My boyfriend threatens to leave I want to leave but can't but I lost my virginity to him and feel like no one else will want me what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I'm a college student and he works at a retail store since he didn't graduate HS. 2gether for a year. So a little background me & my boyfriend we started out rocky, I treated him bad in the beginning of our relationship, I feel stems from relationships where I had been sexualized only & forced to do stuff. I opened up to him about that but only made him insecure about himself how he doesn't look like them. He was the first to treat me right so I wasn't healed and would take it out on him. Fast forward we had sex and lost our virginity to each other but he became this mean person after. Said it was a test to see if I changed & became more loving. At one point he kinda sexually assaulted me because he thought me crying meant I wanted it though I kept saying no. He kept threatening that he'll leave because he can't take the arguing anymore that he loves me but he's tired of me. I always beg that I'll do better as long as he doesn't leave because I feel like no one will want me if I'm not a virgin anymore. I wanted to marry who I lost my virginity, he said we'll get married. I lost friends, not let me work, & so on. For months it's been like this, recently he's been more aggressive choking me, accidentally holding me too tight to leave bruises on me. It's my fault I made it seem like I was cheating on him so he could leave me but I left him & he uses that against me after we got 2gether again, he becomes scary and breaks out into screaming and saying he'll hurt himself. I call the suicide hotline because I have no friends anymore. I tend to have nightmares from past trauma but lately, it's been worse I harm myself again since things got bad. I told him about my nightmare today of my dad and I doing something and he said he thinks I'll do that willingly to my dad and guys because I'll realize I'm a whore. I got upset and he got upset because of that. He's threatening to leave but I keep begging what should I do? He's the first guy introduced to my family as my boyfriend.

[Leapfrog00]

It's OK to feel this way. It sounds like you've been through hell. That's understandable that you want to marry the person that you lost your virginity to. When I lost mine, I felt the same way. Honestly though, the people we lose our virginity to usually are the worst people to stay with.

I don't know why this is, but that's the way it seems. He doesn't deserve you. You can do SOOOOO much better. It definitely sounds like he doesn't deserve you. If you leave him, it's going to hurt for a while and that's OK, let yourself feel that pain. There's someone out there much, much better for you.

The first few days after a break up is always the worst. If that does happen, you need to let yourself cry. You'll feel a lot better eventually. But it's important to remember, there' s someone else out there that is more desrving of you, and they will appreciate that love you give them. They will love you for you.

This guy you're with, he's only going to break your heart, but really, that's what he's doing now. I used to have a friend that used to say, "No guy is worth the tears and when you find the right guy, he won't make you cry." I'm sure she heard that from somewhere, but she was a wise person.

Next time he threatens to leave, tell him, "Leave , and don't look back." Listen to some music, watch some funny movies, read a good book, do something to take your mind off of it when it happens. I understand you feel a special connection to him because you guys lost your virginity together, but that doesn't make it worth sticking around for

Hope this helped. Stay safe.

[nosleepatall]

From what you've said, he is abusive and controlling... not to mention what he did was illegal and immoral... he's nothing but bad news... it would be easier for you to leave on YOUR terms... that way you can grieve and heal on your own path... Trust your gut... don't disregard the red flags he's showing...

besides, in this day and age, the right guy will love you regardless of virginity or not... Society is more accepting of people expirencing who and what they like and who they want as a significat other...
If he's threatening to hurt himself, get the police and EMTs involved because regardless of the circumstances... he needs help (ether 1, actually self harming... or 2, manipulating you by saying that in order to get you to stay)

One last thing too... if he's using trauma from your past to manipulate you and make you feel worse... That is a scumbag level move... If he really cared about you, he wouldn't do that... He is self centered and only cares about himself and his own needs.

[LazerBean]

I mean that certainly all sucks, but there is no reason to stay with someone who clearly doesn't want you and is just using you. Especially if you aren't even married to them.

[Anonymous]

Let him leave. Honestly you deserve better. I promise you will find another guy when the time is right

[Summeroflove]

He he says he will leave. It will hurt but let him leave. You’ll be worse off being with him and him being abusive and having to jump through hoops just to get him to stay.

[richardcory]

OK. Please listen. Read what you wrote very carefully.

He is a rapist (" I kept saying no.")

He is an abuser (" leave bruises on me. ")

He is following the standard abuser pattern of isolating you from friends, making it seem like its your fault. It not. He is a vile creature, and he knows exactly what he is doing.

Most men won't mind at all if you not a virgin. This isn't the 18th century. A few care, but not many. This abuser has created this imaginary gaslighted world for you where you think you have no where to go. Its all a lie.

Do you have any family or friends you trust?

[Asker]

Thank you so much! It's just I'm a little scared that I'll never be over him. I have seen stories where people say it's been 10-30 years and they're still not over them. I'm scared to end up like that. Yes, my best friend aka my roommate tells me to leave and I feel bad for her because every night she hears crying and screaming not letting her sleep.

[richardcory]

My guess is that you don't have a lot of relationship experience. That is something abusers pick up on - and then try to convince their victims that what is going on is normal.

This is very far from normal. Please talk to other people, family, counselors etc. None of this is your fault. Please don't let him continue to do this to you.

When you leave and find yourself a normal loving relationship you will realize just how badly you are being treated. All you will feel is hate when you realize how he as taken advantage of you.

feel free to PM (but I think you need to follow first). But I'm just a voice on the net, find someone you trust and tell them everything and see what they say.

[Red_Arrow]

Your relationship with this guy will never be a good one. He is mistreating you and sees that you let him. His anger issues are getting worse. The longer you put up with it, the harder it will be for you to get over him and be a normal person. Make up your mind and dump him soon! It may hurt at first, but your life will get much better!

[ImalwaysrightOK]

That guy is a fucking loser. He's a rapist. You should file charges against him. Definitely kick his ass out. You can find another boyfriend, and what happened to you by your family isn't your fault. Get rid of that guy, get counseling for your troubles and start fresh again. He will never kill himself, though he should. He's too much of a manipulative narcissistic rapist with anger issues.

[Uenvy694u]

Leave him i promise u thier are plenty guys. Who will go out with u even if u are not virgin. Guys like virgin but most of them rather have a girl with a little experience. As for the about him talking crazy like sucide or cutting himself. That should be true proof u dont need. Reason being over time he will become more abusive about different things. Get out while the getting is good.

[MementoMori777]

Break up with him and leave him for good, don't go back to him cut him out of your life 100%, I hate reading or hearing shit like this, it brings the beast out, now I wanna grab his face and stomp his teeth into a curb 🙄

[Anonymous]

Seek therapy. You're all kinds of f***ed up. And just let him go. Life is going to be hard enough for him with his dropout education. He doesn't need to be towing little miss crazy along with.

[Iron_Man]

That’s another reason why you should never give it up until you’re married

[mommymommymommy]

you're not a whore

whores are girls who are paid to have sex

[Anonymous]

You have to tell yourself that you deserve better

[In_Trance]

dump him and never go back