My boyfriend choked me?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a yr and a half now. The other day we got into a very heated agurement. I told him to leave and he wouldn't. Then he decides to spit on me while I told him to get out of the car and then i pushed him with my right hand on his shoulder. Then he flips out on me and grabs me and starts choking me to the point were i couldn't breathe and i was trying to screaming for help. My question is was he right for going to that extreme and harm me because i gave him a push? To me I think he took it WAY to far and I should run away from him. He keeps saying sorry and he feels like S*** about it. But I just wanted to know if pushing a man would force him to choke you like that when he loves you? To me don't think so but i just wanted to hear what other people think thanks

[redeyemindtricks]

Girl you listen to me.

Since I was 9 years old -- before I knew what sex even was -- I've fantasized about being hit and screamed at. As a teenager, I filled notebook after notebook with violent rape fantasies that would make gang lords blush. I rubbed myself to sleep to scenes from gore novels.
When I met my husband, I knew he was The One not from the way he walked, or dressed, or talked, but from the fire of fury in his eyes. From his hate at a world that had shit him out onto the streets. He had what I'd fantasized about for all those years.

I've been his wife, now, for almost 15 years. We've pushed all those sexual boundaries of mine, out to infinity. I gave him all those notebooks when we got married, and, bit by bit, we're living out all the scripts.
Our idea of "date night" is to find our kids a sitter, and find ourselves a place that's isolated enough where no one can hear the screaming.

He's a lost soul from the streets. He's no stranger to violence. He smiles about five times a year, Lord knows what that boy's been through. When I met him, if someone bumped him from the back, his reflex was to go for the kill. And, girl, one frighteningly swift reflex it was, too.

15 years of being that boy's wife.

That whole time, number of times I've been scared of him?
None.

Number of times I've thought he might lose control over that fire?
None.

Number of times I've felt protected by that anger?
ALL of them.
All the times.

A MAN does not lose control.

Does.
Not.
Lose.
Control.

Do you hear me girl?

Does not lose control.

My man is a violent man. My man IS violence and neglect and darkness and social problems of unwanted children bla bla bla bla. And, nope. He's a MAN. He does not lose control.

It IS possible to hit someone without losing control. Think of how the protagonists would slap a woman in old Hollywood films. THAT, girl, is not a red flag.
But, yr man is wide-eyed with apology, which means, nope, no hollywood slap. This boy lost control.

I dunno girl.

If I'm you, I'm thinking about hittin' the exits. I'm a tough bitch, and I can take a lot of shit off a man, but there are three things that are just end of story. 1, lying. 2, mistreating children or disabled people or elderly people. 3, losing control.

Oh HELL to the no.

(contd)

[redeyemindtricks]

I mean, you are really young -- young enough that, MAYBE, you could allow latitude for ONE mistake... **IF** you love this boy, and IF you believe in this boy.

If you don't love this boy, then, fuck it. Outta there. Not worth it. World's full of boys.

If you love him, then, you get the fuck up in his face, and you tell him:
Boy, you lost control.
And, with that, I lost a lot of respect, for you.
But... I love you.
So, I'm gna give you ONE more chance, that you damn well don't deserve at all. DO NOT EVER lose control again, boy, do you FUCKING hear me.

And then you keep that promise. If it happens again, you are gone like the wind.

It goes without saying that you need to hold up YOUR end of this, too. This means that YOU can't lose control, either. No hysterical shit fits where YOU hit HIM... no passive-aggressive bullshit where you try to bait him into doing bad things... none of that.

Self-control is classy.

[Lovehearts4444]

The boy spat on her and chocked her. It's doesn't say this any part of sexual role. This is nothing to do with sex he lashed out on her because he was angry. That's abuse. If he done this one time he will do it again stay far away from him. He's a woman abuser.

