I dont like my girlfriend going to parties without me and thats a two way street with me but she seems insistant on going either way. My girlfriend likes to party but I don't. Am I wrong in asking that we both go together or don't go at all? Can someone tell me if I am fucking insane or reasonable?
I don't really think it's super reasonable. There's kind of three things that I'm looking at considering here. One, she might not always want to stay home, but really wants to go out and socialize. There's nothing wrong with that, but if 100% of the time you don't want to go out she goes out without you... then that isn't super cool. If that's the case, it kind of shows she'd rather be out with other people. If it's just some of the time, then she likely doesn't want to sit around at home. The other thing is that maybe you guys have different preferences for how to spend your time? That doesn't make either of you unreasonable it means you have difference preferences. What makes it unreasonable is if she is always leaving you behind or you don't want her to go out without you ever. There's got to be some kind of compromise and middle ground for two people with different preferences.
it's not fair of you to ask her not to go just because you don't want to go. why not let her have a good time? are you worried she will cheat on you? because if that's the concern, you should really address that with her. it's really not ok for you to demand she doesn't go to parties.
Not dont want to, i can't for a lot of reasons
And yes that is a worry and im not demanding anything we just agreed, no forcing anyone or anything, that if parties were to arise and inevitably they will that we'd go together or not at all. She's done this twice wereas I've kept my word and the first one i let slide but im starting to wonder
It all depends on the context and how much you trust your girlfriend. Your girlfriend does not need your "permission" to do things, and expecting her to seek it each time she wants to go out is going to make her feel controlled and it also makes you look insecure in yourself. If the parties she goes to are with friends of hers and she hasn't given you reason not to trust her, you must trust your girlfriend. On the other hand, if she's getting hammered drunk or high and hooking up with other men, this is where you draw the line. The best thing to do is communicate with your girlfriend and get more information, and from there you can express your concerns. If you're not satisfied with her responses or do not trust her to be in these situations, I would seriously rethink the reasons why you are in this relationship to begin with.
I think it's perfectly reasonable. A lot of dumbass people are going to bring up trust and blah blah blah. But when has trusting someone ever stopped them from cheating? What if she gets drunk and sleeps with a guy? Dumbass people will say, "Well you have to trust her." OR, you can be there and make sure it doesn't happen or you can both not go to make sure it doesn't happen!
You know, for people who keep saying trust, you don't seem to really care about the one you supposedly love. You're just letting them go and do whatever and think, "If they cheat they cheat, if they get drunk and fuck someone else, oh well." Well if you truly loved that person, you would make sure to protect them and make sure to keep them by your side.
Eaxctly fucking right, this is how i think, thank fuck its not only me, this is why I am the way i am sometimes
Deserving MHO...👌👍
@Ellie-V A partner shouldn't put themselves in environments where the odds of cheating are significantly increased. Also, trust is EARNED, not given. Someone who avoids such environments or at the very least goes with their partner is worthy of trusting.
Way too many people blindly trusted their partners for the sake of political correctness only to find out they got cheated on. Sorry Ellie, but your arguments aren't credible.
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It really depends on the context. I don't think it's insane or anything but in the same breath I'm not sure where your concerns stem from. Is it trust issues?
Trust, experience and knowledge of her friendship circle
If you want to go with her to watch over her because you are scared she'll cheat then I'd say it's not healthy but if you want to go because you genuinely enjoy being around her and want to have fun with her then it's different. But I really think if trust is the issue that there's a problem somewhere. I don't keep tabs on my boyfriend. If he wants to go out and party, it's no issue. He invites me with and sometimes I join but sometimes I want him to have fun with his friends alone.
Yes, this is reasonable and she wouldn’t either unless she believes something else out there is better. You are easily replaceable by next mor shiny thing.
u Is the problem that you don't trust her to remain faithful to you?
I don't know the deep specifics of the dynamic between you two but on the surface it just sounds like you two might not be compatible.
Here is where people beat their heads against the wall, here is where couples end up fighting all the time and being miserable a lot of the time, here is where one partner may start to look controlling. You two just may have a DIFFERENT VALUE SYSTEM and although you may be attracted to her and in a lot of OTHER WAYS she's great... on a core level you two just have a different value system and you just may not be compatible.
