn't always "caring" or treats the girl like a princess it's cause for anger?

There's no such expectation from a best friend though. Why is that?

[gray_sailor]

In a word... exclusivity.

In principle, you could have a group of people who are all the best of friends. Each person values all the others equally and everyone in the group values members of the group above all others.

This is rather common.

With boyfriend/girlfriend there is only the other. There is no third person. Indeed, if there are any other people beyond the couple that are held in equal esteem, and given equal access to attention and equal deference, and equal influence...

Well, we have a name or that situation...

It's called cheating.

Cheating implies that the other person (boyfriend or girlfriend) has been granted exclusive status. The hold the right to expect that others (ALL others) will hold lesser status.

This exclusive status is publicly known. In friendship, there is no expectation that you will know of all of your friend's friends. You may have as many friends as you choose, and there is no requirement that they be aware of one another. When you are in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, it is incumbent on both partners to never misrepresent their coupled status.

Both parties to the relationship owe the other the obligation of fidelity. This means that, by accepting the aforementioned exclusive status, each party becomes obligated to act in the inerests of the relationship. In so doing, they act in the interests of each other. This is where these types of relationships become challenging. With friendship, obligations are limited and situational and even temporary. No one friend is expected to meet all your needs.

Boyfriend/girlfriend relationships differ in that all the needs that each person has in the relationship (emotional, physical, sexual, psychological, intellectual, social) are to be met by the other person. That is a tall order. That is why these relationships fail. That is why it is worth the effort to choose a partner wisely. When the match is good, the experience is uniquely pleasurable and irreplaceable.

[alyssaishere]

Yes, but you're basing this on the assumption that its a group of best friends. What I'm referring to though, a one best friend. A singular friend that is your very best friend. In this case, there is that exclusive status where all other friends are of lesser status since this is your BEST friend. Isn't that the same as a boyfriend?

And even if this is the case, there is no expectation to know all of your BEST friend's friends either. You do know of them when the BEST friend talks about them, but there is no EXPECTATION that they MUST tell you.

So why does this expectation for boyfriends exist?

[gray_sailor]

Thanks for the MHO.

[bdbee]

There isn't much aside from sexual attraction I suppose. The difference is very small indeed, and I think most of the time people make the mistake of going for someone they think is more sexually attractive than someone they're far more compatible with. That or they consider their best friend not as "successful" in some way that they would prefer in a boyfriend/girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

My ex had lots of female friends, I didn't have a problem until I met most of his friend we all got on but he never introduced to his old and new female friends! Then after a little if drama and lies and me finishing him he gets with one of them 2 weeks after we split after 3 years he moved one if them in.

Females beings friends with my ex boyfriend is not a problem however when that relationship means he lies and excludes me like all the time then it is! For instance my ex didn't like me going g out with female friends for a drink now and again yet on my 30th birthday I go out last minute to find my man of 2.5 yeats sat in the bar with a group of ladies I've never met!!

[ikissedtheskyonce]

I think there is more pressure when it comes to romantic elationships for girls because they may be wondering if they have sex with this guy, will he stop talking to her? There is also dating as well. We do not have to date our best friends. And then there is also the romantic aspect, some girls expect marriage down the line

[selmo93]

Because you have more feelings towards a boyfriend/girlfriend than a best friend. And there's got to be some boundaries as best friends

[alyssaishere]

What are these boundaries you have as best friends? (Other than sex). And do you really have 'more feeling'? That's to say, if both your bestest best friend and your boyfriend was drowning, can you confidently say you would choose to save your boyfriend?

[aggressivebunny]

Girl/Guy bestfriend relationship is called "Philos" love. A love based on friendship between two people.

Girlfriebd/Boyfriend relationship is "Eros" which is based on romantic feelings between two people. It can be broken down to subcategories such as, love from bonding or love from lust.

[alyssaishere]

I'm not asking about Girl/guy best friends though. I mean a Girl/Girl best friend and a Girl/Boy relationship. Is there a difference then?

[Smells-like-lavender]

Read this in college is accurate

[Intraluminal]

You've answered your own question. The reason is sex. Google "mate guarding"