[Anonymous]

Please listen to me clearly on this. Before you guys get any more serious, get out of this relationship. It will only get worse, I tell you this by experience. My boyfriend did this to me in the beginning and he only got worse over time. Sadly I haven't been able to get out of this relationship because of many reasons. He will hit you and insult you, then apologize and say he will never do it again. But he will. Don't let those kind words fool you. Any time you let someone put their hands on you to the point where they choke you, you have officially given them the thought that they have full control over you. People like that never change, no matter what they tell you. I don't know how old you are, but i know you can find someone a lot better in the future. Don't settle for any less! Best of luck to you.

[DaniaMQ]

Whaaaaat!!! He spat on you first! You're not supposed to stay there and tell him " oh honey, thank you for the spit" like WTF!!!

He is rude and wrong and he should've got out of the car if he didn't want you to push his arm.. he is a jerk, dont believe the " sorry I feel like **** " part.. He did it once? Prepare yourself for the other one if u stay with him! He had NO RIGHT to spit on you nor choke you!!

[serious]

What you shouldn't have any doubts, regarding this!. No, he was not right to choke you, no matter he would have been, he should have control over his anger and sometimes I understand that people lose control but losing so much control that he almost choked you means he has serious anger issues and he needs to work on it big time.

If a guy loves you then first of all he will not behave this way with you ( the way your mentioned) he won't get so angry with you, and even if he does get angry he will be mature enough to express his anger in a proper way and it will definitely not go to the extent of choking you!!, that's very bad.

Plus he decides to spit on you?, what kind of a behaviour is that? That's very cheap. It's clear that this is abuse, you shouldn't trust his apologies, abusive people don't change, rather you will be forced to change yourself to the point where you will start losing your self respect, confidence and that will not do you any good, plus it leaves scars that never heals. Hence don't trust his apologies, even though he is apologizing, there is every chance that he will repeat his behaviour.

You should seriously consider breaking up with him, you deserve much better. That will be my opinion.

[OlderAndWiser]

There are guys who will kill you in an argument and then feel like shit afterwards. That's not much consolation to your survivors. Anyone who does this once will do it again.

If you get married, have kids, and he gets mad at your son. . . do you want to stay awake all night to make sure he doesn't choke your son?

You know what to do. Leave him and contact your local abused women's shelter for information on how to obtain an injunction for protection against domestic violence. Please give us an update and let us know when you have left him.

[Anonymous]

I fully expect that this version of what happened is designed to make you look better than you really did in that situation. Most likely this was more mutual than you want to admit. That said, whatever his reason is, choking you was overly extreme on his part. That is a red flag that you can not move past. Break up.

You both took it too far. If a guy tried pushing his girl out of the car people would be ripping him apart for that. While of course what he did was worse, you need to remember you don't have a right to push someone like that either. For all we know you could have been trying to drop him off in the middle of nowhere. Even if you weren't I think we both know you are leaving out huge parts of this story in order to make yourself look better. Just because he is more in the wrong than you, doesn't mean you are completely innocent. My advice is to not only break up with him, but to be honest with yourself about your own behavior and try to correct it in the future.

Please don't mistake that as my suggesting that you were asking for it, or anything like that. I have just seen a pattern of people doing wrong, and then pretending like they were totally innocent when their partner snaps. Even if they have done the same things their partner did in the past. That is why I suspect you are holding back some of the story. Both people need to hold themselves accountable for their actions regardless of who was the most in the wrong.

[SovereignessofVamps]

I would agree, but what if her boyfriend was drunk, or high, or... they are both under 18. I'd agree if they were like 30+

[Sid3rite]

Passion gets the better of us sometimes. I'm sure he didn't mean it and IS genuinely sorry. For going that extreme though, he deserves some time apart from you to reflect on what he did and not make that mistake again. Tell him you need some time, let him work damn hard to get back in your good graces. You clearly care for each other a lot, while I can never support a man putting his hands on a woman under any circumstances, it may be best to see if he'll work to repair the relationship. Good luck!

Ps. If it becomes a habit or happend even once more, it is turning into an abusive relationship that you MUST leave.

[slatyb]

He spit on you and then choked you? This guy is WAY WAY over the line. He has a big problem controlling his anger and sounds dangerous. He needs to understand that this behavior is a serious problem. If something like this happens at work he will lose his job. If it happens at school he will be expelled. He could be arrested. You need to tell him this is completely unacceptable. He needs to admit fault and get some help. If he can't do that then you need to get out of this relationship before it gets worse.