You two can be totally honest up front and for you that means to be honest you express that you feel you don't think going to parties... with drinking and horny guys dancing with her and coming on to her all night long... or whatever. She can either say, you know I see your point, I don't think it is very healthy for our relationship and this relationship is more important than hanging on to my single party lifestyle and she no longer goes alone... or she can say I want to do this and I'm going to these parties alone... even though it makes you uncomfortable.
That's kind of all you can do. So apparently she is going regardless. This is your queue that you two just don't see eye to eye on some core relationship boundary issues. As hard as it may be, the honest thing, the brave thing is to just realize that you just aren't a compatible fit so instead of always arguing about this and instead of trying to get her to change her ways and to do what you want it is wiser (even though it may hurt) to admit we aren't a good fit, end things on good terms and to start dating other girls.
Just look for the girl who isn't that into partying and it also seems weird to her to want to go to parties without her boyfriend.
Think about it.
No , you have every right to feel the way you are feeling , When a girl needs space from her partner it pretty much means she is up to no good , if she is constantly excluding you from going to these party's , Party’s usually involve alcohol and drugs and hooking up , so if she is excluding your feelings and trying to act like you are being insecure , she is talking out of her ass , because it has nothing to do with insecurities, it comes down to respect for your relationship , how would she feel if you were going to partys every weekend without her? , So it sounds like she isn’t wearing your shoes like she expects you to wear hers , Her actions is selfish behavior cuz she is only thinking of herself , Most girls’ today have this selfish behavior where they feel like they want their cake and to it it to , that they see no wrong in their doings , So if you really like your girlfriend and you want this relationship to survive , you need to put your foot down to her and tell her that you aren’t going to be in a relationship with a girl that excludes you from partys and shit , if you can’t respect me I can’t respect you if you want to be selfish I will be selfish to , If she doesn’t listen to you and change her ways , let her selfish ass go because she only loves herself , she will never experience love in a relationship she will be treated like a whore period , you will never be happy with a girl that can not remove selfishness for you , realize you deserve better than that shit, if she can’t follow boundaries then she has no right being in a relationship , Most girls need a man to set her straight and to keep her in line Don’t be scared to lose her if she doesn’t listen to you , realize you can only give what you want to receive , Respect for each other is the only way a relationship will survive , if she can’t respect you let her go and realize not all girls are whores
It depends. You can't be there with her at every single event she goes for fucks sake, sometimes she may want to hang out with her friends, and often maybe only she was invited, so you should consider that.
It is quite controlling that you're getting angry because she's not going out with you. UNLESS she NEVER goes out with you. That's where you have to draw the line. If she's casting you out every time she goes out then you should talk to her about it, because that's not good at all. It's perfectly fine to want to be together as much as you two can, but sometimes you may need time with your friends alone and her, with hers. Best to talk to talk to her and find a balance.
On a personal note, I don't mind when girls go to parties, as I like hanging out on occasion and I drink on occasion as well. But I don't really like it when girls are constant party goers and heavy drinkers, like, when they HAVE to go party every single weekend, because is Friday or Saturday, and don't like to just stay home some weekends and watch a movie or smth, and don't really do any other activities such as traveling, etc. So you should also be with someone that does things at a similar pace to yours, as these differences can really affect a relationship.
I hear you Bud i hear you, im angry because she and i agreed on that we'd both go or none go regardless of who was invited but she seems to forget that, i dunno what to do and this irriates me
I mean, if you both talked about it before and agreed on doing that then you may want to let her know why you're upset.
Look bro, making rules when you're in a relationship doesn't work. I've tried it in the past and trust me, it just doesn't work. These kind of "deals" or whatever you call them, are pointless because they're usually going to be broken and will cause resentments in the long run.
Things like this should be spontaneous, and should be agreed on on the spot, instead of agreeing things before they even happen.
Yeah it was foolish and naive of me to believe it would be remembered "im at the stage of just do whatever it is you want to do"
Im tired Bud she does something I've told her im not a fan off maybe she forgets but i get hurt and i let it slide but im tired now. I love her but... fuck man i love her so much i let my feelings get destroyed at times to protect hers, you tell me what to do?
