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19Opinion
Sure, it's totally okay. I mean, technically my boyfriend's best friend is probably a single girl, if you discount his brother? She's my best friend too anyway and it's all totally cool.
If she's single, then what's the problem? If she has a boyfriend, then obviously there have to be some boundaries in the friendship... Otherwise, it's disrespectful to the girl's boyfriend.
Yes, but if I ever feel uncomfortable with their relationship (provided this is a long term boyfriend) then he needs to stop talking to her.
So you're basically not girlfriend material. Trust issues, controlling, and lacks confidence.
No confidence hahaha ok... Im wifey material... once a guy get with me trust me he's not going want to no single girls as friends.
So he could be in an abusive relationship with you? Right
Well, until they realize you are forcing them into a prison where they aren't allowed to talk to anyone who happens to have a vagina.
In friendship, the sex of the person is irrelevant.
You don’t know this woman to say she’s not dating material or accuse her of being abusive. That’s beyond dramatic of you. A woman doesn’t disqualify as being dating material because she’s uncomfortable with a guy being extremely close to another female. I don’t know why you guys act like she’s just paranoid or controlling considering that there are a lot of “friends” who end up fucking each other at some point and blame it on the alcohol or some other reason.
why should a guy want to talk to a single girl.. while In a relationship? it's so fucking awkward and confusing. It's just not right. Especially if the girl is attractive.
@CosmicallyCombined "A woman doesn’t disqualify as being dating material because she’s uncomfortable with a guy being extremely close to another female."
That's one of the very first signs of an abusive relationship. What the asker described is basically emotional abuse.
Lol, no it’s not. You sound extremely dramatic.
@CosmicallyCombined it actually is, and not even a subtle one. It's one of the most obvious signs of an abusive relationship.
liveboldandbloom.com/.../signs-of-emotional-abuse
@ClariceOwen23 No, it’s not. You two are clearly attacking the Asker because you don’t agree with her. Her simply stating that she doesn’t feel comfortable with it because there are so many situations where a female friend secretly wants something more or where the two people who are “just friends” end up sleeping together is not an indication that she’s emotionally abusive. It’s her taking note of a pattern she sees among grown adults who claim to “just be friends” and assertively deciding she wants no part of the potential drama.
@ComicallyCombined Thankyou... my thoughts exactly
@CosmicallyCombined because I don't agree with her? No it's because she wants to make a guy's life miserable. I've been in a relationship exactly like the one she's describing. That's what lead to the end of our relationship and also made me depressed and ruined my self-esteem. Honestly, I don't know how you can see that this is not abusive since it's clear as day.
@ClariceOwen23 Oh, please. She never specifically said or implied that she wants to make a hypothetical guy’s life miserable. That’s simply you making accusatory assumptions based on how you chose to interpret her emotional transparency. You cannot assume that her hypothetical future relationship would be an identical mirror image to your former, shitty past relationship. I think that YOU are so caught up in your own emotions and a past experience that you’re jumping to conclusions about a woman you don’t even know. She never even said anything along the lines of “He can’t have her around” or “I’ll tell him he can’t see her” for you to even be accusing her of being controlling. Simply being vocal about something that sincerely makes her comfortable doesn’t mean she aims to control his every move like your ex did to you.
@ClariceOwen23 Snap out of it. She is not your ex; she’s a totally different person with a unique personality of her own. Stop being emotional and assuming she’s like your ex and her hypothetical guy is you.
You’re welcome, Twix. I don't know why these people seem to find it appropriate, intelligent, sensible, or fair to attack you as a partner and basically undermine your potential as a girlfriend because you expressed a view they disagree with. Not cool.
@CosmicallyCombined but that's exactly what she did in her question. She said that he's not allowed to have a female best friend of the same gender. That is indeed going to ruin the guy's life since it's important to have friends and keeping them away from you is not healthy. That's exactly what happened to me.
