I left him because I feel like he took me for granted, did I do the right thing?

[Anonymous]

I met a guy on a dating app and we added each other on Snapchat. he's 3 years older than me. We didn’t really talk at first until he continuously slid up on my story so one day we had a conversation and he asked me out on a date. We went date was amazing and I really liked meeting him. He asked for a second date but his car broke down so we didn’t go, he fixed his car and hasn’t asked me out but is continuously texting me. Although he will text me and mid conversation leaves me on seen, doesn’t tell me goodnight or nothing. He told me he thinks I showed lack of interest (I think that’s a lie I would continuously flirt with him). I told him I was interested in him and he said he needs to see more flirting from me to know that I want to date and that that’s the reason we haven’t been on the second date. It’s been a month since our first date and we are just texting, I don’t like that so I cut things off and told him I feel like we’re texting buddies and I want to get to know someone and if he’s not looking for that or maybe he’s not looking at me for that that we should just move on no bad blood. He told me ouch and to be his texting buddy. I told him I wouldn’t be consistent because I’m not looking for that and in order to be a friend my feelings have to go away first. He left me on seen and hours later unfriended me. Why would he show interest and reach out to me everyday if acts that way? Why would he take so long to ask for a second date? Did I do the right thing? Part of me wants to re-add him but I don’t want to be a fool either.

Updates

5 mo

I really liked talking to him, I told him last week I think we need to see each other again and asked if he was down to see a movie. He said “you miss me huh” and said it was a last minute plan. He didn’t say he would be open to a movie for another day. Was he just playing with me? And should I just move on?

Updates

5 mo

He would talk about how one day I’d be his, I miss him a lot I wonder if he misses me. I don’t want to re add him because I feel like I’ve done that before and I don’t want him to think I’m needy or what not. I think I shouldn’t have left him but I also feel like I was wasting my time and if he really cared would he have let me go that easily? Wouldn’t he tell me he does like me? Ugh

[RoseySarah]

Sorry but everything I read makes him a huge asshole and your probably the 20th woman he has dragged along like this!

Dump him ghost him and block him on everything!

He deserves way more then that!

You did amazing and he was just using you for attention and probably hated your amazing date!

Did he ever try and sext or just talking? Guys are weird they sometimes just adore the attention and drag like 5 women along romantically so they constantly can get attention and text.

[Asker]

He didn’t try to sext or do anything sexual with me but yea I guess you’re right, he wasn’t taking me seriously

[RoseySarah]

He probably can't cause you filled the role he wanted. A texting buddy
When you wanted romance and a date.

I'm sorry here is a hug hug

[BoopBoopBeep]

It wasn't working for you, so you cut things off, now you're unhappy that he's not walking through fire to get to you? Sometimes you just don't synch up. You seem higher maintenance than he was willing to deal with and he seemed less invested than you are willing to deal with, so chalk it up as an incompatibility and move on your merry way to any of the other of the 8 billion people in the world.

You two are at separate places in life. One's not right or wrong, but they ARE different. I'm sure you're a great lady. I wouldn't have time for you either and I'd have zero interest in NOT "letting you go that easily" as you put it, because you made it clear what you want and I'm not going to give it to you. Okay, no harm no foul, hope you find someone else who WILL/CAN give it to you.

[Knightend]

He sounds like an insecure kid.

I'm happy to hear you stood up for yourself. I know it is hard, especially because you felt you liked him.

It sounds like you tried your best and he was sitting on a fence trying to make you jump over it for fun. Like he wants someone desperate.

He probably likes you, but he isn't worth your time. He will want you to always make the moves and decisions. The relationship would probably be manipulative and you'd always be required to go the extra step without any return.

He would keep asking things of you, things that would be increasingly difficult until it became dangerous or impossible.

Just my opinion based on guys I know that are like this.

[Asker]

Yea part of me feels like I made the right decision and part of me can’t stop thinking about him and I really want to reach out but I feel like I shouldn’t. I think he was hurt before maybe that’s why he acts that way, but I know that if he’s hurt I will pay for whatever the last person did to him. I don’t want to end up hurt either, I am a good and caring person and I know when I care I care hard. Which is why I don’t want to put myself in that position but thinking back to our first date I can’t stop thinking about him and I want him in my life, I wish I knew if he felt the same or if it’s easy for him.