I can't tell you what you should do, because it isn't easy man. You love her, and by making these rules and stuff I know you are trying to protect her and yourself, from losing her. But turns out girls see these behaviors as controlling, and they are, even if you have all the good intentions.
Unfortunately, the trust part comes later. Being in a relationship is like having faith for some religion. You put a blindfold, and have faith (trust) on the other person. Her actions may affect you whether she makes the right decisions or not during those parties.
As for her "forgetting" what you two spoke, that isn't happening. She is not forgetting about the "rules", she is just blatantly ignoring to send you a message: She doesn't agree to them, and she'll do stuff anyways. Best thing is to get rid of that nonsense man, because in her eyes you are being an insecure twat. It's pretty simple.
Undo the rules, toss those out of the window. And talk to her about what you truly fucking think about the partying, your views on whatever hang ups you have (without sounding insecure of course), and her response will tell you whatever you need to know.
Tough truth but i needed it, thank you, thank you very much, faith is a hard thing for me hut time will tell.
It's natural to feel a bit uneasy or uncomfortable when your partner is socializing without you, especially if you don't know or trust the people she's hanging out with. However, it's important to communicate your feelings with your girlfriend in a respectful and honest manner.
Rather than making demands or ultimatums, express your concerns and discuss potential compromises that can help you both feel comfortable and secure in your relationship. For example, you could suggest that your girlfriend check in with you periodically throughout the night, or agree on a specific time for her to come home.
It's important to remember that relationships are built on trust and mutual respect, and both partners should be allowed to have independent social lives. If you find that you are unable to trust your girlfriend or feel uncomfortable with her spending time without you, it may be worth exploring these feelings with a therapist or counselor to address any underlying issues that may be contributing to your insecurity.
My boyfriend will NOT go to a party without me. It is all about respect, it’s not a trust issue thing. If he wants to go to a club get drunk and have fun, he can do all that with me. Because at the end of the day clubs and parties is not for people in relationships. It’s not about being controlling or demanding because once you put yourself in a committed relationship there is boundaries. There will always be certain boundaries and the people here who are all for letting your girlfriend go to a party without you obviously have never been in a truly committed relationship. Now if it’s agreed on both sides that it’s ok to go without each other than that’s a different story, its a compromise that both parties can be comfortable with. But if it’s a disagreement between the two and can’t even come with a comprise then relationship shouldn’t even continue, because one party is uncomfortable and you’re partner being uncomfortable should bother you. Why argue about going to a club anyways.. it’s more fun to just have a girls or guys day at places where a party environment isn’t involved. Like if you wanna get drunk and have fun do it with your homegirls or homeboys without going to a club or party.. people nowadays are too lenient on shit and wonder why they’re getting cheated on. I will let it be known to my man that something bothers me, and he needs to respect it just like how I’ll respect something that bothers him.
Your girlfriend is a grown-up she doesn't need your permission to do anything. What if there is a party she want to go to and your sick? If you don't trust her enough to let her go to a party alone then you need to break-up. Lack of trust destroys relationships. All your doing is pushing her further away. If my boyfriend even slightly suggested something akin to this we would be done. Another poster said if you love someone you protect them. This isn't protection it's controlling. You can say it was an agreement we both made till the cows come home, but the fact of the matter is you are stipulating when she can and can't go out. It's completely unreasonable and isn't going to work in the long term.
She is most likely gonna cheat on him though.
Trusting a girl in this day and age to NOT cheat at parties w/ alcohol is stupid. This guy is right. When girls drink and party - they get horny.
Stop judging him.
Ugh.
@DracoLuciusMalfoy I'm judging you far more then him and will continue to do so. You can't control an adult. You do not own the person you are with. If you are that concerned about cheating that you think it gives you the right to put restrictions on your partner's social life then you shouldn't be dating.
I never said you should control another person. You shouldn’t trust them, let alone a woman. This guy is correct. Girls have a hard time keeping their legs closed & being faithful.
