I left my boyfriend to be with another guy, did I do the right thing?

[Anonymous]

i left my boyfriend of 3 years to be with another person, who is a relative to me. it all came up with such a mess, my boyfriend does not know the real reason why I left him, I told him things like I want my own space, I do not want to be committed anymore, I need time alone and stuff like that. I do miss my boyfriend, I feel bad and guilty about what happened, I did not want to hurt his feelings, but I feel so much happier with that new person in my life that am so quickly falling in love with. did I do the right thing? am I being so selfish? should I regret and get back to my boyfriend just for the sake of these 3 years? should I step back from that decision I made and go back to how things were going? or should I follow my heart?

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I am so confused, I can really imagine living with both of them, but eventually I have to choose 1, I have strong feelings to that guy and so many memories with my ex ,its hard to let go, and same time I do not want to hurt any of them.i dont know what to do

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Ever since I wrote my story, (8 months) I have been going on and off when my guy of 3 years and didn't actually stop talking to this new guy. Many things have happened and I have finally made a decision.

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it is clear to me nw that it is never going to work with my boyfriend of 3 years, and many things have came out to prove this, we are just not compatible, and my last year with him was the proof.i highly respect and care for him but we cannot have a happy

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future 2gether.am east & he's west and we hve mutually took the decision to end this now before more hurt can be caused. we do still talk, he has been my bestfriend for a long while before and I am very fond of him but it is not in a romantic way anymore

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meanwhile, since things were clear that it is not meant to be between me and my old guy, I decided to give it a chance with this other guy. honestly, I have never been happier, everything seems perfect, we get along great and I can clearly see myself

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and my future with him. the feeling of guilt for leaving my boyfriend for this guy is nw gone since it is not anymore the reason for ending my former relationship however it was a proof that something was wrong.

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i just followed my heart & my mind says that this is the right thing 4 me & the guy is great. however,my ex still does nt knw that I am with ths person nw,he already hates him,and I am still not sure how I am going to take my new relationship out 2 public

[jtrechter1984]

Well your applying allot of "shoulds" to emotions that most people can't control. First off you say Boyfriend of 3 years and your say that he treated the both of you like a married couple and that there were other things that he did. I'm sorry to say but it's not just him but also you. By you moving on to another person so fast signifies that you are bored w/your old Boyfriend but I wonder how much you tried to make it known to him that you want to go out and do stuff or maybe sit him down and talk to him about his problems. I have found very few girls that will actually express when their partner needs to work on something. Generally they let it fester until it's too big of a problem.

What you should do is get away from your cousin 1st of all. You can't go right there and unless your family has done that kinda thing before I would suggest you stay away from marrying into your family. It sounds like you have some maturity issues you need to work on and a break up in the family results in family rifts and I know you don't want to be apart of that.

What you need to do is take a look at your 3 year relationship. Don't start telling yourself that he took you for granted. Probably 99.9% of the time both parties are to blame. Take a look at what you have done not what he has done. Think of how you could have done things better meditate and figure things out. Let a peaceful calm relax over you as you begin to build yourself as a better person while learning from your past mistakes. I would talk to your ex too. Don't tell him about the other guy but ask him what he thinks might have been wrong with the relationship if you think he will answer honestly. Don't dive into any relationship. You shouldn't be in the habit of jumping from one relationship to the other. You can be friends with your ex as long as he isn't trying to jump back into bed w/you. I for one have an ex who broke up w/me and think that it was partially because she felt like she was doing everything, when in reality I let her believe she was contributing allot but she got full of herself. Spend this time to try and understand yourself.

A piece of advise if you do go back out with your ex boyfriend (not your cousin), Make sure and start all over. In other words don't pick up where you left off because you will have the same problems eventually. If both of you are willing to work at it then you will probably have a good relationship. Besides 3 years is a long time to just be jumping into another relationship w/out trying to work things out (I mean really sitting down and discussing things face to face with a "We need to talk" to start it off).

[Jarett]

I think ANYONE makes a mistake when they leave someone for another person. If you're unhappy with your relationship, then you should get out, and be single and THEN date someone if you're interested. But the grass always looks greener on the other side, and in the beginning of a relationship, things are always better. The fact that you left him for a relative? that's a little weird. And you lied to him and never gave him any answers why. That's pretty jacked up. You are being selfish, and you did a great job of jacking things up.

[Asker]

There are other reasons too for why I left him that had nothing to do with me liking another person and I did tell him about these, he was kind of neglecting the relation, he was taking me for granted as if he owned me forever, the thing that made us look like an old married couple instead of two young people in love. I wasn't happy and when I saw happiness with someone else I felt for it..