[cth96190]

He spat on you?
He choked you?
If the account of events that you offer is accurate, why are you still with him?
He is a disgusting, abusive psycho.
If you stay with him, it will be because (on a subconscious level) you believe that you deserve to be treated in that way.

[Intraluminal]

He obviously has poor self-control. He may not have "meant" it, but his poor control means that he might do anything. This is the type of person who kills babies by shaking them. They don't mean it, but without self control anything can happen.

[Anonymous]

You should leave him immediately, not sure what else to say. I bet you don't want to and feel like it might be okay, but seriously it's not. If you are aren't sure if it's okay or not, the reason is most likely because you don't have a strong enough self of self value yet. It's not okay though, even one time.

I noticed someone commented saying something about how she has fantasies about stuff like that, and I don't know how that's relevant, but part of what she said seems true. And I think she was too forgiving in fact. I say this because admittedly I have fantasies of doing things like that to my partner too because it's sexually arousing, it would turn me on so much to slap and choke her etc. But even so I would *never ever* do something like that in this context. He must be doing it out of anger/rage *at you* if it was triggered by an argument. I don't think someone who loves you could even imagine doing that out of anger.

[Opinion Owner]

lol said "not sure what to say" and then went on to say a bunch of other stuff

[joeb73]

it is never ok for a guy or girl to put there hands on you like he did. when he did it he crossed the line, to me he shown his true colors and you should leave him, dont walk but run. usually this is only the starting point, what will happen next time he get mad or upset.

[AnayaWilliams]

You need to get out of that relationship immediately. You never let a guy put hands on you especially choke you. You need to report him and get as far away from him as possible. No one deserves to be treated that way, you are not his chew toy. You are a human being that deserves to be treated way better than that.

[Gesis]

I have constant heated arguments but I would never ever touch my girlfriend nor spit on her, I always leave her alone when things get heated because I know eventually it will get violent. I say leave him, why would he spit on you, why would he touch you, leave now because it won't get any better

[AustinMan]

He's dangerous. Get as far away from him as fast as you can. No man has the right to put a hand on you in anger, ever.

[Becky01]

Honey RUN he just showed you his true colors and if you stay it will get worse he was way out of line and you should report him because it was assault. True pushing him wasn't the best idea. you should go and see a counselor to talk about it and the police to get photos of the bruising for court or at least so it is on file to establish patterns of violence. I suggest you tell your parents as well they will see the bruises and can give you the support you need.

[evenlift]

He started it by spitting on you. So, he is in the wrong. Dump him.

[AzureGirl]

Get out of that relationship now. That's seriously screwed up and if he has no problems choking you while angry then he has the capability to do much worse.

[Minxxie]

Charge him for assault and never speak to him again, My boyfriend would never even yell at me let alone spit at me or choke me. He's fucked up and you can't fix him so don't try because he WILL do it again.

[poopedmypantsagain]

You should get rid of the guy sounds like he has the same qualities as mike Tyson.. you do not need someone in your life like that ever.. there are many guys out there who would not think of ever doing that to a women, I am one of them

[CHARismatic110]

He spit on you. That was strike one and grounds to be dumped. Then he took it a million steps further and choked you. That relationship needs to end and you should report him.

[BullyDawg]

Everyone makes mistakes but that is tough usually once an abuse happens it never stops unless it was a one time indecent under duress. Everyone is different maybe he will never do it again but I say follow your instinct. Hugz hope it helps

[DarkManX]

He isn't a man enough I suggest you leave him, in every heat situation he is supposed to treat you like that? I don't think so, if he is a man he will agree with the things and request you have against him.

[Mustachekitteh]

Yeah your boyfriend is abusive as hell and a danger to your well being. You need to stay far away from him. He might try to kill you next time he gets angry.

[teawrecks]

My sisters ex boyfriend choked her, and that effectively ended their relationship and got his ass kicked out of our house.

If I ever see him again he'll be a dead man.