Why are you putting this over on me and him when it’s girls who need to learn how to be more faithful... then maybe guys would trust them and won’t have to be paranoid. No? Of course girls are just perfect right it’s always men who are wrong (you are every other girls logic, which is bs)
Clearly. I don’t care though at least I won’t get hurt by some girl. I’m smart.
I will never care about a girl though. I’m too good for that I don’t need the humiliation. I know what girls are like these days, to be honest a guy who seriously dates a girl is an idiot.
So no.
I think it is reasonable but I think it depends on how she parties. Lots of girls meet guys and cheat if they are drinking and hanging with the wrong friends. Does she seem like the cheating type?
The thing about drinking at parties. I've cheated because I was drunk, I did shit I never would have done sober. And a relative slept with a girl on spring break who had a girlfriend back home who hadn't slept with her boyfriend yet.
That is not to say there are lots of girls who won't cheat when alone at a party. The thing is if she cheats at a party there are a lot of people to gossip and get back to you. I don't date party girls anyhow.
Just make it clear and in paper that if she goes and parties and gets knocked up and for sure its not yours its on her to pay for the clearly not yours paternity test. And if the baby isn't your's then you will leave without looking back as you have zero intrest in unwanted adoption/stepfatherhood.
You will love the kids she has with you if she is desperate for other mens attentions the door is open for her to leave.
If you are serious about the relationship being forever I say your well within your rights to make it clear what your boundaries are and if she doesn't like them well then she can leave.
Why aren't you going with her? I think it is reasonable as long as your willing and able to go, but by saying she can't go without you ends up moving into controlling behavior.
No one likes to be controlled by their partner, men or women.
For myself I would say if he could go and just doesn't want to, then I'm going but if he has to work or something I might skip that time. That can be questionable though, cause what if he intentionally works a lot to try and stop me from going? It depends how often and why to me.
Jealousy is normal and if my boyfriend went to parties all the time it would make me raise an eyebrow. However, I'm not the party type, and in the rare event I go to one, I don't see it as a place to find a guy/hook up, my instincts weren't wired that way. However, many people do and if your girlfriend is one then it is possible that that subconscious reflex kicks starts when she is drunk. You however cannot tell her not to go. It will stop her from being with her friends and will make her resent you. If you are together with her and you know what type of girl she is then trust that she will follow her instincts and not mess around at a party. Maybe find a middle ground, talk to her and lay down some rules with her/ask a friend of hers to watch out for her.
If she would be ok with you don’t the same thing then that’s what she wants. If these parties have the possibility of her being in a compromised position where men are pressuring her or she is flirting a little too much than she has to be willing to let you do the same. But it’s tough for that kind of independence in a relationship. I mean sure when you don’t want to or she doesn’t want to sure it’s ok every once in a while or with the guys for you or girls for her but I get that it makes you a little uncomfortable. Especially if she’s a great catch
If she doesn't always want you to go it is unreasonable not to give her space. But she can't be a hypocrite about it either. I myself would love for my man to go with me. But when I love someone I don't require much space from them unless we had an argument. Even then it doesn't take me long to want to make up. She just might not be the right person for you. Some people do need more space than others. You may need to find someone that's more like you.
I suppose it depends on your relationship.
I will say this, tho - for me, before I was married, spending time with my boyfriend trumped anything else. He wouldn't have had to ask me not to go to parties without him because I just wouldn't. To me, he was more important than going to a party and I really just wanted to spend time and be with him. I feel like I may be the minority here, tho. I'm not sure this answers your question but I hope things work out favorably for you. 🙂
That's reasonable in my opinion. I mean it also depends on the party. Bachelorette party it's fine by herself, baby shower fine by herself, etc. House parties and such I wouldn't want my partner to go to without me unless I trusted the people who were gonna be there.
Well, what's the context.
Does she specifically want to go to a party alone? Because that's not cool, bro.
Or does she want to go out to a party, and you don't feel like it? So she wants to go by herself because she really wants to go. Because that's reasonable.
Also something to consider, if it's because you don't want to/can't go, is why you don't want her to go anyway? Do you not trust her? Something to think about.
The thing is that if you guys stay on each other's backs all the time, you will both get bored of each other. Let her do her thing when she can if she wants to and do your thing when you can if you want to.
Two rules for a relationship to work : be faithful and trust your partner.