@CosmicallyCombined Really? Not only do I disagree with her view but I'm actually concerned for the guy she dates and his mental health. But I guess I'm done here since it's pointless arguing with someone who encourages such a relationship. I'm honestly disgusted
@ClariceOwen23 Really? Because I just reread her question and nowhere does it state “he's not allowed to have a female best friend of the same gender”. I’m pretty sure that’s how you interpreted her honesty about her feelings and that you are so caught up being emotional and looking back on your abusive relationship that you’re all too eager to accuse someone you don’t know of being as shitty as your ex. Stop making assumptions about her intentions, what she thinks, and what she would do when she’s said no such thing. She’s not your ex.
You sound like a drama queen, @DoNotTouchMe. Lol
I’m not sure how her exploring her genuine feelings and ideas about the topic translates to a concern for the guy she dates and his mental health. You guys act like her original post contains aggressive demands or pushiness. She literately just sat there and typed out her thoughts/weighing the pros and cons of dating a guy who’s close with another woman.
You’re not arguing; you’re kinda pretty much just labeling and categorizing a total stranger you don’t know. Both you and Clarice are making accusatory assumptions and belittling her as a partner due to them.
@CosmicallyCombined she said it in the very first line though. "I would never date a guy who has a single bestfriend that's a girl"
@ClariceOwen23 “I would never date a guy who has a single best friend that’s a girl” is not the same as “he’s not allowed to have a female best friend of the same gender.”
What she said assertively recognizes and accepts what she’s comfortable with before choosing to proceed. Your interpretation makes it sound like she chose to be involved with him then told him what to do with her life. She said no such thing. What she said is that she wouldn’t date him basically meaning that he can have his female best friend, but she’ll opt out of being in the picture because it makes her uncomfortable. You were too quick to make assumptions.
*told him what to do with HIS life
So I can't answer since it's closed but this is where I found the question asker: https://www. girlsaskguys. com/relationships/q2021703-do-you-think-it-s-healthy-to-dictate-what-your-partner-can-cannot-do
The fact that the majority of the people disagree with it shows that there's something wrong with your thinking. And to say that the majority of the men are cheaters just shows how naive and sexist you really are.
@MoreQuestions There’s a difference between a woman not being in a relationship with a man and deciding she will not pursue one due to his female best friend in comparison to a woman who is already in a relationship and tells her partner what he can and can’t do with his female best friend. They are two entirely different situations. You and many others here came here assuming and deciding that the Asker was woman #2 although all she did was pose a hypothetical situation. You and a lot of others here have created some dramatic scenario where she’s trying to tell someone what he can and can’t do when there’s not even a “someone” for you to be lecturing her about.
@MoreQuestions I also never stated that the majority of men are cheaters. You and many others seem to have an intellectually egotistical problem where you decide that your very first guess and possible misinterpretation of what someone has said is factual therefore you need to rush in and tell them there’s something wrong with their thinking without even having your facts clear. That’s a communication issue on your part that you need to address.
@CosmicallyCombined why do you assume that every female-male social relation is inherently sexual?
I mean, that's what you are assuming by claiming that a male shouldn't have female friends, and females shouldn't have male friends.
Do you devalue human relations so much?
@Mesonfielde Why do YOU assume that I assume that? I never stated “every female-male social relation is inherently sexual” so don’t put words in my mouth or try to state what I think. I also never stated that a male shouldn’t have female friends, and females shouldn’t have male friends. Do not try and state me what I think or feel based on your interpretation of my comments.
I value human relations, but based on consistent situations I have personally witnessed and observed over and over for YEARS, I choose not to not risk getting involved with specific potential messes and that is one of them. I have every right to decide what kind of men I will and won’t let be apart of my consciousness and if they’re a high risk for potential future BS, drama, or nonsense, then we simply won’t date. We can be cool and cordial, but dating will not be an option. I’m not going to compromise or bend my viewpoint to make you happy.
@CosmicallyCombined so you say that there is nothing wrong with having female friends, but if they have any female friends then they're not worth dating?
I don't know, this feels contradictory.
FYI, the dude who said that the only way you can end up with no female friends whatsoever if you assume that the only reason why you should ever talk to a female is to start a relationship with them for the sake of having sex with them is absolutely correct. This kind of arbitrary social limitation is what will find you guys who in reality aren't worth dating.