[Knightend]

Of course you'd feel that way. You loved him and it's only natural to feel a longing for something lost. Remember the good times fondly, but don't forget the bad. Don't go back and make up stories and excuses for him.

[Altheavas]

To me he is playing mind games, attachment games, controlling games, put yourself in the players shoes do the same, change roles lol.
Do you really wanna wasted your feelings like that, letting him playing with you that much. You got time hun!
He is insecure, he has trust issues, you won’t be able to fix him, he needs to learn on his own. You might get hurt in the process trying to fix him. Just stay friend, if he wants to you might get reconnect with him. Hope it’s not too late once he realized he lost someone that was truly interested in him.

[Anonymous]

He needs a hard lesson.

But I got a feeling he might be a former nice guy and now “converted” asshole. He was likely a much nicer kid when he was younger and that didn’t work for him. So now he’s indulging the “challenge” front with women. It’s initially brought him some success but he’s way overdoing it and ruining good opportunities.

I went through a brief phase in my life when I was like this. Not proud of it. But I was so callus and exasperated by women exploiting me and treating me like sh*t when I was younger I was ready to do a 180. It worked for a while but I ended up ruining a really good thing with one girl I dated for a year. Still regret how I handled it.

Anyway not to drum up sympathy for this kid. But I don’t think he started off this way with women. He needs to find the middle ground.

[Asker]

I honestly had gotten that feeling from him as well. Like if he put in a lot in a relationship and got nothing in return. He seemed very stand-off ish I remember I was like that when I went through my first breakup. I never asked about previous relationships. I can’t stop thinking about him though, part of me wants to reach out to him because I miss him so much. But part of me doesn’t want to seem like a desperate girl who’s always going to be at his feet.

[Asker]

But I also know that hurt people, hurt people. Eventually I will have to pay for the sins of whoever hurt him.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah that’s ringing true to how I used to act years ago. Hopefully he learns a hard lesson with you and readjusts his game moving forward with other people.

It’s very true that hurt people hurt people. But it is an adolescent thinking that “well someone else screwed me over so it’s okay to do it to someone else to get even” and that’s bs. He isn’t getting “revenge” on someone else by being rude to you. But I think people subconsciously believe this zero sum gain crap. In his mind he believes it’s better to be an asshole because at least he isn’t being exploited. But he will end up ruining a good thing.

Anyway I wouldn’t reach out to him. However if he does reach out to you again I would call him out on above. Tell him you can forgive him but also wish him the best. Don’t be rude but don’t welcome him back either. Tell him you suspect he has been burned badly years ago and can have sympathy for that. But that gives him zero justification to be rude to other people.

[Opinion Owner]

Actually I read your question again. I was under the impression you were in a longer term relationship with this guy but you weren’t. Sorry but I over scanned your write up.

You can reach out to him. But don’t give him the green light for you know what right away. Flat out tell him he doesn’t need to play “hard to get” with you given you were already interested. But also tell him you expect him to respect you and communicate accordingly.

He’s most likely to doing the “push and pull” tactic to be mysterious and “a challenge” to women. He doesn’t want to come off as too available and nice because he’s had other women disrespect him for doing that in the past.

While I hate to say it but that often works well in the beginning. Women aren’t dumping when they are chasing. I remember I intentionally waited five days to reach out after my first date with the ex I was talking about above. She told me months later that her and a friend where counting the days in anticipation for me to follow up. The growing anticipation she had obviously increased her interest level.

But guys can go far with that. He doesn’t know yet what is challenge vs what is just plain rude. Just tell him that he doesn’t need to play that game with you if he really is interested. But also tell him if he’s not interested you can understand as well.

[Opinion Owner]

*go too far with that.

[Asker]

Trust me I really want to re add him but i have done that before and I don’t want him to think I’m desperate and that I’m needy lol like I don’t want to look stupid 😕 I do miss him though the thing is I only had him on Snapchat and when you unfriend someone on Snapchat their username clears so lord knows if he remembers mine, I wonder if he regrets un adding me or if he’s fr done with me I don’t know what to do I already told my friends they told me to let him go but in my head I reallh like him and I want to try but then I’m like is it always going to be me to fix it or is he going to be tired of me and blow up on me if I try to reach out

[Opinion Owner]

Alright. I would wait a week or two though. Be honest about where you stand.