No, it is not. You either trust her or you don't. If you don't, then why would you even be with her. And if you do, your attitude is unreasonable and unjustified. It is also extremely possesive on top of that, and that's not how a healthy relationship works.
I've been cheated on several times in my life... parties and clubs/bars were involved in all of them. I say you're being really fucking reasonable. Guys, when they go to those things without a girl, they have a very specific reason to go... and it isn't to talk to girls that have their bf's with them.
Without knowing the whole context that attitude strikes me as being unduly possessive.
We need to have our girl time once in a while, just like you need your guy time. If you have trust or insecurity issues that's something you both need to dialogue about, to address & resolve them.
No. She loves a bit of Frenchcore probably, and doesn't like downers like you ruining her downtime night out. She only your fucking girlfriend, not your wife, dumbass
https://www.youtube.com/embed/GvrvQTUbUcA
No honey its not reasonable at all. She must be able to party as she pleases and same goes for you but that being said both of you can't really force the other to go out as you please
Everyone is free to make their choices. I understand we compromise in relations but this is not the sort of compromise anyone should make
Also you should ask her what are her reasons coz she might just be wanting to socialise and have fun coz staying home is pretty boring tbh
She's overstepping your boundaries my friend. If you both agreed upon it and she's not sticking to it then she's not respecting your boundaries. She doesn't respect you. Talk to her how it makes you feel see if you can come to an understanding and of not then you're not going to be happy in that relationship.
I agree with you it's perfectly reasonable as a guy who was with girl and she went out and eventually cheated I found out because mate went into the toilets at the club and saw her having it off with another guy. I would only trust her to go out to a professional party not a casual all drink and drugs party.
I don’t think it’s reasonable. If she invites you, and you don’t wanna go, then she should be able to go. There’s some parties that I go without my boyfriend. And nothing happens, I don’t go overboard on drinking. I’ll have like 3 beers. And 100% of the time, I’m with my girlfriends. Usually the parties I go without him tho aren’t really parties tho, they’re concerts and we don’t have the same taste in music. I’m just there for the band. You’re way too controlling.
You are not insane. This is whats called a evolutionary mismatch.
Your instincts are based on a time when contraception, abortion and DNA-tests were not a thing but saber tooth tigers were a thing.
Even today even if she is faithful there are risks involved like you don't want to end up in a situation where you didn't go and she ends up getting raped.
Yes, very reasonable. I wouldn't want my boyfriend to party without me, unless it was something with him and his guy friends only. But other than that, I don't see why your girlfriend would feel the need to go partying without you.
A girl that goes out without her boyfriend wants attention, and not easy to be trusted. Some girls will say girls night out. (Slut night out) if you're in the relationship partying should be kept to minimum.
Two options here: either go together or do the same as she does. Fuck trust, you trust whoever respects you and your wishes.
There's a thing called trust. I've been in that situation before. If she really cares about the relationship she'll obviously be responsible not to flirt with other guys or let me do anything to her.
Trust is a line not so easy to walk, and it seems i need to give her more of it
Reasonable. If a boyfriend wanted to go to a party and I couldn't go, I wouldn't stop him. But if he didn't want me to go without him, I probably wouldn't go. Relationships are about give and take.
Im not stopping her im angry that she happily agreed we'll both go to parties from now on together or we both won't go at all and this is the second time she's doing this and I've let the first one slide, i have never done this I've kept to my word and not gone if she was unable to make it even tho she gave me the "its up to you" card
Maybe she just didn't think you felt as strongly about it :/ Just try talking about it.
Yeah maybe so, only one way to find out i guess
I totally agree with you. You are reasonable. I feel the same way about my boyfriend going out without me. I never like it but I typically let him go because I don’t want to stop him from having fun with his friends. But it is hard to trust people, especially if they’ve given you a reason not to in the past. But I would just be honest with her and tell her how you really feel about it.
Depends on what kind of parties and on the situation, but, in a relationship, you generally introduce your mate at parties and etc. You're not insane. She's kind of supposed to take you. (Social parties, not dance, etc. parties)
Why exactly do you need to go together? It's perfectly normal for couples to have their own circle of friends they hang out or go to places with - without bringing their partners along.