[Jarett]

So what happens when you see someone else you like? You just going to keep leaving when things go through a dull period? Can I tell you something, EVERY relationship goes through a dull period. Just don't get into the habit of running every time something slows down. It's like people that buy a new car, and when it gets a year old, they get a new car. You just never become happy. I'm not saying what you did is wrong, just don't get in the habit of leaving someone for someone else.

[Asker]

Yes but now its so messy, I already left him and I am currently dating that other person. I have suffered in my past relationship, it wasn't quite happy, we had our moments yes but there were also problems family side and also the way he was treating me..they say if you love someone, you battle to have him and keep everything between the two of you no matter what happens, well I battled before, but I surrendered now just when I saw I had a better chance with someone else..

[Jarett]

Ok, well next time, break it off with your b/f, be single for a while, and get over him, before you think about dating someone else. You need to be picky and patient hun. Too many girls are impatient, and can't be single, so they settle for some guy that doesn't deserve them, or a guy that takes them for granted. Can you not be single for a while?

[Asker]

The thing is, that new person is so amazing, he is honest, trustworthy, sweet and anything a girl would want to find in a guy, and I have strong feelings for him. he treats me greatly well, and since he is in my surrounding, I know him since forever so he cannot hurt me or lie to me, I know him way before we both liked eachother, so now taking that decision back, and getting back 2 my boyfriend (which sounds like the "right thing to do") means am gonna hurt that person, the thing I would never want

[Anonymous]

You know, I was just in this situation [except not with my cousin]. I feel for you badly, because I know the situation your in right now. I was in a relationship for 11 months and I broke it up because I fell in love with my best friend.

I know that you feel like your so so so in love with the two of them. What I did was picked the person I wanted to be with the most. Even though is sounds impossible to choose, your going to have to make a decision. I made the decision to go through with the break-up and date my best friend. Currently, I am as happy as ever. My ex didn't take it well at all, specially when I was honest to him. But I told him that I couldn't do anything to stop it. I fell in love. Your going to have to listen to your heart and your head.

Just ask yourself questions like: "Which guy makes me happier?" "Who can I see myself with the most?" Things like that. Just make sure this new guy isn't a player or not totally serious with you. Even if that's the case, I believe it was the right thing to do because sometimes you can't always take the easy way out. No regrets.

[Tristan]

I have a question for you if you don't mind. So my ex and I were best friends and we broke up in november. we just went through a really bad time and she jumped into something with some other guy, moved in with him and everything. anyhow she called me the other day and we saw each other and she doesn't know what to do now. She misses me, but he doesn't want her talking to me anymore, so she lies to him. If I want things to work out for us what should I do?

[Opinion Owner]

Well, does she want to be with you again? If she dose, she definitely should break it off with her boyfriend. If she just wants to be your friend, she has every right to be. Her boyfriend should not stop her from having the friends she wants. He has no right in telling her who she should hang out with. She shouldn't take that from him either.

[rolfen]

I'll tell you what's gonna happen. You're gonna go with the new guy and let the relationship with ur boyfriend fade. Then the new guy is gonna dump u, then you'll try to get back to your bf, but the new guy will contact your boyfriend and tell him everything, and you'll end up alone.

If you wanna stay with the new guy, it's still possible, fine, but do this:

- Check relationship history, does he have constant stable relationships or is he a playa/commitmentphobe?

- Build trust slowly. Take it SLOW. Speak about common future. etc. If he sounds serious then you might trust him with ur future.

Love can be blinding. So Use ur head.

Eventually you can have a quick affair (not too long or your boyfriend will turn his back) and go back to the old guy. Just hint to the new guy that he's not gonna last.

Girls seem to be able to jump from one d. err. boyfriend to the other with no resting time (sorry I was just the victim of that). I would never be able to, I need some time between a relationship and the other.

Good

[rolfen]

Yeah girls keep asking "should I stay with him or him" but did she ask "will he want me in a couple of monthes" or "who really loves me" or "will I end up mistreated" and stuff like that.

Let them deal with it like grown-ups. Good luck.

[brentsko]

ok umm. relative to u?

scary but love is love I guess

i have done this once but not for a relative nd

ended up back with the one I love

just give it time and you'll want

ur ex back more than ever

[Asker]

Yes my second cousin.. I am just so confused, I can really imagine living with both of them, but eventually I have to choose one, I have strong feelings to that guy and so many memories with my ex, and same time I do not want to hurt any of them..i really don't know what to do..