@Mesonfielde No, honey. That’s not what I said. That’s another misinterpretation of what I said. Instead of trying to put my opinion into your own words, TAKE THEM PRECISELY AS I SAY THEM so that you don’t end up putting false words into my mouth and attaching ideas to me that I never expressed. It’s not about what you “feel”; it’s about what I am speaking of my mind.
Why is it so difficult for you to accept that some people are not going to be interested dating someone in that situation?
@Mesonfielde So to correct another one of your misinterpretations, it’s not that I don’t think he’s worth dating. It’s that I don’t think the potential drama is worth dealing with and I will not change my mind to make you feel good. If I meet a man who wants to date yet he has a life situation that could potentially be problematic or cause drama later on, I have every right to opt out of experiencing him romantically in order to ensure my own sense of harmony (and so does the Asker). You don’t get to demand that the female population accept whatever you think is okay when it comes to dating. FYI I know tons of guys who do not have female friends, many of which are married. They have female acquaintances but not friends. Don’t assume everyone’s social life will or should mirror yours.
if they treat their male and female friends in the same way (outside of behaving slightly differently around different people because of their personality) then they are clearly just friends and it shouldn't matter
I am not cool with it as I get jealous
Well I wouldn't be cool with being with someone who gets jealous (read: possessive and disrespectful of my social relations) :p
@Mesonfielde I am not disrespectful :) I am just not okay with super close friendships with opposite gender.
Soooo you wouldn't be respectful of my social relations.
riiight? so not cool
Here's a video for you
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4JYyHa03x-U
@Mesonfielde I am not that extreme lol.
@asker, yup.
As long as he didn't discuss personal relationship stuff with her, prioritised me and wasn't prettier than me, than yeah it would be fine haha
It's completely fine, I have like 2 male friends and the rest are girls
Usually the girlfriend eliminates a female best friend ASAP.
Or the smart boyfriend eliminates the girlfriend ASAP :p
My best friend is a guy. So my man better not have a problem or else we done lmao
For me it's not ok if she is single or not...
The term for that is "controlling possessive" with a hint of sexism. After all, you devalue any social relation and also explicitly prohibit any social relation just because the person has a vagina and your hypothetical boyfriend happens to have a penis.
Discrimination based on sex. The core definition of sexism.
@Mesonfielde if you want to put a name to it... I would rather call it saving oneself from temptation (valid for me as well, would not have a male BFF) so as long as we (me and my partner) both agree what you name it doesn't matter much to me...
Temptation is there if your partner doesn't satisfy you and you *look* at someone whom you find physically attractive. Preventing communication with them will just make you look bad. After all, I am not in a relationship to be governed.
That could easily be labelled as an abusive relationship. And that's exactly what it is
@Mesonfielde, first of all, it's not true that if you are completely satisfied you won't look elsewhere, why do people cheat? And secondly, communication and being close friends are two different things, no one mentioned cutting off the communication completely with the other gender, just don't let them be your BFF...
@ClariceOwen23 ok
@ClariceOwen23 it actually is. Your comment made me remember this pretty cool and specific video on abusive relationships that is relevant here.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4JYyHa03x-U
Thanks for the reminder :p
Do you have guy friends?
Nope... most guys can't just be friends. They just just try to fake it to they make it right into a girl pants. Even the guys that are not single.
Either you must have seen only those type of guys or you don't want to see good in guys. Anyway, I don't see having a single girl best friend a problem also I don't mind if my girl friend has a single guy best friend. Many people have given very good answers so I won't go in detail.
And yeah before dating a guy... try to know guys.
yeah tbf i only hang out with half my friends because i secretly want to fuck them,
(that was sarcastic btw)
#paranoia
i think its not ok
LOL! What if in addition to single she's HOT?
Hahaha that reminds me of the time my girlfriend met one of my extremely attractive female friends. My friend went to use my shower and my girlfriend was like I'm not gay or anything but if I was... damnn I'd basically rape her.
@guy532 LOL! And that's when you knew she's a keeper?
Nope I knew that on the first date, the absolute most easy going/non-drama and happiest girlfriend I could have ever hoped for.
@guy532 Very nice! Lucky man!