[Asker]

Coming from a guy do you think I would look stupid? Be honest how would you feel if you were the guy in question?

[Opinion Owner]

You are judging yourself on how females judge males for looking needy or worse. In reality women have a lot more leeway with this.

But also going to warn you he might think it’s a hook up “green light” now.

If you are okay with that then fine go right ahead. But if you aren’t then I would make sure he reaches out first after you initially reconnect and chat with him (after that combo). Communicate what you do and don’t want to do.

[Opinion Owner]

*after than conversation.

[Asker]

We never hooked up before or even kissed but so you’re saying is I should reach out and tell him something along the lines with i think he’s been hurt or I don't know how to word it please help me 😭😭

[Opinion Owner]

Nah keep it cool at first. Friend him and just DM “hello. I think I acted a bit too rashly earlier”. See how he responded to that. If he is forgiving great. But if he responds with a dbag comment then say “okay well best of luck”.

But tell me on a pure physical looks scale where do you and him match up? Both 7s? Do you have guys check you out often and/or have girls compliment you (but also act jealous).

If he’s a 9 and your a 7 then might feel so so about you and doesn’t care one way or another. But if your a 9 and he’s a 7 he might be intimidated by you by trying to fake being “I don’t give a f*ck” because he knows that could draw you in.

Anyway your old enough to know how relatively pretty you are. Something tells me there’s a degree of a mismatch going on here.

[Asker]

I get told I’m pretty a lot he is cute to me personally I would rate him an 8 and I would say I’m about there too but I don’t really think Im bad looking he’s told me I’m pretty before or that he can’t stop looking at my pictures

[Asker]

As far as guys checking me out I don’t notice it but whenever I have guy friends around me they’ll tell them that they think I’m pretty or jokingly call me their “girlfriend” but they never say it to my face you know?

[Opinion Owner]

If you got guy friend orbiters (that’s a later important discussion we should have) then you are at least an 8 and semi hot.

So let’s say your both 8s and matched equally looks wise. You still have an advantage over him in the early stages. He’s right in your league but you are also out of his because early dating is tougher for men when all else is equal. We know if act too serious, boring, oversensitive, too aggressive/forward, etc. it’s all too easy to get automatically rejected.

I remember going after women who physically matched me back in college. I was told I was “cute” almost daily back then. I’m also tall and athletics. So I least an 8 myself. But I found that other 8s were a pain in the ass to date. But 6s and 7s were effortless. My equal was unfortunately a superior when all else was equal..

So what i am getting at there is a good chance he was semi intimidated by you. So he trying to be mysterious/unavailable to what in his mind closes the gap. You are a step up on him all considered. He likely had failure being too open, nice or forward with other past women in his league.

Proceed. But proceed cautiously. Very cautiously. And also flat out tell him if he really is interested himself then he doesn’t need play “hard to get”. He’s got your attention. Also saying how you feel isn’t necessarily asking him how he feels. How his actions next will determine that. Watch his actions them and no more 2nd, 3rd and 4th chances.

[Asker]

I was kind of thinking about it and honestly he should’ve mentioned how he felt when I told him I was starting to feel like we were texting buddies, I don’t think I should reach out. I do miss him and lots but I’m also risking the fact of being the girl who always comes back and that he feels like he can continuously act like he doesn’t care and that I’ll be okay with just that. I think I deserve better. Thank you so much for your advice though I really do appreciate you taking the time to talk to me about this.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah no worries. I’m willing to help in either direction. After factoring everything I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. But don’t want to see you get screwed over either.

[AviatorTom]

Only you can decide if you did the right thing. Random strangers on G@G may comment but it's up to you to decide.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

You told him " I'm interested" and he wants to see more filtration from you as a sign you are actually into him?

Dude is stupid. You did the right thing.

[Joker_]

you did the right thing

[PendJes]

Yes, i think you made the right decision

[Teabaggin]

Sure