My boyfriend flirts with other women right in front of me.

[Seashell1977]

My boyfriend and I have been together for along time, we are very faithful with each other without a doubt... he is always saying to me "your my girl babe, I love you" It makes me happy that he says that. I just don't understand the flirting, why do guys do that, why is he flirting so much with other women. I basically just want to hear some other perspectives of this. I love him and I feel secure in our relationship but I just am a little confused about the flirting... anybody have any answers

[sonic241928]

Depends on how you define "flirting", and the degree to which it's happening. If he's only looking (i.e., quickly glancing) at women every now and then, it's natural, even biological. Guys tend to fall into that pattern of behavior without thinking about it or even realizing it. If that's all he's doing, you could play it off in a flirty/sexy way (e.g., "Ah, caught you again! But you don't realize what you're missing...I had something ten times better prepared for us, but now, oh well...") Haha, I don't know if that's a bad example, but the point is, communicate that you're better than all of those other girls, that he'd be sorry if he were to pass you up, and that you want him paying more attention to you. Or address it directly; if he cares, he'll try to be more conscious and curb his wandering eye. But of course, don't sacrifice your integrity just to prove that you're good enough for him, which I'll address here...

If he's actively starting conversations with women, smiling at them, touching them, etc., if I were you, I would consider that a red flag (because it WILL lead to more) and crossing a boundary, and I would address it directly (NOT starting an argument, but just calmly bringing it up; an argument will not resolve anything). If he apologizes, and he really cares about your feelings, he'll try to stop and you'll notice.

Perspective: personally, I wouldn't flirt with other girls if I were lucky enough to be with (i.e., committed to) a cool girl who was into me. I've been alone so long that I wouldn't take a good thing for granted. It reeks of dishonesty to me; if I want that freedom, I'd rather tell the girl up front that I'm not looking for a commitment. But if I'm in a relationship, even if tempted--and I'm not saying I'm perfect--I would try my best to refrain from flirting with other girls. I wouldn't want her doing the same to me. I understand a guy's natural sex drive, but I don't understand guys who consciously sacrifice their honor and integrity just to give in to their physical desires. That's weakness. Best of luck.

[Seashell1977]

Thank you... yeah we talked about it, we really don't fight or argue which is nice we have really good communication... I mentioned how it made me feel and he said he was sorry. He said don't be mad at him... I said I'm not mad it just hurt. He said I'm sorry babe I didn't mean to hurt you, your my girl." But thank you for your point of view I just was confused about the issue and when he acts like that it makes me feel insecure.

[sonic241928]

Well it's good that you expressed your feelings. Remember, you always have a right to do that; you're an equal partner in the relationship. Hopefully he'll adjust and decide not to hurt you any further.

[Aminah11]

I am gojng through pretty much th same situation and I don’t get if i am in the wrong or he is. We have been together for not long but we have been bestfriends! So we hangout in the same group and all except for me are boys so they constantly joke dirty and you know about other women! Which he says shouldn’t annoy me because we have always done this and that we are past that awkwardness. I ki d of get it. Nobody in college knew about us. so when girks flirted with him in the start, he used to get all weird and i guess he was getting over his way to impress me so i used to tease him and he woukd say he has only one girl in his mind. And that was pretty nuch why i started loving him. Now i understand that guys change after sometime in a relationship. Everyone does! But now it’s weird because i am so close to him and i love him so much that it hurts! So the new batch came. A girl very pretty very cool chooses him among others to ask out. So it was a joke because l the seniors made her

[Aminah11]

So i just saw his reaction which was pretty good! And then oir clsoe friends started teasing me that see what your guy’s doing. And damn it hurt. Then i was upset with him and mostly because thjngs jn my family weren’t good. So we fought. I broke up because i am very sensitive. We talked and got back together but the issue remained. We talked about it. But always said that i have changed and j have become that typical girlfriend and so he would now become the clingiest boyfriend ever. I told him it’s inmature and that i hate labels. But in the end i got so fed up that i made him believe that i am happy either way. So today he goes over to the same girl who was being ragged by other guys for my other friend because we decided to set up her wuth him. For hours they both are talking and everybody surrounded and started teasing them. While i am sitting there laughing. He told me later that she talks a lot and he didn’t wnat to talk to her. And that she got his ids and number.

[133mike]

I don't know about other guys but sometimes we do silly stuff to upset you to see if you will forgive us and keep us. I know its silly but think of it as the equivalent of the *(do you love me?)* that bothers us so much when girls ask it too often.

I'm not saying that it is ok to do this but people have different ways to deal with their insecurities ... Me, I always forget stuff and it drives my girlfriend crazy but I always make a point to make it up to her and surprise her from time to time :)

The important thing is that he is faithful and if he is like me, he will make an effort to stop it to make you feel better.

[Seashell1977]

Thank makes since what you said about guys doing silly stuff to see if we forgive them... I can see that he does that I never really thought about it. He is the type of guy that doesn't like mushy stuff to much, only when he wants to say it... so I don't get mushy with him... but the other day he asked. Why do I deserve a girl like you? I just told him that we are good for each other its not just him deserving me its me deserving him too... I think he has been questioning things..

[sonic241928]

Hey, this is a possibility too. Foreign to me, but I guess some guys might do this. We all have little ways of "testing" others.

[PLAYAH]

shut your mouth boy. Stop using "us men" .
We are not pussy like you. No man want to do be kept. Tss... disgusting. You clearly a woman. Real man doesn't need validation. We dont need to make people stay. Stop saying bullshit

[realtalkgurus]

How long have you known your boyfriend prior to you two dating?...because this could just be a normal characteristic of his that he portrays on a regular basis, sometimes people may act a certain way that might constitute as flirting when in reality it's not the case and they are in fact just being friendly to one another...I know that whenever I talked to a female I tell jokes and goof around and from the outside looking in it might appear as though I'm being flirty but those are never my intentions (unless I like the girl). It's normal for you to feel the way you do, everyone goes through this to a degree, but you need to make sure that what you're feeling is accurate or if it's just your insecurities getting the best of you. From there you want to address how your boyfriends "flirting" affects you WITHOUT acquisition.

[Seashell1977]

Yeah he has always been a flirt... I've always known that, it really has never bothered me.. I don't know why its bothering me more now... other then the fact that he told me a few weeks ago that I am the first person that he's been with that he would actually want to settle down with... and get married...so I thought that maybe the flirting was going to stop but actually he does it a lot still.. so maybe that's just him and his personality... It doesn't bother me because I know he is faithful to me