Oh ofcourse except i know her friends and their not the good type and the entire thing irritates me
Well, after reading more, I'll be a 'dumbass' and say trust her even if you don't trust her friends. Simply because you might very well end up driving her away by trying to control her so much and set such absolute limits on what she can and cannot do. Remember, she's your equal partner not your pet.
Guess you right Bud i guess your right
Is fine to prefer that you go together, and in fact if she says "no I want to go without you" that's a HUGE red flag. BUT, if you're unable to go or if you just don't want to go, it's unfair to ask that she not go too. If it's that important to you, change your schedule and go with her.
Yes.. you are NOT wrong if she wants to go to a party she can be with u
Unless she is hiding something
I’m going out regardless , fuck that ! Lol
yes it is...
if she refuses to respect your emotions, you have to move on, or you have to get therapy. Either way, you should learn a lot from this.
She is clearly not girlfriend material for you. If she feels she needs to party without you, she is for the streets. Degrade her to the hookup she is. And start looking for a decent woman.
Well, she's your girlfriend and not your wife. You don't own her. She is not cattle. I think a woman can go to or do what they want. And you can do the same thing.
Ultimately, it just isn't up to you. She's going to do what she wants.
And either you trust her and deal with it, or you don't trust her and you make her feel shitty about it.
My girlfriend said she was going to a casino and broke up with me and went to two house parties in which her brother cheated, I think she cheated too or broke up to fuck somebody else.
And this is why i have problems, see i know about things like this, makes it hard to ignore the potential
She should be allowed alone time with her friends..
Hmmm I don't know man you Definitely don't trust her... And this will create a problem in your relationship... So work on it..
I'd say that if she is a good person she won't cheat on you... Period
I dont understand why she wants to go alone and she doesn't want you there. I understand people need some space but still i dont think you are unreasonable
I dont know either... worries and irriates me
And thank you, i dont think i was being unreasonable so i had to check
i do not understand all the people who disagree. What sort of relationship is this , if the one wants to go to parties and doesn't want the other to be there? For me is weird and not the sort of relationship i am used to or i would like to be in
It's perfectly normal to go seperately. You have your own lives.
So I'm wrong in asking this of her? Even if she's agreed with it about me and parties
You're not wrong to ask, just drive seperately in case one of you wants to stay. Why would she say no to you going?
I wouldn't know why for the life of me, I've never asked just respected her wishesbut it seems maybe i should be going without checking with her as she seems to be doing the exact same and is happy about it
Go out because you want to, not to get back at her. You can go out without telling her, you have your own life to live.
Yeah fair point, i just thought she and i had that agreement
Absolutely. BUT they will tell you its not. You let her, she monkey branches, you realize once, u dump her, you feel sad.. i dont say this happens everytime, but most of the time. and remember Occams razor.
It is very reasonable! She should not want to go without you!!!
Its reasonable - a lot of things can happen at a party. And to be with her is right.
If you trust her then I dont see why she can't go. If you dont trust her then it's time to part ways anyway. Remember she is a person that wants to enjoy life and deserves to do so.
It's not a good thing to want to always go with her to parties
You should be able to go to your own parties and she go to hers
Fair enough, not good why?
Agreed, thank you
Not only is it reasonable, it's a natural feeling to have
You can request it of her, but it isn't up to you. If you don't like it, leave.
I think it's reasonable, when I'm in a serious relationship, I never go to parties alone.
That only reasonable if you actually want to go but if she has a girls night once a week that should be completely fine
It’s red flag.
tell her you would be going to strip club, then see her reaction and answer
I think it’s reasonable only in certain situations like girls night out obviously... but I like when my boyfriend goes to parties with me! I also can drink what I want and know I’m safe which makes me feel closer to him I don't know
Unreasonable.
If you do not trust her then you shouldn't be with her.
No one can be trusted.
no, some parties are just attract trouble, getting wasted on spiked drinks, dangerous people, getting drunk... kinda why i wouldn't bother with em.
Exactly Bud, exactly, i just dont understand why she won't understand the roots of my concerns, its not every party -_-
have you tried talking to her?
people get raped at parties... or worse.
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